0:00 [Music] this is good because i'm glad we're all guys here because we're all gonna have the same reaction yeah we're talking about the sausage fest okay i bet you i'm gonna blow your mind okay i hope you don't choose i hope you do because that'll be interesting all right so a woman suddenly loses her fiance to pneumonia oh good yeah he succumbs to he dies and good for her now she's single i'm a single lettuce oh she's probably this probably high school sweetheart she's been wanting to ████ throw her vagina all kinds of dudes but she couldn't and now she'll find her chances he's been holding her back do you think that's true about all high school sweethearts yeah like they're they're ladies she's wondering what the other dicks feel like and she's looking at every guy
0:51 she doesn't know what another penis feels like yeah oh my gosh she's always gonna for the rest of her life think about what but it only affects women the closer they live to the rose bowl so i think it's fine yes we're very good there's something about the rose parade and the rose bowl it's because of the petal the flowering and the blossoming of your your virginity like what's the square mile radius like to the rose bowl would you 600 i think yeah 600 miles yeah i'm about like five that's intense bro you're in single digit zone that's like super get out code red you need to move to phoenix i didn't realize we're talking about you so imagine this the woman the woman loses her fiance and uh right before he died they were um in the process of um doing in vitro fertilization they were planning on it they were planning on it so he had his sperm frozen right they were planning on it but now that he's dead she can't have the kid because he forgot
1:41 to sign the consent form guys are the worst because oh my god that's what i'm sorry i shouldn't say forgot nobody it was it just never came up the consent form nah he's just a dude dudes are ████ dumb it never came up is it just gonna be frozen forever yeah dude no they already tossed it dude me and nicki are in escrow she's like hey did you sign that ████ i'm like yeah he just died he died and then yeah and then you know she checked my email and she's like there it is he had stupid ████ and i'm like i could have sworn to sign that too that's just guys bro i feel like even the smartest ████ on earth does the same ████ now like i feel like you could even have like the guy that you think will never make any mistakes will do the same ████ the smartest guy in the
2:33 world all you have to do is talk to their girl to find out how dumb they really are no matter what and how much she hates him they think it might be the fault of the company because they didn't they didn't bring him the form while he was still alive so it's their fault this might be a good thing for her though why well because like again she could get a lot of unpopular opinion but imagine right it's like she has his child that child for sure has to live knowing that his deceased father and that and then that child is also going to remind her also it could be a lot of happiness but technically she could also move on have a child with a totally other different person who doesn't have a dead father you know what i mean and not be reminded i see your life is this you being typically anthony where like is pat
3:23 tillman really a war hero though you said that i did not ████ say that you said that it's kind of ████ up anthony true man because she's guaranteeing a fatherless child and and the memory of that you know what i mean versus like the possibility of moving on yeah and then just like you know new man new love new child that has a father there like there could be what you're saying single women can't do a good job raising a child no i'm saying that there's a by the way for the record the careful boys we think single women do just fine yep i agree i was raised by a single woman and i terrorized her life i wish my mom was single because she she would have been happier yeah she deserves what would you do i'm
4:13 just saying this is like an act of god right this is like whatever what would you do if that was you and uh the consent form left unsigned and you could come back as a ghost to either do either one or the other would you would you sign it with your ghost hand or just leave it as is it'd be hard to say because if i came back and i was about time i was like yeah she's about to have my child and i look at her and she's still like mourning me i'm not i don't know there might be this emotional like dude like maybe you need to move on if you're a true dude you would come back as a ghost and then you're like ████ left my pen back over there or you're like ████ what did i come back here to do i don't ████ remember i go i'm gonna go play mortal kombat [Laughter] i'll figure it out remember i think i would want her to have my child because that's the only way i could implant myself into a human again oh is this your quest to is this your problem in our life is this
5:03 from the brain of a ghost or it's part of just like a total hun thing got it okay obviously she wanted it so it'd be like i would fully support that but because now she can't have it it's like maybe there's a silver lining is all i'm saying i'm not saying one's better than the other so here's the thing the reason they were doing in vitro fertilization to begin with is because while he was sick um he was going to be going through some treatment for i think cancer and uh they froze the sperm because out of fear that he might be sterile through the treatments so it was like for hey he's going through cautionary i would want to spread my seeds so they were already gonna do it what's up dude like but by law even though it's completely undocumented that they had planned to do this if the name isn't in that blank they just can't who uses signatures anymore yeah come on man unfortunately i still had to yeah i was in escrow yeah
5:53 damn that's crazy pretty s█████ situation yeah but there is a silver lining like anthony said but you know what have you ever been throwing a contract back at you and then you're like that's not my signature oh yeah no joey see what i think i should try that that happened to you no i mean like just even what i want to see what happens when you deny a signature that you sign oh and you're like that's a forgery what are they gonna do they're they're gonna be like let me see your signature and you just do a different signature sea judge it's a different ████ signal i think if it goes all the way to the judge it's for sure gonna be caught please don't send this video to joe's future landlord he's trying to get a house right now please don't send this video to them he's kidding yeah well when when this when the when the when the contract comes back um i just might try it and say whose is this i've been frauded
6:45 i want to see what happens next when you do that be like that's not mine and then he loses his house opportunity he's like oh okay i believe you sorry this is your ip address that's not my ip address what if he just goes all right sign your signature right next to this one and we'll see if it looks the same are you gonna ████ your own thing up i'm gonna change it yeah then you're not gonna get the house yeah but at least i know the process of a fraud is fraudulently of a flaw you couldn't just ask him well that's how you know he was kidding landlord don't worry hey level with me sir don't you you guys never questioned yourself and said like is this a binding contract because how would they know it's my signature did you ever forge your mom's signature for like your grades all the time and my teacher knew and i swear to god she was wrong and i think she didn't believe in god and so then she was like
7:36 okay i don't believe you she didn't yeah that's a big big should have examined the situation better should have noticed she believed so then what happens then because they know it's not your mom but i think a lot of time they're just too ████ lazy to verify so they just go ████ it yeah you know what though i feel like the same thing would happen here i uh i fraud myself so i have two sets of signatures for the big purchases and the legal documents and the things that will bind me i have a separate one um and then when i go to the grocery store where i go when i when they tell me to sign for the ████ like eat at a restaurant or whatever yeah restaurant yeah i got a different one because i don't want some ████ looking at my signature and going oh that's easy right and then they'll they'll forge my ████ okay but then they you know i should have did the other way around but then
8:26 very simple the the the the usual purchases one i have such a complex signature it eventually just became the same one but the high security like i'm buying assets this one is simple which one do you do which one do you do for fans it's my initial which one do you do for fans when they're like can you sign this for me what do you do it's all the same now man i got lazy oh autographs is completely different but then at the supermarket or ████ at a restaurant it's just a sperm so why get not let's do a sperm that's gonna continue that's gonna confuse the verifiers of the future when the merch is worth millions so why get a barcode autograph why why why bother because it's a special one it's a special one it's not it's not a fake signature it's still his signature it's just for fans i still did it technically you know what i mean but they don't get the sperm that the supermarket gets
9:16 okay haven't you guys ever heard of stories where like uh you know when when one of the parents dies or something like that the other parent ends up like leaving the child because like every single time i see you i see you know what i mean that's a s█████ ████ parent but you you have heard of ████ like that when the when the parents uh have a bad like breakup like this one did this one dirty then they'll see it and it's like i don't like you they represent their kids it's not just oh it's resentment usually versus never really heard of like you're acting like your mom right right like you're you're you're you act like your mom that died of cancer yeah yeah yeah yeah when you put it like that it's usually like my ████ mic on me or whatever i've heard stories of like where a parent parents have lost their child and their parents have split because of that yeah like i've heard that i think i think that's a lot more common yeah that is
10:06 different yeah like bart's one the best standard is the better oh you're just like your mom that has cancer that passed away last year your kid gets cancer you get pissed off at them oh my god dude yeah that's pretty rough dude it's high in divorce families though i heard because they they see their ex's face in the kid oh yeah and then so they treat the kid all ████ up and i'm like damn dude i don't know i don't have no kids i can't judge but right now you're a piece of ████ parrying me yeah well i never got the thing where people would be like you know if i uh my daughter starts dating like i'm gonna be pissed i'm like who gives a ████ and then i was like once i fell in love and like nikki's my one i was like dude if i have a kid and she looks like nikki like when i met nikki like like ████ and then some guys going after my chick you know what i'm saying yeah that's a
10:56 different thing i'm like oh ████ let's go ████ but now i get the the sentiment i didn't get it before i feel i feel bad if you guys have a daughter and the boyfriend comes to meet you you're going to ████ give him hell dude i think she looks exactly like joe i'ma my daughter's boyfriend he did say he was going to blow your ████ mind to find out if he's gay so he knows what kind of family he's getting himself involved in prove your dominance yeah yeah kiss you kawa [Music]
11:46 [Applause] [Music] you
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