0:05 Welcome back to another episode of Careful Boys. We have bullying expert and advocate, Mr. Bart Quan. >> Hey, by the way, thank God. >> What the hell is going on? >> We've talked about uh bullying many times on this channel. >> Anti-bully. >> Are you anti 100%. >> Well, it depends. If you're a kid, bully them [laughter] >> good. they could develop good character. >> So adult to adult bullying is is not good. >> Yeah. No, no, no. >> Trauma is okay. >> We've talked about different forms of bullying where we felt like, oh, it was in a way deserved usually because the reverse is truly happening where it's the bully being bullied or some people are being so obnoxious and insufferable that only bullying will correct that behavior. >> But do how do you feel about cyber bullying? Is there any form of cyber
0:55 bullying that can ever be okay? Okay. >> Yeah. >> I thought isn't the question be other way around? Like is there any form of cyber bullying that should hurt your feelings? >> Okay. >> Maybe I have a very controversial take, but I know like the this generation thinks online is real, right? >> So they're like, "Oh, you're getting cyber bully." And I get the argument where like back in the day we get bullied at school. >> Sometimes that's more real than >> And then Yeah. Then we go home and we get to shut it off, right? That's the whole argument. Like you guys don't know what real bullying is. Like I get punched in the face and then I have bruises but it gets to heal. But then their bullying could be 247 non-stop cuz they're talking constant ████ and sometimes that's way more. >> Yeah. >> But I feel like I'm always in the school of thought of physical bullying is always much more real than whatever you
1:46 experience online. >> Okay. >> But it feels like that's not the reality of the new generation. >> Most Do you think most cyber bullying is not that big of a deal? In my opinion, not really. Because it doesn't like if someone is like cancelling or even bombing your account, it's different if there's people with torches at your front door. >> Okay. >> Well, like there's diff there's like people use the internet like to um do psychological bullying. Not so for example, right? Like it's not just like um I'm talking ████ to you. So like it'll be ████ like I'mma pretend like I'm a girl. I'mma catfish you for a whole ████ month. Like omocrron ████ right? And then afterwards [laughter] I'mma like tell you to come to a date with me or whatever and then you show up ████ rose in hand. Like they have a video of you and then they freaking show everybody at school that kind of stuff.
2:37 Or like you know we go into the illegal ████ where like you you know you you you ████ got nudes from from someone and then you start blasting that ████ So it's like that kind of bullying which is like it would have happened without the internet. >> Oh, okay. >> But like I think that there that's the level of bullying where it's like what was the point of that? Cuz when we think about bullying, I think we're just thinking about like getting checked or like people teasing you. But I'm I think when people talk about >> the like when bullying goes too far, that's the ████ they're talking about. mind ████ the reputation that's getting extremely ████ and destroyed and stuff like that. >> I'm also not talking about the uh >> the consequences. So, for example, like let's say there's a kid, he had a birthday party and then someone was at the house. Oh, look at this guy's ████ baby picture, right? So, so gay
3:28 or whatever. He takes a picture of it and he spreads it around school over and over and over. Now it's all over the place and that kid is like, "What the ████ I don't want anyone to see that." And then they commit suicide. That consequence is real and it's sad. >> Yeah. >> But I I will I wish that that kid didn't perceive that as like the online >> Oh, sure. Yeah. Yeah. >> as real life, you know. >> Well, then that that usually means, like you said, there might be more going on mentally. >> Yeah. >> That had them see it that heavily on themselves. >> But also, this generation grew up so much more with internet intertwined with their lives versus we had it a little bit different, right? There was a little bit more separation. BC and AD and we know how to separate it out. >> So much of our their stuff is online too like how they even hang out with each other. >> How they learn things, how they like
4:18 interact. It's all the stuff. It's everything's online. So that is kind of their reality >> to some extent. >> It it is. And I noticed when Taika first had it, I was like, "Oh ████ I better nip this in the ████ bud right now." So he was playing Roblox and then he rage quit >> and he slammed his iPad. And I was like, "Oh ████ this is when this fool thinks that little thing is more important than real life." >> Okay. Yeah. >> So I told him, "If I see him do that again, I'm going to throw him in the ████ cold ass pool." And he said he won't. >> What the hell? [laughter] >> I thought you were going to say, "I'm going to take your iPad away." >> And and he had a break from it cuz I'm like, if this guy if this device has such a ████ has his claws and his dopamine receptors that bad >> LS challenge. >> Yeah. And then you see you see withdrawal symptoms like you a whole month. He starts like like he had ████ addicted TO HEROIN AND ████ I can't
5:10 >> I can't. That's when I was like oh ████ I'mma ████ throw your ass in a cold pool and make you ████ walk around the Yeah. Walk around the neighborhood butt naked. >> Put him on rehab. >> He's your rehab. >> Gosh. >> And then he he chilled out. And then from that point on, I think he >> it worked cuz he he understood, okay, game is a game. It's not real life. Don't make game real life. mess up your real life over the game. Yeah, exactly. >> Why would throwing him in the pool? Why did that connect? >> I don't know. >> Okay. It's just a random just a random thing. Okay. Okay. >> Well, I just want to like take a chill pill consequence. Yeah. >> Uh cuz he hates the cold like his mom. So, he got the bad part of her jeans. But [laughter] >> I just want >> God such a small thing. >> Latina. >> I just I want him to understand like >> physical pain. Don't have like this imagining perceived pain be above your physical pain. when he starts saying crazy ████ like you know when kids are
6:01 really exaggerated like I'll be like um he'll be like like let's say um like let's say a dog bumped into him and he's like I wish I never had Mia or whatever that's our dog's name like oh you really don't want to have me I'm going to let Mia go right now she's going to run out you're not going to see her no no no no no no that's not what I meant it's just cuz you know they were so angry for that one sec so they something I wanted to be responsible with his words >> so when he was saying something in this game that was like so crazy big. I'm like, "Okay, then I'm going to hold you to it. >> If you if you think this is actually the most amount of pain you can feel, I'll throw you in like >> 30° water where it's going to feel like needles." And then he's like, "No, no, no, no. Actually, that's more painful. [laughter] >> It's actually way worse." >> When we say like bullying is good for someone's character, I think it's always to the extent of just like checking or
6:51 teasing. Yeah. Yeah, >> cuz when going back to like what real bullying is and how it ████ people up >> it's when you're targeted constantly and they're looking for different clever ways to ████ with you hard >> and it's like for their entertainment >> for their entertainment >> and sometimes it goes too far where now you're extorting the kid every day and taking his money every day. >> You know that's not what I was Yeah. But then I think that's where people draw the line. And when they talk about no bullying, that's what they're usually talking about because the guy that's getting bullied is like usually weak as ████ and they don't know what to do. >> Yeah. >> So like I think Yeah. In that case, I think cyber bullying is also 10 times weaker to even do it. >> Oh, really? >> Yeah. Because like a lot of the times it's anonymous, right? Or like it can be. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah,
7:41 >> it's like >> talk ████ online, >> go talk ████ to them in real life. >> If you're have holding a bowling school, [laughter] >> but that is true that like if you're from that generation, >> cyber bullying might feel like you're doing the thing that's bigger anyway. >> Yeah. Yeah, that's true. >> I just don't know how that's going to help build a good [snorts] character to like >> I don't feel like cyber bullying does that >> cuz you know how like when we talk about like oh yeah, sometimes bullying should happen at school, right? Cuz at school you're like, yeah, like if you're being a smart alec and everyone's like, man, ████ this guy, dude. Like, whatever. And then you get bullied that way. >> That's kind of like social regulation. >> Exactly. >> Everyone's regulating each other. Like, hey, if you keep doing this ████ no one's going to like you. >> We don't act like that around here kind of thing. Yeah. >> And then that is a normal part of
8:32 growing up. But like, how does that transfer to the cyber world? Like, how does >> you know what I It doesn't. Yeah. It almost feels like the cyber world is purely uh it's just hateful. It's just like you just want to hurt somebody. >> And there's different rules cuz there's the whole anonymity thing or whatever. So, it's like a whole it's not even it doesn't really translate. >> I feel like it's a lot more volume too on cyber bullying >> like like the like the psychological. Do you guys see that documentary of uh it was on Netflix. It was called Unknown Number Unknown Caller. >> Oh. >> So, there was this girl that was she kept getting messages >> Yeah. >> between her and her boyfriend. She's like 13. >> It was horrible. >> And it was just like, "You're a stupid ████ You're a ████ Your boyfriend doesn't like you." And there was going on for like 60 messages a day for a whole year. >> A day. >> Yeah. And it was And it was to this kid, to this girl, and it was ████ this girl up obviously, right? Over a period
9:23 of time. Turned out to be her mom. [gasps] >> What the ████ >> Turned out to be her mom. >> It was her own. >> Yeah, cuz that was my first my first thought was if my kid was out, I'm going to just take the phone and just throw it in the trash. But then she was saying like, "You need to kill yourself. You should end your own life." Like over >> that type OF ████ >> WOW. >> WHAT? >> AND she'd be like, "Your boyfriend doesn't even like you. He he likes he likes getting like fingering ████ Disgusting. >> I'm going to suck them up." Like sexual like explicit sex, >> bro. The craziest ████ you could ever say, right, to a 15-year-old, 13, 15y old. >> Yeah. >> And then they and then the mom the whole time is like, "Oh my god, we need to move. We need to like find out who's doing this." She was part of like the all the moms and parents even of the boy. They all got together. They started this thing with the police to try to find it. She was part of the whole thing. The whole time it was her. >> How did they find out that it was this
10:13 ████ ass mother >> basic like crime analysis >> over her IP address? >> It was all from one number. >> So she was doing it like she was doing this complex like tripleVPN ████ So they couldn't trace it for so long. And then eventually one of the investigators was able to like get a warrant for that company to give the information and was able to finally see because no matter what you do, if there's a warrant, they will give the information of who was doing this ████ So they got it and they found out it was her and they went to her and they were like, "What the ████ were you thinking?" And they don't know if she was doing it for some form of dependence or whatever to try to be there to console her daughter over and over, make her need her, but then at the end of the day, she's just ████ cuckoo. Well, yeah, that is correct. >> Yeah. And the daughter like it it made the daughter cuckoo in my opinion because by the end of this documentary,
11:03 they're like, "Are you able to still like like function well?" She's like, "I just need my mom. I just need my mom." So, she's still like, "Yeah." I just can't imagine life without her. >> Most kids need their mom. >> Yeah. Yeah. But she's a teenager and all her friends are like, "What the ████ wrong with you? She was the person putting you through this s███." her mom was doing gentle parenting and then every time >> she wanted to discipline her kids, she's like, "F███, but I got to be a gentle parent." So then she went and talked some ████ >> Yeah, you ████ >> On top of that, it turned out that the mom was lying to the whole family saying that she had like quit her job and got a different job somewhere else. The whole time she wasn't working. >> So the dad like they had to get a divorce because that ████ got messy. It was like horrible. >> There are just there's just scumbags in this world with no like with no reason. They're just ████ scumbags. >> Yeah. And that's where I think I think cyber bullying lands more on that side.
11:55 >> Yeah. >> Because you're not really like even if somebody else is kind of being a dork or whatever, like to go to that extent to try to like ruin their reputation online and and have these these URLs have this SEO forever. Like when this guy's trying to get a job and and the freaking people search it up and they find a picture of his ass. Like it's kind of like that's not fair, you know? Like they shouldn't your adult life shouldn't have to know everything that happened to you as a kid. >> And I feel like cyber bullying makes it a little more permanent. >> Yeah. >> You know what I mean? >> And it's like it just seems like it's the new way people bully now. >> Yeah. >> It's like >> it's also it's it's way easier. Yeah. >> Yeah. >> It's way easier. >> I feel like it just does way more damage. So cyber bullying is like I don't know what they're going to do have to do to combat that for like these future gen. >> I think it does way more damage like you said because of the fact that kids who are born in the internet that kind of is
12:45 their life. Yeah. And nowadays that's everyone's world. >> More friends online than they do in real life sometimes. Yeah. >> Everyone's glued on their ████ phone, dude. You know, so everyone's in consuming that kind of content all the time, >> right? Like kids who are bullied at school, what they're just going to be like, I don't want to go to school. So you're as a kid on being cyber bully, you just I don't want to go on the internet. Like you have to. [laughter] >> Yeah. It's rough, man.
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