0:00 [Music] and welcome back to another amazing episode of the careful boys and today we have julia child back in the office oh hello and today we wanted to talk about some ████ stories take it away yeah this was her idea not our idea oh boys country she literally was like i have some ████ stories i want to talk about because like about dick and ████ too yeah it's not just boys yep okay this sausage face and it wouldn't be jk unless there was a good ████ story from time to time people take s████ we all take s████ okay everyone takes s████ yeah whoa whoa personal ████ story before yeah it's unless you've done it like
0:50 you're not fully jk unless you've done it yeah i feel like it's been a while since i've shared a shift yeah so you got an updated one so you know as you guys know i'm like uh i'm having a better work-life balance and i'm figuring out my new hobbies and you know i went to go hiking with my friends and um on this hike it was like out in laguna hills please don't find this thing just please let's find that turd no don't find that oh what was the hiking trail i'll buy it for 2000 honestly i don't remember but my friend said that it was like a five mile kind of trail all right guys so laguna hills residents in that area five miles julia fans out there right now that's as soon as they heard this they're on their way to laguna hills
1:43 [Laughter] yeah uh so uh yeah we just drove there i think it was like on i don't know how relevant this is but i was like day two on my period and you know sometimes you just you just figured that you know cramps are just not like just cramps you know so it's not a diarrhea cramp oh i see it's a mystery yeah and so like we were on the trail and then like halfway through i just remember like my body being like yo girl you gotta take a ████ soon and i'm like no no no no no these are just cramps like it's gonna be fine right and so internal drama yo girl yo girl you gotta say your body straight sometimes right the sassy lady honey you better pull over you have a blowout you get cramps in your butthole no it's just it's just that when you have it's still abdominal huh yeah yeah like something to paint this thong down
2:35 let's fill this g string shorts are about to be pants so we were almost getting to the trail but i just remember like my body was like dude you're gonna pass out right now and i was like oh that's bad yeah from holding it because i was like thinking oh because i was just thinking i was like i'll pass right let me just fart it no pass oh fart don't test it walking walking makes it worse like you have to poop the longer you walk the faster it comes out yeah it helps the digestion you realize that now unless you do handstand water oh yeah that's true sure so it hit you in the car or hit you during the hike it hit me during the hike and there was like no bath yeah yeah i told my friends like are you talking like goosebumps cold sweat yeah yeah yeah pretty much between the cheeks how many people were you no how many
3:25 gallons it was it was me and two other people guys are girls girls okay so you guys got that security going on a little bit oh good i said yeah but like guys are more understanding with that so let's be honest at the time though i didn't tell them i was on my period and i didn't tell them my house was a stomachache because i was like oh it will pass like usually you just pass it so they were judging you no they were not judging me they were great friends okay but then like we we almost got to the top but like i couldn't do it anymore because i think every time i go up the hill like it just used a lot of i don't know like body strength there's a lot of opposing forces yeah what's the change of pressure in elevation right your butthole's getting looser so then they're like chemistry this is basically sucking it out of your ass every 300 feet your ████ gets like one diameter a little bit bigger that's true yeah that's how you measure it but pinky nail yeah they were they were very understanding and they're like oh yeah yeah we'll turn
4:15 around because i was like dude i'm gonna i'm gonna ████ die and so like as we were walking back i was like okay cool i think i'm okay and then at one point i was like no guys i gotta take a ████ cuz like i was like literally on the floor in like fetal position i was like guys i gotta go wait you went into the little pooper scooper tutti pootie whatever position to like does that make you come out where'd you go i was walking and then i literally just like went down like this just to take a break on the trail just because it was hurting so bad ████ harder when you squat body squatting i didn't realize this and so after a while i was like i gotta ████ go and so i went over to the bushes okay i thought you were trail ████ for a second yeah trail ████ i was scared i thought she farted and ████ in her pants yeah i almost did thank god dude good thing dude if i had
5:05 kept going and walking like i probably would have but then i went over into like the bushes but i couldn't go far enough into it so like you could kind of see me but if i duck you wouldn't be able to walk wow and like literally my friends were like don't worry we got you and i was like what is that even supposed to so they pull out their cell phones no they're on lookout yeah they're just look out for you they're on lookout and then i guess there's like a big tour group that was oh no no ████ under these circumstances when i feel like there's a tour go coming by what if what if they end up being mainland chinese you're like oh thank god they're all pooping too okay there's a bathroom right here behind the bus there's a lady going right now yeah yeah literally so then guys oh time to ████ it felt so weird because i was like what is the protocol for shooting out in nature you never did it before no this is my first time no one's one of the best things in the
5:55 world what did your wife wear virgin ████ experience didn't obama do that on like with guy bear grylls well yeah obama and bear grylls was out there ████ all over their girls drank obama's piss too yeah he did that what the ████ what what did you wipe with a sock or you didn't even wipe um disgusting person i put a pad there was a pad we had pads just one pad we there we had a few that's all you need sometimes was it solid or was it like nah man it was ████ runny i just remember because i was like oh i don't know even how to like position myself because i was like how did i do i do this like i don't know how to do it is it from taco bell no no could have been del taco i don't know i don't remember what i ate so it was like indigestion kind of stuff going on i don't know was it uh loud yeah does it go flat yeah how many pushes it just it just
6:45 came out also it's just like yeah you know what the whole opens up dude have you ever had diarrhea so ████ bad that it's all water yeah like it just squeezed like wow easy cleanup though if you haven't had have you ever had did you did you afterward it's like you're out of the woods you know what i mean it's like oh my god did you just hug your ████ friends start crying fold your knees we're so proud of you there was there was no there was a moment but nothing of like was it like splashing when it like hit the ground instead there's like a couple like residue like drops on your socks and stuff oh no no no it just like came out in one pile and it just did you make like a like a nickelodeon show there was no time and i didn't have a shovel and then but luckily there was like a pile of twigs like dry twigs conveniently and i just decorate oh you're one of those people that takes you on the floor and they're like nothing happened
7:37 i didn't know what else to do it takes a squirrel's home and then wow put a bird's nest the bird comes back and goes ████ vomits on its own kids and ████ you know what they do usually no that's maybe too real all right i uh recently in hawaii i haven't ████ outside in a long time but uh recently in hawaii we all have a story i love this yeah i love jake yeah no i just love that you're just yeah this is this was just a few a few uh a few months ago so me gio and taiko went to hawaii and then we went to this like little cove place and um oh cool like there's like turtles in this cone so i'm like i'm gonna climb
8:27 like on the rocks all the way to the end because you're not like sometimes out of this cove then you can see the edge of the ocean and it looks ████ sick so i go there with my fins and my snorkel and then we just had zippies and then like i was like oh ████ i think i feel something as i was walking towards towards it you know and i was like maybe i should kind of wait around a bit because it's one of those things where like the waves are kind of strong so it's one of those like you can't just ████ like drive by ████ because if you like are in the water and you ████ the wave will probably blast the ████ back at your face like it was ████ and then crash back on i was like this is not uh like very smooth water and then out and i was like okay ████ because because and also since it looks so rapid it's one of those where like once you jump in the water and if you put your snorkel mask on and your fins and all that stuff it's going to take a minute to get everything on it's not like just the swimming pool you know so
9:17 i'm like this is kind of risking your life to take a ████ in the ocean is what it sounds like yeah sounds like there's a riptide so like this is kind of rough but i also really want to jump in the water and then it really hit me and i'm like oh ████ so i climbed over the rocks to the other side where uh i would be able to have i would be able to be the first person to have visibility if someone came in what would you tell them wait don't come i'm sorry i'm ████ bro i don't know oh the bra yeah so i sat there and then i pulled my my trunks down i just ████ spread my butt cheeks we don't have tissue paper or whatever right something i just want things to come out like you manually added the spreading of the butt cheese so that so that because you know when you like eat something at a fine dining restaurant when you have smears of the beef wellington you go like this right but if you can eat it like that he won't have to watch true i'm sorry can you show me again i didn't get i don't think we have to spread our
10:08 cheeks when we squat spreading full spread i was spreading it so i don't i don't have to dab that makes sense it's like he's presenting it yeah bart's got such a thick nice ass i guess oh yeah that he's really got a point poop on his butt cheeks all the time all the time so i just i ████ still hot and then i uh when i jumped in the water then i made sure i did the hawaiian bidet and then everything was good the hawaii wait but damn did you ████ off the side of the cliff cliff no it's on the cliff it's on the cliff well you ████ on the cliff that's even worse someone's gonna see it if they go around if they if they're like exploring we all know we all know what joe would do we all know what joe would do he'd take his ████ in the ocean and then he'd be like oh someone took a ████ oh ████ oh there's only three other people there those guys were too crazy that day
10:59 he's disgusting who would do that who would take a ████ oh he took a big ████ in the ocean someone shattered the sea anemone look no he cried inside it went like this too ████ see that'd be caught up this is definitely a human shed have you guys ever ████ inside the water like while you're in the pool like in hawaii i bet it's nice how do you do that how do you let a log go in the ocean you literally just spread your butt cheeks you ████ and then immediately i try to ████ kick it because i don't want the ████ to come out wait did you see the ████ like all over the ground so you're doing one of the egg beaters because like does it stay solid or to be honest uh i think i ████ and then i didn't look and i think i started a dolphin kitchen
11:49 that thing was watching there's been a time where anyone was swimming towards you and you knew that there was purposely slam away from everyone uh and then i was like oh ████ i've never seen this ████ in the ocean i always thought that would be a terrible idea i saw a video but it was a natural dude no but i thought it would smear all over your body and like break apart and you'll be like ████ trying to get away from the ████ if it's not through the ocean are you like afterwards like wiping your ass with your hand yeah the hawaiian but then i ████ straight up go like this i make sure everything is good and nice and clean and then i ████ go like that too and then i check to see if there's anything with the fingernails and then yeah i gotta clean your fingernails yeah i get it but it's salt water baby i saw a video years ago where a man takes a ████ in the ocean solid ████ and fish just start attacking i'm not kidding it was like in the coral wreath area oh
12:39 so you're actually feeding the ecosystem out there yeah it's just like that's right it's ████ up it's pretty gross all the fish die immediately afterwards but all the coral reefs are dying anyway so yeah exactly i will say uh when i was a kid i went to this like kind of more uh poor area in vietnam and uh this is a buddhist temple area and uh they have like an outhouse that is like just it's literally built and stands right over a little pond there's giant catfish in there and then you know like it's not like ████ flushable toilets it's just a ████ hole and you squat and i'm a kid so i'm like trying to put the two and two together i'm like where does the poop go so my mom was like goes in the water i was like that's it that's just poop bar it's like all the fish eat it something oh ████ okay so it's like it's like a toilet seat that's outside and it just drops literally there's there's space so like i had to try it so i ████ took a ████
13:30 there into it that would suck that's okay well i took a ████ and literally just you just see the water start going crazy and just giant catfish or just eating ████ yeah and then they eat the fish after right circle of life yeah we did eat the catfish whoa best sushi ever had in your life i bet it wasn't sushi but great fish yes but doesn't catfish already taste like ████ though uh i love it aren't they bottom feeders though yeah yeah they kind of have a s█████ flavor to it like no lie like it yeah they're delicious when you eat them in vietnamese we're not saying they're not delicious they don't know but i'm not saying i don't like ████ there's a hand yeah there is of cocka in that fish meat what do you say about my people all right it's not just yourself dude southern people love catfish bro i got chocolate you want to talk about disney seed tokyo japan or
14:21 whatever that's what i ate i know that's talking about the pastrami sandwich but they don't taste like cocka catfish sandwich you know what i mean which one i think catfish has a hint of cocka flavor to it i've never tasted it i honestly don't eat cocka a lot so i don't really know like what's your frame of reference have you had intestines cause i eat stinky tofu and it doesn't taste anything like it there you go but have you had have you had intestine to me yeah but when it's like cut up intestine tastes like coffee yeah it tastes a little bit like cocka well it should i got i got a wild theory it should i think that's real yeah and tilapia to me smell tastes like swamp tilapia there's a little bit of swamp to it i don't get no swamps if it's like farmed right what about why taste anything to you no why is sweet what about what about just ████ guys what a ████
15:12 tastes like chocolate really no one's tasted that wait that was off the record there it is and there it is [Applause] he ended the video with a little liner and then he's like yeah i think i just ████ finished that one so back to s███'s stories was that it that was it i really liked that it was all girls around yeah oh yeah first of all that's pretty tight that's really brave girls are i mean by the way i i mean living with women over the many years i have i've realized that they're just as disgusting as dudes like no i know but you just don't think that growing up like growing up when you're looking at chicks and movies and ████ you're just like man chicks are like ████ oh my god angels we got to clean it up around them i always feel like there's a difference too when uh the
16:02 first time you see a like the girls bathroom it's ████ disgusting yeah like it's like the guy's bathroom's gross but that's also because guys are kind of open with how they're ████ ████ up in the bathroom it's kind of funny but then i always feel like girls don't admit when they're like like you you go to a girl's bathroom should be ████ on the ground but no one's fessing up yeah but then guys are like yo that was me bro yeah yeah dude i showed you around dude hey i left a welcome mat and worry about it i gotta say though a lot of uh i have been in a number of girls restrooms and they are much cleaner you ever you ever go i agree one of those restroom situations at a restaurant and then like the guy's restroom is just ████ locked and you're like ████ i have to pee right now yeah yeah if it's a nice place he's like he works there he's like you just use women's you go to the women's and it's ████ glorious nice yeah they've got a fake little plant in there
16:53 that's some ████ potpourri and ████ like that they have like seating yeah you know what that's dripping down to put a whole ████ thing because it's like wait a minute nobody pees like that there's chicks at the urinals like that you gotta go to a place where they're like where men and women have to all fend for themselves and it's not convenient the girls bathroom's gonna be pretty ████ gross you gonna like you go to like a stadium when like the game is on and the women's line is ████ long guarantee that you know what they don't have julia do you have you ever been in a girl's bathroom and it says they wrote this if you're reading this you're a ████ have you ever seen that girls yeah that's true have you ever no what kind of graffiti is i've seen that in so many ████ guys bathrooms dude and i'm like damn it it's like that i don't know because i'm just reading i'm like oh you didn't give me this time god that is because they do write that word is it the same guy there's just ████
17:43 poems from crackheads what kind of hate speech is there in the world it's just like you're beautiful in everything yeah ████ yeah you don't see an occasional swastika or something like that when you're sitting down a poop okay yeah none of that yeah is always out there drawings there's like numbers but like never any ████ you ████ yeah they don't like draw like vaginas in there because we got a bunch of penises on ours i was reading online though if you read it backwards so it's like it says if you're reading this you're a ████ if you read it backwards you're straight as ████ oh cause you unread it yeah yeah yeah that's how you come back that's how you beat it i'll try that next time because my current status is not so good right now i tried it for my overkill from i'm quite the gay man yeah i don't know why our bathrooms always have to look like you know some
18:35 type of crime scene was there you know like it's like it's like a scene from saw or like you walk into like if you go to a ████ gas station right it's like all nice it's cute it has like bubble gum and ████ and when you walk into the bathroom it looks like somebody's going to come in there and try to ████ me yeah i've been into a gas station bathroom where there's a whole roll of paper towel just in the middle huh the toilet like the whole roll of it i'm like what's that's ████ funny how did it get there what is this art piece what kind of statement is this that's a classic yeah it's like an archaeological dig it's like what was this culture doing and like what was there you know what was this ritual what was the motivation i'm very curious it's like in height in eighth grade someone had left their shoes right next to the toilet for some reason and for like two days straight everyone would just piss in them
19:27 and then the shoe was like so full yeah you gotta fill it up nobody wanted to admit it was their shoes because it's so embarrassing except for a kid with no shoes on one time i got i got ████ boys are ruthless i don't know i don't know why i was doing this it was freshman year of high school and for some ████ reason i thought i might have said this i thought it'd be funny to just keep pissing in the tank of the toilet so that's that gabriel i would take the top off the toilet i just pissed it every day so it's just when the next guy flushes it's just more that's different that's why this that's why this ████ head thinks that the girl's bathroom is just as bad as the guys because he's probably just in there doing it he's ████ up he's ████ up yo ryan's wild ryan's ████ wild i told you you know i like it it wasn't like i was telling anyone i was doing it i just thought it was like personal humor i was like that's pretty funny and then one time i think a guy saw me through the little crack in the ████ door he saw
20:17 me doing it and then he and then i heard him go outside and like ask a teacher if you pee in the tank does it come out when you flush and i was like oh you ████ saw me a little brat dude ████ rapping for another three hours hoping for the window to pass he just he just asked the teacher ladies and gentlemen yeah do you guys remember in careful boys in careful boys group chat when ryan said if you guys want to find out who somebody is i got you ████ covered i know i know i know hackers and then i'm like whatever and then no we're like yo ryan's ████ wild because people don't know that you know fiverr where you like commission art stuff you can commission like private investigator people from all around the world to just identify like it'll literally say just write the word identify in fiverr you'll get a long list of people that go i can identify anyone online read between the lines right now though don't ████ ryan's
21:07 wild don't ████ the guy it's like ten bucks don't ████ with him it's like ten bucks and there's people from like countries where the laws are different so they're not never gonna get caught and they'll just go okay here's what came back it's this person like is that familiar but to be fair you they won't do it unless you justify some reason why them like harassing you makes you in fear of your life or something you have to like tell them like oh this person online is harassing me talking ████ or whatever says he says i'm a ████ booby pants i'm not a boobyman yeah and then they'll do it and then they'll just delete their account right after so they can't be like traced wow that crazy that's legit yeah try it out sit up straight around ryan like this hello sir yeah paul ryan sir ryan sir yes sir i will be at your birthday party you shirt
22:15 you
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