0:00 [Music] everybody leave my family out of these next few articles my dad doesn't have a butt hey it's on patreon we're good that's where i mostly talk about my family on patreon patreon my dad likes to wear these bandana pretty short stuff he's like a cholo s███'s tight dude are they comfortable i don't know he's cripping dude his dad is straight cripping i don't know why he got those either they're like paisley yeah shorts he has like three pairs of them that's fresh blue bandanna print he might get ████ banged on or something but i don't know i think he's og he's like genuinely fresh blue bandanna print shorts stretch stretched out undershirt that's a v-neck that stretched the ████ out because you can tell it's 10 years old and he tucks it in yeah that's fire with crusty feet
0:50 and sandals is my dad and a rolex that's my dad's uh wardrobe that was a lot of swag paisley bandana shorts and a rolex is like a lot then a stretch vintage 20-year hangs ████ undershirt your dad probably crushes dude crushes what puss dude he's seen him crush bliss he knows we can confirm bury his face on a girl's crotch you've seen him eat box dude where what i used to be roommates with his dad went downstairs that's what was ████ motorboating his girlfriend's puss you put a sock on the door and everything right it was crazy and the chick was liking it too i heard i heard he was good clothes on yeah my dad's over the pants too he told me he was that girlfriend he was like he's like hey you know i've been thinking about the end of my life and he goes i don't think i want to go alone so i'm going to find a partner i'm
1:41 like that's cool all right so if you're out there watching and you guys want ████ is that bart's dad between the ages of 60 and 70 you're looking for a hot dude with crippen shorts griffin shorts and dm part for details fans are not safe any elderly highness or not or all ages with a loud voice because you can't hear above 18. get them up yeah you must have a loud voice i'm not sure where we started but i like where we go ████ the article dude let's look bart's dad up yeah honestly that that should be a huge thing which we should actually ████ make like a tinder account for him or something dude just start swiping over oh yeah a little bumble so we can use your dad's hope of not dying alone is personal entertainment that's i mean monetize bro content i'd
2:32 be laughing all day dude i just honestly think that would be wonderful right just like a great yeah well maybe tinder is like not the other people on tinder his age yeah do they even not use tinder dude they're all over the place man man there's ████ i saw this weightlifting grandma and her daughter that looks like a grandma on tinder no on um instagram they were ████ buff and i was like what the ████ so confusing man how you got a body of a 40 year old and you're like goddamn 80. i bet you i bet you there's like a tinder for old people yeah watch i'm going to google tinder for old people it's called senior christian farmers only for sure close to the end close to the edge that's good that's a good dating app yeah if that's not made already you should hey dating sites for adults 50 plus
3:23 number one our time hour time that's good it's dark as the finish line finish live jesus christ that's two on the nose finish last two cross alone ████ curtain call dead lights out lights out death bed death bed that's two out of those that's two the leftovers crazy crazy i asked my dad i was like when you do go on these dates like what's the typical questions you ask or conversation just to hear like what it goes like when you're my age you don't deal with ████ so you go do you have any debt and then like do you own a house because he owns his own house so he doesn't want a leech so he wants it where it's like they also own their own house and they make it a decision whose house they live in rather than a default i just move in with you wow so i was like damn these are some like just
4:14 that's true because when you're like 70 and you're like man you had a lot of time to get your ████ together and you're still a ████ loser yeah because no wonder you're single that's what i don't like women like hey like can you get your dick hard oh yeah probably like that too and you know how in bubble they ask you like what's your favorite tv show to watch like they have all these prompts for old people dating apps they should be like do you have that just can you get your dick hard like there should be those questions do you got cancer he has no problem because he has that chinese moonshine he makes back to his couch yeah he has like this ████ that makes that give him a boner hennessy filled with ginseng and ████ dates and ████ when he drinks that he's ready to go how long does it take does he say it i don't know i want something hey yeah we gotta get a cup dude i'll start drinking for that this is ████ glass thing that's been sitting there for years how much of it do you think is mental or
5:04 do you think it's actually it takes one shot i'm ready to go you should dilute the solution and see if it's mental get diluted dude honestly i i'm i'm serious you should ████ make a dating app ████ account for your dad and you should bring some of this ████ jar of hennessy for us we all have ████ boaters in here why not we all have bonuses because you're jenga honestly i'd be like you need to go to market with this ████ yeah oh yeah we need to have him here so we can number one find him a girlfriend because someone's watching and they're they have a single mom right that's right that's hot as ████ yeah and then and then we can hook them up another one is we'll get drunk on his moonshine and see if we get hard to see if we sell that so the b plot i would like to do six dudes with boners
5:54 six boners i think we're onto something i think we're on something ████ the article like we're gonna do straight up careful boys on this one juices are kind of flowing today right all right this is uh this is an episode of careful boy another episode of careful boys welcome back to careful boys the world needs to know we're gonna find bart's dad a death mate yeah it's not a set it's not a soul mate right it's a death the last hours do you think that like you you had a death mate like would you really be thinking about the same priorities as like a soulmate though like a death mate i feel like i'd be like i need somebody who's gonna like do all the drugs with me getting crazy or bucket list mate yeah bucket list oh i like that what i mean yeah why does he care if they have a house he's like i don't want them to freeload off of me they're not taking ████ from you for
6:44 like you're gone i would assume though that if you like legally you know conjoin and then like they had debt though suddenly it's like your family assumes they're dead i could i could understand those liabilities and problems oh right yeah yeah yeah well that's what i'm saying i don't think you could pass on debt dude if you get married it's both people's debts now oh wait so like if she passes first then he has to deal with that ████ of the passing i don't know but when you're together her debt is not your debt and if you try to get a loan for something it affects your credit score okay okay that means i like the idea that when you sit down with somebody when you're that age and the first question is so do you have any debt i guess you have to think to yourself for a second like hey this is going pretty well if they want to know that yeah yeah yeah because it's getting serious it's not just a hookup i guess they kind of like me or or or is that just the new like hi how are you
7:34 what if that's the beginning how high is your debt cause you probably don't want to waste time you want to go on a dinner with somebody that you were like you have like if i don't want my partner to have debt i need to ask that off the top yeah what do you mean what if i get it i like you but you gotta just go all right thank you very much that's elder street he got up really quick for moving like that though he got up quick he walks slow but he's got a boner [Laughter] wait real talk uh how's your dad's english it's weird i got him like my dad got it got it got it understood um so it's like a weird it's not it doesn't sound like a traditional asian accent and because he learned english at a casino it's like the words that he knows is weird [Laughter] she knows sounds when he's happy he goes like that
8:25 his eyes [Laughter] always wear sunglasses plays he enjoys poker but he doesn't like he's not like gangster at like yeah like a poker shark but he likes playing he plays a lot but he worked 20 years ago how is he with uh modernizing technology like did he was he one of those people that jumped on like learning how to email quickly uh is he in like stocks how i taught him how to use his computer to check his emails because he needs it for like his ████ like retirement mutual fund ████ i had to write like literally put your right hand on the mouse and move to the right i'll let you see when there's a folder click that two times yeah so it's like ikea directions yeah i had to i had to do that for my dad back in the
9:15 day no he still liked that still like that yeah he still liked that damn that's crazy my dad was on the cutting edge of all that ████ really yeah your dad's much younger than ours how old is your dad your dad's language was like also in english right my dad's 70 70 something else okay my dad's like 68 years old oh okay yeah same idea but no he was just really into all that ████ super into tech loves like that's true because my stepdad's like late 80s and he got my mom into uh tech today's video is brought to you by blenders fresh from san diego california the only sunglasses imma ever wear ever again it's called blenders eyewear baby and you're going to be just as hooked as much as i am once you see how cool these bad boys are so shout out to blenders for sending me a sample to play
10:05 with and i really love them and the amount of quality that they're able to have for the price is pretty amazing and they're extremely trendy like they got the polarized ones you know the ones you can't see the eyeballs oh that's perfect so you can like spy and see what the hell is going on and it looks like an orange mirror then they got tortoise the one with the look brown and tan specks almost like a cheetah print yeah so that's my favorite very trendy and they got traditional wireframe ones they have all kinds of them and they fit and feel awesome you know i like to use it because i'm always at the beach as you can see and um some people think sunglasses are meant to block the sun but it's also meant to make sure that nobody's drowning in the water and the sun doesn't mess up your eyes but it's also meant to look at your future wife who is looking really good in a bikini yeah so you know these sunglasses are dope
10:55 because chase fisher the person who started blenders he used to be a surf instructor and he was selling these sunglasses out of his backpack on pacific beach his goal was to create adventurous just like our lifestyle mid-priced eyewear just like our lifestyle we can't afford that crazy stuff and he wanted to give options with the cool same factors as all these other leading super expensive styles and unlike the big brand shades that you've probably lost or smashed in the past blenders are actually affordable and that's why i like them so much because i do got some like 200 300 shades but then you want to baby them so you never end up wearing them and what i like about blenders the price allows you to wear them all the time and because of the price you're not going to cry as much when the inevitable happens and it's perfect for people like me too because you know i go out there and i adventure i mountain bike i do all this
11:45 stuff but i never wear my expensive sunglasses for this reason and they only stay in my car for driving and that's not cool and with dope as blender has in-house designers so they're always coming out with new styles so they stay up with the trends and you could probably pick a pair of a design that you already don't have they don't just do sunglasses they also do prescription glasses blu-ray blockers readers and even snow glasses as well so to get 15 off your blender's purchase visit blendereyewear.com and use the code off the record vip that's off the record vip use that code to get 15 off blender's sunglasses blenderseyewear.com get yourself a pair my dad's into it too even though he's not good but my mom never wanted to get to it so she sucks at it completely which is what i was asking but that also means that he's
12:35 probably never gonna go on like an actual app or anything like that right oh you know what he needs to do it all in chinese because my mom was more into that ████ when it was inject like she can read everything my guys didn't have a cell phone dude my dad was old my dad was burning cds like in the in the that's dumb he was one of the first like group of groups of people who were buying those things and like because they were a thousand dollars that's so cool and he was trying to start like a little uh side pirate business does he have a 3d printer too he doesn't have a 3d printer now he would have won that means you have to run your dad's dating account you have to run his bumble yeah well if anything my follow-up question is like how how does your like how does a old person like your dad uh how is he going to go about trying to find somebody old-school with a newspaper oh whoa that's how he was dating before yeah like literally like hey i'm uh
13:25 i'm debt free i own a house my son graduated college like that kind of ████ and then what a romancer like that would be his classifieds i ain't got no problems yeah and he's looking through i was like oh you like oranges too i got an orange tree and then like they start writing letters to each other or talk on the phone or some ████ ryan does you is your dad still with it within your life yeah yeah yeah he is yeah yeah he's good with computers he's good with porn have you seen your dad's porn searches that's a doozy you've seen those porn searches yeah yeah i have what what was like i've seen a lot of weird ████ because my dad thinks my uh i get i set up a computer i left my facebook signed in yeah and then he was using facebook thinking that that was just facebook but it was my facebook so you can see his history friends of mine
14:15 he thinks they're hot he likes it well yeah because he's like because he's like clicking on him and or sometimes he'll just straight up send him to me he'll send it to you white identity he's like your friend's hot i'll just with no explanation he'll send a friend of mine i'll go okay i get it is your dad anyone we might know no he's like 70 something no that's pretty funny we might not know i was talking we're talking with tim and then tim says they have a family chat right in the family chat randomly his dad posts wow look at this it's a picture of jill working out or video geo working out and then tim's like why did you put this in here and he was just like [Laughter] what if he meant to send it to one of his boys it's weird because my dad can see my messages too and the mom's in that chat the mom like he could see my private
15:05 ████ uh dms on facebook wow so like and i totally ████ forgot because i just let him do it i was like you know he probably thinks it's entertaining and then like throughout the years i'll be like talking to chicks saying like nasty ████ and i just go oh ████ i forgot my dad could read all of this and he's all hella proud yeah he's probably it's does a good reality show what if your dad's reading it and he's like just like when i was in high school [Laughter] i have one of those i definitely have one of dads who just like well no matter what i do like as far as girls he'll always gloat that he was better or that he had way more than you love it gotta rub it in your face yeah he's one of those guys like my girlfriend by the time i was 20 he was like i had so many more girlfriends than you by this age like he was he from the philippines though like is he was he there yeah because i heard the the average out
15:56 there is like you have five girlfriends yeah some ████ like that you got a lot of girlfriends i guess it was like i don't know a seventies thing sixties thing well i feel like in the philippines the averages have like four wives that's true like you just have a lot of partners yeah or just have a lot of possibilities i don't know possibilities and he's disappointed in you because you're trying to make sure i was like as straight as possible i don't know what it is oh but he was just he was very like gloating about every single thing i remember a junior in high school i was on a i went on a road trip with my dad my mom and i was sitting in the back seat of the van and my dad is in the front seat it was like at like nine o'clock at night and we didn't really talk much we weren't really close at like having these types of conversations about women you're in the backseat i'm in the back seat and i'm like i'm like angsty i'm like a junior my dad is like he's looking at the the ████ river here at you and he goes hey nick uh do you like
16:46 do you like talk to girls and stuff and i'm like and the whole time i was like mortified i was like dad yeah like what are you talking about of course i talked to girls dude and he's just like maybe he thought you were gay yeah he probably did he probably like we all do that's just because of evidence though yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah look at the stuff i show you guys off camera that's awesome like when uh when you're in high school there's that period of time where like like call me sleep over whatever all the time my dad would ask me like hey how come it's always dudes that sleep over and i'm like because they're homies dad you want me to bring a chick over and ████ her in our house what are you saying that's literally what he thinks or dad if i was a girl you would just let me go sleep at another dude's house right now no way why you guys have all these male sleepovers the ████ is wrong with you with all these dudes if i were your age i'd be trying to get girls to sleep over
17:37 and it's like i'm 13. exactly but maybe maybe it's also when they like you know you have a bunch of dudes sleep over and then you think you're being slick but then they check the computer and they're like these ████ were looking at porno the whole time yeah i'm talking about maybe we didn't learn about browsing history yet they're just like these ████ yeah that i'm sure that was definitely a thing my dad probably thought i was into some weird ████ because he caught me looking at the wrong porn one time like i was just ████ around like when you go to like remember like old school like rotten.com yeah like ████ like that where it was like just it's just to be shocked it wasn't to ████ jack up big bugs ████ chips or something like lemon party he was like he was like asking me he was asking if the new printer was like good and i was like oh yeah i could just print it prints out so great let me show you and then i forgot one of my tabs was
18:27 open and i wasn't i didn't even remember what was on it but it was like a ████ girl and she was like she was like bondaged with the american flag oh ████ whoa and she was all like cut up and then my dad was like that's what was coming out of the printer no that's what was on the screen that would have been crazy that would have been there's a printer yeah let me show you it's funny if it prints slow and he's oh american flag oh no not my welcome to america porn not my patriotism stuff what a genre what did you did he talk to you like oh my god i think because it's ████ asian daddy's not gonna address it he's just gonna feel weird yeah yeah yeah never talk about it ever again i had more sex talks with my mom than my dad same my mom just told me don't jack off too much because it's not good for you wow i
19:17 never had boy was she wrong dude yeah i know i still i will still think that um japanese people are different from like regular asians that's true because we're more open about sex yeah we talked about yeah because my niece the other day was like man i'ma ████ quit this school ████ and i'm gonna be a hooker and i was like what the ████ and then hannah was like yeah maybe maybe that's a good idea i'm like no you don't ████ tell her that ████ and then later i was like god damn it this is really my family and it's been unleashed in her you're like at least wait till you're 10 years old okay jesus christ that's true my dad talks to me about sex it's like a giant gap it's like there's just a lot of unspoken things and he uses like euphemisms so he'll be like hey you know like uh if you can't get the job done i would just pop a couple of oysters
20:08 and then you're like i think you're talking about sex i think yeah you know like he's talking about boners yeah he never talks about oh when you're getting a bet he doesn't even get even close enough to like being in a bed with a girl it's like he just dances around like you can't get the job done my mom straight up told me like um hey all those girls that you've been bringing over like you shouldn't be buying hookers and i was so offended because i was like we're hooking up dude like they actually like me for me i'm not ████ buying hookers they go to my school mom exactly and i'm like what the ████ first of all i want to bring a hooker to her to the house they're from homeroom she's like okay why is there a guy standing outside every time that's my buddy steve man i was like i was like why did you go straight i'm
20:58 like your son your son has the ability to talk to women and and and romance them i didn't buy this what the ████ why does she have goldfish in her heels you know what her reasoning was what the way they dress and it's just like probably abg of like late 90s yeah she was just the best she's like oh they dress like a hooker so i'm assuming that they're hookers because their mom wouldn't let them dress that way yeah and i'm like you have no sense of ████ fashion my dad didn't want me to date this girl because she looked like he goes this is his warning he goes don't date her she has homeboys homeboys because she look like like a typical like i guess like yeah but you're like dad i'm one of them no because i really my dream my dream like when i entered high school was to date one of the girls like that looked like she was on those party flyers yeah
21:48 with the blonde hair and the streaks and stuff and then i did and then i ████ found out uh we were cousins oh yeah that's a twist did you guys i've been there man in that order or do you guys have any have any physical interactions yeah not not all the way but it's the filipino ████ curse where like that's why filipinos don't tend to date in the community first cousin no no it was like through marriage but it's bad enough to get ████ roasted by everybody because they all fell well at least it's no jon snow move at least you didn't ████ her first like what happened to me what is this real thing i got her pregnant i'm against abortion so what am i gonna do well that's all we'll say cause this is ████ careful [Music]
22:49 you
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