0:00 [Music] martha stewart the jailbird that criminal the criminal is on the hunt for love oh she's on the hunt wants to give it to her real good isn't that snoop dogg oh snoop dogg was beating up for a while yeah he was yeah they were smoking beating we're smoking weed and ████ each other and baking cookies together they were she he was taking it from the back and apparently she was giving it to him pretty good too we're like writing them on top but didn't last it didn't last martha got it like that i don't know she does um so she has she uh said on a recent podcast that she wished her friends would just die so that she could date their husbands yo she's such a gangster i love her dude that's ████ like evil ████ genius level i could take their husband
0:52 ever since she got uh she got arrested you know she's she kept her straight she could be herself yeah i know she's like what are you gonna do send me to jail everybody should get arrested once yeah yeah i'm still wearing everything this is so much more funnier because of the persona that she's built out for so many years this ████ yeah like housewife snl skit yeah just so ████ perfect right and then she's a bud smoking criminal like i don't give a ████ she was also smoking when she was young too right was she she loved her she was a hippie like her old school ████ yeah she was smoking joints and ████ bacon cakes and ████ she also robbed houses when she was 12 years old oh ████ her cooking game was fired ████ around at all yeah and she was an asian gang she was in the watchings i heard she was watching yeah you ready she's the infamous uh fair-skinned lady i think yeah apparently she's still connected to the triads because she doesn't want to let
1:42 go of her past yeah her ex her name her last name was the white weddle that's right that's not the black one or the white widow no so she says she's had two mad crushes in the last month and none of them were on the market because she was hanging out with her friends and like her their husbands are tight but then she's like oh man my friends like love their husbands and so it's like kind of weird so i'm going to kill them so i'm going to hire some hitmen oh she's like i hope that i have natural causes or choking deaths perhaps she's like if only yeah so so she's uh she's announcing i'm single ready to mingle for all the 80 year old dudes out there no i'm sure there's a lot of baby you don't love you i would ████ martha stewart is she 80 she's she's 80. would you guys ████ her 80. can i see what she looks like yeah you can absolutely see what she looks like this is her at a i heart radio uh hang no 80s too old for me are you
2:33 talking about like an emotionless just objective question yeah yeah nothing to do with anything yeah exactly would you just ████ on it and just suck on and all that ████ on it and suck off i'd be capable i wouldn't have desire i mean she looks like put together she's not a ████ walmart lady i bet she smells like an old woman though does she not she but if you're 90. that guy that got him out dude she knows how to cover it but if you're 90 you're ████ a hot young ████ you know what i take that back i take that back if we had a bed made out of straw and a ████ wagon and she's wearing some little house on the prairie ████ i'm down that's a very specific kink yeah that's nice because i want to like ████ her back to the old days when she ████ you back to the old days you remind her of like where she came from and i get to dress up as a chinese rat woodworker [Laughter]
3:24 there's martha with snoop all right i can't say i'm into it they make a good couple yeah they she should just hook up with ████ snoop yo she was ████ smoking hot as a youngin yeah for sure i mean objectively just as just as students of the world dude she's a ████ hot one whoa oh yeah that's her you know i'm gonna write martha stewart ████ titties for days for days f-o-r-d-a-y martha stewart the heavies the happiness and she's really beautiful the martha stewart heavies project beautiful she was smoking now she's young i do like
4:14 her magazine i do like her recipes i'm a big fan of our residents they're really good she got a great recipe i love the recipes for our yeah oh i love the green beans dude love the green beans y'all she out here she looks like a vogue model yeah she looks like a straight up center folder why's she looking like hannah's sister and ████ that's probably the just got rude and the sister that's ty joe joe is so honest i love when joe's really long i love honestly it's a black and white photo but for in my head she's a redhead in there yeah i can see it you know like it's a step by step barbarella she looks like what the ████ is her name dad barbara walters remember barbarella barbara no no no what the jane uh god damn it vietnam jane uh ████ from ████ everyone hates her uh from ████ um tom hanks ████ that one
5:04 jane goodall jane uh foster no no no fonda jane fonda hey watch this watch this watch this i think talking about gender jane fund is a smoking is pretty hot you guys are gonna be like yo steve green pretty good call on that one yo man those throwback 60s girls ████ all natural yeah those woodstock chicks wow dirty covered in mud not bad that's jane fonda barbarella did i nail it or what that's what it's a smoke show bro i don't know barbarella is a classic like old sci-fi movie with this smokey smoke show i like old james is she a science project right there uh yeah kind of no kind of she almost looks like a young christina applegate there yeah kind of yeah for sure but yeah no and you know young christina applegate was pretty pretty interesting too um but no barbarella was like this like
5:56 she was a sex symbol because of this movie and then uh you know she looks very similar i guess to hannah's sister so there you go all these white girls looking like hannah's sister yeah so we're excited for the wedding joe because uh i guess we'll get to meet hannah's sister there and you're gonna wish that they were single you're gonna wish that their husbands died she's not single i mean if she can wish that the husbands die yeah yeah we can do the two or she doesn't watch the husband's dad she was but you get it yeah you get with the parallels yeah do you think that's her like just trying to manifest a man out there just putting it out to the universe like i am ready to ████ date you know saying it out loud and ████ well she's never been like romantically linked to anybody that i'm aware of that's true she's never had a public relationship i don't know she's always been getting mad dick maybe because she looks so hot like and throughout throughout like notorious for getting mad like throughout life she just she
6:47 always had a surplus of dick until as of late you know what i mean like she had a ████ steward yeah she always does she have a list the champ martha stewart dick let's go ahead dude i'm good this is my personal computer hugh grant had martha stewart she had a ████ dick distribution network dude grant was beating it the ████ up for a while yeah yeah and so that's why she never had a ████ be like yo i'm dating because she had plenty of options and so she was just too covered in dick to actually step down and go wait wait a minute i need some dick in my life she never had that moment ever she was always she actually coined the phrase dick appointment yeah that's what she got real fast that was like her thing she goes wait i gotta get to my dick appointments i got this oh can you call my ████ dick manager because god damn i got too much dick today did you guys know that martha stewart um has recently
7:38 released a frozen food um um menagerie like a microwavable line yeah i love frozen i love her products is she gonna compete with marie calendars and ████ now that's what she's trying to do she's calling martha calendars that's her play but no she really does have like a bunch of frozen food is it good i don't ████ know you just saw it at that i saw it was google i heard the wolfgang puck frozen pizzas are ████ good i've never tried them but i keep hearing that i'll be so honest i've only had good frozen pizza i think frozen pizza is incredible oh actually uh ████ some of those like some of the celeste pizzas are kind of gross so this piece is awful but digiorno is good jordan's eye is pretty ████ good giorno is above jordan is pretty good and they can ████ off about it yeah dude remember you brought those pizza to [Laughter]
8:37 what the ████ is going on i was just talking to people i didn't really pay attention to the oven i should have didn't set a timer but that's fine that was a good time it was really fun but yeah apparently plastic melts big time in the oven apparently you're supposed to remove before cooking by the way you should take the digiorno out of the box before you cook it good place to start we just trusted you in the kitchen but it didn't say it on the label which is why he does it i'm a millionaire i'm gonna go get a red baron after this man like baron's fire too red baron supreme is not even don't even ████ around with it it's good you put it in your mouth is good too cbc frozen pizza is good the barbecue chicken pizza it's hard to mess up frozen have you guys ever tried the difference between ordering pizza hut on postmates and pizza hut on the app no what's that i thought pizza doesn't come on postmates only bart would try it yeah there's a huge difference this is rich
9:27 guy stuff so this is what i learned right we keep getting these pizzas that are ████ lukewarm and it's because it's these goddamn ████ separate contractors ordering i mean send me the pizza the pizza box thing yeah when you order directly through the app the delivery person is qualified certified pizza pizza hut personnel dude that comes with the whole velcro thing do you order dominoes through postmates too yes and don't ever do that and it's just smoking yeah it's smoking hot it was like i missed the feeling of like you open it oh ████ i missed that this is why you go to little caesars and you get the hot and ready dude yeah but then he's gonna go somewhere no we can't he's not leaving his face yeah i want it to come and then i just open and eat it no let me tell you something bart cause cause you're gonna burn your fingertips that's what i want i got a little seizures i get the
10:17 hot and ready i have to put on gloves because it's so cold i'm like i'm like oh it's cold you can use it as ice cubes for your drink oh right but hey it's ready that's what it is that's it hey it's ready there's one of two qualifying things for this for this pizza it's hot and it's ready can't blame any driver for that yup can't blame some ████ app no that's how the app's the best that's ridiculous that you ordered domino's i know i never even thought of that because i'm like why don't you just go to the site today because it's postmates you know they deliver because postmates is my food person so i order everything mexican italian chinese whatever i order it through that person but then now i'm like exceptional you see that's problem you forsake your relationship that you have a pizza before posting because they were they were the original postmates dude bart is ordering from the bacchanal buffet
11:10 the circus circus buffet on postmates each individual item's showing up colder and colder and colder and bart's like this is whack yeah i got to stop doing this i tried to go to the buffet instead of soft serve too do they understand why it came ████ amen some people got the freezer cooler stuff and it keeps it nice and cold but what does anything have to do with martha stewart being a hottie [Music] [Applause] [Music] you
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