0:00 You can come. You can come. >> Sick. Thanks. >> You can't leave the country. >> Why can't you leave the country? >> Because you make it too easy for everyone to run away. >> That's very true. >> Yeah. You got to have people if you want to be a dictator. >> Yeah. You lock the door. Your girlfriend can't leave. >> Suban never thought about being a dictator in his life. You can tell. You can already tell the cracks in Subin's ████ ████ >> Amateur hour. >> Joe's thought about this ████ for ████ 15 years. Welcome back to another episode of the Careful Boys. Hey Subie, what's up? >> Five things you'd immediately ban if you became dictator for one day. >> President Subie. Uh, first thing I would ban would be uh, no limits to your presidency. [laughter] >> That's tight. >> Smart. >> Ask the genie for more wishes. >> Thinking about longevity. >> Yeah.
0:50 >> First wish is five more wishes. >> Thinking about the future. You get to be forever president. >> Okay. >> Second of all, freedom of speech will no longer be available for anyone who disrespects the flag. [laughter] >> That felt real. >> It is. >> Sounds like North Korea so far. >> Yeah, it's real. I mean, he is a dictator. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Government assistance will only be given when you're in a place where we can monitor your style of living. Still a pretty nice country though. That's >> Yeah. Yeah. Okay. >> I don't know about that. >> Slightly fair. That's going to cost you a lot on surveillance. >> But they do give assistance. >> Hey, in the UK there's more cameras than people. >> Well, when you say style, are you talking about like you don't like surfers and you don't like gone?
1:41 >> You can live the however way you want. >> Oh, so that's a lot of freedom. >> Do whatever you want. But if you're going out buying Gucci, if you're out going out buying rims, if you're going out buying exhaust pipes and you're using government assisted funds, I'm going to take it away. >> Love it. >> That's actually kind of fair. >> Love it. >> So, you're not surveilling. >> Like I said, it's a lot of monitoring. >> You're not surveilling because they're you don't like their lifestyle. >> No. >> Cuz they were like, I don't like guys sucking guys dick. So then you're going to It's not like that. No, it's just going to be me surveilling the paperwork. So, if your car is registered to you and you got yourself a 2021 Corvette Z06 V8 naturally aspirated, >> if you're on >> and you're making and you're on government welfare, taking it away.
2:32 >> Well, Subenfair. >> Yeah, >> taking it away. >> Take it away. That sounds kind of fair. >> If you're monitoring this guy and everything's Gucci, but but then he starts sucking some of those guys dick. >> Yeah, >> you do whatever you want. >> Oh, he's cool with you. >> I'm just checking it. I'm [laughter] just checking None of my business. None of my business. Third of all, if you're going to protest, it must be under 0.01 dB. Anything over, >> you have to do a whispering. >> You must whisper quietly. You must whisper >> occupy >> survey through website. >> Can people do Christmas caroling? Jesus, dude. >> No. >> Okay. >> No Christmas caroling. >> But that's not even a protest. That's a celebration. He But it's he wants it quiet everywhere, I guess. >> ████ Merry Christmas. >> So, if you're going to protest, please be quiet. Please be civil. Please be nice.
3:23 >> What about throwing a brick through REI window? There's no there's no screaming there. [laughter and gasps] >> Is that okay? >> But the sound of a breaking glass will be over 01 dB. What about like you and like eight people going into a 7-Eleven and just taking everything inside, but then you're protesting >> too loud. >> No, but you do it quietly. You're stealing quietly. >> You guys did it too loudly. >> Too loud. Because the the cashier is going to start yelling, then we're going to notice it and you're creating all this fuss. >> So to you make someone else yell, you're guilty. >> So if like the Oceans 11 crew robbed the 7-Eleven, you're like, "That's that's Gucci." >> That's very quietly. We had no idea. >> The fuss-free country. Mhm. >> What's your last one? >> That's is that four? >> Yeah, that's four. >> I thought that was three. >> Well, the third one was the the
4:13 lifestyle surveillance. The other one was the freedom of speech. And the first one is to extend your >> residency. Okay. >> See, which is smart, by the way. That was really smart. >> Right. >> What would you do about the health care? >> Got one more. Healthcare. >> Boring. What's something else you're going to ban? What I will ban is ridiculous comments on social media. >> What's a ridiculous comment? What's the standard? >> Standard would be only positive things, motivational things, good energy. >> So, no comedy. >> You had me until that last one. >> Hold on, hold on, hold on. >> Comedy. >> Okay. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. We have comedy. But comedy is sniping. Comedy can >> comedy is literally ridiculous. >> Seen as bullying can be seen as a lot of
5:04 things. >> If it doesn't make me laugh and my crew down there, >> you got to make Sub laugh. [laughter] >> Me and my crew. He's really thoughtful. That's tight. I like that. I like that one. >> Me, I have to take initiative. I would be part of the I would be part of the system. >> You going to big brother every comment? >> Big brother every comment. >> That's a lot of comments, dude. >> That means there's a bunch of people that are just working under sweat just like, "Man, I really hope he likes this one. We're >> But they get benefits. >> You think you really think he'll find it funny? You really think that? You swear. >> 35 an hour. You guys get benefits and dentals. >> That's pretty good, dude. >> That's good. >> You're a generous leader. Thank you, Subie. >> Thank you, everybody. >> It's a good job. >> I like it. I like it. >> Sounds like a good country. >> Subie for president. >> All right. What about you, Joe? Five things you're going to ban when you're dictator. >> Five thing I'm going to ban. >> First five things you're going to ban. >> Okay. Number one, ban food. >> Food?
5:54 >> What the hell? >> Smart. He's thinking about the future. That's a no future for her dead >> because he's he's going to corral his his uh his leadership >> cuz that means um if they want food they got to come through me. >> So you can't have >> It's a lot of work, bro. >> It's King Jun, bro. >> Oh, you got to get the food through my Cro through me. You can't just Why you think every time we give to these war countries, it gets stolen by the gangsters there? Cuz they control the food. So you just have to be like a giant soup kitchen every day. You go during lunch and then you leave, come back during dinner and then you leave like that. >> Yeah, they they they get rations from me. >> Oh, okay. Okay. >> I think he means through his staff, but we'll let that one slide. >> Mhm. >> Yeah. >> I'm not going to do the work. >> Yeah, but through his food department. >> Yeah, the department of food. >> The department of generous food.
6:45 >> The department of food and beverage. >> Department of rations. No, but he call it something tight like that. >> Department of very generous food rations. >> The department of buffet. Yeah. Yeah. >> Department of You're welcome. >> That might solve obesity right there. >> There you go. >> OBCD. You ever see a fat North Korean except for Kim Jong-un? >> No. >> See, >> but I never seen a lot of North Koreans at one time either. >> It's true. >> Next. Travel ban. >> You can't leave or you can't come in. >> Are you trying to say Taliban? Oh, >> no. Travel ban. Travel. >> You can't leave. >> Cannot leave. >> Can't leave. But you can come. You can't leave. Hey yo, >> can I come? >> Yeah, >> cuz I'm a warlord. >> You can come. You can come. >> Sick. Thanks. >> You can't leave the country. >> Why can't you leave the country? >> Because you make it too easy for everyone to run away.
7:35 [laughter] >> He doesn't want anybody to run away. >> There's no food. They're going to try to look for food. [laughter] >> True. >> So where they You know what I mean? >> That's really smart. That's actually really smart. Yeah. >> So what the ████ Yeah, you got to have people if you want to be a dictator. >> Yeah, you lock the door, your girlfriend can't leave. >> Suban never thought about being a dictator in his life. You can tell. You can already tell the cracks in Subin's ████ ████ >> Amateur hour. >> Joe's thought about this ████ for ████ 15 years. >> Control the food supply. [laughter] >> Control the travel supply. >> Right. >> Yeah. >> Okay. >> And then is are we only doing banning? Because I'm a giver, too. >> No, no, no, no, no. Giving. No giving. >> To shoot at me. Yeah, but you're not dumb. You know that if you banned guns, everyone still has guns. >> Like, you know that because you're an American.
8:25 >> You know that if they banned guns, you would still have guns. >> You know that we have almost as many guns as people in the United States. >> America. >> Well, I'm just thinking like, think about something like something like that. >> I'll ban guns and I'll forcefully take it. >> Okay, >> that's what I'll do. >> How do you do it? How do you forcefully take it if it's >> Civil War and I won? >> Okay, got it. >> Ban guns. >> Still wouldn't work. Like prohibition. food and oh well you know what though they'll be so hungry I'll be like turn in your guns for food. >> Oh that's pretty good. >> That's really good. >> That's actually pretty good Joe. >> See food supply. >> See Subin's just a ████ noob. I think >> food supplies the first. >> This sounds crazy. >> Yep. [laughter] >> He's got a system. >> He said dictator. >> What are you supposed to do? No candy. >> The funny thing is I said dictator for one day but because he took away the term of dictatorship like I I'm I'm checkmate. >> Yeah. Yeah. What do you mean? He's the
9:16 one that made up that it was a dictator thingy. >> No, I said if you were going to become dictator for one day and he's like my first thing I'm abandon is my leadership uh limitations. >> Damn. That means all of I didn't I didn't I didn't ask for my five wishes. So that means I tomorrow I'm going to be all the rules I put into place is gone. >> You still got two more. You still got two more. >> By the way, you're you're smarter about it cuz Aladdin didn't want the genie to be free until the end. >> Oh, >> you're smarter about it. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> You're waiting. And I I forgot it was one day. So I would have ████ myself tomorrow. >> I would have used all five wishes and then tomorrow it's like what's the point of banning everything >> and everyone kicked your ass the next day cuz like I didn't have food yesterday. [laughter] >> They just don't eat for one day. >> And they're like we got our guns back. >> I know. Oh ████ I'm so ████ >> It's not a banning. Okay. Okay. I'm going to add another rule.
10:07 I'm gonna make sure that we get into the tobacco industry because I want unlimited cigars like Castro. >> I love that one. That's a good one. >> Unlimited cigar >> cuz I feel like as your wars are I'd be smoking pretty good. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Like >> you can ban like cigar factories except for the ones that partner with you. >> Oh, that's a good idea. >> That's sick, too. >> Cuz you all those Cuban cigars. I just tie cub like cigars with dictator or like a mafia guy >> or some general. They always have one. Yeah, >> you could ban the import of like those cigars unless you are given lifetime supplies. >> Oh. Oh, so like a trade tariff ban thingy. [snorts] That's a good idea. >> You could sell here. You could sell here for a discount. You just got to give me whatever cigar I want whenever I want it. >> By the way, banning Cuban cigars made Cuban cigars one of the sexiest things you could actually have in your possession. Am I wrong?
10:57 >> Like that that still to this day works on my brain because when I was a kid, Cuban cigars were known as banned everywhere. >> And they're actually really good. >> They're good. But the funny thing is it's not banned anywhere. So it doesn't really hurt that. >> Not anymore. Yeah. >> Like you could buy it from Canada, you Japan, and you could buy it everywhere. >> But the but the mystique is still there. >> Exactly. Exactly. >> Yeah. Cuz I I'm like, "Hey, I got a Cuban." Everyone's like, "You got a Cuban?" >> And it's like contraband. >> Yeah. Yeah. That's true. >> Sick, right? >> Yeah. So, I guess it would be good as a dictator to have a thing that you sell that's banned so then you can be like, "I have this thing." And you sell it and you make more money. >> Hell yeah. >> And then the last thing I would ban is free sex. >> Free sex. >> You can't freely have sex. >> You can only have paid sex. >> No, no, no. Like >> So what about if I'm if I'm married to
11:48 to my wife or whatever? I can't even ████ >> Oh, marriage is okay cuz it's >> for the country. >> You make a banner for the country. >> Word, >> right? >> No more. >> You're just banning gay sex cuz they're not making babies for the country. No more frat eyes. >> Ohity. >> No. ████ for fun. >> Yeah. >> Promiscuity. >> Promiscuity. Thank you. >> I want a lot of people in my country and there's too many people not having babies. >> Yeah. Fair. >> So maybe I should make pulling out illegal. >> Hey, that's not bad. >> Cream pie only. >> That's not bad. >> I think that's a better one. So I don't want to be like anti I want >> You can ban abortions. >> Save it for me. Save it for me. No, I don't want to do that. >> No, I don't want to do that. >> Don't take my answer. >> Prob baby. I like that. >> That's literally Okay,
12:38 >> that sounds like a legit country, though. >> It's a pretty Yeah, it's good rules. >> But then I didn't take my unlimited term, so tomorrow. >> Yeah, you're smoked. Smoked. >> All the babies are dead. >> [snorts] >> Jalalia
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