0:00 [Music] in an amazing case of self-sabotage uh this guy wants to go on a police ride-along i guess he just felt like it so he does a sign up when you do a police ride along you just have to submit a formal request to whatever department you want to go and uh they do a standard background check let's see you along that's it they do the background check they find out this guy has two child rape allegations oh god he shows up to the right along and they arrest him right there wow damn well he's obviously r-worded if you know what i mean yeah yeah yeah i mean for lack of a better word yeah that's all i can think of in my very dense uh vocabulary it still started with an r ended with an
0:50 e d which is perfect i think if you have an outstanding record and you're wanted you're not you're gonna want you should avoid the cops but instead this guy wants to do right along like i haven't gotten caught and i want to feel like i want to feel like what it is to get caught yes yes i blame kevin hart and ice cube had they never made that movie this guy probably would have never gotten inspired yeah what are the odds that this guy saw that movie i didn't even know that that was the thing i thought ride along was an original piece of conte original piece i didn't know that right along you could just like yeah i thought like they got to be homeboys or have a homie who was like in the police academy and you're like i'm going to do a ride along as a part of my uh requirements to be a police officer just be a regular person i could just sign up yeah you want to try it let's do it i would i would have loved to been on a ride-along chasing oj like
1:40 we're just like i could just join in on this ████ then just like be like holy ████ we're in it right now that's the bronco yeah yeah bro what's another cry would y'all have like been your dream right along the dream title as it came out i was like oh that's a good question and i think we should explore it all right your dream right along dream right along i mean the oj one's hard to beat when they when they got bin laden i would have been a dope right along right they should have put a gopro on a dog it was a ████ led guy we all could have watched the ████ yeah but i bet they did and then but everyone got nauseous because it just kept moving [Laughter] what
2:30 this is like a black guy at a movie theater you're just yelling out randomly yo there he is there he is they don't know we're coming god damn it oh you want me to whisper i gotcha the military doesn't have things like that you're like the only one in like playing clothes with the bulletproof vest well everyone knows like in tactical gear and you're like dude do you guys do this a lot like flip-flops should i worry everyone has like night vision goggles on you're like i can't even see you have to hold somebody i understand why i can't get a gun but can i get one of them cameras hey guys i think he's fine he's good hi guys guys dude recording right there yo y'all are odin right now
3:20 you guys are a little crazy forcing it or you know i'd like to be on a ride-along um any time they go catch a white you ain't shooter shoot him seriously no one's drawing their guns really dude i would love to be on one of those well so he just gets to walk out oh we're gonna oh we're giving him a burger what are we doing you're like following the tray it was like you're really feeding him this right now can i get something like shut the ████ up what do you want to eat what do you want to eat can i get a whopper he's in the car with you because you're in the right along he's with you you're just like you ████ just like that huh it's like you and you see something you don't cover them in the front you can put a jacket over the cuffs like we don't know what's going what is going on right now dude it's okay if people see him in cuffs yeah they put a neck pillow on him lapd neck pillow he's getting better
4:12 treatment than the ride-along we need a peanut butter jelly for lunch why am i going in the backyard why does his bulletproofist say don't shoot like what's going on straight up so protected oh but yeah that's how easy it is to do these ride alongs you just pick a police department submit a request and then they'll schedule you isn't that cool yeah a writer i guess okay in a real a realistic legit answer would be i would want to go to the police station to do it right along with the most racist cops that'd be cool like that'd be cool i want to go with the swastika guy on is that armed yeah yeah that's the one i want that's the one i want [Laughter] to ride with him just wanna see what his day's like he's just beating up minorities all day oh this is uh this is what if you what
5:02 if that's just a box you can check on the form it's not even like an actual request like oh you want a racist cop oh yeah check that one right here i'll take corrupt officer that's that's the one i wanted yeah that's crazy i was just about to go in the car right now come on in yeah let's go let's go yeah or or you get the training day ████ cop you know what i mean your training style and you see ████ denzel in the front seat you're like oh this is cool because you could just be on the sidelines like oh ████ he's gonna ████ you over he's wild i just want to see him clap um like stacks of cash together yeah welcoming me you know like uh wow what's her face um ava mendez naked that that'd be great that's a great welcome that'd be eva mendes was so hot mm-hmm
5:52 i write a lot right along at that i couldn't even say it right along with that we were all nervous we're all like oh you think we'd actually be able to go inside or we have to wait from the car like a dog in the back seat just like damn i could i wish i could ████ see a titty here yeah i'm pretty sure in actual ride-alongs you do just stay in the car you can't you can't get out yeah i don't give a good or nothing i want to like i want to um i kind of fantasize about saving cops like if i'm in a ride-along we're like yeah like like let's say like i'm in a ride-along and i'm just like oh this is so cool you know and then so they go out and they're like freeze ████ and then like they get shot and i'm like oh ████ here's my time and i pull out the shotgun in the middle yeah and i go out and i ████ save them yeah and you're like oh my god you're a great shot and you're like thanks man you're trying to get the keys to the i get the keys to the city an honorary batch yeah and then they you know how like sometimes when a german shepherd does well he gets the ████ like metal
6:43 and stuff yeah i want to do that like i want to stand there get the medal and in the keys to the city it'd be like you saved the officer number one volunteer of all time number one volunteer that's a pretty funny fantasy man it's one of those shots too you're just like hell of nervousness it's just like i don't know i just can't happen to land on it yes that's beautiful look at lighty you're not white you're not getting any medals you'll probably get arrested for taking an officer's shotgun and then shooting it that's well maybe i'll do it in monterey park where all the cops are here that's true that is true yeah that's something that is good yeah that's true that'll work yeah i'll go to cupertino or some ████ you know i gotta do the one of the you know that's a cool that's a cool ride-along too to go on with two uh asian cops yeah so that we could do all the bad stuff that white cops do to us yeah to white people yeah yeah yeah maybe in hawaii we'll we'll
7:33 have to do a ride-along in hawaii yeah like hey where are you coming from why where are you going why and then you could just switch clothes and wear his uniform and the department would know the difference difference it'd be awesome dude imagine you are two asian cops though and then like white cops come over and they're like what the ████ they took the cops out of their clothes and put on the cops they're like stop impersonating officers first dating one or two white people in the backseat seriously because lapd is so large that could happen i bet you that's happened it does look really weird when you think about it yeah two asian cops and two white guys in the back dude it just looks like it was like they switched outfits this is jackie chan scenes where he waits around a corner and it just grabs a dude and then he comes out in the same clothes and he's always in the janitor room like ████ in their boxers
8:24 and they're just wearing it next next shot like dude it's like hey officer smith how did you know that you know they were fake cops oh see because when we we we did the cop wave they went and we just knew we just knew they didn't do this the cop wave yeah they're like so stupid [Laughter] oh sorry to everyone that's not real japanese this is japanese gibberish that sounds good wow
9:16 [Laughter] no the ████ ears is like yeah go ahead dude go ahead you see him i'm all ears over here buddy i'm a fan of asian accents it'll help if you do this too while you're doing it because if you don't do this it's not authentic then if you're a brown guy and you have the perfect asian accent dude you you honestly i'll be honest with you i i do agree with the idea if you nail it if you nailed it and press it oh yeah i'm saying then you nail it you don't say it i don't have it to nail it i'm still practicing so i can't stop that workshop do you uh try it do you like work on it by yourself at home absolutely he does the eyes and everything in front of the mirror i do every every accident i like playing you know trying to play with it it's fun
10:06 yeah yeah yeah i like how you said nail it too because isn't that one latina girl i always forget her name dude the community they did with the vietnamese angela johnson yeah it makes sense what she said because as a as a woman going to nail salons that is what you'll hear regardless of your race like you're going to hear them talk to you like that yeah you just call yourself a woman you just call yourself a woman no not me it was very like you know the man that knows a woman because at least one woman like pronouncing like as a woman uh that's kind of our thing here [Music]
// end of tape