0:00 [Music] so a thief you guys know that like car break-ins are pretty big right now right huge big time right crime is on the rise guys so what um why do you think what do you think is causing that and i'm kidding that's not what this is about this is about no i'm just kidding a uh a thief breaks a window from a car in poland what does he take out of the car holy sausage how did you but in poland is it just sausage yeah this is just regular sausage what is a beanie baby a kid no no a dog mm-hmm is it please don't bust my polish joke
0:51 no it's not a polish joke like what like a box of sauerkraut is that is that where it's supposed to go polish man comes and breaks into a polish car finds out it's his yeah that sounds like a ████ that's good that's good no dude he's still there he steals a unicorn a unicycle what that is a polish joke how's that car he steals a different vehicle isn't that interesting so yeah he's so there's a guy those faceless jokes i didn't know a unicycle would fit uh yeah there's a um a street performer in in uh oh oh my god this is in portland i'm not pulling that changes it doesn't that certainly changes things your unicycle yeah a unicycle in portland you're like oh yeah i could see that way more than poland all those pollock jokes that we wanted to do
1:43 all gone my whole freaking 10 minute set down the drain oh sorry portland knuckles i was gonna say all these all these people have a lot of moles i bet so yeah why does a unicycle make more sense in portland it does doesn't it right yeah it's weird yeah it's the brand it's on brand yeah so there's there's a well-known uh street performer and he has a unicycle and he had it he had he it even says on his license plate it says yoona ppr which is like they call he comes with the unipiper yeah that is a really interesting almost something that you would have thought of right now that's great it's pretty interesting right so he's the unit piper he has that on his license plate they steal his unicycle and now the guy his name is brian kidd he says that he followed the police report the police obviously don't think he's going to get his legendary unicycle back
2:33 i wonder if they actually knew how to ride it away i think they wrote it away that s███'s hard you kept falling you know they're like boom i always needed this ████ right i didn't they're like like falling and ████ or did he walk away with the unicycle or do you think somebody had a vendetta yeah i think it's a targeted attack what if it's like a rival because you know it's like a bicycler who's just like man you're stealing my thunder right now or the tricycle maybe it's a competing street performer because you have to yeah they only reserve certain amount of slots or it's a sick unicycle or et1 or something or it was a type r or there was like silver paint on the ████ uh on the door handle because the guy that punched through it is the ████ silver guy he even pushed it like yeah it's a street performer
3:24 he's getting away damn you're getting tips this is the rose gold one oh yeah you just don't know which one which one it is this guy's just way too ████ popular and they're getting jealous he is popular yeah they're like if they take away his ████ unicorn yeah that's his ████ ████ that's if he doesn't have that that's like a samurai without a sword what is he gonna do now street show people really do beef it because there's a limited amount of space you can't just like go there and perform you gotta buy a permit and then if someone already has that spot you can't get it it's not enough street out there no they really do beef that ████ dude they do they take it real serious i uh so i did a video a couple years ago and it was like because i remember seeing all these street carnies you know and uh and there was always like this spider-man beef where like there's like a guy out there as spider-man and then he's pissed that there's another guy out there spider-man so i hired a ████ ton
4:15 of guys on actors access and i bought a ████ ton of spider-man costumes and i flooded the entire street like all hollywood island with just spider-man it was just all spider-man everywhere and then all the street cars were getting so ████ pissed and all the spider-man guys were like we're ████ for the whole day it's over it's ████ over and i was like we're free we're a hundred percent free you can take pictures with us no big deal i ████ all those guys up and then the guy who's the guy who's in the bumblebee costume he takes his job real ████ seriously he was extra pissed because he's like you guys are ████ our whole thing up and i'm like hey dude i'm like you want to work on this street it all goes through me you're the street performer mafia that's exactly who was stealing the ████
5:05 unicycle it was like fat tony what the the juggler you think you could ████ joke on my blog dude the street carnies are ████ interesting i mean you guys remember in venice beach that one cat who had um rollerblades on and he would always take had the guitar out yeah is he the buff guy with the purple spell he's like this bearded guy he like always looks like very sun bleached and like yeah he's like i had like a rastafarian vibe to him but yeah he's he sounds like everybody out there yes yeah grand piano guy he's like a homeless with a grand piano he rolls it's like covered in bird ████ and graffiti and ████ and he always pushes that holy ████ and i'm like how does a homeless man have a full-on grand piano that he can roll all the way out to ben's venice beach how does he even store it have you guys seen this people want to see steve just hire a bunch of people with grand pianos
5:56 i run this whole ████ blog have you guys seen the street performers in waikiki yeah there's a couple there's one old guy he's like it's a older white dude and he has he has a little keyboard and he makes music but it's very like odd like electronic music but he makes noises with his voice and he goes uh see this is like mongolian throat singing yeah but it's like in really weird pitches yeah and he dude he's killing it there's all these people that circle around and he's right by the ████ rip curl store and the whole time he's just making these weird robotic i don't i don't understand the appeal to it but he attracts the crowd and he's there every ████ night i do i do love seeing those people that have like 16 instruments including the mouth harmonica and stuff and they're just like playing everything at the same time i think that's sick as ████ whereas like
6:46 bucket drummers that could be very obnoxious sometimes no i always go to the bucket drivers i'm like you got a cd because i want to hear this all the ████ time 24 1765 i'm going out playing suit i need something to listen to for four and a half hours and what do they say they're like no no yeah the dogs were asking them i bet you that inspired them to actually make an album now because of you oh my god oh my god cause all the buckets mostly sound the same that's the best if you're if you're if you're a big fan they might have second thoughts they just need to have more than one bucket and if so when there's a secondary sound there's so much more dynamic to the offering yeah some of those guys bring pots and pans and ████ now which is which is better but if it's
7:37 just one bucket though it's kind of the same tone just really fast home depot buckets like yeah it's so lazy but but if it's a bucket and a cowbell suddenly i'm like okay i could be entertained like twice as long now a didgeridoo a didgeridoo a big pipe thing yeah dude yeah yeah i saw some i was in the middle of maui in this town called paella um used to be an old plantation town that's now just like full of hippies and like trust fund kids that are trying to find themselves and i was walking around and i turn around and i hear that noise wow and i'm like what the ████ it's some it's some like hippie dreadlocked white dude with no shirt tattered ass pants and it's just going wang and i was like what how did you even get here dude it was the oddest ████ thing seeing those hippy white uh dudes that are like
8:28 dreaded that are like buddhists and stuff like that just roaming everywhere they're like everyone with like hair and pants parachute pants and stuff rastafarian like he's doing this all the time this is when i was like i have a vendetta against white people with dreadlocks i don't i don't i don't know what it is i have a vendetta what about asian guys or dreadlocks yeah if you're my friend's little brother's like that yes yes the answer is yes because there was this kid in our school and he sat near us in high school and he would spit in his hand why i was like is that how dreadlocks are made you gotta spit on it i don't know i don't think that so that means their hair is full of spit oh i have no idea but he had dreadlocks he had like white dread like white-haired he would just do this and then put it through his hair no he would he it was him rolling his
9:18 dreadlocks up oh his hair's in his hands in class and i would just be like am i the only one that feels some type of way about it and i think i was i was did it smell i never got yeah he he smelled he definitely smelled his whole self smelled he just smelled it yeah he was a nice guy but i was like hey man just just get a regular haircut just get a regular haircut i'm going to try getting the red locks now i want to try and get it bro you can still rep what you're going to wrap with regular hair it's a whole thing right have you had dreadlocks no but i um three guys on my crew have and it's hard yeah so like it's a it's a process because like even like that the way you quote unquote wash your hair is like different because they don't really wash it right really wash them yeah they use like some different like products and stuff sometimes like rarely to go through it yeah or like just the way that you have to uh
10:08 ████ like if you get it dirty you know if there's sand and you go to the beach and they're like standing and stuff like that it's like usually it's a pain in the ass deal with it whereas for me if i don't wash my hair for like three days i'm getting all itchy and ████ like that and i'm like so the idea of it is cool but i i don't know how they do it um i'd have to ask seems like a lot of maintenance but also like you know research might work for somebody like you i'm pretty greasy bro i get an itchy head oh ████ this story is actually in pakistan my bad [Music]
// end of tape