0:00 [Music] Since you're all such strategic thinkers, imagine this is you, okay? You wake up in the morning, your phone is just blown up with texts. Everybody's been frantically messaging you to tell you that you uploaded the wrong video to your story and there's been an 8-second clip of you flexing your ass in the mirror checking out your cheeks. Doing like I guess you're doing like a fit check. Kind of see what your butt hole look like. So you see the butt hole and everything. Yeah, you accidentally posted it and then you went to bed, but it's been up all night. What's your next move? Show the dick side. I think I think yeah. The next day? Show the dick side. You got to show the dick now. You might as well double down. To full circle it?
0:50 Yeah. Well, okay. Well, I'll read the comments first. Okay. If the comments are like, "Turn around. What the Sorry, but it's in the story. So You got to check your DMs. You got to check your DMs. If the DMs are are more like, "Dude, ████ Don't tease us. Show us everything." And I'll be like, "I'll open up a only fans." And then when I turn around, it'll be pixelated. And then cuz I'm Japanese, so it's pixelated down there. Yeah, yeah. When we take our clothes off, it's automatically pixelated. If if you showed your butt hole on on your stories, how many fire emojis do you think you would have gotten in the DMs? Out of everyone here, you know I'd probably be the one that would do it purposefully and Bart would do it accidentally and Nick would do it Just to finish. Just to just to do it. Yeah. Yeah, panhandle online for some you know. I guess for you you wouldn't really you wouldn't really trip, huh?
1:40 You'd just be like, "Ah, well." Um It wouldn't really do anything to you. If it's done, it's done. I almost You're impervious. showed the business. I almost sent my dick pic to my mom. What do you mean like but then you talked yourself out of it? Should I do it? Ah. Joe Joe Joe's the phone's right there. He's pacing up and down. He's like, "How how loud can I ████ cough?" What am I doing here? You know when you're like in the wrong group chat or the wrong text? And then like you're sending it and then like I was about to it to a group? No, no. I was about to send this text. Oh, you're just being too quick of a shot. Yeah, and then my mom's message popped
2:30 up and I started and I was like, "Oh, f███." I was like, "Damn, I'm almost ████ loaded this picture and ████ blasted it with her." How would she react though? It's to somebody else. My mom? Yeah, how would she react? She'd say gross. That's it? Yeah, she'd be like, "Come on." If I sent that to my mom, my mom would write back, "What that mean?" "What that mean?" You could just Bro, my mom has caught me in such crazy ████ like like dude, like I ████ got drunk in the garage with my friends and then I was so wasted, they ████ cleaned me up and then like when I put me in bed, I was butt ass naked and I started ████ the ████ out of this pillow. I was ████ it so hard that my mom and dad were dying laughing, right?
3:22 And then from that point on Dude, yeah. They were laughing at each other like I was horrified cuz they were telling me the story the next day that she was like and then but they would use innocent words. They would they wouldn't say like, "You're ████ the ████ out of pillow." They'd just be like, "So you had a wild night with your girlfriend." And I'm like, "What are you talking about?" And then, "Oh, you were making love to that pillow like no other." And you got up to pee in the trash can. So I was like ████ the ████ out of it and after I was done, I walked up and then I pissed inside of the trash can and knocked out on the couch. They were watching you for a long time. They were in tears. They said they were in tears. But then from that point on, my mom would now call a pillow my girlfriend. Okay, I can see now why I'd just be
4:12 like, "That's your girlfriend." see why she would just be like, And then there was another time when I think like after school, I was like, "Oh, ████ No one's home, right?" So I had a good like beat session. Yeah. I was beatboxing with myself and then I did the porn kept playing and then it was one of those days where I just fell asleep right after with my pants around my ankles. So I was pants around my ankles, porn playing, everything. The day just went on. And then my mom busts the door open and then she's like, "OH MY GOD." AND I WAS LIKE, "OH, ████ OH, F███." HE'S LIKE, "OH, F███." Gets up, trips. The pants are still at his ankles. I don't know why I feel like you'd just BE REALLY WIGGLY. I'M LIKE, "OH, ████ OH, F███." AND THEN SHE GOES, "AH, I'LL COME BACK LATER."
5:04 YEAH, CUZ YOU'RE NOT primed for movement. You're just like So it sounds like your shame level is Dude, I'm still embarrassed, but it happened. Oh, yeah. I don't want my mama to see that ████ Those are like arguably less that's not as bad as if you sent the dick pic. I can see why that's not Yeah. Cuz that's slippers. Huh? That's those are both way worse. That's ████ way worse. If you accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom, yeah, I can see why she's Yeah, my pants was around my ankles. I knocked the ████ out like this with my dick hanging Also, OKAY GUYS, BUT AND THE PORN IS STILL GOING. AND THEN THE PORN IS STILL PLAYING. And she walks in and then I'm ████ sleeping. She goes, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" And I'm like, "Ah." She goes, "I'll come back later." And it's gay porn. [Laughter] So do you guys have dick pics on
5:54 reserve? Like ready to go? I did. I got a couple ready in the chamber. Not on reserve. It's like active. You have to powder I have Jason Chenny's. I got the homies. No, I don't have any. You use that? People are like, "That's Jason." You can't just you can't just send on call and on demand. You might not be groomed and ready to go. So it's like you got to prepare and then have a Dude, I used to have a folder So you have your dick pics and like videos. Okay. And at your best? Yes, best of the best. But then I had a organized What was the name of the folder? [Laughter] You know when you go to that thing like um And then you can see the albums. Yeah.
6:44 So this was like when I had a different it was like I iPhone freaking 11 or some ████ or 10. But then I remember going and I the thumbnail of that folder will be a hard dick and I'm just like, "Man, I got to take I got to delete this ████ It's not working. It's not working." Cuz every single time you open it, you're just you see your own penis and you're just like What if I wanted to show my friends my new car? And I'm and I'm scrolling and then they just see a a folder of just and in the thumbnail is just dick. Man. That would happen if you had I guess back in the day, I don't know if people have this problem now, but on like old Windows and you just had an automatic screensaver, it would just cycle through every Yeah, imagine if they're like cycling. Any photo you had in there would just be in that mix.
7:34 Yeah. So another one of my lives I lived, I worked at the Geek Squad. Oh, you did? And 100% of computer problems happens from porn. Click on something that they weren't supposed to click on or they did some So we would always find like the porn folder and then we would like make a folder and leave it on their desktop and delete everything else. Give them their computer. We fixed the problem, but just so they know that we know. Um but like there was one time that a computer came in and I remember opening up the the laptop. The I'm not the laptop, the CD-ROM drive and there was like a bright pink disc with dicks all over it. It was like I can't believe it's still in the drive. In the drive still. Oh my god. And then I put I put it in an envelope. I was like, "Hey, sir. I think
8:25 you left this." Yeah, no. We know. We know, bro. There's no way out of that. What was the question? Oh, yeah. What's your favorite brand of yo-yo? Oh, yeah. Yeah. The if the if your nudes leak What's your damage control like method? You know if your gynecologist leaked your photos. I think Joe busting that ████ open is crazy. I think I have a really funny looking body, so I think it would be funny. So You have to ask someone that feels like like Anthony. Oh, you have to ask someone with the hot bod. No, cuz his career like my career would enhance. Like I'm like Kim Kardashian. Oh, yeah. You're exactly like Kim.
9:16 YEAH, I'M LIKE KIM KARDASHIAN. KIM. You're exactly like Kim. My career will explode, you know? So but I don't want to do that. Yeah, you want to stay humble. I don't play that way. Like Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, they have a they have their own sneaky little way. I get it. Yeah. But I'm more honorable, so I believe it though is that you're so like zany that if that were to happen, no one would be surprised. And they would they would think it's a bit, too. They'd be like, "Oh, he did that on purpose." Dude, I was about to open up a only fans with me and all me my friend like model friends and I already have photos of me turning my underwear into a thong on a lake and I'm bent over with my ass hanging out. Yeah. And this stuff just like Well, I didn't open the Only Fans because I heard that if you do that and you and
10:06 you link No, if you link um Only Fans photos on your Instagram It negates your missionary work. You get your account destroyed. Oh. So, I was worried that Yeah. You got to open up a separate page. got to go through like a freaking a burner account. proxy, yeah. Well, I guess I think you what would you do? Yeah, cuz how it would be a drastic reputation is ruined. OH, NO, I COULD NEVER DANCE AGAIN. It would be very different. Yeah. Well, that's very different, too, because he has a lot of like kids that follow, too. Yeah, I would lose a lot of followers. As many followers as credibility that I have. Bro, I have kids following me, too. I'll just have to address probably some sort of apology. Uh I might like hit Joe up and beg him to do the same thing so it seems like a thing.
10:56 All the boys are doing it. Yeah. Like, "Hey, everybody, you guys riders or what?" You know, if everybody does it, then it's like all of us like, "Whoa." And that's good press for that side of it, even though I'm failing on this side of it. Yeah, we all just do it. Um maybe I'll make up something. Hopefully hopefully Nina's behind it. I'm like, "I was trying to send that to my wife." Oh, yeah, that's a in a private message. It's kind of a good out, yeah. Like, "I'm sorry. I'm human and I apologize and I hope you can forgive me for my for my ways and uh see you guys in class." See you on Monday. [Applause] Do you want to see me in a thong? Sure. Absolutely. Honestly, I feel like I feel like my career WOULD TAKE TO THE MOON. YEAH, I SHOW NO SKIN. I show no type of anything. Oh, it would be like
11:46 unprecedented, huh? Oh, yeah. I'm like I honestly feel like my life could be so much easier if I had less dignity. Really. Where Come here. Let me see. Hold on. Oh my god, it's so white. Oh, I didn't even see you. You just saw glare? god. I thought there WAS MORE ROCK. MORE MOUNTAIN. It looks like rock. Looks like sumo style, dude. Nice. Looks like sumo underwears. I need a girl butt, though. I'm pretty flat. See, I got funny-looking body. Yeah. looks like Bobby Lee. See, I don't like that. That everyone said that I do the Bobby Lee thing, and I was like, "I don't know." That's why I got to do different comedy. Cuz Bobby Lee's always getting naked and ████ You think for you it would also be like a boom the same way for him? Yep. You're
12:36 a couple of Kardashians. Yeah, she's going to skyrocket. I will ████ Yeah, yeah. They'd give me a TV show the next day. ████ yeah. You want your own reality TV show. beg you to open up a Only Fans, and you're like, "Nah." Nah. And you're going to wait till you grow really, really big and then come out. And then your Only Fans is going to be tasteful. Mhm. It's like going to be like one of these boop and then Yeah, but seriously, I'm making a million dollars a year from ████ Only Fans. I see those numbers sometimes, and I'm like, "F███ that. Why? WHY DID MY MOM HAVE to raise me with respect?" I could not just be a whole lot Only Fans people, and they don't even do the hardcore stuff. They just go, "Look at my feet. Look at my shoulder." That is true. That's true. That is true, and you can be anonymous that way, too. ████
13:26 Yeah, it's not going to happen. I did get blackmailed one time. Really? Yeah, yeah. Someone was like, "I'm going to drop your nudes." And I'd be like, "If I took it, I liked it. Drop it." Wow. they say? Radio silence after that? Yeah. Got them. Also, this is illegal. That's revenge porn. You literally This is a crime. Yeah. That happened to my friend. Mhm. That's happening to my friend right now. I told him I was like I know who that is. Yeah. I was like, "Hey, when you meet these girls online, you must have a Zoom call. Like, you must talk to him." He goes, "Got it." And then so he he he he has a Zoom meeting with this girl. Not once did this girl actually talk to him. It was just a recorded video of a girl masturbating, and he thought that he was mutually masturbating with this person. They were recording him jacking
14:16 off. And then they were like, "Pay or shame. Let's go." And then he was like, "Oh, f███." And I was like, "I told you, stupid motherfucker." And I was like, "This is what you're going to do. Give me the contact, and I'm going to masturbate and ████ in the video, and I'm going to give that to them. And I'm going to double down on it." And he was, "No, no, no, no. He If I do that, he's going to send all these videos to my family members." And I'm like, "Let them. This is how ████ it. Don't get scammed." And then he was like, "All right." And he freaked out so hard that he told his mom, and then they prayed together. And it went away. And it worked, and nothing happened. Look at that. Jesus saved. He just deleted it. Yeah, but now he has to live with his mom knowing that he ████ jacked off on the internet and got ████ blackmailed. That's not That's not the worst.
15:06 How would you How would you handle it? I don't know. I don't think it would really do that much to me, either. Other than like Yeah, my girl would probably be really sad about it. But I don't think it would I don't have anything that hangs in the balance that way. Like I think Anthony and and Nick would probably have the most negative and then I think I'd be fine. You might get more clients, maybe. Maybe you get more clients. Yeah, and I'll just say like, "Oh, I was measuring my But you guys have a kids class. Yeah, that's true. But a lot of the parents don't like follow me on on social media. what? Showing butt is not as bad as showing dick. Showing dick is like, bro, you're you're in trouble. You're on a list now. Yeah, that's true. It's not that bad, but I'd I'd still have to issue an apology. You think it You think it would get reported, though, if you showed dong on your stories? Yeah, for sure. That ████ would get flagged a heartbeat. I got the best getaway.
15:56 Remember that um that dude that was doing a hair removal review? And he showed his ████ Right. And continues to, and it's like a 80-something year old. It's uncensored. Yeah. Yeah, but that's not a getaway cuz you went to sleep accidentally posting, and you weren't like, "Hey, this is for educational purposes cuz I'm going to wax this tomorrow when you all find out." next day you do it. You go, "So, yesterday you saw my ████ with hair. Today, look at my ████ without hair. It's because I used Nair." And then you do a brand deal. #ad And then people will call you the most genius marketer of this century because you made it one a viral video, and then the second one you show the product. Yeah. Oh, he's gay as ████ He's doing it for his own freaky ass pleasure. He swears he's not, though. No, he is. He's crushing, dude.
16:48 This guy's crushing. No, he definitely is. I can tell by his face. His face is like They don't censor it. They don't censor it at all. Let me see. I want to see his butt hole. He's real confident. Okay, don't forget he said that. He shocked us with it that one time. We didn't even know we were looking at it. You know, they finally took his they took it off. What? Yeah. Can I see your booty hole? How I douche my butt? That's a new one. I don't know what that one is. Let's check that one out. How to douche your butt? Wait. Does he show it? hides it behind like saying there's it's educational. What? I like how he says sharts on him. He's a weird tick that he's always like
17:39 You think he's playing it up? I would do that. He probably sells so much of those. Luke warm water? He swears he's not gay. No, he I think he's gay. I think he's flaming. He swears he's not doing this as a as a kinky thing. Oh, for sure he is, dude. You might get a jump scare. Wait, this is the most played part. Wait, wait, wait. Oh, that's it? It probably never happens, then. Mhm. No free promo. clean, huh?
18:29 What did they sell out? That one the original one's gone now. Oh. See, that's all you do. You just sell out one time in the beginning, you get famous as ████ and then you can be clean. Like Margot Robbie, Kim Kardashian. Here, put your face close. Here, picture. Put your face close. this one, ready? Put your face closer. [Laughter] Yo, looking at someone's ████ is crazy. It's ████ crazy. That is That is probably one of the most intimate things you could DO WITH SOMEBODY. I KNEW WHAT I WAS ASKING FOR. THE CUTAWAY IS SHOCKING, THOUGH, ISN'T IT? THE cutaway is crazy. Dude, very shocking. It's It hasn't even been 5 SECONDS.
19:20 OH MY GOD. THAT'S REGULAR YOUTUBE. It didn't even ask my age. It's a baby. even logged in. I'm not even logged in. It didn't even ask my age. Isn't that crazy? Isn't that nuts? THAT'S CRIMINAL. DUDE, IT'S CRAZY, BRO. YEAH. That's the best getaway, though. The next day, you just ████ shave your ████ and you say, "Hey, guys, look at You saw how hairy it is. You saw how hairy it is. Look at how hairy it's not." Yeah. Yo, my dude took a ████ chance. Low-key, for the first guy to do this and get away with this on YouTube, like this is risking it all. To show your ████ on on YouTube. Bro. Yeah, dude. HE WAS LIKE YO. IT'S STRAIGHT LIKE IT'S EVERYTHING. It's it's badussy. It's gooch. It's It's all
20:11 of it. It's ████ bad. I can't I can't even see ANY OF IT. YO, THAT'S CRAZY.
// end of tape