0:00 [Music] welcome back to care for boys everybody the land of very very careful gentlemen yeah oh i think we take pride in being white hopefully this isn't some kind of hate symbol in the future oh see he's already turned it into a hate thing dude we're gonna get canceled for that mart ruined it in 24 seconds no he i would say like right now let's grab the hamburger but in five years it could evolve to grab him by the ball you don't even know still ruin true by the false this angle it's like it's like 30 seconds and then we say balls yeah it's over don't be throwing a wii in there like that that's what we were representing when we held up our hands we were representing grabbing by the ball i'm included in this as well solidarity i have i have a question i
0:50 actually was wondering about this last time we were here but i didn't get to ask you guys but when you were single and a girl hit on you how did you turn her down oh wait that's really supposing a lot you were single oh we got hit on all the time yeah this assumes that we get hit on you guys remember all which time okay which time was it yeah like i got like three in my head because it's very because it's kind of a it's already a rare thing that guys are turning down a girl that's hitting on them but like well no what's going on really is that i didn't know that she was hitting on me until later in that i mean by later i mean like five to ten years later i have more examples of being blind or just cloud outlets than actually being hit on like blatantly and then refusing oh ryan's also supposing that there's ████ ████ being thrown at him all the time yeah we're not dancing
1:42 so when you guys go down rodeo drive every day what are the stores you guys don't like what the ████ all of them when i was in high school this chick pulls me like we're in drama and in drama club dude you ████ anything goes basically like everyone's all over the place drama dude and so this chick pulls me into this dark room and i was like what the ████ going on and i walked out of there and i was like what was that about he was mad hands on his hips what was that about the hell was that about what do you think she was trying to do there was no no light in there that's never happened to any of you guys when you were single that you realized the girl was kind of trying to hit on you in a way not like a stranger on a sidewalk but like someone like a friend of yours liked you or something and you weren't into it and you tried to get out how how forward was it because when it's clear and forward then it's like forward
2:32 enough for you to realize what's going on i just ignored her jojo says no i just say no means no okay and junior hires his chick named esther like she's colorado yeah shout out to esther yeah i figured i don't even remember how we started talking on the phone like every day and then every day she ended up telling me that like she would like dance around and oh yeah like a crush on this guy and oh cool and then we're just talking talking it's like the clue's fine it goes in the direction when you find out it's it's you you know yeah but then i still want her to hear that she says and i'm like who is it like i don't know who this person is like oh the first name starts with the b last name enter they start with the k that's my birthday and then she finally like said it like i
3:24 like you and then she hung up because i think she got mad at you awkward or like whatever oh she got shy but then when i actually heard her say those words to me since i didn't feel any way towards her i was like oh ████ i also didn't know how to react and then so i'm like i think in my mind the only way i could deal with it is okay if i see her at school i don't know her yeah you were talking every day and then you went to pretend i don't know her jeez man when she spoke to you were you like just looking straight like do you hear something drums and then uh i remember she was like ████ on the uh the ████ xylophone xylophone uh xylophone look at me people said the bells because we're in the back of the or in the back of the band right she's
4:14 like looking at me and i'm like [Laughter] she's like i tried calling you and you're like oh my family lost our landline as he picks up i think she's trying to give me those eyes like so you know we did have a moment on the conversation like i gave you a big piece of information like where do we go from here you know and i'm just like you don't think it was as simple as like hey are we still friends or hey you're missing you're cute idiot he's like you're not on time look at the conductor i love it you just ignore her wait how did it just all of a sudden change for you you just didn't feel it anymore i get it it's awkward after that right that's awkward yeah i think like because you don't feel that way were you just friends why would you talk so damn much i don't know i was maybe i was maybe i was lonely you're talking to bart though what you're a different breed how many how many girlfriends had you had before that
5:04 moment no i think that that's just like that it's like a kid doing something that's like are you dumb but it's like no you you have to try it the first time to realize she was friend zoned yeah and she thought she was having an intimate moment and you're just like i really like the conversation no seriously i'm not just trying to ████ yeah that's why bart is so literal i did like an ████ thing but with an innocent intention you know what i mean yeah and there's this one other chick that i like too oh here comes the ████ part though yeah oh okay we already know what do you mean just keep going wait what no there's another chick i like and then that's it so i think oh your heart was with another girl that you weren't i thought you were about to tell a different story yeah that's where i was at as well because of the way that you presented it no no no no no well the other there was another girl uh the other girl actually came on to me too but i was so ████ dumb i remember
5:56 in history class shout out to miss wollman bart's burning docks and all kinds of people dude we're sitting in class and i had a crush on her and i remember in class she was like you know what i like to do i like to practice like making out with my hand like this what the ████ i remember that ████ i'm like girls didn't do that in my mind i'm like that's weird and i think you're just too scared to admit that she's probably trying to like make advances you know yeah like maybe we should go to a ████ donut store after school or get a coke container or just practice making out somewhere else yeah exactly i'm gonna go scam in the parking lot but it's just so dumb guys do dumb ████ like that where they miss such a clear sign and they have the like the most insulting response that's pretty ████
6:47 clear dude i just brought i just brought back a memory where i was talking to this girl and i wasn't sure if i liked her that much yet we were just kind of like chatting a lot and then she uh invites me to prom and my first answer was that ████ is expensive and lame [Laughter] i'm like who goes to those things geez just like my ████ was ready for you basically and then i was like dude this girl's and i was like oh it's not even my school that's your school why should i pay to go to your school you know and i was just like this is so that great argument that's how ████ cheap i was bro and get this she clearly she ████ clearly would have rode my dick right and i was like you're like a ████ idiot why would i go to your stupid prom
7:37 dude cause i'm in high school right take your dick to prom i'm in high school i've had a few hand jobs and blow jobs you know so your season i've had i have had experience right experience and i remember specifically thinking at this moment man girls are so ████ hard dude like why are they so like there you go why are they so sexually like not liberated and ████ this girl comes over there's a problem with sexual liberation i used to have this massive fish remember my ████ big ass fish tank and my that ████ was the size of a coffin right so she knows i love ████ fish dude this ████ was huge it's like seven eight feet long i had a i had the ████ amazon jungle ████ fish yeah she knew right i have a bunch of fish of course i love ████ fish you're like second to sam woo as far as like
8:27 i'm like the nighttime ranch bro in the back you know what i mean like all dirty and cloudy i had okay yeah so picking up lobster [Laughter] the water's just gushing like crazy i'm basically a chinese restaurant all right all right and so she knows this right so she goes oh can i like drop something off i got something for you and i'm like sick all right what is it and then she goes oh it's a surprise so she comes over and she brings over these like four or five bags of like different tropical fish cichlids whatever this girl must have spent like a couple hundred bucks right yeah because you love fish bro and then she dumped it on the ████ fish tank and i was like oh that's tight dude while she was like doing that i was like she's watching her do that and i'm all when she came into my room i'm like man she got a cute little butt too and i'm like damn man why she's so hard again
9:18 dude you should do that thing in that rob schneider movie where she's wearing a white t-shirt let me put the fish in for you i should dip your titties into the dipper and you're staring at her titty she's so hard to get [Laughter] and she basically just left and i was like damn dude asian girls are so ████ uptight she just brought over some fish like you can't win my love like that like dude what the ████ that's so funny i think all of our problem is that none of us were bullied enough like you were allowed for some reason to have a lot of fish without anybody making fun of you hey get this you know why today's video is brought to you by touche ice get like the itchiest of buttholes oh really yeah and my own solution was i
10:08 would always like on my public bathroom i'd get a paper towel i'd make it all wet and i take it with me into the bathroom and i wipe my ass i mean after i use a dry toilet paper then i use a weapon so that's kind of like your uh like a baby napkin yeah yeah and i didn't even know what bidets really were until i went to japan and i'm like oh there's this thing that after you if you poop in the morning and it cleans your butt then you're not itchy the whole day i'm like oh man i wish we had one of these things and it was so cool that tushy but they sent us one yeah and i love using it because it's so easy you don't even need an electrician or a plumber to install it and you could do it by yourself in under eight minutes and it's freaking cool too because you also save money by buying way less toilet paper most of it is blasted away through the water and you just pat to dry and i've been using it for over five
10:59 years now tushy thank you very much you're very cool very swag so we want all of our listeners to have clean bums just like us visit hellotushy.com off the record to get ten percent off plus free shipping right now tag us and at hello she on social media so that we can celebrate your clean bum with you that's hillotishy.com off the record for 10 percent off they were illegal fish and i used to sell piranhas and so i was the bad boy old were you at this time how old were you at 16 17 i mean it was high school so was she just feeding your piranhas or like well i didn't have a i had a different piranha tank that i sold piranhas from but yeah my god also the size of a coffin that's that's the whole i think that's the whole thing about uh guys being hit on is they don't know what's happening and they say something
11:49 freaking stupid and then and then exactly that where right afterwards you're like dude girls are so complicated man but then she's looking at you like you're the opposite like you're just so ████ i came over to ████ give you a gift and suck the ████ out of your dick what is wrong with you but because they don't say it it's like with bart saying yeah we're literal creatures okay some of us are robots about it but some of us [Laughter] we just need to be told a lot more like right over the head like i like you i bet you we all have more examples of blowing off women that probably liked us 100 really then we have of like just actually refusing girls oh i thought you're gonna say that we have getting blown off by women that we like because i'm like arguable we have more examples of blowing off women than getting blown by women
12:40 yeah that is the transitive blow so in my junior high example i like another chick right so that kind of makes sense but then when you like the chick and that chick is giving you reciprocation but you're still too ████ dumb to see yeah what's happening that's the part that you're like god damn wow that's so ████ so i bet you have a story about that situation no he told us that story yesterday in college kind of like he has a story and he was leading up to it i'm just trying to bait anthony and telling us his because he's got a million problems man i don't have any i don't have any good stories uh that are as uh as piranha as joe over here you know like i think i think even for me like in high school i was probably my in terms of like my uh one of my longer term girlfriends in high school she's awesome still but um i think i was kicking with her every day
13:31 for months and just being like nah she's just a close friend for like months you were in denial that she liked you liked you i don't even know i think i'm just dumb you know guys are just dumb it's like if you ████ give the answer i think even what steve was saying even if a girl is like i like you you still might be dumb about it you might be like i don't know what that means does she like me though or like yeah exactly so i can only attribute it to just being dumb and then like and finally we went to go see one of the um the school plays or whatever together at like the performing arts center and then in the darkness again i totally think it's platonic for some reason but then i remember in the darkness being like uh just in between one of the acts it's like finally we're just holding hands out of nowhere next you know we start kissing and in my mind i'm still like does she like me as i'm
14:21 like kissing her i'm like i don't get this yeah is it me or is it just the moment yeah i really feel like we're just dumb you know what i mean until it's like explicitly taught to you by experience yeah is that impostor syndrome we talked about it for 20 minutes yesterday and joe's like still not sure about this i don't think this is i think you also hear a lot of horror stories about guys getting their hearts broken and if it hasn't happened to you yet you're afraid that one day you'll be that guy so you don't want to get your hopes up even though it's dead obvious dude i was making out with a chick in a steven seagull movie oh just stop right now no it was called half past dead it was like his last one that went to theaters that's dead yeah it was like him in jaw rule or i think it was dmx or oh yeah he's ████ hilarious it was yeah
15:12 that's exactly what was that and uh so so we were the only people in the theater and so we were making out in the back of the theater and i remember thinking the whole time and like by the way stephen's goals like gutting people and she's like a weirdo i remember thinking to myself i'm like man a lot of murder i really hope she really likes me because i really like her but it's like you're making out with her bro you're like laying on top of each other making out with each other in an empty theater and you're still questioning it yeah guys you guys don't get it for a long time probably wasn't intimate man yeah exactly because you don't know because she could have just stopped talking to you too out of nowhere that happened like in high school and ████ with friends oh yeah yeah i did that to somebody like my freshman year girl she said i was really good friends with her and i really liked her she was really cool and but i only saw her as a friend and we hung out all the time and like a
16:03 group of friends and she told me one day that she liked me that she really liked me i didn't know what to do so then i completely stopped talking to her there you go busted a bart huh and that right there dude that's what a lot of girls ask about they go why do you guys do that well they're children for one i felt bad that i didn't like her back yeah and then that made me feel like oh yeah i felt this is weird bro like you should like her back or you don't want to let her down yeah kind of i kind of felt like obligated to like her back but i was like but i don't like you like that you could be there at another point like maybe you're not there yet or you just didn't like her no i just was like this is weird now there's probably also like you guys never verbally uh actually admitted like hey i don't like you back you never said that yeah and i go oh okay and that's what i did i was like all right and then i just felt like i
16:54 needed stuff too hard that's what i'm saying i feel like guys are like they can't say that so instead it's like i'm just if i'm not around you or if i don't see you i don't have to say those if it's the truth it'd be i don't like you back because i saw you too many times with eye boogers that'd be the truth and that might hurt way more that's an exclusive report that's if in that age you only knew what it's like to live with a woman yeah yeah you were so young well whoa comics unleashed now here's another um inverse thing so i'd basically be the evil version of you where i don't know if this happened to any of you guys i've heard a lot of girls ask why guys do this and i was guilty this many times but have you ever
17:46 kind of liked a girl and then when she finally said she liked you you became no longer interested yes that's a validation thing though i mean i'm not exactly sure what it is it's the truth always known it was wrong you wanted the chase and then once you got it you're like oh no where did it go yeah yeah you're more in love with the pursuit because of the exhilaration and then once you get it you're like well then what is what left is there the next stage is is touching each other fair point fair point i think there's also fear of commitment it's not just like the chase and that glory and then just nothingness after there's also a fear of like oh ████ now what what's everything about my life that's supposed to happen with that you know yeah i think there's a point in like young dudes hopefully this is gone but like you know there's a there's a point in your age when um
18:36 when all the guys know who's trying to get who and there's just that symbol of like accomplishment when oh damn you got her you know but it's not really uh nobody's giving accolades for wow your relationship is that great with this person it's more like dude you got that girl we're hunting that's dope yeah you're hunting and you're showing catches and it's like that almost takes priority you get so good at just that and then once it's time to like move on to the next chapter it's like oh well i kind of want to just do this again because i'm so good at this dude girls do that too i remember in high school my friend she was like do you think it's wrong that i want a guy to like me when i don't even like him but then i want my friends to think i'm cool or like you know like that's like a status almost yeah you always do that too like oh for sure i think um i thought she was a shady ass ████
19:26 you're gonna play with this dude's emotions and they're gonna ████ commit to you emotionally and then you're gonna break his heart i like that she's like i could tell anything to joe the fish man like who gives a ████ about joe the fish man he's not gonna do anything he's always giving you guys he's a shady ass ████ he'll be a real shady ass hey watch me give this fool some fish here's all having to pop my hand the whole thing just yeah i think i think that's it's a thing that it's it's unfortunate but it's not wrong because it is kind of natural to want to be like yeah but then i think there's a point where you just kind of stack them up too that's what i'm saying i'm not trying to like uh say that it's right in any way but i feel like human beings have to test their like emotional capacity through social experience like that and it's like people are going to be in sometimes the victim and sometimes the you know perpetrator whatever you know what i mean but at the end it's like kids
20:17 it's like you're a kid but with your heart you know what i mean so you just gotta do something and so i also think that guys i mean like just p just kids in general don't know themselves right so like i've plenty of times convinced myself that i was completely in love and infatuated with someone just to know that after we we ████ or whatever i'm just like oh wait wait that was just horny and then like i think that happens a lot where you just commit and you say all these things and you're just like you're not trying to play anybody in the moment you actually believe it and you're really believing the ████ that you're saying because you really think that you're going to be together forever and then you do it and you can see clearly because it comes out of your system and you're like you know what i don't love her yeah and i think that happens all the time i mean the easiest way to understand it is if you sometimes when you're starving you eat stuff you
21:07 normally wouldn't choose exactly after you're done consuming that uh food you go hey women are not mcdonald's hamburgers okay dude you're good at breaking up with you that's expert level dude he's like dude i was ████ hungry sometimes you eat some ████ you never wanted to eat and you're like okay we could break up i get it i understand it's the same you're just not healthy for me tell your old man he was cool though
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