0:00 Think about it like this. I'm bleeding out on the ground and you come up and you're like, "Oh Jesus, this looks really bad." >> [laughter] >> But I'm good at patching that up, though. >> You know what I mean? >> No, no, no, no, no. >> Bart would be like, "Hey, it's going to be okay." Bart would be like, "OH MY GOD, >> PROBABLY going to die, but I'll do it anyway." >> Welcome back to an episode of the Kevin Boys. To get right into it, check it out. Hey guys, we're going to all get dropped into boot camp basic training tomorrow. Subi's going to rank us right now. Who breaks first, who thrives, who's killing it, who's quitting? >> And And [clears throat] as icing on the cake, how fun would it have been if we all went with you? >> Oh, Jesus. >> That would have been amazing, man. You could actually just go straight to active duty, all of us. All of us. >> Dude, I'd be like, "Where the ████ is the bell, dude? Where's that bell you ring?" >> You need a stress card. >> Yeah, I'm like, "Where is that thing?" >> He needs a safe word. That's what he
0:50 needs. >> I need a safe word. >> All right. We're all in there. Who's going to Who's going to drop out first? >> Wait, you two are already expecting all of us to drop out? >> No, I said I'm I'm I'm about to name it. >> Okay, okay. >> Steve. >> me. Oh, I'm shocked. >> Sorry, you got to. I'm sorry, brother. >> I can't believe that. >> You're going to fall out. >> But Steve's a team player, though. If we're all doing it, he's going to just He's going to do it suffering. I don't think he'd do it by himself. >> Steve's a rider in that like his petty principle will kick in. >> He won't give up. >> like like he he he physically will genuinely to his core he emotionally is fully tapped out and then there's going to be a moment >> where he just thinks to himself all the videos that we're all going to shoot afterwards about how he quit and he could and we'll never let him down. >> That's good. >> No, that's good. That's good. I'm talking about the physi- the physical
1:40 part. >> if he's the guy sitting there and everyone's walking by saying, "Kill yourself. ████ you." He wouldn't be able to live through that. That embarrassment is worse than being the last >> And then there'll be like random ████ strength. You know what I'm talking about? Like like he's not even there and suddenly he'll get up and he'll carry everybody like the Hulk and he'll probably cross the finish >> Hey dude, I arm wrestled Bart to a stalemate one of the biggest days of my life. >> That's pretty good. >> But but it's walking and rocking which I don't think is your strength. >> Yeah, that one's a tough one. >> Is it yours, Joe? >> I walk a lot. I do I do 10,000 steps a day. >> There's no Red Bulls in sight. >> No. >> No Red Bulls in sight, Steven. >> I don't care cuz I like white energy drink, the white monster energy drink. >> Those are fire. >> That's what I'm saying. >> I don't think those those are available settle for Red Bulls. >> Those aren't there either. >> Yeah, I don't think those are just Oh, they don't have those all ████ out. >> Yeah, none of those are there.
2:30 Uh at >> Go ahead. Yeah, say it. Say it, ████ >> I think he'll be just the average Joe's. Like he'll be like he'll be there accomplishing everything and making it happen, but he's just there. He's like one of those guys he doesn't want to get picked on or he doesn't want to take on leadership roles, but he'll be he'll be with us. >> He doesn't want to get picked on? >> But you know he was a This guy shows up here every every time. >> I don't want to take on leadership roles. I literally chastise myself with more responsibility. >> Well, I understand that, but I'm just saying we're talking about boot camp right now. >> But you know he was like leader of his Eagle troop. You don't think he'd be a team leader? >> 100% aware of that. >> Oh yeah, he'd be He's a ████ leader of the Kinjas. >> No, no, he's aware of that. He's just outright saying that I'm more ████ than you guys believe. >> No, no, no. That's not what I >> No, that's not what he said. >> Then just ████ say it. >> Did you hear this? >> I think he's not even >> Is it You hear this? >> He doesn't tell everyone. He gaslights everyone. He gaslights his wife the most. Please, E-2, tell me about it. >> Listen, listen.
3:20 >> If you're Eagle Scout, I think you join as E-2. >> No way, really? >> Yeah, you already start one rank above. >> That's actually >> Yeah, I think so. I think so. Yeah. >> Well, check it out. Yeah, so >> Transferable credits. >> So all you have to do is sign up. >> You're going to be there. You're going to assist everyone that needs to be there. You're just there. You're getting it You're going to graduate. You're going to get it done. >> Yeah, I agree with that, honestly. >> So you think he's like middle of the pack? >> I don't think I'm going to Yeah, I don't think I'm going to excel and I don't think I'm going to fall like last. >> Yeah, but still >> Who'll be at the bottom of the >> I don't think necessarily you're going to be at the bottom. As a team player, you're going to be great with us, the group, the squad. >> Thank you. Probably huffing >> When When to running, yes, huffing and puffing, you're going to probably go to sick call a lot of times and figure out what's >> Like a chain smoker, brother. >> Then the commander's going to have to figure out why we should graduate you. >> And And I'm going to try to have him carry me. >> Yo. >> [laughter] >> He's always leaning on a shoulder. Oh my god. >> Yeah, yeah. You just You You always have to have a
4:10 battle buddy with you. No. >> But But you know what? He will pull the card. You know when he will pull the card? It's a 30-second shower. Cuz he won't go pee happy with us cuz there's no shower. >> showers. >> It's all right. You'll learn how to do it over there. >> You don't shower that much in the beginning. Rough. >> I think that'll get to you more than the physical ████ >> gets so oily cuz I have excess oil production in my skin and then I had to do four tours of Accutane to fix it like by By the time I was 33. Um but it still comes through my hair big time. So if I don't wash my hair every day, it gets so oily, I get itchy, I ████ hate it. So that's why I'm I like showers. >> Yeah, yeah. That's what I'm saying. He'll be in the back. >> [laughter] >> Agreed. >> threw it away. >> Agreed. >> Bar- Bart for sure has like a ranger contract, so he's All the PTs he's killing it. He's maxing out AMT.
5:00 >> No, what it is, if it's Bart now, he's so used to the good life and he said this before. He goes, "I cannot survive." He goes, "Back then, he was he was he could do it cuz he was just a raver like sleeping in a car. So he was already homeless. But now he's got a taste of business class tickets. When he goes back, the whole time he's going to be like What are these pillows? >> No, well, that's what I'm saying. But we're talking about like we're in there, no choice. Right? We're all in there right now. >> No choice? We're all going to We'll make the best out of it. >> Yeah, that's That's why That's why I'm placing you guys where I think you guys are. >> I actually think Bart would be one of the closest people to quitting cuz he loves family nights. >> Yep. >> He misses Tyco and time with his son. >> Yep. >> He can't quit. They're not going to let They're not going to let you quit. >> Ours is going to be one of the guys crying at night because he misses Tyco. >> Yeah. >> No, they're They're not going to let you quit. >> to be writing letters all day. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I think I think
5:51 Bart will be definitely the emotional one, deep in his feeling, but all the PT all the PT scores he max. >> He'll be Yeah, he'll be probably >> He'll he'll have opportunities to go airborne and stuff like that. I think Joel that thing Joel will be a good PG platoon guide. >> Ooh. >> I think he'll be a platoon leader. >> Well, I make fun of everyone and make them feel bad. >> No, I just think you you you would figure out a structure and and go about it. >> to wake up. >> Get them to do things. Yeah, I could see that happen. >> What about Ryan? >> I think I think Ryan >> He's not here, so you can be honest for the first time in front of your boss. >> Ryan would be one of those uh prior services members. >> Do Do you think that Ryan would be there and all of a sudden like Marine One lands and like he he goes in Marine One and the president like shakes his hand? That's what I think. >> Oh, like he's done some ████ >> I've been undercover the whole time.
6:42 >> [laughter] >> The president's coming over, but he's still like, "No, I told you guys I'm not doing it." >> I said I'm I quit. I retired. >> Not after what you guys did in 'Nam. That's what he's going to say. >> [laughter] >> But yeah. I think it'll be a good uh good little squad here. >> I think I think Ryan would be one of the guys where you just like, "Uh I don't know how what he's going to do." You know, like and then all of a sudden he's like top of the class, top of everything, and he's not even trying. >> Generals are like stiffening up around him. He's they're like, "Oh, ████ Ten-hut." [laughter] >> Yeah. >> I think Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> He's like Snake Plissken. >> Code name Eme. >> You know what'd be so ████ ████ Yes. >> [laughter] >> You know how our 2 million goal is this? What if our 3 million goal is we all go enlist at a recruiting station? >> Shut the ████ up. >> I thought that'd be crazy.
7:32 >> That's insane. You wouldn't even do it. >> Why the ████ >> Cuz that'd be a That'd be the most We all go to I mean, we can't even film it either. >> You would welsh. >> I know, that'd be crazy. >> The thing is it's like what we talked about during lunch. >> I'll do it. >> But I'll be so ████ cuz now we're committing the next 6 years of our life. >> That's the That's the part that's >> The Bennys is sick though. The Bennys is sick. >> at at this point, I'd do it. If we had three men, I'll ████ enlist. >> [laughter] >> All of us are doing it? >> Don't even joke about it cuz I'll ride so hard that I'll ████ enlist. >> That's what I'm saying. I'll ride so hard, dude. We're We're all going in over 40 years old. And And then leave it to Bart again, the guy who has two tattoos. It's like, "You're doing it again?" >> [laughter] >> You're like, "That guy's ████." >> Yeah, true. >> Hey, but we're ████ Really, really ████ >> Hey, age aside, right? The um the ability for us to work together as a group, I think we would do a good job.
8:22 >> crush it. >> Uh give me one example where we worked together as a group and did well. >> What are you talking about? >> We would absolutely crush it. >> We would We know what you know what we'd do? We'd maintain. >> [laughter] >> We would slow burn. You know what we'd do? We'd We'd relocate and slow burn. >> It's okay, man. >> I think I think if we're like our backs are against the wall, I think we'd be ████ phenomenal. Absolutely. I think if we're allowed to go home at the end of the day >> No, we'll never go back. >> Oh, no, ████ that. No, I'll clock in and I'll clock out. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> I'll get the job done like you said. >> Yeah, yeah. >> No, I'd make hella excuses. >> We've all We've all survived boot camp and we're all in a ████ squad together and this is our military movie. All right, there's huge conflict, all of us get deployed. Who's dying first? >> Don't just Don't >> And dying first doesn't mean it sucks, right? They're just really, really good
9:12 for the story. They're really good for the story arc, you know? Sometimes you get hella invested really quickly. >> Oh, what's good for the movie? >> Yeah. >> And how? >> Yeah, yeah. How do they die? >> At least I I I think I probably would. >> At least let me sacrifice myself for for one of these guys who has kids, okay? >> Uh you're not that good, dude. You You didn't get the hero card right away. >> Yeah, I want the hero card real bad. >> Uh dude, that's a good card. >> Or I want to be the radio guy who's like, "Where's backup? Where is everybody?" Yeah, that and then he's just >> Yeah, I think Steve would be perfect RTO, like the uh the radio guy. So, communication because he's a you know, he's a white dude right now. >> Cuz I'm white. >> is really good. >> English is really good. >> I mumble though. >> He'll comms will be perfect. He thinks fast on his feet. I think he'll be a nice RTO guy. We got to protect him all the time. >> Okay, so is he is he going to get bombed? Is our one radio guy who's not
10:04 in the field >> I'm in the I'm on the radio and I'm yelling for help and then I get bombed, yeah. >> For sure. >> I got all who's dying first so we don't we lose communication like lone survivor. >> all have your walkies in your ear away from me and you just hear >> [gasps] >> So, you know I'm toast. >> No, you would be with us the whole time. Because we don't have walkies. >> So, he's got the backpack. He's got the backpack. >> I was doing binos. I'm doing binos. >> No, no, you're >> No, no, no, no, you're in the ████ ████ with us. >> other person doing binos isn't the person with the walkie. >> but I got a walkie and binos. >> You're in the middle of the >> I don't You have no binos, dude. You've been vetoed on the binos. >> I would that makes sense cuz it would be >> Is this is this squad five? We still don't know who's dying first. >> it depends. It depends. >> Army has a different squad and the Marines >> Well, Nick's a part of it, too, but he for sure dies first. But that's not part of the >> What are our roles? What are roles? >> RTO >> nurse >> machine gunner >> No, I actually think I'd be a good medic. I think I'd be a good medic.
10:56 >> I don't know. >> I think I'm good at patching people up. >> Hey, sorry, buddy. You're going to have to get what you get. You're going to have to get what you get. You're a machine >> Think about it like this. I'm bleeding out on the ground and you come up to me like, "Oh, Jesus, this looks really bad." >> [laughter] >> But I'm good at patching that up. >> Bar would be like, "Hey, it's going to be okay." Bar would be like, "Oh my god, you're probably going to die, but >> I'll do it anyway. >> Fast. I'm going to be fast. >> [laughter] >> No, ████ Just straight up Just like panic. >> Dude, yeah, don't worry about it. You're probably going to die. It won't hurt anymore. >> [laughter] >> Yeah, Bar at me is like, "Do you want the bad news or He's like, "Hey, maybe you should call your wife." >> Finally, I'm going to a machine gunner. >> No, regardless of how good you're good at, you got the strength so we need you as a machine >> Oh, that's right cuz he has to carry it. >> Yeah, we can't we can't have >> It's heavy as you're the one carrying it. >> Suddenly and now you don't want to be the medic, huh? >> Cuz our M4 is like what ████ 8 lb? A
11:46 machine gun is like 20-30 lb. >> All right, all right. >> You have to carry it the whole >> think the buffest guy in our in our squad being the medic is funny though, but okay. >> That is funny. >> It's your movie, it's your movie. >> They taught all the infantrymen's TCCC which is tactical combat care. We have to all learn how to do patch holes and everything as a requirement because sometimes there's only medics attached to one ████ infantry unit. So, um platoon, so if that there's something happens to that medic then we all have to be able to be good at it. That's why you don't need to be medic. >> Kind of useless, Bart. >> I think I saw as a machine gunner you'd be way more useful. >> It's like if you ever play Team Fortress Classic or Team Fortress 2, shoot the medic first. >> Mhm. >> Okay, I'm I'm machine gunner. What about this guy? >> Yeah, he can be the he can be the medic. >> [laughter] >> The way he said it so >> No, I'm just saying. >> You just dressed him down with your eyes.
12:36 >> No, I didn't. I'm just saying he can be the medic because he's more I feel like he's more like like >> connected to people or >> Not necessarily connected but just like >> There's like more gods. >> More gods in his brain. More more more thinking. >> More thinking. >> Yeah, yeah, deep thinker. He's a deep thinker. >> And when ████ hits the fan, he's going to be able to work under pressure and quickly. I think that's what Anthony's going to be good for is >> You know what I think he'd be great at? Being a chaplain. >> [laughter] >> ████ that >> He's the most Right? He's the most empathetic dude I think out of all of us by far. And he and he says deep ████ all the time and like >> be chaplain? >> Yeah, he got You got to knock on the door and say like some bad deal. >> though, if I was about to die, I would want to talk to an Anthony versus anybody else. >> Me, too. >> Well, hell yeah. >> Me, too. >> Cuz he's probably not going to ████ with you. >> Chaplain is a sick job, too. They're
13:26 some of the highest ranking ████ >> Dude, I know. Our chaplains do They do absolutely nothing. >> how tough that job actually is. >> That's true. >> Yeah, you're just seeing people every day. >> about to die every >> And they got the highest ranks ever. They're like, what? >> Every day it's a it's a door knocker for you and a sobbing wife. >> Every person that dies under your eyes like you get promoted. >> That'd be crazy. >> How they marking it? >> I doubt it's like that. >> Okay, radio boy. >> Hey, I called it. >> And Joe grenadeer. >> Throwing grenades? >> Yeah, cuz I think Joe be like, >> [screaming] >> "Ah!" Already he's already like that so he >> My aim's pretty good, too. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah, see? >> My throwing arm's pretty solid. >> [laughter] >> They They have it on their gun though, right? >> Yeah, yeah. >> They have it on the bottom. >> Or sometimes they carry the 320.
14:16 What did I say Steve was? >> Radio guy. >> Oh, yeah, RTO, RTO, yeah, yeah. >> What are you? What are you, rifleman? >> A machine gunner. >> I'm just a rifleman. >> Regular rifle or a squad leader? You're a >> squad leader then. >> No, I'd be a rifleman. >> Grenadeer, RTO. >> Medic. >> Medic / chaplain. >> Machine gunner / chaplain. >> What about binos guy? Can I be binos guy? >> Binos guy. >> I Hey, looks Looks Looks good up here, boys. >> I think he's the binos guy. >> everyone's going to have some form of binos. >> [laughter] >> My bad. >> What if we're looking in different directions? >> That's good. >> You mean each of them? Each eye? >> [laughter] >> I want a telescope. >> Telescope guy is sick. Do they still have >> Captain Jack Sparrow. >> What about the drummer guy? Who's that guy? >> That's like Civil War. >> [laughter] >> You think?
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