0:00 [Music] who likes to call 9-1-1 i did i have you like it won't do it what do you like about it i like it can we use them as a delivery service for pizza 9-1-1 i'd be like hello 9-1-1 there's an emergency what i'm hungry if you're eight years old they'll do everything and then you call them back and say and breadsticks july 16 is the official launch date for the new 9-1-1 oh i can't wait rebrand no way why why there a new one is it a tv show no it's not a it's it's not even number one it is a new three-digit number you call when you're specifically experiencing a mental health crisis oh so so kind of like how they had 4-1-1 before they had the phones yeah this is the i mean the the smartphones 988 is the new code so if it's not something you want the
0:50 cops to come and ruin and it's like more of just like a mental thing you don't want to get you know killed 980. so who's on the other end therapists like professionally trained people who are well equipped to handle that yeah that's the current problem we're in because uh while the date is set for like when this is all going to go into effect out of all of the 50 states in u.s only four of them actually completed the comprehensive funding plans for these things right everybody else is kind of still figuring it out so that's an up in the air answer so they're hiring you calling you're on hold the entire time dude who they're gonna hire though a bunch of crypto bros that would be bad news probably well how would a crypto guy respond to that if you guys would be like hi i want to kill myself already oh you want to kill yourself well let's talk do you know how much i lost dude the market is terrible right now it could be an effective treatment though like if someone dwarfs your problem i go
1:41 and listen to what i'm going yeah you wonder what i did oh ████ that's actually a good idea we should try that we should workshop it let's play the fire so 988 that's what you call but only colorado washington nevada lucky for you guys and uh virginia are the only it should be nevada out of all the states nevada and jersey wherever there's casinos true yeah because some people like yeah they get into that uh situation yeah but how many people are gonna abuse this system and prank call it yeah what would you say oh i'll just be on there for an hour just trying monologues coming in glenn gary glenn ross seeing if i'm good if i'm any good because like if you're convincing or not convincing in your own mental health issues yeah that was really believable you should you should audition tomorrow well yeah you should call 911 that's kind of interesting because uh
2:32 you know when you call 9-1-1 it's very clear that they don't really want to ████ with you that long like they're they're not they're kind of talking a little s█████ sometimes even they're trying to like all right what's that 988 yeah personally for sure 988 they really have to be sensitive so i don't think they would be very quick to call you a ████ because what if all the states that don't have the funding they just send it to 9-1-1 dispatcher and then they're picking up both calls and they get all mixed up you know they're like 9-1-1 i mean 988 uh yeah what's your problem i just think the lines are just gonna be so congested super congested yeah isn't there like a helpline where it's like motivational or some ████ like that in one of those states i need a motivational helpline like for public motivation yeah where it's like there's like oh ████ you should do it man you can ████ do it dude don't be sick what if we call that before we come into uh work today it's a robot dude and it's like the worst sounding robot
3:22 yeah it's a robot the entire time press one if you feel you can do the thing what if the mental health people called that number on accident and then it's like hey man i'm not doing something you can do it dude you can ████ do it and like yeah i'm gonna kill myself you can ████ do it bro called the wrong one oops that's the oofy dude you're too inspired to die oh damn well so what do you think the reason is that only four freaking states have their ████ together because people suck at dealing with mental health like dude you'll barely think it's real it's a stigma for sure still yeah dude because if there was a thing if you go to therapy and you're a dude you're gay yeah don't say that ████ bro you've already seen people you're getting diagnoses it's true though like like our generation and above oh it'd be like that's true the first thing they'll say
4:13 is what's wrong with you are you gay yeah yeah yeah i got called gay for wanting to be a therapist when i was in filling out my fafsa yeah i got i got caught up with the agent was like oh this guy's gay right i got called i gotta call gay for making a space mobile i was like 17 years old what were the things you were dangling from what'd you put on there i put the styrofoam and you know you color it mercury i think that that's what we need to do is we need to have a whole episode where we talk about all the things we were gay shame for when we were in high school junior elementary all that stuff because i just think like we need to really like like hit those points and tell the world what it used to be like i gotta call gate for being in a play
5:03 i mean that's kind of gay bro cats cats is good when i was playing dorothy on wizard of oz people were like so calling me gay i don't know why which one was it into the west oh man i can't even remember honestly because it was it just ████ you up so much they were calling you he's like god oh it was grease oh who are you i was kaniki that's the straightest guy in the movie he's the most pretty guy there apparently not he made it gay did you play it gabe yeah you played yeah he's like he has a personal account that's his revenge his revenge like you can call me game get a plate
5:53 his director's like what happened what is this guy i lost control okay he's the star of the showdown he's the kicker everybody wanna see people call me gay for uh playing water polo wearing speedos all the time oh oh the speedos was gay that's kind of weird because didn't in high school we didn't have waterfall in high school but i always imagined water polo guys were like the guys that all the girls were going goo goo gaga over not at my school when i was a virgin until i was married [Laughter] till last year actually because waterfall guys always had that much you know that v yeah yeah i mean but we were a bunch of losers mostly basketball players in my high school and football players were you guys winning much is that why we were like mid we were like they're just splashing each other they're not even like yeah
6:43 there's no balls it was a splash contest it was good but we were good though we were good at that we were good though the best splashers jeez wait nick you're playing you're doing water ballet dude like no one you kept calling it water polo but everyone knew synchronized swimming there was never a ball yeah but don't throw that at me would a trained operator on 98 have to say to you if you were like hey everyone keeps calling me gay i'm not good well are you in a play or something [Laughter] so i obviously am out of the job but you would uh [Laughter] but the next no but like okay all jokes aside i don't happen to be cats yeah you missed your stop police are you
7:35 monko jerry but you would ask like why why are people calling you gay okay and then what would you say mr caller they're calling me gay for no rational reason yeah because i look gay and then i'll be like i'll tell you here let's be my actual self okay that hat like what would happen they say you look gay yeah all the time dude my dad's tyler gay my dad too define what game looks like i don't know but in the 90s it just looked like anything i don't know like because i had gel in my hair i was gay oh yeah okay be the operator be the operator yeah they said i was gay because i have yelled at my hair and i plucked my eyebrows a little well do you do do you like do a lineup on your eyebrows no i just i just plucked the unibrow part and they called me gay well just make sure you don't line them up because then they might have some ground for cause i frosted my tips oh that's it i don't talk to gay people [Laughter]
8:26 this is 1999 by the way and i did when i went to a catholic all boys school in the summer to do math with the don bosco oh ████ yeah we used to make fun of those kids the students like thought it was cool the teachers were calling me gay they're teachers that's crazy where is this exactly it's a catholics wouldn't it tech is in like uh san gabriel or like uh i forgot what city it's actually in you know what the rumor was well i think it's montebello or san gabriel that's the city it's in the group so so all the neighboring schools we knew that there was all boys school right and then the rumor was that um all the boys of that school were gay all of them all of them yeah that was the joke everybody would say about all boys yeah that's a fact because it's all boys school like oh they're kissing each other for sure and then there will be like these rumors like oh yeah you know like they they
9:16 practice on each other and stuff because they don't even have a chance to like meet girls so then they have to practice kissing with each other well the thing is when i went this summer or even start though dumb 14 year old right like in the summer charlie from truth girls are a lot of rumors yeah girls are allowed to attend there at the summer so when i went there was it was co-ed in the summer yeah but i just remember when i came in there you're not allowed to have diet hair and then i had frosted tips 19.99 i'm sorry i go in uh the dean of discipline tells me to go to the office we go to the office we're standing in front of like three other faculty people i just got there i don't know anyone and the they're all just laughing at me in a room and then the dean guy he just goes like he's like doing this get a load of this guy bit and he's just like he goes you think you think a kid like this makes stellar grades
10:06 and they were all just like dying laughing and then he was like yeah you could have to dye that back and then they let me go and i was like that was the start of my day one i was like ████ this school yeah like you think he gets good grades like why is that a joke i think it's just because they knew i was an outsider and they probably thought i was gay so okay wow how old were you 16. but that's how prevalent it was though like that ████ would happen all the time no no but like that type of behavior from like a teacher to a kid you know absolutely well because that's the sign of the times too it's like not only were like people calling each other gay like by the drop of a hat but adults were also doing that yeah you watch certain movies that are made like 10 years ago and you see how they like stigmatize like gay people don't hold up well they definitely don't write even in sitcoms and ████ like that oh
10:57 yeah totally they're just like these like flaming stereotypes yeah friends friends does not hold up well [Music] [Applause] [Music] you
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