0:00 like how you think affects how you feel and then how you feel affects how you behave so if I think angry thoughts I'm gonna feel angry and then I'm gonna behave angry [Music] so this article is kind of more like a just like a little life lesson in perspective um I don't know if you guys ever watched American Idol back in the day like season one like the old Seasons yeah Kelly Clarkson dude do you remember Kelly Pickler I remember Reuben Studdard oh okay I remember Clay Aiken I remember Fantasia or something now we're just now we're just making people up no dude you know Fantasia dude yeah um yeah there was a girl in Kelly Pickler season five she was uh she I think was she was a country style singer she didn't win or anything but she's one of those ones that made it big after uh so highly successful country singer she
0:51 ends up marrying another country music writer named Kyle Jacobs and um Kyle Jacob Jacob's a successful musician also like a songwriter um he does an Instagram post about how an album he was working on went just went platinum like big celebration um also he's unveiling this app for music musicians that kind of connects the community like all good news the next day he shoots himself oh geez and uh yeah they have no there's no um reason to suspect Foul Play they know that it's is there a suicide no is that why I don't know they don't know yet there's a straight up note but they they're not calling it anything other than yeah damn all right but the crazy thing is just that you think about these
1:41 situations where you somebody seems to have everything like going for them yeah like and they're hitting home runs like one after the other Grand Slam in it and then what could you know what could it really be you know that's bothering them and um and yeah this is just another example of that where like even if you're under the spotlight and people are like wow look at you you got it all it's like does he really does anybody you know obviously this reminds us of like twitch and ████ right you know what I mean like um dancer who recently also committed uh suicide and it's like sometimes and again this is just debriefing amongst like close friends that like had to like get through the trauma of different a Community member you know like basically you taking his life but there's always this weird feeling where you know people that you put on pedestals people that you glorify
2:31 are like you consider like heroes or Idols from your community right they maybe maybe feel the pressure that they can't dump like their problems on you because you're the one who's asking for help all the time but you're the one that are constantly like wow you you got it like you made it you know what I mean you're such an inspiration that no matter how ████ kept together everything looks especially on the the fake ass life of social media where people only promote what they like choose to or like maybe it makes more sense for their business you know what I mean to do things a certain way it's like that that must be such a lonely and difficult thing for the people that we actually put on pedestals not just the people that like don't have all the Glorious opportunity you know so I can only imagine like especially if everything sounds squeaky clean perfect how much difficult ████ that person might actually be going through individually you know yeah I think like
3:22 it's really people become like true misery is when you because when you're poor right and you actually like you look forward to like making money like when I was poor I was like oh if I just have five thousand dollars a month I'll be set I don't know if you guys ever felt that but yeah but when you actually hit it you're like you need more so this desire keeps coming right and I think true I never understood why rich people killed themselves but then it got to a point where I was making money like 30 40 G's a month and I was like the most emptiest at any like compared to when I was young and that's when I realized that's true misery like you're thinking that you're gonna make this money and it's gonna make you happy but you reach that level and it doesn't yeah and that's when you're just you can't live because you feel like you're you know you're you're depressed and you're just existing and you can't die because you're afraid of death so it's like you can't live you can't die you're just existing and I I feel like you're empty
4:13 with no purpose yeah because you thought you got what you wanted exactly they call it like the hedonistic treadmill or something is that what it's called we're just chasing the feeling yeah because it's like whatever level of Joy or satisfaction that you hit um that new one is your Baseline right you know like if you ate at like ████ JJ's or whatever like oh ████ that's really good but then you eat I like sugar fish now that's the new Baseline so every so if you don't hit this then the next time you go back to JJ's that's subpar yes whether it's your career or how much you make or whatever and then so in our brains we keep trying to chase the next one but it's how hard is it to ████ keep out doing yourself yes right so you have to like somehow um figure out a way where the
5:03 satisfaction and reward doesn't come from external but from internal and that's the tough part to figure yeah that's hard right does it mention if they have children or anything like that um I don't think they I'm not sure if their kids didn't say but um yeah one thing that it does show too is that you don't have to justify that you feel like this based on your life like I think if you're on the low and you feel like you know ending it all like it's just as valid as somebody that's on a high and also feels the same way I got a fitting quote what's up for this ████ moment all right better not be the ████ tree falls in the floor is who hears it I don't know yeah that's okay now if you farted at JJ Cafe no I'm just
5:53 kidding Epicurious all right he's a ████ philosopher and he says do not spoil what you have by Desiring what you have not remember that what you now have was once among the things you hope for yeah wow you are living the dream that you wanted yeah but you can't even enjoy that dream because you're thinking about the next time about something else yeah and I so ████ guilty of that yeah for sure like I'm you know now I'm in you know Hawaii I've been wanting to live there I've been wanting to do this and now I'm just like what's the next thing because my mind is just wired to to to look at a goal and my eyes are at that goal and I'm not looking at now yeah yeah really easy to fall into that trap yeah because I enjoy the game like of trying to
6:43 accomplish something but then I'm so focused on the future that you're just not like wait a minute this is what I wanted right now and I should enjoy this a little bit constantly unsatisfied with where you're at yeah for no ████ reason if you make you make reasons to be unsatisfied well you punish yourself right you always look at all the reasons why you're not where you want to be or why yeah and you think about what the stuff you have it's not good enough all your friends are dunking on you for having a brown belt like just it's tough out there you know dude I'll leave right now bro I'll get the hell out of here oh God I'm not a rebel black belt is there like a specific think like if you were um like speaking to somebody when you're when you're ministering and they have those types of feelings is there something you usually go to whether it's in the Bible or for something you've learned yeah I always I utilize the
7:33 Bible but I also utilize a lot of analogies you know so what I talk about is the levels like say for example a person from a scale of zero to a hundred if a person um thinks that they're like level let's say the real level is level 50 right and but they they think of themselves as level 80. even if they get things that are level 70 in the in life they're not going to be happy do you understand what I'm saying yeah so I tell them how do you humble down well you got to think of yourself as nothing actually because when that comes let's say you are like level 80 but you think of yourself as like a level 20 right then even when you get level 30 things you'll be happy you're grateful yeah so that's where like I kind of teach people and they're like oh everything starts from the heart bro honestly like I can have everything in the world but if I just feel like empty then that's what's going to lead
8:23 my life you know when I went to Africa right so I went to Africa for like missionary trip and there was these kids that have to so there was Civil War in Africa right 15 years they didn't have running water they didn't have electricity these kids were like playing with a soccer ball it wasn't even a soccer ball it was like a beach towel rolled up but it was like 50 kids playing with it yeah super happy yeah they have no running wire they hike like two miles each way to get water and bring it back right no electricity they use candles at night you know no restroom anything they dig a hole in the ground but when I saw them like they're so much happier than me and it didn't make any sense to me like I we're in America we turn on the faucet we use it you know what I mean like magic but there's always complaints in my heart like man I wish I was in a better family like it was actually the
9:14 the heart that was like messed up and that's what I learned like okay this is this needs to be fixed before anything else and that's what BART was saying like internally that has to be fixed you know so how do we fix it well it's a spiritual thing for me you know personally where when I think about it like okay you know what do I have like when a thought comes to me for example I'm lonely those thoughts come all the time you're lonely but think about it am I really lonely could I not call the homies can I not go out can I not like oh it's this little thought that's leading me to be crazy and why and I'll just kind of talk about this real quick like I have a friend who he he's like kind of like a porn right like he he's a mattress model right is what they call it right here he's living the dream right so he has sex with like a lot of women and this
10:04 dude he he goes in raw like straight up he never wraps it up right so a few months ago he hit me up and he was like hey Johnny I have AIDS right like HIV AIDS whatever and almost like what the hell I wasn't really shocked to be honest with you I'm like bro we should in our industry and the way you do it right yeah but in my heart I was like you know I kept having this question like but how does he know that right like so I asked him did you get tested he said no bro like I lost weight I have symptoms I'm like what the hell and then he but then he says a girl that he was messing with was like tested positive right so I'm like okay regardless of what that is like that's the situation you go and get tested right and then he's like no bro this guy's atheist he doesn't believe in God I'm like bro I feel like your thoughts are attacked he's like what the ████ does that even mean my thoughts are attacking me so he just like blew it off right this dude
10:55 sends me like a text message a couple months like two three months later he's basically saying that he's gonna kill himself you know and I'm just like what so he texts like these this long rant I could see the roller coaster like I hate God if God was real why would he do this it's like all this and then it goes to like remorse and then it goes like you know it's like going everywhere yeah and so Ireland right right so I I'm at Lancaster State Prison and I'm like all right I'm just gonna drop everything I end the class like quick shoot down back to you there's an Alhambra shoot down to Alhambra he lives in a back house his parents live in the front house he lives in like the back house like I'm knocking on the door whatever whatever he's not opening up right so I I bust like my old criminal ways man I mean like hop in and I'm like you know I'm a bigger dude so I'm getting in this window and I see this dude like he has this Blank Stare
11:47 like this distance there yeah he's in his boxers and he has his nine millimeter and it's on his hip so he's about to do it straight up and so when I get there like I'm like bro stop doing that like relax and he's just like he just looks over like I'm gonna do it you know I told him look give me like three days to a week let's go get you tested let's figure he's like bro I like he blew up on me right then he's like I have it like I don't know what you're talking about like uh so anyway I have Kaiser okay I take him with me we pay for a full panel draw his blood swab everything right we basically pay for everything we test for everything so we get there um after three days 72 hours and you get the email and it's he's basically negative for everything yeah he's negative for everything he doesn't have A's to have anything but what was
12:38 causing him like like let's say he smoked himself that day it would have literally been for nothing yeah but what was causing him was it really that he had AIDS his paranoia odd exactly yeah it was the thought that was leading him exactly so it comes down to that bro you know like always our thoughts come and oh you know you're you're lonely you don't have anything actually this guy the the husband he has everything actually but he wasn't able to stop and actually process it he just like how you think affects how you feel and then how you feel affects how you behave so if I think angry thoughts I'm gonna feel angry and then I'm gonna behave angry right so I'm gonna do be violent or whatever so I I really think like it's really important for people out there listening to really think like about think about your thoughts as crazy as I said sounds funny to say think
13:28 about your thoughts people get defensive when you tell them you can control those words in your mind and you can control those thoughts they get so mad yeah because they're like no you don't know you don't ever been through what I did it's like you can choose how you tell your own story definitely definitely it's a skill in itself right learning how to check yourself celebrate by having more sex so he comes to church with me now straight up straight up yeah yeah he comes to church that's amazing yeah I mean that's doing God's work bro like I feel like you know I left the church a long time ago but what you're actually doing is true Christianity true saving you know other people like they're so smart I hate no we didn't have we didn't have people like that when they sit there and judge you and say you're wrong you're going to hell don't do this don't do that that is the kind of love lacking
14:20 Christianity that I ████ hated that's what's that's what could turn you off to the entire thing absolutely yeah they're just getting angry judging you but then like true love is when you're just like man you made mistakes so did I but like I know you're still welcome yeah absolutely right absolutely [Music]
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