0:00 [Music] serious new seriousness guys recently beaverton police have taken a hamster into product protective custody after the owner is accused of a dui what they took a hamster into protect because the house was a ████ rat that's good bro that's looking good that's looking good he's a witness protection rat that's the best joke that's basically just a punchline he made me laugh he's a little smirk he just goes he waited he waited for us to get go it yourself joe you just need to rephrase that as the first half of a joke you knew you knew that article was coming no i haven't
0:50 that's just the name of the the video hands were taken into protective custody because it was a rat yeah oh my gosh that's very good so three three officers corral the hamster hold the whole scenario three officers corrupt town this is some serious ████ i told you like it took three officers to take a little hamster down oh he's a rat uh and took the animal into protective custody after the animal that's where he turned into a rat and driver was accused of impaired driving so shortly after 12 30 a.m on tuesday beaverton officer stopped this vehicle on suspicion that the driver was impaired they don't got crime there huh in beaverton everybody's like super nice right it's in beavers this is ████ rodent city right here dude i got a favorite beavertail come on dude lots of dams damn specialties wood damage everywhere dude
1:42 the rivers [Laughter] they took the ████ hamster into custody and that was like i ain't telling you ████ copper do you think there's like a beaver mafia there that was trying to kidnap the hamster of like rodent supremacy there's like some rodent turf war there's the rats there's the beavers the cops are actually gerbils your side of the dam is over there yeah marsupials highly outnumbered so uh the officers reportedly talked with this driver whom they identified as nicole huey of 27 years old uh and found that she had a hamster on her lap the hamster whose name is unknown sad to say was loose inside the vehicle and was the only other occupant okay huey reportedly told the police she was headed to a local store uh they told her to get out of the vehicle and left the hamster she left the hamster on the dashboard police arrested her on accusation of driving
2:33 under the influence and then yes it took three officers to corral this furry little passenger they say huey told the police that she didn't have anyone who could get the hamster so they should just kill it what what what a ████ what a ████ that's why he's like is that what she said well ████ that i'm telling you everything that ████ was drunk this ████ was drinking in the car i can't believe it if you turn on an animal it's over if you turn on an animal it's over i bet the jury was like executor give her the death penalty you ████ with an animal it's over you get no human cement there's no human sympathy and the hamster has to flip the switch that's ████ up man oh yeah the switch is on the floor and the hamster just runs around until it happens they put in them almost there almost there put some cheese on it i think it's a wheel and it's generating the electricity that's way better it's time
3:24 it's a slow kill just a low voltage shock and then once the hamster stops she's like oh ████ i'm out of the woods and it doesn't here grab this fork we'll put it into a socket while the hamsters run or some statistic like the hamster's little water bottle thing has a button that once it like goes down it touches the magnetic field on the bottom it just kills a person so as long as they hamster drinks that's pretty creative i'm ████ up yeah so uh you want a science fair too this is really messed up right it's like no nobody's here to pick up the handstand you could just kill it that's ████ up death penalty for sure police told her that the pet would not be harmed and they would take the pet to a safe location petco it's like a safe house they're like we put it in uh we put it in her and then one of them she's in wit sack dude yeah they put it they put the hamster in with sex they're taking that
4:15 to a snake witness protection took three officers to capture you gotta hide me coppers do you think they told the hamster to freeze like you know they drop freeze and they pull their guns on their hands i feel like your hamster's a victim so everybody tastes it we're the good guys oh they put they put a little blanket over them and ████ like the little ████ the boyle ones are you okay and then give them some coke i'll tell you everything sitting on the back of an ambulance just waiting to get picked up you think they breathalyze the hamster as well it sounds like they didn't even breathalyze her they were like i don't know if she was drunk driving but they put the ████ oxygen thing over the body the whole hamster was sitting there under the hospital he [Laughter]
5:08 stuff yeah come on this ████ uh furry little passenger ends up going to the same spot um they say when it took the three officers um time to capture the furry little passenger they said it appeared that the hamster wanted to stay in the vehicle and it put up a good fight trying to avoid capturing good fight they ████ ████ abused this guy they did it with the batons ████ the ████ handcuffs smashed up the whole car trying to beat them do you think i just like did someone just grab it i'm like imagining like do they grab it what if they just what if they just handcuffed it in one ring yeah and just squeezed it just compressed its body in like a hand that's right yeah it just choked it like a key ring but i think hamsters or i think mice they can compress their skeletons that's how they i wonder if hamsters call it
5:58 that's how they can flatten and fit through things and stuff oh ████ what is the octopus they've got some crazy animals man they've evolved they've evolved to fight us all dude everything is evolving to fight humans i will say anybody see documentaries i'm like octopus yeah ████ uh it's a pie octopus my octopus teacher that's a good one that's a good one i like that oh that's the doctor that's the name of the documentary yeah i think it won the oscar yeah they're pretty smart but it's also their fault that they're tasty spoken like a japanese you know what you know i love resistance i love the part of my octopus teacher where the the marine biologist neglects his own family to go hang out with an octopus and his son is like i miss dad and he's like i gotta go hang out imagine if your son was like yo i miss you daddy and you're like i'm gonna go hang out with another see you later
6:49 when you can change color to the ████ surrounding environment then we'll talk when you can blast ink in my face i could blast something else but it's a great documentary if you guys haven't seen it it's really highly my octopus teacher it's ████ highly recommended i heard people stopped eating octopus after that really i just got hungrier how many but octopi is that is that correct octa peas did i make did i make up that word i think octopi is safer than octopussies i know i like yours better i like the ████ don't call it mine but yes we should take an internet poll yeah let's just do it in the comments below okay but the real moral of this story that was a bond this is this quoted from the from the police up in beaverton a lesson to learn from this incident other than do not drink and drive
7:39 it is not safe to operate a motor vehicle of any type with an animal on your lap if they don't have enough crime why don't they send some of those ████ down here yeah bring all the hamsters here yeah get these beaverton dudes over here yeah get some cops over here you don't want to take the criminals in the center of the vehicle they won't i don't know do you think they'll be able to handle la because we what is the demographic of beaverton just curious hamsters beavers i watch super holes yeah homo sapiens to marsupial percentage it's just wondering and they got that wasn't a racial question it was a species question they got the ferrets the illegal ones you know badgers and ████ wild over there flying squirrels ferrets are trained to steal jack rabbit but what is the demographic of beaverton a ton of beavers what state is it oregon oregon oregon oh hard to say it's being
8:29 gentrified these days full of gems today you're on he's on bro he's killing it earlier he got a lot of sodium in that for lunch that's what happens when you get enough salt in your diet this is what it is right here dude first of all uh animals that are very uh there's a new animal that they just called sentient lobsters yeah did everybody see this but they've been doing that for a while they call lobsters i don't know who ████ they is but uh lobsters are now officially sentient so you can't boil them alive so all the chinese restaurants and everything like that you can no longer boil imagine that would stop them are you inhumane because they feel the suffering and the pain you gotta cry you gotta kill them first they don't have to kill them yeah they take basically a knife just to the back of the brain stem if you wanted to you know but you know any more flavor away you
9:20 know any more aggressive brains boy you always see it you see it on like masterchef gordon ramsay like he doesn't throw him in the pot of water he just takes his knife you know but he makes it look like a g like he'll spin his knife like a samurai he's a it's a fish and it's dead see that's why you're a voice actor i was ████ sick dude i feel like you were gordon ramsay right there yeah you're gonna take one and randy did you guys see that this is what we call acting [Music] [Applause] [Music] you
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