0:00 [Music] on today's news we're talking about one of steve's favorite guys really hot hot guy can we guess how hot super hot the rock who's the guy that steve thinks is hot favorite guy the guy that made ethereum italic it is italian no i was kidding you talking about uh meth tom brady no oh no no no i had to think about that first thing but no uh um it's zilinski oh he's very hot he's very hot yeah well that's what i love about twitter and all this stuff like all the chicks out there going like dolinsky it's not hard anybody else want to ████ zalinski it's like you guys i'm glad i'm not the only one that thinks that's weird it's so weird i'm not the only one i feel like any man in a powerful position though just gets certain women
0:52 wet do you think putin's getting people wet right now oh yeah clinton did and so did kennedy for sure yeah okay because even um this defector this girl she defected from north korea she was saying like there was a time when she had the super hots for kim jong-un because he's hot because that was the epitome of man you know oh that makes sense so you look at a chubby dude that looks like the pillsbury doll boy and she's like super wet for them and they're just training you to sit say that's hot yeah well if the cover of men's health every time is kim jong-un you're like okay it's really it's peak performance yeah you may not you might not like it but this is what peak performance looks like well they can't because anybody else gets ████ shot and thrown into the uh yeah it's true it's just like wow would you rather this pudgy guy or this guy with a bullet in his head or that's malnourished washboard abs gets you shot
1:42 how dare you be hot get fatter so ukraine arrests a hit squad of 25 men who are sent to kill presidency gangster where they find them the let's see let's see a team of 25 assassins led by russia's secret service we're arrested by ukrainian police on the border triangle between ukraine slovakia and hungary they've been ████ up a lot huh do you think putin's pissed about this he's like hell yeah you guys doing while he's eating this pizza 25 25. not only did he lose dominoes he's also ████ can't even get the ukraine he's getting a lot of crank calls too ████ tons of crap i got six meat lovers but the thing is uh so this ukrainian news agency were already told by kiev counter intelligence sources that the men were on their way to kiev accompanied by a russian secret service agent so that means that the group had
2:33 orders to kill zelinski and infiltrate and sabotage other elements of the ukrainian government not exactly moving in the smallest group there i know but obviously the attempt was already tiff uh tipped off uh with the russian secret service itself which doomed the team from the start because somebody in inside the russian secret service was a tattletale tipped them off yeah someone's a rat pretty bad why why were they motivated to do that well putin was distracted because he thought he had a virus on his computer and he was calling um the hotline that came up because anonymous ████ ████ him up he was like yeah he was like okay so i have a virus i guess you guys got to walk me through what i do and then putin had to go to best buy buy gift cards what are you talking about story you're talking about like what putin's dealing with right now so that's how they distracted him and he
3:23 had to pay a bunch of people in bitcoin or something like a bitcoin machine yeah gift card bitcoin yeah it was it was nice it was a big story she's going down st petersburg like ████ did his little car like he is in his little car and his little car ████ they're busting his balls with this ████ he just he just clicked the wrong thing trying to find the download button yeah he's just trying to update to windows 11 and then you know he's ████ now and java that's been now like discontinuing it was out of date just wanted to play ████ flash games in this video it won't work yeah you use the flash player file this ruined my ████ russian vacation plans too were you planning on rushing that so i um i was gonna do this trip with hannah that's what he could think of right now it's uh train's getting carpenter
4:13 training ride from portugal all the way to vietnam not one train but it's a multiple of seven days a ████ trip yeah but you could do this all in two weeks isn't that ████ nuts that's a lot yeah but you'll be asleep like sleeping in whatever in the train but the cool thing is so it uh you could stop wherever obviously and you have the freedom to stay however how how many other days you want but it goes from europe all the way through russia down china and then it ends in vietnam but then world war iii is going on right now so ████ man ruin my ████ travel plans damn you sound exactly like white chicks on the ████ on twitter that was the goal but what about my european vacation my kitchen mixer hasn't arrived yet where's my kitchenaid kitchen mixer dab you do that really well thank you i think he is white
5:03 he doesn't use it he just needs the girl accent i will ████ cancel i bet you will i bet you will don't you do it careful there easy i'll stick white twitter on youtube right oh what are you gonna do ████ pinterest they'll bite you with their gums i mean there's no teeth twitter.gov is there an asian twitter yeah yeah what's that tweet it's called wechat it's called twitter twitter but it's t-h-u-y twitter has been seen as the face of the resistance to ukraine appearing on camera and in public throughout the last month to condemn the russian invasion however this has seen him as a key target for russian invaders with more than a dozen assassination attempts directed towards the ukrainian president since the
5:53 invasion began ukrainian ministry of defense reported that zielinski had previously been targeted by members of paramilitary organization wagner group who the kremlin has long denied any direct you know them yeah they're like they're kind of like the russian black water so like a pmc group uh am i supposed to say wagner i don't know i mean it's like they're russian right now wagner is kind of like german right does black water still like operate no they change their name change their name yeah so they rebranded blackwater still exists but blackwater is like a like an accessories company now but the actual like contracting group is not the same name anymore they rebranded something else but there are other there are other scarier like private military contractors that exist they're just not they just don't have their name cool thing like you know like docile things like triple canopy you know like freedom incorporation you know what's funny triple canopy
6:44 beauty business that's uh that's actually the parent company to some of these contracting companies that's a parent company holy ████ yeah so there's like a lot of those five dollar cops by ralph's and ████ yeah for the security test it's okay but it does throw you off yeah that can't be a parent company or something yeah it that seems like the ████ stepchild company redheaded stuff i would love that if like the most unassuming companies were actually private military groups like what like adriana's insurance the whole time call jacob call jacob was an assassin yeah you mean if i dial 888 888 like papa john's winchell's my god larry h parker no he's clearly running a ring out there like he's he's doing something ████ the real life better call it's got to be
7:34 something else like pampers crazy peppers gerber baby food damn that's like um when i found out little caesars is actually a food distribution company and then they're just piggybacking the business off of their network which is why their pizzas are so cheap yeah that's all they could they're just supplying all the other pizza places a lot of uh yeah distribution for food and stuff so i'm like smart yeah right so there's probably businesses out there that's like the whole mcdonald's being a real estate company oh man i used to think that little caesars had had it on easy mode but then they had the batman pizza with the calzone and i'm like this is not easy to do it was hard and it's actually hard you looked at that and you're just like damn some next little ████ i'm like this is first of all i was like i was like okay wow cause i was you know i was on white people twitter and i was like oh wow
8:25 this is the evolution of pizza shoreline this is the future wait what is the what is the batman calzone is it shaped like that machine yeah it's like the pizza that they like folded some of the edges is it the bat like the bat logo joe yeah we're gonna show you it you tell me how it works all right you tell me how the ████ you make that you're telling me this engineering marvel if i gave you two hours you couldn't make that that's what i don't understand about it i can make that i can make that it's a pizza what the that a knife right here knife right here knife right here full what are you talking about that is this one's cutting snowflakes over here in third grade all right in a perfect circle it's like a ████ what the ████ are you oh yeah that looks like a biblically accurate angel yeah you're saying that it was just a circle that they cut up yeah saying no way you need to get an expert out next ask the expert a little teaser franchisor
9:16 that looks like one of those band-aids that you get when you have a really small cut it looks like that looks like one of the hundreds of things that are getting sent to the kremlin to putin is like are you ████ me again with this did you see how anonymous made that attack and they're going into their tv stations and ████ up with the footage like they're they're streaming ████ of the war because apparently a lot of russians don't know that they're in ukraine yeah a lot a lot of the soldiers don't know that they're in ukraine to fight a war they just give them wrong compasses no they know that they were training they told him like with the initial invasion they captured some soldiers that surrendered because they were like bro what the ████ this is a war like they were like i thought we were training doing a training exercise and they're like we don't want to kill you guys you got me wargames the game's over what do we eat
10:06 wild anyway were we talking about batman pizza ████ can't possibly be a supply chain if all those pizzas can get to russia the supply chain doesn't exist it's a supply train from portugal to vietnam oh how they're getting pizza oh my own how are they getting pizza if uh dominoes pulled out of the game domino's is not the sole supplier anyone who's still here for this video we love you dude what if they replace putin's jacket so putin puts on his normal jacket and then he goes to reach for his pen and he pulls out his pocket mozzarella where the ████ is my pen do you think he's gonna keep pulling scarves out and a big ████ rope top scarf you know i'm telling you they're pranking putin good right now he's
10:57 distracted as hell this is when you gotta strike do you think this is how the psyops work is magic tricks yeah this is what they're doing i'm telling you so much ████ about magic and now you're like we should use this as a war tactic we have spies inside of the russian government people know this they're ████ with putin big time right now we don't even know about it you sound like alex jones this is the information that i'm hearing that's all i'm saying we have people inside the kremlin they got to his right now they got to his car putting water in his water bottle to make him gay turn into the freaking putin gay that's pretty good alex jones that's a good joke i miss alex jones i love the idea of fighting a war criminal with just like store-bought magic tricks whoopee cushions and ████ you never expect everyone laughs at it they're like classic you got to distract them right yeah people who laugh at him get murdered i know hey but he's distracted you know
11:47 i'm just saying it looked exactly like his coat and that's what got him the pizza coat you
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