0:00 [Music] senior chinese officials told senior russian officials in early february not to invade ukraine before don't do it i tell you of the olympics oh yeah they told her to wait till afternoon and they did hollow didn't happen like the day after almost or like february 20th is when the olympics you're gonna do it do it later what was the first day of the invasion uh let's let's see after the pole vault yeah it was after it was after so they listened to china for sure though it was the 24th so four days later yes four days after oh the winter olympics i remember he did that that fake out remember he was there that one day and then he waited another day and then invaded and then steve was like nah they're not going to do it and they didn't do it and i was like dude you're right and then they did the next day and
0:50 i was like you are still right the other day so is the chinese ████ tight with putin oh yeah so china and russia have kind of gotten together over the past couple of years um they're buds i heard that they they went to they had us they had a they had a falling out after the soviet fell and then they had a little bit of issues they're like man you ain't communist anymore what the ████ dude i thought we were homies i know but like i lost money i need more money how come the chinese people don't have the other accent but you went straight to the russians like man you ain't my friend no mo it's a it's a it's a 70s black dubbed kung fu chinese man okay it's the guy from uh returning the dragon vladimir you jive turkeys right away from us man we ain't coming this anymore he's just quoting a movie yeah isn't this one of those more like the the enemy of my enemy is my friend type
1:41 thing well we've been sanctioning russia so much and all these other countries have too that we force them to go to other places in order to get like goods and items that they need i mean china's like chinese people does business with everybody though they're like you you sell crack i don't care you come to my restaurant everybody's welcome you know it's like you don't want me to work with the north korea i don't care everybody's welcome to do business in china [Laughter] so putin and xi jinping the leader of china we need a poopoo they met at the start of the olympics on february the 4th and declared an upgraded no limits partnership with in which they pledged to collaborate more against the west hey you want the collab i want the collab with no limit yeah
2:32 i like that phrase hey are you tired of america making all the rules yes i hate it i i just want to sell petroleum all over the world [Laughter] especially germany damn that's crazy well you know i think it's about time that we say ████ you america i do what i want i mean that is a scary partnership man you know what's what's scary so the whole taiwan thing right like for a long time the u.s was just able to show our naval power in the pacific in the pacific and be like ████ you trying to get the hell out of this water dude but lately china has been violating taiwan airspace and going i think nine planes flew into it yeah you know what that's like that's like all right this is out of bounds dog and you can't be up in here and then that's like the kid going ████ poon they're stepping yeah i did it ████ what you gonna do i did it
3:22 that's basically what china's doing right now isn't that amazing how childish warfare is it really is right they're like what you gonna ████ do huh huh and then the reason why china can do this now is because they're uh their their navy is bigger than ours now uh by numbers by number but not by technology and size yet so they have smaller ships but like you know china's apocalypse you know yeah they're always a quantity game probably not by geographical uh advantage either no it's just their coast and then xi jinping xi jinping recently just after the olympics invited taiwan to his birthday but then cancelled on taiwan and said they cannot come to us don't come over
4:12 but they invited all of taiwan's best friends and so that's what makes success all of taiwan's singing how are you doing what are you doing and early reports show that taiwan was pretty upset by it they were upset because china was like doing it all in the open they were showing they had a big party too and then taiwan's just chilling watching it they're just chilling and watching yeah well because it was in the distance they couldn't get in because it was in the distance we couldn't get in that's the new form it's called full mo warfare it's to make fomo from other countries going i wish i was invited warfomo yeah fomo warfare i read that like biden was trying to rat on russia with china and then china just told russia that died and tried to rat on him or something yeah so it's like don't you know that they're homies what the ████ going on dude i
5:03 didn't don't know we're out on him with what we shared intelligence with the chinese yeah about russia what russia was doing yeah what their moves are gonna be chinese just picked up the phone and told the russians exactly what we just told them wait i thought they told them our uh strategic military plans we shared our military plans with china something like that yeah obviously we we shared fake news i hope we did god now we're telling them the real you know dude it's so ████ up man yeah it's interesting but it's definitely like joe was saying it is i mean the uh russian planes buzz the united states all the time same ████ like i'm coming in i'm coming in i'm coming in i'm coming in but they gotta fly so far to come over oh alaska yeah you know alaska used to be russia how many hundred years ago uh not that long not that long ago yeah not
5:55 that long about those times [Laughter] i think we might have even bought it from russia yeah but there's um there's russian settlements in alaska yeah so so be paying for it too i'll tell you that much on whale yeah there's like a russian like orthodox church there and there's like russian communities the part that sucks about all these like with the sanctions and stuff it's the regular people get hurt the most yeah like apple pulled the plug nike pull the plug and there's just all these like just regular goods people are gonna starve man yeah it's just these leaders they have beef but then the people that really get hurt are just like the regular everybody just runs out of apple and nike products did you see that um that for airbnbs that are in russia like people from over here or just or from everywhere in the world are just making
6:45 reservations and paying for time like even though they're not going over there just to help people out in ukraine yeah yeah yeah ukraine yeah and russia and russia really russia too i think so i'll just help the people or maybe just no i think people are just trying to because i saw a video of like a russian guy pow on the ukraine side and the ukrainians are actually feeding him and letting him call his mom because he's like just crying he's a ████ i'm a pow now but i just think people across the world don't want war yeah so when it comes to just people taking care of regular ass people yeah ukrainians don't have beef with russian people it's just the the political leaders have beef so everyone's just like dude this ████ ████ sucks man like how can we take care of each other yeah like why would civilians want that it's like gang fighting in your own neighborhood like why would you want that ████ yeah whether ukrainians like do you want your mommy what if they're just laughing in the background while he's talking to his mom it looks like a little ████
7:39 i know i think it's a it's a human right like everyone should be able to go on itunes and buy a jaru single you know like every single person every single person and depriving common people of that jaw rule singles dude apple pay do you know how convenient that is everyone should be listening to ja rule ashanti songs that's the best song russians right now are paying a forty percent premium on bitcoin in order to hedge against the ruble what the ruble is under a dollar now yeah because ruble both went down and bitcoin went up in that country where was it and where is it now uh it's a 40 so i think the ruble went down 20 and the the bitcoin premium was like 20 so it's a 40 change or so i don't know the exact i know it's a 40 premium how much rubles did you hold i'm holding it all the way to the moon dude you know their stock market's been down for like five six days now like they just they just shut it down completely yeah because one of the things that i
8:29 was reading about like how they can win the war against russia is bankrupting them and and they said just like in 10 days they can bankrupt the country and i was like damn that sounds really short for a country that's really it's crazy to think that our politicians right now are basically saying like hey russia we will attack your economy and put your economy to zero like how is that not like scaring the ████ out of people in russia or scaring the ████ out of the rest of the world that our country can do that yeah yeah i texted my mom and my mom's in taiwan and i'm like she was planning on coming back in may i'm like i think you might want to come back sooner i don't know what the ████ going on yeah and then she says her news over there isn't um as like dramatized so they feel safer obviously that's what my dad said they don't want people to freak out or whatever but at the same time but did
9:21 your dad tell you about a national blackout no my my mom told me there was a entire uh the entire country had a blackout that has never happened before i mean the whole country were they like we're saving electricity because taiwanese people love to save money so they're like is that what happened or what i don't know i thought they're preparing for the economic crisis that may face them no they're just like lately you know we've been wasting so much electricity cut off the ac okay ukrainians news wasn't that sensationalized either right before it happened all i heard a lot of ukrainians just were like what the ████ overnight and they said it fully immediately so uh i was watching this one vlogger dude he's uh this asian guy from san francisco i think his name's like johnny fd right and then he he's a travel vlogger and and i watch uh this other dude bald and bankrupt they they all go around and um travel all
10:13 over like eastern europe and and whatever they're actually in ukraine because um i think they bought an apartment there or whatever and then so what he was saying is that like when you talk to people on the ground like no one saw this coming and so yeah there was news about war against like russia and stuff but then they had war in what 2014 and then so they're like it's the threat is always there anyway so it's not like yeah whatever it's not that scary i guess to them because they go oh it's just russia missile attacks in israel exactly it's always there right so then so so like two two three days before the event invasion he actually was in you know the states gathering his things going back to like fill up his apartment or whatever and then war broke out so it's really watch interesting watching the dude just talking about like all the
11:04 steps that that was going down and he said like so um everybody outside of ukraine was like yeah war's gonna break out get the ████ out of that country but everyone in ukraine was like nah they're bluffing so it's it's just depending on you know the media where you're at who you're listening to who you're listening to and then common citizens don't know what the leaders are actually plotting so i'm trying to get my ████ mom out but then if the ████ feng shui doesn't tell her there's going to be a war she's not going to ████ listen dude just functionally you can make that ████ up it's easy yeah you could tell her dude i talked to my own feng shui master no because they always changed the rules they changed the rules dude that's how it works when you're older the rules work for you did you see the pen and tell her ████ about feng shui she was so good no dude it's not ████ that's disrespectful you shouldn't watch that is funk's way telling you that it's not ████ right now my feng shui guy tells me that you're ████ lying dude
11:55 and you're full of ████ dude um you know what's crazy is the standard is for most governments to not panic their citizens but america is just ████ different the media is so responsible that they just want everyone to go into frenzy so they sell more ████ it's his own entity yeah but most sounds like his conspiracy but like most countries don't want that is the fight that's why like even with ukraine they probably just don't want people to start freaking out i think we will freak out if our news goes it's not a big deal calm down yeah you're like what this just in everything's great just chill everybody just chill we're cool because if they ever said that we would all automatically think the opposite that's the best thing about it yeah we'd be like okay now i'm gonna freak out because that's what they do with every even with like that's how that's how it's a red flag when you see all these ████ asian people getting ████ up and then the news goes well you know
12:45 crime's actually down crime is that you're just like wait how the ████ is that happening man crime's not for me that response tells you right there wait why are you doing that the news usually [Music] [Applause] [Music] you
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