0:00 Okay, Joe. I think it's time you tell the story that you originally hesitated and didn't want to say. >> ████ a girl at VidCon. >> [applause] >> Hey, give it a second. Just give it a beat. Just glow. Just glow. >> What? You guys all been to VidCon? It's such a nerdy, like, weird It's not a rockstar atmosphere. >> So you found a diamond in the rough. >> Yeah. >> I never ████ no fans, though. >> So you found a needle in a haystack, is what you're saying? So yeah, walk us through. Who is this girl? Like, was she a fan? She walked up to you? >> Yeah, and she's like pretty tall and hot, right? And then like, sorry Hannah. This is my previous 20 This is like 20 years ago. This is like long, long time ago. >> Yeah, right. >> Yeah. So like, um I And at the time I was in like a open relationship. So like, it was one of those like, hey, if you ████ do it, I do it, whatever, but like we're cool.
0:51 >> Oh, when you were bi? Okay. >> Yeah. Yeah, when I was with my gay ████ roommate partner. No, dude. It was like Clip that. Yeah, it was open, but it was one of those like, if you act on it, whatever. I need I don't need to know. Yeah. So, um I was just Yeah, so like, you know, we met and then like it wasn't planned. I was just kind of like, damn, she's kind of cute. >> So she walked up and was like, oh my god, you're Joe from JustKidding. >> We took photos and then like, I was just like, hey, I forgot if it was Twitter or something, but she she messaged me. >> Real quick, on a scale from like F███-a-tron to Cybertron, where she at? >> No, no, no. F███-a-tron from Cybertron is on one end. >> [laughter] >> Then it's like Carmen Electra. 97. Carmen Electra. >> No, she's definitely above average, but she wasn't like a model. You know what I mean? Like >> Just give me a goddamn number.
1:42 >> [laughter] >> On the fan scale, by the way. On the fan scale. >> 1 through 10. >> Yeah. >> Like a eight. >> Oh. That's pretty ████ good. Yes. Yeah. That's pretty sure. That's ████ awesome. >> So anyways, I'll That's why it was just one of those like, "Wowzer pizowzers." You know? Like I was like >> [laughter] >> Yeah. She She was Asian? >> No, white. >> Oh, she's white. Okay. >> You got to tie. >> I'm just fitting the ████ I don't know every single time, dude. But yeah, so anyways >> She uh >> She wasn't even from that area. I think like her her family was going to Disneyland. So she's just like I'd rather go to ████ VidCon than be with some children. >> VidCon's a real >> So she was she was by herself. So then like I was like, "Oh ████ you're by yourself? You're not like doing anything?" And then um >> I'm doing you. >> after we all like met with everybody, had meetings, like we all went back. So she met like yeah, she's like, "Oh,
2:33 yeah, it was cool meeting you." Like we're talking on Twitter. And then so um I just you know said let's just Back then I think we were able to like DM I think you still can. But it went to private. And then from there it went to we were just talking on the numbers, right? >> She started sexting. >> Yeah, kind of. Like I was just like shooting my shot. I was like, "I'm probably not going to ever see this girl." And like what's I don't know. I'll be like I was just like, "Hey um straight up I think you're you know hella attractive." And man, it'll be like Like I didn't say it like it'll be awesome to hook up with you. But it was along the lines of that. It was It wasn't that lame. >> Just fantasize something. >> straight up I was just like just make up something juicy to entertain us. >> It curry from the moon. >> Yeah, just go for it. >> we please ████ You're so beautiful. >> [laughter] >> Right? >> I want to nut on your chest. Did you say something like that? >> So oh my god, that's crazy. So anyways >> Dude. >> Out of all the things he said he said
3:23 that was crazy. >> You're going to ████ >> king. That was so shocking. >> You're going to ████ love the ending. So [laughter] >> Oh. >> You can foreshadow it. >> So um I uh I was like basically it was like locked in. She's like, "I'm down." So I was like, "Hold. Are you ████ kidding me, right?" I was just like, "You're ████ with me. You This is not real." Like it worked. It worked. It ████ worked. At this point like I'm all the way back the SUV. So, I'm like, ████ this. >> You got to turn it back around. >> For the poon, I'm going. This is crazy. >> Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. >> clean your butt first? >> And [laughter] I was driving back. And um I know at this point I didn't know the joys of booty eating. I It wasn't there yet. >> This is young Joe. Young Joe. >> Young Joe didn't know.
4:13 >> He just doesn't have a dude wipes ready for this thing. >> Young Joe doesn't know about booty eating yet. >> I'm driving back and I'm just like chain smoking and ████ I was like I can't [laughter] believe THIS IS ████ HAPPENING, BRO. LIKE I WAS LIKE I don't think this was my first groupie experience, but it was just one of my first like it ████ worked. What the What the Like I'm going to void. >> And if they're eight out of 10? >> Yeah. That's high. >> Yes, sir. >> That's high up there. >> I was like wow. And And like, you know, I'm sure that her She was like 5'11". So, I was just like, what the ████ >> Never been a problem for you. >> Yeah. >> He's like, I always wanted to be picked up. >> And she was wearing like those, you know, like it was you know, ████ me boots kind of ████ Like it was like, wow, right? So, I was like, damn, this is ████ crazy. I I think I just hope I don't come fast. You know, all this stuff I'm like thinking about. >> So, where did you meet her? At this
5:03 point? >> VidCon has a hotel right next to it. So, I just ████ booked it. Like I just booked it cuz I knew it was going down whatever. And then like I got there and parked. I I I saw her but at this point since I knew like I was like oh ████ it's in, right? So, as soon as I see her like I grab her like hand and then put my arm around her, you know, and then like I'm already like in. >> Because she's tall though like you put her arm like behind the back of her knees or >> [laughter] [screaming] >> Back of her ankle. >> Like this? >> YOU GRAB HER HAND and just like back of her knees. >> [laughter] >> I swear my ear my ear was probably up to her shoulder. Like it was you know, like it was pretty funny. >> I'm going to eat your ass right now, girl. >> Ooh, [laughter and snorts] I'm going to ████ eat your out so hard. And then so anyways, get the room,
5:54 and then do the thing, and then one of the things, and this is why I wanted to tell the story previously, right? Cuz you have your story of she said, "We going to f███." Right? >> This girl that I was seeing for a sec, she when I was in my truck face ████ this ████ afterwards she was like, "We're going to f███." That's what what Joe's referencing. >> Guys, there's certain things in like your dating life or just like wild young man life, right? Where a girl says something and it's just like, "Oh my god, I didn't know I was looked like that." You know? Like I feel so hot right now. Like for real? >> Yeah. >> And then you're just like, "That's so cool." >> Like I love tiny dicks. I only thought this stuff happened in porn. >> Right? >> Yeah, legit. >> So, um you know, we're doing our thing and then like, "Man, I'm I'm going to bust
6:44 too quick cuz I'm >> She's not only hot, like >> Too hyped, yeah? >> Yeah, and I'm young, like I can't hold this ████ in, right? >> Let me get my chest ready. Look. >> So, so, so, so, shh. So, like I just tell her I was like, "You're too far It's too much. Like this is too intense. Like I'm I'm going to ████ bust." And she goes, "Where do you want to do it?" >> She's so cool. >> And then I was like, "What?" She goes, "Stand up." And and she's like she's like, "Stand up on the She's like stand up on the bed. I always wanted to do this." >> And she was like she was like sitting down fully so she you could see eye to eye, right? >> [laughter] >> SHE WAS LAYING DOWN WITH her head up. >> She's on her knees. I'm standing on the bed >> [laughter] >> and then WE'RE FINALLY FACE-TO-FACE. NO. WELL, ANYWAYS, I'm I'm standing on the bed. She's on her knees and then she's like, "I always wanted to do this, right?" And
7:34 I'm like, "Do what?" In my head I'm like, "What do you mean? What's going to happen?" >> Don't corrupt me. I'm just Jojo Takawa. >> [laughter] >> And she just starts sucking away and I'm like, "No, THIS IS TOO INTENSE. I'M GOING TO GO." AND THEN SHE'S LIKE, "Tell me when." AND I'M LIKE, "NOW!" AND THEN SHE JUST STARTS ████ jacking me off on her tits and ████ And I was like, "Oh my god, >> [laughter] >> this is ████ crazy." I was like >> Oh my god, I love you. [laughter] >> And then I was like I WAS LIKE, AND THEN I'M LIKE I CAN'T KEEP LOOK I GOT TO keep staring. It's so good. And then I'm like, "Oh my god." And then as soon as it happens >> [laughter] >> as soon as it happens I get lip. I just I it just as soon as it happens like I ████ it my dick shrinks. >> Wait, cuz you ████ a bust the craziest load ever.
8:24 >> I'M JUST GOING >> [screaming] >> AND THEN IT AS SOON AS IT GOES AS IT GOES AS IT GOES >> [laughter] >> AND IT SHOOTS OUT AND I'M JUST LIKE "OH my god." I'm like and I had to do the I'm usually in a lot I'm not I'm usually not like a come faster like this. Like this is crazy. >> not a come faster. >> [laughter] >> I'm usually a come slower. >> And then she's like, "Oh s███." Like I always wanted I always wanted to try that. >> Damn, how come you didn't marry her on the spot? >> Yeah, what the ████ why didn't [laughter] you propose? >> I'm not a come faster. >> What So like that was it? You never saw her again talked to her again? >> Well, cuz I was already in a relationship. But that was that was like >> But she didn't make you feel the way the other girl did, did she? >> No, but but it was kind of like >> other relationship I'm a come slower. >> [laughter] >> No, but it was kind of like I I thought that you know, I mean we're
9:15 young and like we're like we're entertainers and like I'm probably going to have more of these experiences. So like I didn't think that was my one and done and now I'm in love. >> That's a oofy doofy, bro. >> Yeah, but I did I did I did have more of those experiences. >> I did hook up with her after, too. Like like yeah, like like years later. >> Where did you come the next time? >> Years later, wow. >> You Oh, hell yeah, boy. >> Years later, okay. >> But like it was it was >> Did you use the same line? I'm usually not a ████ faster. [laughter] >> Yeah, I came fast again. She was like it was But to be honest, I came fast with everybody. >> You should have just been like but third time's a charm. >> fast with everybody. >> Do you still ████ fast? >> All right, honestly, raise your hand. Honestly, raise your hand if you've like thrown out some version of that line like oh dude like you're just so hot I usually don't ████ this fast or something like that.
10:05 >> Oh yeah, that's how that's that should have happened every guy, right? >> That's an every time thing. What are you talking about? >> Every time. [laughter] >> I'm going to call you out, Steve. He he did do it. >> Maybe I should sit on my hands, huh? >> He did it. He did. He He He Nicky always tells the story where he's like, "I usually get hard but I can't cuz you're too hot." >> Wait. >> [laughter] >> That's not what happened. That's not true. I'll tell the story. It's very quick if you want You want the quick one or what do you want? No, it's very simple. I was just in a relationship 9 days prior. >> Oh, cuz you were sad. >> I was sad boy. Sad sad boy sad day and but >> That's what I say all the time. I come fast. I'm just a sad boy. >> But also I'm such an international pimp I ████ ground Nicky ████ Lima like quickly right away out the gate. So like I'm such an international pimp that like I was done with my ex and inside Nicky Lima within 9 days if that's okay with you. Thank you. And then I was so nervous
10:57 genuinely cuz I'm I'm an international pimp in a way but I have feelings. And I felt like I was cheating on my ex the first night me and Nicky were together. >> That's even worse than just having whiskey dick. >> It's ████ terrible. It's genuinely terrible and I'm not proud of it. But I'm such a guilty ass Catholic ████ ████ that I was genuinely like, "Man, I feel like I'm cheating on my ex." And so the next time what I did is I jacked off before and then when me and Nicky ████ it was golden because I jacked off before. >> He's talented. Cuz if I jack off I just be like, "Let's date another day. I'm I'm already done." >> That's risky. That's risky. >> So the best part of this >> a 12-hour window so I >> do it bright and early in the morning if I know I'm going to get it later. >> Oh, a 12-hour? But Nikki's such a hot piece of ████ ass that I was like, I know I'm going to get hard. I don't have to worry about it. I'm just going to jack it, and then I can last later. >> Yeah, so it's not act one you're worried
11:47 about. It's Yeah. >> Exactly. >> So, the best part of this story where I got laid twice is for some reason like the next day or the night of we decided to go to Vegas. Do you remember something like that right after VidCon? We decided to just go. Or maybe it was with Ken. Anyways, I was like, well, what the ████ I already paid for this hotel room, right? So, then like her family's like, "Oh, we're going to come pick you up. Now Disneyland's over." So, I go downstairs, and then the guy that checked me in with, I was like, "Hey, um can I get like a discount or something? I'm not going to stay the whole night." And he goes, "Oh, you're only in there for a couple hours." And then he looked at me and he goes, "I GOT YOU, DOG." CUZ HE KNEW HE PROBABLY HE KNEW that we're just hooking up. >> Wow. >> And it really wasn't a couple hours. It was more like 15 minutes of sex, and
12:39 like the rest of the time me on TV just going like, I ████ I can't believe this ████ happened. >> And she's cleaning her tits up. >> [laughter] >> Literally just chilling, and then just you know, and then she's just hanging out, and we're just talking and ████ And then I'm like >> So, that second time you you didn't want to try to have something else with her at all? >> Nah. >> Why? >> But that's a different story for that one. >> [laughter] >> Oh, ████ >> You ain't joking. >> Hey, stop giving us so much content, will you? Jesus Christ. >> Do you have a photo? >> No. >> You got a name? You got a first and last? >> I had a but I had a free but I had a free I had a free hotel room and everything. That's such a good deal. >> Here she is. >> There it is. >> That's my nine. >> Eight. You said eight. >> [laughter] >> It won't up more. It's Is that one rugby player? >> I I would.
13:29 >> WOAH! Caitlin Clark, I would. >> No, she's great. She actually is really cool. >> Sophie Cunningham, for sure. >> For sure, though.
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