0:00 [Music] a uh uh cambodian lady cambodian a cambodian lady cambodian marries a cow after kissed her and followed her upstairs into her house how can a cow get upstairs i heard that happening it's a one floor house you heard it it is what they say when they remain upstairs they mean one ledge there's a mystery it's not sea level the house isn't seen because i'm like that's just gonna be right if it's cambodia that foundation is definitely not leveled you know fact i heard a story about a cow going upstairs and once you get it up it's hard to get out that's what i've heard i've heard in other stories like you hear much a lot of stories that are very useful my friend yeah and i'm just saying like you know this happens cows get upstairs it's like an actual problem they got married
0:51 they did get married thanks for bringing it back to some normal ████ that's a sign though you gotta marry that cow it might be cultural i'm gonna ask my cambodian friend that can't be observed are you guys married cows they get divorced is the cow required to give 50 of its milk to her all the time no good deal like who makes more money oh that means she's lesbian unless oh unless cows are female right oh that's sad yeah so she's lesbian the campbell's not a bull is it a female because it's not a bowl right it's a cow oh these are really profound questions let me get to the article this ladies and gentlemen that's what it is kim heng she's 74 years old okay she lives in the northeast crazy province of cambodia it's not too old to be a lesbian technically no the lesbians are usually cut off it's like really close to them so you know in that part of the world it's like people will just come out whenever because they've got to live their life yeah at that point you got nothing to lose when you're 70. you got nothing to lose
1:41 yeah she uh married it because it kissed her followed her upstairs as well as had the same character traits as her dead spouse she ████ had a kiss from a cow she's like oh i haven't had any action in so long bro so she believes it's reincarnating you think do you think that the cow kisses like her dead spouse so her her spouse is actually more cow-like than the cow is more like human that's the key that's cute little kiss-wise what if what if her dead spouse just licked her face when they kissed and now this is what i'm thinking and just when they went to go like when they made love he literally would just grab her face and just lick it yeah instead of just kissing her and he was also really good at going upstairs only yeah that was it what if he's still upstairs with the cow if he's not dead he just hasn't come downstairs she's all is this cow you i think we
2:31 figured it out so this grieving wife said her husband's soul came to her when the calf licked her neck and hair and kissed her and followed her upstairs which was enough to convince her it was her husband's name was kut reborn it's a it's a calf well he's born wait her husband's name is could reborn no reborn is just the the word you know it's like her husband was reborn reincarnation it's just and then the word reborn follows the sentence i was like we have to explain reincarnation to a group of asian people we're really going off the deep end i don't understand we're drinking too many red bulls [Laughter] so she had said that i believe we grew up christian is my husband because whatever he does is in exactly the same way as my husband did when he was alive
3:22 i believe the calf is my husband because whatever he does is in the exact same way whatever makes you horny ████ i don't care that's the law of the land man if my grandma was alive today she goes man that ████ monkey oh that reminds me of your grandpa and i'm all like that's dope that's your vibrator now cool dude monkeys are very human-like that's true maybe a lizard or something different if you ever see you go to a zoo and watch like a gorilla you're like holy ████ yeah that's me right there that's just a person yeah that's seriously just a person very dude chimpanzee the way they interact with each other and they look at you you can just be like that ████ is the person they're thinking the exact same thing i don't think i'm that different from that thing right there you're not that different from that thing over there like size wise pretty you're pretty close pretty close like a silver back he's like a small who who would win a child a child silverback or bart in a
4:14 wrestling match dude dude this guy has an ass of a gorilla too he got a big old fat ass he kind of walks like a gorilla and ████ dude have you guys seen uh chimps there's these two brother chimps that have the same disease where they they got like mange yeah yeah they ████ look ripped like bruce lee dude and that's all from bananas and grass that's what they're saying dude so you could be a vegetarian be jacked right bananas and grass i don't know bananas and grass can make somebody so real how many bananas will you have to eat to get one pound one gram of protein per pound following your rules man how many bananas do i gotta eat something else dude i'm gonna have 40 000 calories of how many bananas how many proteins has been bananas there's a lot of carbs bro what else there's like one gram maybe probably not even a gram they're vegetarian as ████
5:05 right 1.3 grams and one medium banana this bar right here look at his balls whoa he got some big old balls i just want to hold him in my hand just that guy dude this this silverback has been training with dk he's been practicing his his one-inch punch dude that's the monkey that's the chip with the disease you say dk i think of donkey donkey kong that's the chip with the disease that that has the hair problem you call it a disease it looks like he's doing the asian squat where you smoke outside the ████ sound dude look at his doubts man hell yeah do you think he knows he's jack uh no do you think he has like self-image issues like he has body dysmorphia yeah he's like i'm not bluffing doesn't matter don't those guys get a twig and go to a ████ ant hill and just lick ants all day and that's how they're getting buffed dude just eating hella
5:56 ████ handsome next level though bro this is like me on a warm warm day you know what i mean you got long balls anthony only on warm days you know batman balls he got working man wrists dude might never look like that yeah that's the one by the railroad tracks yeah he's just chilling off for like three years like that not even with the magnifying glass apple works like bapu looks like he works on a coal mine he looks like a black lung can he do with the ball that big only one you remember i mean i was a kid that's been on like 15 years ago when they had like humans fight animals in competitions like sport competitions put them in the ring yeah not like physically fight they'd be like who could hang longer an olympic gymnast or a chimpanzee oh really or no they had it with like an orangutan or something and then they had i think they had kobayashi
6:47 eat hot dogs against a bear i do remember this i do remember that and then they had like a man race a cheetah but the man got like a 30 second head start or like a cheetah had to like race a ferrari or something crazy yeah yeah that's ████ cool what shows this called yeah just like one of those like specials i was like on abc i like those damn yeah i don't know i've never seen that i think i think another dude ate like bowls of mayonnaise against like an anteater it was something weird i remember i was like first of all i was like an animal is not going to eat mayonnaise okay like why don't you put ants in front of the ant eater yeah what the ████ is who won the hanging contest the gymnast but i remember because the orangutan he's got born right yeah he just got bored it got bored it clearly it was like hanging by one arm at one point and like doing ████ like this
7:37 it was like it's like and then the gymnast was like like you're doing ████ like that and the rank takes like one finger that was even known to like stick it in his ear and like didn't even know man he doesn't know what he's doing like the human is fighting for like all of the human race just pride and the monkey is just like yeah whatever i'm a ████ circus animal this ████ sucks like you know what i mean like like it just sucks he's like give me the ████ out of here monkeys are so much stronger than human beings emotionally i don't know how we survived man like we're just so weak it's the brain yeah yeah our brains are bigger i think my biology teacher in in uh college he he works with with monkeys a lot and he works with this chimpanzee that's super friendly but uh one day he let the
8:29 monkey out of the cage and the cage is two thousand pounds and he saw the monkey just like lifted off the ground like two inches like like he was playing with this just deadlift the cage grab my face i'm just dead yeah and don't they do that like don't they go for the face you just take it off yeah i think that's how they fight yeah because they're human so they know they're like they're just like they're like it's like oh they don't know how to do this though the only way to stop a ████ monkey from ripping off your face they just backhand you i mean we saw that dude's knuckles yeah dude that's a big ████ talk about his boss still or that too he could probably if he tea bagged you you'd cause a concussion just drop it on your head yeah that's a that's straight up cte after getting tea bagged by the monkeys those looked heavy how many kilograms that's like a ████ kettlebell
9:19 dropping it from ten feet just on your head this ball stack is 800 bananas i look for sure it's like honda you know when he honda jumps and he like lifts his leg i was watching it's like that it's pretty much the same as monkeys balls do you think humans are supposed to be like stronger like chimps but because of our lifestyle we're like fragile as ████ no because like imagine if we were born in the wild we lived there we hung around on trees we were ████ like that all day so they say that hunters and gatherers were as athletic as like olympic athletes yeah because you had to they didn't look like that on the oregon trail yeah you were dead and you had to be we're supposed to have an extra layer of skin too like a thicker layer or like calloused up stuff oh and then we invented clothes irrigation we could have been so much tougher but we had to ████ start wearing clothes and shoes why would we
10:09 do that there was like putting room it's not just tough fires like the kids in like the early 19th century are way smarter than kids today really are they no way imagine like learning vocab and math when you're in like the early 1900s like people were ████ like shakespearean poets the way they were like speaking in the in the etiquette that they had to endure the true if you read like the gettysburg address yeah it's it's like a high level but it's all in cursive though who can read it which is also high level who wants a recursive you know if you knew you had less time if you knew you were gonna die at 30 you would get smarter they had better work ethics but there's no hashtags in the game if i was going to get scarlett fever you know yeah that's true dysentery wipe you out yeah yeah dog like you get diarrhea and it's okay i go and i go get thai food i'm like thai spicy i got diarrhea next day that would kill me 100 years ago i
10:59 would get that's true and they didn't have many things to jack off to see that's that's one thing that loses a lot of guys loses so much time they didn't have things to jack off to but at the same time if you saw like ankle skin you'd be ████ hard so i mean that's the spank bang that's their spank bank huh yeah ankles old-timey ankle skin martha forgot to wear her socks today oh martha ladies they like take off their huge dress and they have like underwear that covers their whole body still in white you're like oh my god form-fitting dude that's why now you know why indian aunties are always showing their mid-drifts bro it's getting a little spicy out there spicy food spicy women baby [Music]
11:56 [Applause] [Music] you
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