0:00 we got to find a way to evade taxes you guys by not going to Vegas there's an easy way going to Vegas we're still rolling B still rolling [Music] B Bart's going to like this one yeah so in San Francisco a hardware store has decided to take new creative measures to fight rampant shoplifting don't fight it let it happen what do you think what do you what do you think the plan is what do you think they're going to I think they're going to have um a counselor there saying why do you feel like you need to do this oh and then they're going to be like because I've been left by my parents so I now I'm just angry at the world and then they start to talk with a bunch of ████ and then they go yeah and then they cuddled they're like when's the last time you got hugged you
0:50 know and then they I think at that moment they dropped their the wal vacuum their 24 pack of beer and then they go that's right I just need an affection and then they stop crying with love yeah and then the counselor grabs her ass and then then it's a sexual assault thing grabs her ass he's like I thought we were having a moment well I don't know did I miss read that I'm not used to like having leing in my bad did you see that police suggestion in Canada they're like hey just leave your car keys yeah leave your keys they don't have to break into your house to steal your car make it make it easier for them that's so gnarly dude Canada is so C I was like what they look at us like we're wild I'm like you guys are crazy but they do it for the same reason we're doing it right now cuz not all Canada like that so then whenever we get the news right they're like the gun violence in America I'm like bro half of us have never seen a ████ gun in real life
1:41 right like pointed at people all we're doing the same ████ that's true but they're a bunch of maple they soft soft as bunch of mounties ████ um so what they're going to do to stop shoplifting is they make it so that one person can be in the store at a time time and they they've banned people from walking up and down the aisles isn't that going to ████ stop sales that's going to limit sales like so it's one person in a whole CVS at a time they're asked to wait behind a desk at the store entrance at a hardware store Amazon is just licking their ████ shops they're like what if this is a conspiracy from Amazon to take out all of their competition they already are man so then from Big Hardware from all retail bro I don't understand how nowadays I think this is what we all do
2:31 um when you go to the store and you're trying to buy something you're like let me just see how much is on Amazon and you can get it tomorrow you're like okay I'll just do that then sometimes you get the same day sometimes I get it by 400 p.m. yeah dude what if it was a an attack against CVS CVS attacked themselves dude with their receipts one they have. five employees in the store and a ████ line out the door people just trying to buy like Mountain de and they hate you they ████ hate your goddamn gun I had to go buy a bunch of like uh bandage like every day at like all the CVS's in my neighborhood cuz that would they would run out all the time so I go there and they just ████ can't stand you anytime they see you they see me again and they're buying all these ████ I'm buying three bandages and they're just like what the ████ I I really never predicted in the future that trying to navigate around anti- theft you had to be racially sensitive
3:22 dude I never connected those two things together I was like what and I never thought that theft was like the good thing yeah like you had to like oh I want to make I don't want to get my ████ stolen but even more than that I don't want to offend a marginalized group I'm just jealous that they actually punished crime when I was doing crime yeah me too yeah cuz I'm like well ████ I should just go back to stealing oh if it's this ████ easy cuz I could have sworn when I was a kid if like the news that you would hear is if someone stole something and then the he got past the security guard and a civilian tackled him that guy's the hero now might even might even meet the mayor or whatever yeah but nowadays it's like the security doesn't even want anything to do with it cuz he's going get sued or
4:12 some ████ and then it's like the people are just straight up grabbing ████ and then just leaving and there's like even like theft influencers where people are like famous for stealing oh that person stealing again yeah yeah yeah okay let me just fact check Bart real quick so Gavin Newsome in January called for new laws to crack down on theft okay and slammed professional Thieves for forcing businesses to leave the Golden State well that's all talk buddy slammed them huh yeah he got them good and they in speech that's all talk buddy what is this San Francisco that was also like giving money to people to not shoplift oh W yeah they they proposed that to like pay pay known criminals money to not do crimes wow but but it wasn't okay so that's the headline right that's what it sounds like but what it really is is it's trying to give uh top criminals a
5:02 financial incentive to uh almost be an example to their dark circles if that makes sense yeah except it doesn't work like that yeah no it doesn't it don't work like that no they just double dip to be an influence right if I'm getting paid and I can still steal with I'm getting double paid now we can fund it now we can fund higher so I'm doing criminal things they just funded my car payment to steal even more yeah going to steal anyways so now two Democrat Mayors San Francisco um mayor London breed and Matt Mayhan of San Jose have called to raise penalties for theft finally the two now back a movement to revise proposition 47 a controversial 2014 law which reduced punishments for drug position throughout the state and reclassified theft of items worth 950 or less from a felony to
5:52 a misdemeanor that was 24 you know how people always say and I know this is the counterargument to this is that like if you look at the data there there's never shown a higher rate of like anti- theft for when the punishment is more severe that's what people say they're like well that's not going to do anything because people about the ████ country to cut your hands off yeah but like another thing too yeah like Dubai yeah how come people don't steal in Dubai but California itself is a pretty good example if you look at just deep OC right and you see how much graffiti there isn't in certain towns or you see how many homeless people there aren't in certain towns just the tolerance is different they're just they're just not going to tolerate they don't ████ around so it's pretty clear to me dude Beverly Hills is the perfect example right like you look at Beverly Hills and you look at a couple streets over you see a bunch of all these crazy ████ homeless people that live over there but in bever the Hills nothing yeah they they do a
6:42 really good job of like yo get the ████ out of here drive a couple blocks yeah we're going to kick you the ████ out and this and it's literally a border it seems like that's the HOA Charles Charles Barkley recently came out and said you know who isn't stealing those big women in San Antonio those big Louisiana women no no he said um if you had a chance of being in the cold or being around a bunch of homeless Crooks in San Francisco which would you take criticizing their crime rates basically saying prad why being in San FR it's sad man there's so many big cities where like crime is just everywhere it's like turning into Gotham City we need Batman I just don't understand the counter the counters are just so bad to me like when the people go well it was worse in '94 it's oh my God what well they go the crime rate was way worse back in the ' 80s or whatever yeah I never seen it I never seen
7:32 everything ████ locked up but then how does that help like what like it justifies it like it got better and now it got worse and then you're just like but it was worse before or they're like don't believe everything you see in the media where like they're just making the crime look worse they're making it look worse really we know police officers that it's not just crime either dude remember that lady in New York just got arrested because she was confronting squatters at her house oh yeah she got arrested it's her own house she gets arrested for conf the squatters and then she has to pay for the utilities now because they've been in there for a month that stuff drives me that's what the police said to me when I was chasing the homeless guy out that broke in they were like stop chasing him when I hear those stories about squatters I just can't I just don't understand my brain cannot rap not just that right it's like people who own property are being told
8:23 no let the criminals do whatever the ████ they want and they're not criminals you have to have a soft heart and call them a squatter and they have squ rights and it's like they're on hard times it's like ████ we all are on Hard Times we're all we're all landord dude but if you own property you're privileged right and so therefore you know you got to have a soft heart it's so crazy it's just so crazy yeah who do you think when they for close a property who's the ████ person that's losing a guy that owns property they act like you're ████ black rocking ████ the winner is the bank exact right yeah and black rock and black cuz they could buy it for cheap now exactly I just want to know where our tax money goes to that's a big Mystery Dude That's A M it's not it's in the news it's in going to Ukraine by the billions of yeah right ████ and it goes to like times a city
9:13 gets sued for ████ they ████ up on oh yeah for their own cover up so when people are cheering that the police are being sued again for a ████ they're paying for that ████ that's the funny thing to me yeah cuz it comes it doesn't come out of the pockets of the cop got to find a way to evade taxes you guys by not going to Vegas there's an easy way going to Vegas we're still rolling B still rolling B yeah it's it's hard cuz like I want to find counterarguments that make a lot of sense about uh what like less like punishment on crime just about how bad crime is in general like the counters are very like weak or they're just like emotional well one of them is um if you're not being prosecuted and if they're not logging it in the system then of course it's going to look like the crime rate is down if it's not written in then it looks like the crime rate's down but we all
10:04 know police officers that say the opposite they're like I feel helpless I'm catching criminals but then the prosecutors don't prosecute dude talk to people who work in stores too it's like I was at a Petco and like I see a a Petco a Petco I I see a lady just walk out with an entire cart piled taller than she was she's probably 5'7 of expensive dog food just walking out just walked out the front door and all the manager could do is yell Ma ma' and ████ like that and then she goes I go you guys can't do anything huh and she's like no we can't touch them we can only touch the product Oh my God and then she feels bad probably cuz she's like well ████ when I need to buy dogood I'm still paying right why why should I even pay if this person just walks out and that's the thing she was told she she says ever since the stop the cops stopped doing anything about it this has gone like crazy and what they do is they just resell it obviously online and it's expensive dog food so people are like
10:55 you get nice margins from walking out the store with it got zero you cost this much you put in your own hours of Labor that is the one bright side is that sometimes you get meet a guy who has a trunk full of just like cool sunglasses and ps5s and it's for a really good deal so if there is one upside to all this it's this counts for the rest of us that's like remember in the beginning of that Ninja Turtles movie where the the the Foot Clan is a bunch of VCRs and they're passing them down I don't know like 150t soldiers to move like 25 vcr and it's just it's just one you can't just hold it and walk in no no you can't hold it and walk like a couple steps it's a little VCR by the way it's teamwork and Brotherhood good that's a good direction so great dude yeah they run tight cl's weak dude hey
11:47 all I know is they're passing a wallet around between like 18 people and then the shredder grabs it so SI she's part of the assembly chain of that whole thing and what's Shredder doing he's like he's like yeah I'm pay for everybody here yeah I do guys he's getting the bills on me it's on me yeah he's like Parton Joe at the restaurant he's like no no no I got this one thanks thanks [Laughter] shredders oh crime does pay [Music] guys
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