0:00 thank you [Music] I think I think I just found the ████ coolest dude is it a picture of this guy right here that's close I I should be on I should be close I think top three what do you think this guy's whole thing is like look how ████ gnarly oh he's a vampire yeah he's a wrestler at Hot Topic is he a vampire is that Steve I mean he's there in the daytime he's you should be out at night he he is a he is a 42 year old bodyguard who identifies as a vampire that's sick I ████ with that but he's in he's out in the daytime well he actually does have there's like a disease that makes your skin burn really like bad and fast when
0:50 you're in the Sun and he actually coincidentally has that disease is that why people disease yeah it's pretty wild that bill ligo it's not even like he's just an Irish guy but this guy really does in terms of people who like walk the walk when they like say they identify something he does exactly that this dude has been drinking the blood of his loved ones for 20 years whoa that's it and you know what I'm all for it when you become close enough to him like as a friend he literally will ask like consent to get your blood drawn so that he can drink it who who's he guarded that's what I want to know too who's he guarding he doesn't have a client list because wherever that is we should kill him because they're the vampire King his job is to protect Beyonce right and if Beyonce wants to go to Jamaica to have fun like dude that's such a hard
1:41 thing for him to do he probably shouldn't cloak and you probably can't fly with pints of blood and you're like that's your food it's like being vegan dude it's like man you make it so ████ difficult to just do normal stuff check it back you got to keep it under four ounces he said that he's he's uh in the past like two decades he's drank like 20 something pints of blood whoa yeah this is it hardcore at least just walk on the walk does he mix it with anything like put some sweetener in or something no but I mean Shake no he doesn't but he he said he can tell the difference like based on your diet what your blood tastes like he's like somebody's had some pineapples a little more salty or like gross but he said that like I don't even want to taste it plus you you know you can't you can't really ingest a lot of blood at one time as a human like you're just gonna ████ yourself like if you drink too much no it goes It goes that's what land that's not what liver King says
2:31 he's pretty swole though maybe maybe it's good like instead of protein shakes he just drinks that and it's got a lot of I like the the idea of him being a bodyguard and then the other like people find out and they're like oh my God he can't be killed this guy's Immortals yeah aren't you getting like 70 plasma only when you're drinking blood what does that mean electrolytes like are there like nutritious properties that like one would think I'd be hyped to have this guy as a bodyguard it's really I'd be scared of my own bodyguard bodyguard's a vampire bro ████ with me bite my ass yeah what if we get lost in the jungle and he's hungry you know he's gonna ████ suck on you the last thing you want is a ████ high maintenance bodyguard too that's why it's like I gotta put hairspray in my top hat on and ████ it's a special diet I'm like you
3:21 need to dodge a bullet for me you can't be over here ████ iron in your velvet suit which high maintenance you say that until he ████ moves hella quick and ████ like vampires are you can't see his reflection in the mirror and stuff and you get shot he comes up to him yeah no you're killing me more give me some of it back yeah it's crazy because he said he uh he started by drinking his own blood to kind of like get used to it and that's the gateway drug we all did that when we could we picked the scap we're like oh it's ████ bleeding and then we suck on it and then I was like I'm a vampire has tried finding his lame disease to make it cool and he's like I'm gonna guess I'm a vampire it's not Rebrand it sure yeah you know that's a good way to cope right yeah I can't see the sun why I'm a vampire yeah and he stuck with it
4:11 do you think like can he what about mirrors what if he sees himself in the reflection doesn't that like he'll probably say that that's just a romanticized version of yeah how are you gonna have killer hair like if you can't even do it in front of the mirror yeah oh yeah he also has a good question he also has his friends like if he's gonna get blood from him they have to like do the HIV and AIDS test before it gives it sounds like a lot of work to be vampires don't give a real good vampires don't give a ████ about that yeah I just suck on any debt anyway I don't care about that sensitive vampires aren't immune to AIDS or anything like that they're Immortal dude that ████ didn't even exist for like until like the 80s right yeah yeah I I wonder if he eats garlic bread they're not supposed to eat garlic right exactly yeah or silver he's got see that's I don't
5:03 like that sticky utensils I bet every day of his life he has to defend why he's a vampire which can get exhausted and he should he shouldn't have to defend him if you make that choice if he was my client and I'm all like dude I got you some new jewelry and then like it's like I got it from nothing but silver and then he's got like these skull rings and ████ and his hand goes and I'm like oh my bad I forgot you're a vampire ████ you know if he commits like that good bro I'd be impressed I'd be impressed steam things in his hand just to make you stop now I believe that I'll give it to him I think he's committed enough Liv he's pretty committed yeah we better run if he sees Wesley Snipes then yep because he's always kind of run the other way you'll get him Jay Walker imagine he's your bodyguard okay and you have to perform at the Gilroy Garlic
6:11 this is sort of what you do it's kind of your move huh when you want to go golfing that's what you say this is literally the guy who shows up half the time we took him out what are you talking about the Las Vegas Nevada time goes oh guys I got a flight at 7 45 can we end on time please wait that's him that's me he started it and I said yeah me too you got the texture seeds present so you see how you just derailed the topic of this video by just trying to dunk on ████ a lukewarm joke it was worth every second of it I don't regret anything I would do it again I'll do it I'll do it again and again can you go back to the garlic Gilroy ████ that was a pretty good that was a pretty good one what's going on [Applause] [Laughter]
7:06 if you asked him like oh how come you can see yourself how come you don't sleep in confidence and you asked him those other things that maybe he didn't feel like were comfortable enough to do a guy like this would just go those are just the vampires in books I love the way we really live oh damn you kind of sold that and then he turns into a ████ band and flies away vampire we're a little more modern now is there like a dating app for like these people you know what I mean like other people that identify people bro what do you mean why'd you say it was such this disc dude so do you think so a guy like this like would you feel like you know what there's different types of groups that
7:57 identifies different things needing more rights would you support him nope to identify as a vampire yeah if he was like I don't like that there's no vampiric pronouns like would you oh dude they can't Mars during the day you're gonna March at night that's gonna be annoying Define in this lifestyle this time frame what a vampire is because I only got a book vampire he would say why why should a human Define what a vampire is I think leave it up to the vamps go to the vaps and go ████ talk it out yeah I want my own parking because I I can't walk very far they're bandicap look work yeah I don't think you want them to have like a vampire Council that always goes bad yeah that's true I saw blade I saw blade or we just need to consult with the lichens you know what I mean yeah I remember Deacon Frost man yeah
8:48 that guy was ████ serious they use a lot of sunblock he took himself a little too seriously at Deacon Frost because when the werewolf committee comes out they're gonna be like why do they get all the ████ rights yeah like of course the vampire get all love again and if he's a real vampire how old is he he should be at least he's a real vampire a thousand years old dude he should be ████ millions of years old if he identifies as a vampire Twilight vampire yeah Team Jacob what if he's new though isn't wasn't Kristen Stewart a new Vamp yeah that's true she got she got turned yeah yeah that's not weak ████ though he turned himself at age 20. she's also like 17 the whole time like uh oh he turned it's 20 so for 20 years he wasn't a vampire not because I mean he got bit no he just he he bit himself he began identifying as one 20 years ago he's not even a pure blood come on man he's a mud blood yeah dude it sounds
9:40 like he doesn't do any bodyguarding at all he's doing vampire stuff yeah sounds like he's our clients this ████ probably got like student dead and ████ he's out here playing around it's cosplaying go watch this job and pay off your goddamn debt and also those those photo shoots he's doing they look expensive you know quality and what if everybody who identifies as a vampire has to submit their origin story though and it's like a legit one just say quit playing around what would have been hardcore this guy is if is if all the pictures of him were just the landscape because you can't take a picture of a ████ man yeah he should have done that his clothes is
10:31 floating it just looks like Windows wallpapers anytime people go full out like steampunk or like ████ goth or whatever it looks sick when they're in the forest right put them in Subway you're gonna be like put them in the modern world put them at 7-Eleven they look like a dork dude yeah taquitos it's not like blade it's like not a lot of people look that cool Batman doesn't work during the day or at conventions 100 it looks really bad yeah that's true like that he's a good vampire he's a bodyguard it's pretty cool right I don't think he has a clown on your side I'm not buying it why don't you hire him what's his Yelp what's his jail his bodyguarding yeah do you have a website he doesn't have a website how do you quit playing around.com I think metal bands would hire him his name is Joseph Burris
11:22 yeah kind of vampy yeah yeah yeah I'm back on board a little bit yeah okay yeah he would look in his element at a metal concert or like one of it's like he he has to just be in the trick is that Subway like he said dude you can't look hard at Subway you ain't hard that's a true Club he might be a word of mouth kind of higher because I don't see any place to like recruit him no digital footprint bro I picture a biker hiring him yeah yeah bikers shouldn't need their own yeah bicyclists what if he's like what if it's like a body go for like a politician oh you know I'm saying yeah that's kind of interesting
12:17 [Music]
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