0:00 He can talk. [laughter] >> Not for three minutes. >> No, but he allowed me. And this is a white It's a white video. >> Not for three minutes. >> No. No. Cuz as his white savior, I'm allowing him to talk. >> You guys already picked. >> You need a white saver. >> No. Yeah, you do. >> No. >> You do, buddy. >> Welcome back to Careful Boys. So, you may have noticed a pattern. We've been talking about Asians quite a bit. >> Why would they notice that? >> They will notice. >> They will notice. They're not dumb. So suddenly you believe in the chronologue. >> I know you think the fans are dumb, but I don't. >> Please uh like me. [laughter] >> So today, [clears throat] today we are ranking the greatest whites of all time. >> Yay. >> Oh, I like that. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Yay. >> Greatest of all whites. >> I think Eminem before you say some other
0:52 random story. >> That's a good one. >> Oh, we're going based off people. Wow. >> What What are you going off of? I thought it was >> vanilla eggshell. >> No, [laughter] no, no. Eggshell. >> No, not paint. >> No. I thought it was like like British uh like Norwegian, German. >> People That's boring as ████ Everything you just said, I wish we could edit out is so boring. >> All right, >> specifics. Specifics. >> All right. >> Norwegian versus Dutch. [laughter] >> No. Pearl versus >> Yeah. What? >> Off-white. Off-white. >> Off-white. Which one? >> Eminem's a good one. Eminem's a really good one. Yeah. People that like uh weren't more than trends setters, but also like cross boundaries.
1:42 >> Like a Chuck Norris. >> He's hood adjacent though. >> He's too hood adjacent. >> Chuck Norris is hood adjacent. >> No. No. Eminem. Chuck Norris is too Asian adjacent. I want pure white. I want pure white. made it so hard cuz he played he played in the other team's >> like league and he crushed it. >> Yeah. >> I'm talking about like George Washington, you know. >> Sick. Sick. The slave owner, >> dude. No, he got he got wood teeth. Can't have that. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. [laughter] >> The first American on earth. George Washington. >> There was no other Yeah. He was the first one. >> Who [laughter] who elected him? >> The people of America. tight. >> But he's like the first purest white. >> Yeah. You think >> he's on a dollar bill for one? Number one. >> Yeah. You're right. >> So that's that's your choice. If
2:32 everybody gets one. >> All right. Yeah. You get George. He can't talk anymore, >> you know. Yeah. That's it. >> He can talk. [laughter] >> Not for 3 minutes. >> No, but he allowed me. And this is a white It's a white video. >> Not for 3 minutes. >> No. No. Cuz as his white savior, I'm allowing him to talk. >> You guys already picked. >> You need a white savior? >> No. Yeah, you do. >> No. >> You do, buddy. They're your buddies are willing to silence you. I'm not. >> Well, he's poke up Mantis and he's saving all of us. >> I'm John Smith's brother. Story's about me, actually. >> What's your top white? >> Top white. >> I'm thinking hard, man. Cuz you guys threw me off. I was really trying to [laughter] figure out if it's going to say Scandinavian. >> Was it Belgian or what was it? Norwegian. >> I I might give it to the Scandinavians. >> Don Fry. Just say Don Fry. [laughter] >> Oh, it's any Swedish women. >> Different video. All right.
3:22 >> ████ from Cybertron to that guy. >> John, >> you go first. I think I got to got to I got to get >> I went first. [laughter] >> I got to keep thinking, man. >> You don't mean >> What was What was going to be your top wife? >> I get him, dude. >> Because it's so random. >> John is like ████ Irish or something. >> No, I thought we were just going to throw him and then we were going to organize it together. So, I was going to start shooting him out, but I didn't know. >> Are Vita Sabonis? >> Who's that? >> Sabonis. >> Who the hell is that? >> Bball player, baby. Dude, the fact that you know Bball players. Larry Bird though for the for the whites. >> Oh, dude. Larry Bird. Come on. >> And he's white, dude. >> But he's black adjacent. >> Everybody's adjacent. Something in America. >> He's black adjacent. >> So it has to be white with another white adjacent to him. >> This guy's like Hitler. >> Mhm. >> Well, Larry Bird definitely definitely was not a black adjacent.
4:12 >> No, >> but he plays basketball. >> No, but he looked like a white guy on the court. One of my favorite quotes from him is he had um I think he was they were playing some team and he got pissed that they put the white guy on him to guard him cuz he's like why did you put the white guy on me dude? You know I'm good at >> both season. That's what he said in the quotes. >> That's why >> he got pissed about it. >> Y >> see you guys got this game is about white pride. >> Name a white guy. >> That's Larry Bird. He's pretty white dude. >> Name name your white. >> Dr. Phil. >> Oh that's >> but he got a southern accent. That's black adjacent. >> OH, >> NO. BLACK people are southern white adjacent. >> So, are they adjacent still, aren't they? [laughter] You got takes two. DOESN'T IT TAKE two to be adjacent? It takes two to be Jason. >> Three minute timeout. White savior. >> Welcome to Just kidding news, where we
5:02 talk about the rules more than the top. >> You got to be two to Jace. Freddy Krueger. Freddy [laughter] Krueger. Freddy Krueger's crazy. >> Freddy Krueger's He's white for sure. Robert England, >> but that's chemo adjacent. [laughter] >> All right. How about this? Tom Cruz >> cuz he's the last. >> That's good. >> What about Hanks? What about Tommy? >> Asian adjacent. >> Tom Hanks. Dude, >> he's pretty white. >> There's danger there. >> Down syndrome adjacent. >> Stop watching YouTube, dude. >> We are YouTube. >> But you got to stop watching it. >> Just about Tom Hanks. >> Tom Hanks. Yeah. >> Call Conspiracy Corner Guy. >> Oh. Oh. Oh, I remember the the the the kid stuff. >> Guile. Guile. Guile. I picked Guile. >> Guile. Sick. >> All American. Okay, so fictional whites are fine or non-fictional whites? >> Fictional. Excuse me. >> No, we got to stick to the real the real ████ >> Real whites. The true whites. >> Claude Vanam.
5:53 >> I don't want any mixed race ████ by the way, in this. >> Oh, yeah. Me neither. >> So, you can't say Abraham Lincoln. >> They say he was black. >> What? >> Wait, they say or they proved >> that's why he was so tall. >> He's just as black as he is gay, apparently. >> Yeah. Look, look it up, Steve. Yeah. >> No, I looked it up. >> Yep. He Right. >> He's even a vampire hunter. Hey, Blinket. shot the first three. >> Whoa, I didn't know that. >> Yeah, people don't know that. >> Um, all right. Sean Bradley. [laughter] >> You're just doing a B wall player >> from such a specific era. [laughter] >> Martin Scorsesei. >> That's not bad. That's not bad. Honestly, gave us a lot of good stuff. Casino. >> Mhm. >> One of my favorite movies ever. >> Jazzy, baby. >> Mhm. >> Brad Pitt's pretty good. >> Brad Pitt's dope. >> That's very good. >> Yep. >> Mhm. Santa Claus.
6:43 >> Santa Claus might win. >> He's a classic white. He might be the first white guy I really love. >> But I will say >> I really [laughter] love >> I have a couple I have a black Santa nutcracker. So he he is seen as many multi- ethnic >> That's true. >> But that guy comes and steals the presents. >> Yep. His name is Black Peter. >> Black Peter. He steals kids and presents. >> What does Asian Santa do? >> Asian Santa? >> What does Asian Santa do? >> Don't exist. >> No such thing >> exist. I have I'm pretty sure I have a nutcracker Asian Santa. >> No, don't exist. Come on. A old Asian guy giving free gifts. That don't work, man. >> You think he just complains? >> No, he just he'll give you money maybe in a red envelope. >> I do like Chuck Norris. >> Chuck Norris is really strong. >> That's pretty good. >> Really strong. >> He's too Asian as Jason. >> What about Arnold Schwarzenegger? >> Isn't that weird white?
7:34 >> What do you mean? >> That's white. [laughter] He's Austrian. That's hella white. >> That's true. >> Okay. >> He's robot adjacent. >> How about begs? >> Oh, that's got to be >> there's some mighties, baby. >> That's staying alive. >> Cuz they made white music and that ████ was dope, >> dude. I would date and ████ Ryan for sure. >> What? >> Yeah, dude. The way you just talked to me just now, I'm like, [laughter] >> is pretty sick. >> I love the beaches. >> Love the beaches. >> Flushed it. >> That's pretty dope. What about like second half Michael Jackson? >> H not bad. >> Ko Kalin. That's a good one. >> OJ Witness. Journey. [laughter] >> OJ's neighbor. >> White. Steve. Uh Steve. Uh >> Oakenfold.
8:24 >> Yeah. >> Oaken. [laughter] Steve Oakenfold. >> No. Journey. Steve. What's his name? >> Steve V. >> What about Steve Jobs? >> Oh, great wife. >> Changed our lives forever. The true great white. >> Middle Eastern. Hey, Matt Stone. He's like Syrian. >> Oh yeah. >> Favorite part of Mstone. >> That's pretty good actually. >> Very good white. >> He's Syrian. >> Oh, we're missing the great white that recently RIP Hulk Hogan. >> Oh, that's a great white. >> He is the one of the great white sharks. >> That's a great white. >> He's a great white. Yeah. >> Yeah. >> When you think of America in the '9s, >> you think of him ripping his shirt. >> That's hella true. >> Yeah. >> Think Jim Carrey, too. >> No, Jim Car's a great white. >> Sure. >> Mhm. >> But he's Canadian. >> You could but you [clears throat] could throw him in there. Notable white. Jenny McCarthy, >> bro. >> Very notable. >> Or Jenna Jameson. >> Very notable. >> Yes, sir. A man of culture.
9:14 >> The cannons. You guys like cannons around here. >> Man of culture. Mr. Lee. >> That's good. >> Pamela Anderson and Baywatch. They taught us a lot. >> Oh yeah. >> We're going down that route. >> Al Borland. That realm. >> Let's go to that realm and go for it. >> Jessica Beal. >> Oh yeah. >> What about Alba? >> Oh my god. >> She's not white. I would She's not steep. Oh, she's not white. She's not white. >> What is she? >> Hey, in this video she's white right now cuz I want to talk about it. >> Jessica Alba, by the way, Angel got to be like a bunch of ████ like Native American or something. >> Mexican. Yeah, she's Mexican. >> She's probably Mexican. Native American. >> She changed it from ablanito. [laughter] >> Mexican American. >> See, I told you. Oh, but you know what? Technical technical uh past is she might be European Mexican and never mixed her jeans with the indigenous people.
10:04 father's heritage is Danish, Irish, Scottish, Welsh, English, German, French, Canadian. She's a whitey. She's a whitey. >> Father or her zaddy >> Mexican >> is is full >> Mexican, Sephardic, Jewish, Spanish, and Mayan. >> Oh, wow. >> Mayan. See, when you get the Mayan, you're already mixed in, man. >> Super mixed. >> Damn, dude. >> But oh my, >> I think Mexicans don't think that they're not white, but they're like some of them, they'll like be 99% European. >> You guys remember Pey Flow? >> Yeah. White as ████ >> Yeah. >> What's Mr. Rogers? >> I like him. He's gota be up there. He's gota be up there. >> He's white. Put him up there, dude. >> Up there. >> That guy taught me so much. >> Put him up there. >> Yep. Bob Ross. Bob Ross is >> Bob Ross. Big time whitey. >> It's a good one. >> Peyton Manning. I think it's my pick. [laughter] >> We're getting in there. >> Listen, what do you paid on it if you
10:54 want? >> Tom Jones is a good white. >> Tom Jones for sure. >> Roger Clemens is a good white. >> Andre, [snorts] I can see him. >> Why are you laughing at my sports guys? cuz you're just saying them randomly and you know it. >> Stone Cold Steve Austin. >> Stone Cold Steve Austin, brother. >> What? Tom Green. >> What? >> Tom Green is a good white. >> Ron Jeremy [laughter] Jeremy. >> You guys are just saying >> Jeremy is a good white. Yeah. >> Counting Jewish. >> No. >> No. No. >> Why aren't we Why aren't we? >> Cuz we're talking about why why >> Okay. Okay. Okay. >> Greatest whites. >> Can we We [laughter] included the If we include his wives, then we should include >> other Jews, too. What was Jesus to you guys? Is is Jesus white? >> Jesus was white. Yeah. >> No. >> Not in K Town. He [laughter] >> Yeah, that guy's Korean.
11:44 >> Yeah. He's like Nutcrackers where he's ever >> at Ed Park's old church. >> No. [laughter] >> I see Tom Jones a pretty good answer, too. >> Oh, Tom Jones is a great answer. >> And he's Welsh white, >> is he? I like that. >> That's a good one. >> That one. Weird. Al might be the best white. >> Yeah, but he's Jewish. >> You think he is? >> Look it up. I have a Judar. >> No, I like Crinkle on my nose. >> Jankovic. >> What's Jenovich? >> He's very Jewish. Yeah. >> What do you guys think Subin's greatest white would be? >> Oh, damn. >> Donald Trump. >> Donald Trump. Probably DJT big time, dude. >> Vance Vance [laughter] Trump. >> That's stupid. >> Hasselhoff's a great white. >> Oh, that's a good white. >> Hasselhoff. >> You know you know a funny Hasselhoff story. So, uh, me and Nikki, we got invited to this thing or whatever, and they asked like Nikki to introduce David Hasselhoff. And she goes on stage, and
12:34 she, we had to wait forever for this, by the way. It was like four hours. And, and Nikki goes on stage, she's like, "Welcome everybody, and please give a big round of applause for David ████ Hasselhoff, which is like tight, right?" And then David Hasselhoff comes out and they do like his new song or whatever for that for that karate fury, Kung Fury. And then apparently Hasselhoff's people were like horrified that she said ████ Hasselhoff. >> What? >> Yeah. So like she got a like a bad notes from behind the curtain >> for the fbomb. >> For just the fbomb, but it's like Steve ████ Hasselhoff. >> Everyone feels that way. >> Legend. >> Yeah. Come on. >> People are weird. >> Oh, you know who's another good one for me is Don Johnson. >> Oh man. Miami Vice, brother. >> Oh, white guys everywhere were looking just like that guy. >> Yep. Lamborghini Countach. >> Oh, the Tessterosa, >> bro. Probably my favorite car ever.
13:26 [laughter] >> Uh, okay. So, who do we pick the greatest white? >> Can't wait till we do the worst whites video. That'll be crazy. >> What's the worst place? >> Oh, we have to unanimously decide on one >> on five. >> All right. Which one's your favorite one, Joe? Boss of the company. >> Hulk Hogan. >> Hulk Hogan's good. >> That's one. >> Okay. >> You got four more, right? >> Mhm. >> Yeah. >> Top five. George Washington. You want to put them in there or no? >> George [laughter] Washington. He founded America. You guys don't not I know. Yeah, we owe him a lot. We do owe him a lot. Thank you. >> He said it so I can say Pton Manning. >> Does that mean he forged his own papers? >> Cuz who else wrote it? >> The Declaration of Independence. >> Citizenship papers. >> He made the citizenship. When you make a country, >> he's the first American, >> but no one else gets to do it. >> Yeah. You write it and then you sign it yourself. >> I am a citizen >> on a napkin. >> Okay. Was number three. >> Andrew Jackson. >> BG's. BG's.
14:16 >> BG's. Yeah. EG 456 >> Benjamin Franklin. [laughter] Dude, that list is so stupid. Social studies, Thomas Edison. >> Hey, dude. That's Barry Gibb. Robin and >> and Maurice. >> George Washington. >> King James. >> Ben Franklin, dude. Manning, [laughter] the Gibb brothers, >> the three, Andy Barry, and the third guy, >> Queen Elizabeth, >> the Walton family. >> Oh, that's a good white. That's a good white >> Sam Walton. I read his book. >> The guys who control the world. >> The Rockefellers. >> Oh, the rock. The Rothschild. >> Rothschilds. Dude, shout out. >> Ros [laughter] shout out.
// end of tape