0:00 [Music] You're going to get really good at analogies though. >> But that's where you are really at. But you know what's funny? >> That's probably a coping mechanism though. True. >> You are good at them. >> How do I make you understand, Mom? You know, octopus. >> I've always known Bart has a good ability to do that. And I'm like, man, that's actually it makes sense. >> Huh? That's a pretty good um I think we should figure something out. That's why Bart is good at analogies. preventing my beat. >> What do you mean? You had to use analogies to defend yourself as a kid. >> To try to probably explain to my mom my point of view probably. >> Oh, >> so you've been explaining analogies to your mom since you were a kid. Like >> in order to um get your point across as a child?
0:50 >> Me and my mom have been conversing like equals since I was a child. >> Wow. Dude. And I think that and then that that was the crazy part because uh the flip like when she could pull the mom card out and beat my ass >> comes so suddenly that it was always like what the So it's so scary for me cuz we'll be at a restaurant, right? We're going back and forth. Hey, this is what I'm thinking of doing. Um you know like your mom and dad got divorced so should we like rent out the other rooms and like like she always like talk to me >> like like I'm like her confidant in things. Right. >> Right. You know, when I would tell Gio like like what the conversations I had with my mom as a kid, Gio would be like, "What the you be telling kids that?" Like they don't need to have financial stress and they're 6 years old understanding. They just they're barely figuring out life. >> So your mom would talk to you about how much money you guys had.
1:40 >> Yeah. She would show me her checkbook. Like look at this. >> But does Gio not like uh put together some version of maybe because you were exposed to that you are who you are now? >> Yeah. No. No. For sure there's benefits, right? But just the uh in general. >> I think the way she's viewing it is outside of this situation. Yeah. Mom judging mom. >> Mom judging mom. Like what the hell was >> Yeah. I mean, that's what I'm saying. I agree with that. But like if the product worked for that relationship or that kid or or if like as a mom you recognize or as a father you recognize Taika like receives certain things a certain way? >> Would you be like, "Oh, ████ This is unconventional, but I think you might >> No. Cuz I think in order to arrive to the same spot as let's say me, you would have had to work harder on yourself >> because your mom made it more difficult. >> You know what I mean? Like like the where Bart ended up is ████ dope. But like
2:30 >> you can't like this to say like oh well I mean I guess the parenting is pretty good because I ended up a good person but you had to work harder to be a good person. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> I would have been more superior if I had better parents. >> Most people in your position would have ended up worse people. >> They don't make it. They don't make it out >> statistically. I get that. Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. I don't think Jill's happy that I was left with the monk unsupervised for like a week, you know? >> I still think about that. I honestly think about that a lot. I think about that a lot, dude. >> Your luck factor is insane, dude. And he didn't get touched cuz monks be touching. They do. >> I be showered sometimes where I'll watch a movie with a monk in it. I'm every time I go, I can't believe Bart never got molested by a monk. That's what I think in my head. Is that ████ up to say out loud? Sorry. >> Maybe he wasn't a hot, >> but that that's a real thought that goes through. >> Maybe you got ripped off with his story. Well, but it's just like, you know, sometimes it's like, where's the climax?
3:20 >> Super Nolan directed it. >> No, no. I'm not hoping he got molested. It's just like, man. >> Yeah. He's like, you know, your story has a big plot hole, right? >> It's like, can you believe dinosaurs are around? It's like the same type of excitement. It's like, wow. Like, that's amazing, actually. >> Yeah. >> There are some good monks out there. That's what I think. >> I think he really had to do a lot more to end up normal. Like, for sure. That's Well, he's still not normal. >> I'm definitely not normal. >> Well, nobody's normal, though. Like, you know what I mean? Like to not be like a deranged a deranged individual is a negative impact on society around you. >> Cuz what's the flip side, right? You grew up with your mom always talking about money. Then you grew up being very fearful of money. You never want to deal with it. You don't like address it. >> Or I think probably the worst would be like, let's So, the the worst I ever So, what's cool is me and my mom would talk about anything now. Um, so I told her when I was in third grade, I was
4:10 thinking about committing suicide cuz I'm like, "My life ████ sucks. It's not the same as whatever, right? And then we're at ████ delicious food. >> Just make sure there's a punch line for Nick. Okay, look at his face. His hopes are up. >> What are you talking about, dude? >> We're at Delicious Food Corner. And I was like telling her I was like, "So, you know how like it got really bad and I was going to kill myself uh when I was eight?" She's like, "Yeah, she was like, but it's cool that we could talk about about that stuff." >> Like, yeah, that was rough for you. >> At least she acknowledges it. You know, some parents would be like, "What are you talking about?" >> What if you just kept trying to see how far you could push it? You're like, and you know how those smokes molested me, right? She just goes, "Oh, yeah." >> Cuz in the moment, >> I thought that was going to mess you up. >> It's all good intentions. >> She's like, "I paid them to. I want to make you stronger." >> Come on. >> You came out on top, Bart. Good job. >> This is why I donate to Manga all the time.
5:00 >> Yeah. In the moment, it's all good intentions, you know, cuz she was like, "Oh, but I just want this. I wanted this for you. Wanted this for you." But I'm like, "No, I totally get it. You're just misguided." But I'm like, but like let's say if we backtrack and my mom had like two or three super tight ass homies. They're all Taiwanese, so similar in culture. They all like college educated, came here, work for the same company, >> and then we all went to Chinese school together. So it's like very direct comparisons, you know? And I'm like, okay, out of those ████ this little cohort of group of kids that we had, we're all the same age. How many of these ████ lived with monks? How many of these ████ got their TVs taped up? But, you know, like I would just list it all out and then my mom would be like, "Dude, that is ████ crazy." I'm like, "You did that, dude." >> So, it's cool. She's self-aware. >> Yeah. >> Of those things. >> And then you guys could actually have that conversation. >> I don't think a lot of parents could have that conversation.
5:50 >> But can't she just trump all of those like craziness and be like, "You were a crazy boy." >> And I I admit that. So, that's the cool part. So, my mom I think like because I think I'm a little bit more healed than she is, she it's very easy for her to get defensive and she'll like um sometimes she'll say sorry or she'll start crying and ████ Oh, can you for she'll be like, "Can you forgive me?" My mom's not about that. >> Yeah. My mom's not about that. I'm like my mom like learning something. >> Yeah. >> Who were you guys raised by? >> Oh, >> Asian parents are crazy. >> You don't know. Like Asians appear smart, but they're ████ stupid >> or they're just like locked in how they >> What it is is they're disciplined. So they just they just ████ beat the ████ out of something until it works. But it's literally a caveman forcing a circle to get into a square in a box.
6:40 And it took me nearly like 40 years to be intelligent enough to know when I've got my mom got now because I just I happen to know ████ about the world. And then when I get her gone and I know that she has no real response, she still is able to >> Yeah. Like Yeah. >> Well, I think I think I think when I have this conversation with all of my friends that are like white or whatever, right? Is you guys don't or whatever >> have any um understand well well for example there is no background of western philosophy. So there's no reason, there's no logic, there's no So which is really weird because it's like >> they can't fathom a world where that doesn't exist in like a conversation. So even when I'm talking to Steve, he goes, "Oh, you just have to say this to them and they'll understand." And I'm like, "That's not how it works.
7:30 >> It doesn't it doesn't go based on this is the factual thing. Let's have a discussion." It doesn't work like that. >> It's like you have MS DOS or whatever and they have Linux. >> Yeah. Yeah, but they think you go off of ████ Linux or HTML, too. But it's it doesn't go ahead. Sorry. >> But do you think Cuz all your parents are immigrants, right? >> Yeah. >> Is that racist to us? We good. >> Why' you Why' you say that? We're all ████ immigrants. Godamn. You're an immigrant, though. >> Do you do you think >> white fob? >> A little bit of it of them holding on to something familiar because they were thrown into such an unfamiliar space. >> Yeah. 100%. But it's to do with like not necessarily stubbornness, but like I have to hold on to what I understand cuz everything is foreign. >> I think it's involuntary in a lot of it. >> I think it would be really really really easy to understand and empathize with that set, which is totally true
8:20 >> until you're growing up and your friend who's also Asian who also have immigrant parents and their parents are like totally modernizing, learning the language and stuff like that, getting rich off of the businesses and you're like, >> "What the ████ is happening?" No, no, no. I think every one here was was told that this is how they do it in the uh motherlands. >> And then you go, "Oh, I guess that's how Japanese people are." And then you meet other Japanese people and you're like, "Motherfucker, our family's weird. They don't do this s███." >> Busting the door when he comes back home. >> Yeah. I was like, "What are you talking about? It's a Japanese thing. Our family is weird. I've met five Japanese families. They don't do this ████ Like you know the story of like my mom and her aunt conspiring to marry me and my cousin. Like that's ████ weird. That's even weird for Taiwanese. That's
9:11 ████ weird, bro. >> Conspire. >> Yeah. Don't ████ don't go, "Oh, it's just a it's just a Chinese thing." I'm like, "F███." But a but an Asian thing is to play it off. Like if you have if you have a gripe, they're like, "What are you complaining about?" And I catch myself doing that all the time to people. And it's just like this weird thing. And I'm like, "Oh, wait. I'm the ████ ████ trying to do. >> Yeah, now it's you. >> Yeah. Like I'm the ████ And I'm like, "Oh ████ that's the ████ my parents used to do all the time." Like, why are you mad about that? >> They don't have discussions. There's no conflict resolution. >> They gaslight you. >> They g Well, you know why though? This is what I realized is because you use liaison and lawyers, lawyers, family. It's everything is a family discussion or a group discussion. Like there's so many people in your ████ Like it's very western to be face to face and be like, "This is my point. This is your point. Let's have a discussion." Okay, cool.
10:01 Um, over it's completely different. Like I think the the conflict resolution is like, "Okay, I'm going to tell you my ████ They're going to tell you my ████ It's going to go back and forth. There's a middle person." And I was like, "That's the unspoken cultural thing that happens." And it and then there's hierarchy, right? So like if someone's superior to you, you can't actually confront them. >> It's just a weird dynamic that um >> you're not allowed to win any points either. >> No. >> Right. It's weird. I don't know how to explain it, but it just doesn't work in a western system. >> Kind of like what Barb was saying, anytime they could use a card of like, I'm older, you don't know what you're talking about. And you know, all parents do that from like across all cultures, but for whatever reason, I feel like the Asian ones, they just ████ hit you in. That's like uh the Asian version of logic. Like that's logical. >> And and thinking about like how my parents or like Yeah. how my especially
10:52 my mom, how she raised me and how she disciplined me, I realized it was all just impulse. It was her just being like so fed up in the moment that whatever emotional thing that she felt was right in her head >> or reaction or physical was just like she was just so mad and stressed for whatever. So she just dumped it and then she'd be like all right yelled at you for like 3 hours like you want something to eat now you know like and then as a kid you're like ████ I don't know what's happening or like she'll beat your ass she'll just and it was just like and you could see like you can see red like now as an adult you're like oh yeah she would just get so mad >> just try to beat your ass or yell at you until you felt like you've learned your lesson or that was enough and then you're like >> all right >> let's watch some Jade Network. It's so strange that you can go years only seeing the annoyed, angry side of your
11:43 parents. >> Yeah. >> Like I probably went like 10 10 straight years. Yeah. I went like 10 straight years of never hearing my mom's like nice voice. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. You're like you're like dude like oh I had the most loving parents >> and then from four to like 15 it's a different person. It's like >> when I was cute they were cool. >> Yeah. You're like what the where did you go? That's crazy. And then when you have kids they show up all of a sudden. Yeah. >> Yeah. >> You know, all of a sudden, oh, that's the one I remember. Y'all cute with the ████ grandkid. What the hell? >> I don't even remember the one. I was like, you're changed. >> What is this? >> See that? >> There was a time where my identity was like, I just get in trouble all the time. Like, you know what I mean? And like as a kid, that's a weird kind of >> I'm the worst kid. >> I was like, I must be the worst. >> And then you think about like some I remember my sisters used to always tell me like, Nick, you weren't even that bad of a kid. But I for so long I used to
12:33 always say like, oh, cuz I was getting in trouble for so much >> where you just have this identity of like, yeah, I just was a little ████ wasn't I? And then my sister was like, you weren't that bad, >> dude. Like I thought I was like legally or something. I was like, I really was never going to get this bad. >> That's how they make you feel. >> Yeah. Especially if you have a sibling that like gets better grades and ████ You It's like A and F. You know what I mean? There's no like A minus B. Like no, you're F if you're not also an A. >> So the whole my whole life I was like, god damn. I was like, I probably need to take medicine or something like that. >> Well, my sister I remember there was a thing where my sister made math field day or whatever in our elementary school. Your boy didn't even make it close and I just was like, yo, >> my life is I was in the fourth grade. I was like, dude, it's over for me. I'm just I'm stopping math now. And that was it. I was like, I'm not doing it. >> It makes me wonder why it's all the same from like
13:23 >> Japan all the way to like I even hear like Indians, it's very similar. So, I'm like, what is it? I thought it was Confucianism that made it tie together, but I'm just like, what is it about the culture where that's so common? >> I'm just going to be a representative for all Asian parents. >> I think >> Yeah. Yeah. Say speak on us. Speak on us. >> If we had had a kid when I very first immigrated here, I would have been similar. >> So, you think it's an immigration? It's like a you just got here kind of and you're hanging on to Yeah. I the it's so stressful and you're so out of your comfort zone that I felt like I was on permanent survival mode >> and like I'm coming from a much more similar culture where I speak the language. >> So it was easier for me to like acclimate >> from English to English. Yeah. So it's like imagine if you didn't even speak English. Yeah. >> And I also came here with a husband with a job. >> Not I know, right? Well done, baby. But
14:15 not like coming here rebuilding from scratch like finances and everything else. And I was still like wound like that. >> Still had that. Yeah. >> And I think that I can kind of see because I was snapping at everybody. I was like I said ████ So I'm like I can kind of understand for sure. >> But mom, why didn't you just say that to me? >> Because you're a little ████ >> Your brain is soft. >> But that is the other side of you. Like as a kid you're like, "Shut up, dude. You don't know what you're talking about." >> Your brain looks like a conch shell. Yeah, >> even if I told you you could even process that. >> But what's cool is me and my mom could have those conversations now. >> So I can I can feel us like if this is the healing ████ journey, it feels we're past the halfway. >> That's great, dude. >> So So it's awesome. It's really like I I can slowly get to the point where I'm
15:06 like, "Okay, like once you need me to wipe your ass, I'm not going to ████ just throw you in a retirement home. Like I'll I'll wipe your ass for you. I'll throw your ass away." >> When they when they show that effort, it's easier. >> ████ you're out. when when they show effort, it's easier to kind of forgive cuz like uh for my mom, very similar, but she's like, I still have these habits, so you got to give me like some grace for the impulsive reactions >> and it's triggering too those habits >> cuz yeah, it's like it just happens, you know? But I'm like, yeah, I get it. But it's also like I'm glad that she's reflecting and reading and she's trying to because there's self-help books that she's reading in that language. >> I can't I I think what you guys have in common is that like your guys' relationship with your mom also uh has a dynamic where there was maybe like a um
15:58 it's like a you know when there's like two enemies, right? And then they become allies because there's a greater threat >> which was a father or some ████ >> Yes. I bet you guys had something to relate to that was that was another variable versus like my parents here, me little ████ always here. >> So, I don't know if I'll ever >> Your parents are younger. So, there there might be a point where they wise up cuz I think we have Our parents are maybe 20 years older than yours. >> Yeah. >> And my mom has a mustache, right? Does your mom have a mustache? >> That's a pretty big one. >> Did they get to the mustache age? I think they soften up. >> They get humbled and ████ you know.
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