0:00 that's like if I jacked off and drank my ████ and had a baby yep that's exactly like that and a baby Joe came out that needs to go on the platform why this happened so why are you not a scientist I am [Music] hey do you guys remember what happened in the plot of Jurassic Park yes oh which one though first one 100 the embryo I could tell you the whole movie right now really tell me I kind of forgot about it uh Island nebula was made by a crazy old man who took you know the DNA from a mesquite mosquito from Amber and that had dinosaur blood inside of it and then they extracted that and they use that to create dinosaurs he made an entire theme park out of it and then but like like the Folly of man hubris got in the way and
0:51 he pushed it a little bit too far and Jeff goldblum's tried to warn him and he says ████ you Jeff goldblums I'm gonna do it anyway and he and he and he opens the park because he has Predators ████ goes Haywire the park wasn't ready for the stress test of having a ████ T-Rex and all these ████ Velociraptors and ████ they lose power during the rainstorm the Dinos get out runs amok little kid almost dies gets electrocuted I don't know how that worked he ████ gets launched like water Rippling T-Rex is chasing your T-Rex chases the little girl she's got boogers in her nose they're bubbling up and stuff and then the um you know the the protagonists um the guy and Laura Dern's character they have romance and we're kind of like they're really old and that's just kind of gross I don't really need to see them kissing or nothing speak for yourself yeah and then the movie
1:42 um ends really abruptly actually like very very very abruptly like all of a sudden the T-Rex comes out and then like helicopters come and everything's like done can you do the Chris Pratt one yeah I can do it ready yeah uh how about how about uh worst movie ever so what did they do to make sure the dinosaurs wouldn't reproduce um I I fell asleep during that part too they didn't get that far they actually said that yeah because then they didn't want the dinosaurs to be having a bunch of babies isn't that all males females all females all the dinosaurs in the Jurassic Park are females yeah and uh one of the T-Rex was so mad it's like my wife went into a certain time of the month you know but then remember when Jeff Goldblum goes life finds a way yes what's he talking about females becoming males one of them yeah asexual kind of I mean they don't really become males but then they like
2:32 the fish that turn into hermaphrodite action ended up being able to produce fertilized uh basically like eggs wow where they uh they went to California and got a sex change so um basically that's like the craziest thing like wow so like even when animals don't have a mate there's a there's a slight chance that maybe they can just create magically a fetus and that fetus would be almost 100 a clone of the mom and has no other DNA can't rep can't reptiles do that this is sci-fi though right you're not are you saying that there's until now until now away no no in nature this exists yeah it does yeah but this is the first uh known case of a of that happening with crocodile no way what kind of crocodile naturally it's
3:22 self-fertilized this just happened with the crocodile a female crocodile that has had no contact with males for 16 years at the zoo said by the female crocodile yeah she's a little ████ but the crocodile pants was pretty bored and they decided to like make their whole identity about like maybe a sex change oh my gosh so we know what happens now they're pretty bored one fertilized egg normally yeah it'll lay eggs and then they're just like you know omelettes but then one of them actually had a fetus in it and it cracked and it was born and it was an exact 99.9 genetic copy of the mom wow what the ████ and they said that this only happens in rare cases where like
4:12 um it's going through some kind of stress of not being able to find me so something in the body adapts yes and it actually makes a ████ baby I have nothing and is it just a reptile trait because I wonder if humans can do this um it's been documented in Birds fish I'll let you know is the very first kind this is the very first time a crocodile did it but yeah Birds fish lizards yeah Liz I know fish they got a gay ass fish that's like [Laughter] and then when there's no more mail one of them turns male or when one like the window ratio it's like oh yeah yeah not enough dudes and then we'll be like well some of us can be dudes you know but that one's still two to tango this one was itself the DNA has no other
5:04 influence crazy that's like if I jacked off and drank my ████ and had a baby yup that's exactly like that and a baby Joe came out that needs to go on the platform why this happened so why are you not a scientist yeah I am so infographic of Joe just like kids it's like a guy I want a joke then the actual name for this is called facultative parthenogenesis like manifest the baby because they want it is so bad it basically was the Virgin Mary crocodile yeah wow it's like Priscilla Presley so could this happen to humans nobody knows they didn't think it could happen to Crocs well you just named it Virgin Mary did it yeah yeah but we know that
5:55 wasn't Jesus happened that was a touch of God baby but Jesus wasn't married because Mary made a Mary right that's true Mary made of Jesus Mary made of Jesus not Mary made of Mary but Mary supposed to make a Marion well I mean even then it's like she could let's say that that did happen with Virgin Mary then that would mean Jesus is a 99 99.9 match genetically could still be a boy right I don't think so if it's yeah if it's like where you're gonna get the Y chromosome from oh that's true yeah that could be a double X chromosome from God you get it from God that doesn't that's not a thing that's not even it's not a thing no no what is it that's gone how dare you white supremacist um science yeah you sound like I'll take chromosomes well if you take it out isn't it kind of downsy I think that's extra oh it's
6:45 extra it's not minus yeah it's a bonus crumbs I thought it was called Down syndrome because it's like you're down one chromosome it's named after the person down Mr Downs yeah oh ████ really Robert downsey Jr yeah oh have you seen that Meme what no I my uh I don't think my algorithm shows me things like that oh really being a decent human and all yeah yeah my algorithm is a little funny dude you got a lot of down syndrome stuff on your Explorer a lot of down syndrome bits on your feet yeah you get a lot of that a little bit I love it it's my favorite I don't want to blame anybody but someone that's not in this room today sends me some stuff that's like that's corrupt in my algorithm we'll see Jason Jenny soon have you seen that one where the Down
7:37 Syndrome guy is getting like he's in the mosque and they're doing some religious ritual and then he's like holding his head and then the Down Syndrome guy is like just chilling getting prayed for and he just ████ smacks the ████ out of the guy I was praying for him it was wonderful wonderful how did everyone react they just they're laughing oh that's cool and then they're like there's another one where like they're praying like they're doing like they're like like prayer right and then this down syndrome boy is like chilling by the post and he's doing like 007 ████ and he just goes and he shoots this guy in the back of the butt with a BB gun and he goes pop and then he runs away and needs like yeah oh my God I thought it was wonderful that's incredible you got any more anyone else anyone else got something
8:27 um the kid that is downstairs and he's going he's walking out with it's like a pool party and then he has uh two beers and he gets in the pool oh I saw that it doesn't have to be relatable just say it Jason Chang doesn't send me those things but yeah that's that's the story they took that crocodile in captivity when the crocodile was two years old and so for 16 years not one male has ever been around she must be so horny poor girl is she just like the fugliest ████ like crocodile ever of all time she might be no they just never had enough it might
9:18 be isolated Kate like there's no at the zoo or something you look at that Croc and you're like that thing is ugly ugly would you want a 99.9 genetic copy of yourself absolutely enough I would smother it with my with a pill with myself yeah it was me it was a direct copy of me I think I would want to murder it I think I'd be like okay why I'd be like here's your job find the ████ gem so I can relax a little bit you go find the crypto gems and I'll ████ I'm gonna chill actually I'm actually gonna go swimming today while you work that's what I would you look like a baby version of Steve yeah I would love it I would love it yeah I guess there's it's impossible for a guy to do this you ever see multiplicity with Michael Keaton he clones himself so he can like I don't know raise his kids and ████ but like he like does all his jobs or done by him oh
10:08 that's the one where like he's like prom photoing himself on the cover yeah with like eight times a bunch of times but he has like a mommy version and the cleaning version like which is maybe the same thing some argue and then but like he he basically takes care of everything that it would take to raise anything or do or do any job with himself cloned that's tight that's great it's like Mr Mom times eight Mr outsourced let's see where your head's at yeah I actually I think that's a good idea yeah that's actually a good idea you can if you could split yourself off and get the ████ that you get like need to get done done uh interesting so do you have like eight of you's ████ your wife I think eight there's 16 feet stepping on my wife's head instead of just two a lot of pressure that's nice that's that'd be I'd probably come way faster
11:13 [Music]
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