0:00 I argue that there's there's nothing that's better than the forbidden fruit of hurting kids please explain the juiciest of fruits right it's the fruit that you bite into it keeps giving and there's this juice all over [Music] anybody here a fan of dodgeball not the movie just the sport yeah absolutely I guess we all enjoyed it when we were here hell yeah all right best part it's great for kids to play dodgeball honestly I think so too I think it's such a fun sport but I remember a fourth grade no I was like yes I'm Gonna Be Fifth Grade next year because our playground didn't allow fourth graders to play what to gangster or too rough well it's probably because the fifth and sixth graders were ████ up the fourth graders yeah the fifth graders abandoned our our school are
0:50 they bad really yeah because exactly exactly because of that well you guys playing dodgeball with bowling balls or something you know the the rubber ones which they don't use anymore they use those the styrofoam ones I know the rubber ones hurt dude imagine this guy's throwing a ball at your face ████ people will ████ launch it you know yeah it's so satisfying the sound of it going would it hit somebody I mean and then their glasses fall off and they're crying the technique is you wait till they jump and then you hit their legs and then they fall then they get a concussion yeah the technique the technique is to put it in dog ████ ████ Ryan dude Ryan's the worst you should throw it back in the court and then leave because there's collateral damage all right well dodgeball has become the center of controversy at an elementary school uh because the there's a teacher who has been charged with misdemeanor assault and battery oh come on after being accused of hitting a kid
1:40 with a dodgeball he's a legend wait was he playing with them and just ████ launching at them um it's uh he said she said that there's two sides of the story here that's fun being a full-grown adult and you got little targets everywhere no dude that's great I know the rule of the world at that point yeah you really are so according to court documents a student went to the principal at Carriage Hills after the man allegedly hit them three times once in the back once in the leg and once in the face which knocks their glasses off dude it's not funny but it's funny dude that's extra points wait was he already out is that why this is bad because that's funny already yeah walking away from the field he's on the sidelines come on don't be a ████
2:30 Gotta Keep Your Eyes up I I argue that there's not there is nothing that's better than the forbidden fruit of hurting kids but like in a airplane yeah juiciest fruits right it's the fruit that you bite into it keeps giving and there's just juice all over I think the the Dalai Lama but you're not allowed to out to the game and this is an accident we went to uh uh like a Sky Zone which is like a trampoline park so type is just bouncing on the trampoline by himself and I was like I'm gonna jump next to him and see what would happen oh no run I jumped and this dude was like in the air and you see his eyes oh ████ and then when he landed he landed all weird he didn't break anything but he started crying of course
3:21 my my brain or he would know because he's a physiologist my physiology was confused because it was half happiness and half sadness you know my endorphins were taking over my body in my mind how did you feel man dude that's a funny extra dopamine you're not out until your glasses fall off that's great oh yeah so the student here again there's two sides of this story the student told police that they had thrown a dodgeball while playing a game when it bounced off another student and then it hit this employee all right the employee then allegedly got mad which led to the student getting hit with the ball kids are kids already lie you can tell the student went to the principal told her what happened and
4:13 several other kids also told the principal the same story nah you can tell the kids are like that's a huge lie he said so obviously what happened is a kid thought it'd be funny to throw it at an employee randomly to piss him off and then he but he's really saying it's a Ricochet no kid is throwing that hard that the Ricochet is gonna offend you out those types of balls yeah but even several other kids backing you up hey that's you work together playground lob yeah right that's true ████ that guy here's the other side when interviewed by police the employee said he was sitting in the class and the student threw the ball at him and another teacher and wouldn't apologize there you go sounds pretty proud the teacher said that that yeah the employee they say they keep saying employee but uh for I guess for a technical term it's important he said he hit the student with the ball and asked if he should apologize for doing that and the kid
5:03 said yes he said he told the kid that was how he and the other teacher felt that's his side just some brats bro that's it yeah but should he actually get in trouble for it or assault I feel like they should beat the ████ out of those kids how old are these kids it's Elementary School exactly they should do a firing squad with dodgeballs yeah yeah on the kids yeah you get two of the three you want to punish the kids yeah yeah just just teach them a lesson you can't be throwing dodgeballs at people so then they gotta line up isn't that the whole entire point of dodgeball throwing not random bystanders yeah it's in the game but they have to figure out who's telling you the truth first yeah how do you do that you line them all up how do you get the truth out of a kid you know how to do it especially if they're all coming for each other you punish everybody someone's gonna rap oh yeah that's always how it happens or
5:53 tickle them all right you're gonna run 15 laps every day until somebody says the truth the nerdiest kid they're like I I gotta do my homework yeah that was me yeah [Laughter] I gotta get to this but they don't do that anymore either I heard I heard they released like why stop doing blanket punishments that's ████ up yeah that's how you pull out the bad guys I know it was an angel what discipline is a loud node nothing you gotta talk to the parent or something I think kids get away with a lot these days just with like really saw the legal stuff that can happen just a parent kicking up some ████ you guys probably did a second on this I don't even know but the ████ litter box ████ oh yeah we saw that what was the litter box one the kid identified as a cat and they didn't put a litter box in the ████ room so the parents tried to sue the
6:43 teacher or some ████ it's like humans poop in toilets man is it here in California isn't likely I'm just sorry California you guys you suck sometimes not wrong not wrong I'm gonna go the polar opposite and maybe I'll make a school that's called like 1950. oh oh God it's just cool it's called 1950 yeah and the male teacher just whipping on the female teachers there's gonna be a civil rights movement post segregation fully segregated right no California rules California rules can we drink from the same fountains or no the California rules different doors different bathrooms our budget has been the piping is gonna be tricky let me
7:33 tell you that I would not have survived back then I only dated the black girls from my high school I'm like no I can't have no we're gonna drink from the same Fountain she's coming with me it's happening you would have fought for them absolutely a beautiful black woman every year that has to happen too segregation gets broken every year like exactly like the year went I gotta say uh I'm one of those people who maybe it's because I was disciplined as well as a kid going on when I say discipline explicitly it's like you get beat by your parents or mainly your dad right just straight up dad beating right yeah step dad comes home drunk he punches you in the face I get it me leave in at least a boy growing up he needs to understand that there are consequences to actions yeah hell yeah like or else we're gonna grow up to be
8:23 like yeah absolute gangsters yeah but I but I know that there's many people especially in today's age that believe any type of physical violence like that is off the table that's not the inappropriate way I think it's because they grew up where their parents were just way too crazy so it's like there are certain levels I believe of like how you control violence with you know physical punishment but then some parents are like just absolute like dogs like they're just psychos they're just drunk and crazy and they'll ████ you up too hard there's no lesson behind that no they're just I just want to ████ you up you're just random yeah some of them like I remember when I one of my worst ass beatings it was in kindergarten and I was at the desk and uh like I was had trouble keeping all the pens on the desk for some reason kept falling off Cuts apart
9:13 ████ ████ and I remember stay on my desk I remember my dad picking me up slamming me on the ground pulling down my house it started wailing on my ass my grandpa comes and like tell him to stop and you can tell them to get out of the room and it just kept going and then like as I got older I was like what's the lesson and I think what it was is he was just probably trying to sleep and he was just so ████ pissed that I was making sounds so he just took it out on me he's like shut up yeah yeah Square pencils now that's the lesson I know that if we still cut to that Family Guy in you know insert young bars taking these ████ pens and chucking it at his dad he's like I love drumming he goes I'm gonna make this one bounce yeah yeah it's probably like you're making yourself like I love Lucy episode it's
10:04 like I don't know why the pins keep falling off the desk falling off yeah I don't know what happened it's so weird you no one has that problem it just I couldn't keep them it's not a real problem but try to explain it to yourself one more time that's not a real problem back to the kids lying thing right you still believe he's convinced his grown up so that sounds like a bad infomercial like you having trouble keeping pants on the desk buy this what if I lived on one of those gravity hills you know I just kept rolling down everything likes to tell your dad what the ████ is Gravity Hill isn't that just a hill no it's like it's like those railroad crossings where a school bus got hit right and there's like ghosts pushing everything you put flour on your car there's hand prints on it you're like Daddy stop being it's the pen it's moving it's a neutral that's in
10:56 San Antonio they have one out here at ghost track yeah yeah those tracks They have a couple of them yeah there's no one in San Antonio too and it's all the art of perspective dude it's really downhill problem that's hilarious I think I think guys need to get their asses beat though because like statistically um guys that grew up in a in a in a in a like two parent household right like Dad and Mom or single dad they're very less likely to go to prison but single mothers no no their life yeah they're less likely to go to prison but single mothers are more likely to go to prison oh ████ because you know Dad's a little bit beat their ████ ass boys yeah that's rough ending dads don't I mean yeah girls get you know beat up too but not as ████ hard as guys like
11:47 stereotypically but how do you regulate when and how much to be uh how to regularly sometimes they get beat up too much and they turn into Psychopaths I think even pens are ████ flying off your ass [Applause] almost a little too hard this [Music]
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