0:00 the dick container and it fell and the dick rolled out and then they were like I ain't touching that I ain't gay and then none of the guys wanted to pick the dick back up so they're like all right we're they couldn't hire a game fast enough that's true because you if you if the cop touches that then they're probably gay immediately [Music] all right it's JK mystery time mysterious gotta figure out how the hell this could possibly happen mystery in Alabama There's a gas station parking lot okay one of my favorite places somebody found a severed human penis oh on the grounds of the parking lot how did it get there what is this right here why is it there how old was it 24 years old I think is
0:50 the penis is 24 years old no no I'm I don't think they know how long exactly but it's three inches it's a 24 year old's penis a deeply closeted man had gay sex in a bathroom there and he's very religious and afterwards he decided he shouldn't have a penis anymore I'm ashamed of myself oh that's a good take I think it's a Alabama Mafia oh sending a message girl am pay your protection fee yep and then they throw the dick so it's like horse's head but in Alabama they do a little bit oh ████ I like it I'm guessing it's a a jealous or or a estranged wife who got mad at her husband for whatever cut off his dick and then just drove around and
1:40 chucked it out the window oh here's a hint there were no reports prior or after of anybody missing their dick really oh is it a Statewide crime was it a Louisiana dick this is a federal oh I know this will buy you it's the Alabama Mafia and they're a lot you know what we need a new makeover and people that have done a ride I think that's a good idea is the Yakuza and they chop off fingers we chop off our penis if we mess up we gotta saying the message oh my God they're on for making mistakes yeah it's like seppuku yeah okay I have an idea it's the Alabama Mafia again hey that part stays true no matter who's got it we all agree it's definitely that right because we already know that's obviously I've literally never heard of
2:31 before three minutes ago they're huge it's got to be part of the narrative yeah okay no I don't ████ well I'm just counting on these guys what are you talking about I have an idea okay all right tell me elephant okay sorry no no go ahead Jason no I thought you were no please Jason go okay all right um he's staring at you um so in the Alabama Mafia okay got it they they really which is really bad they looked up to Jeffrey Dahmer okay yeah so they're like you have to you know um cut off um like Five Guys dick and then so you can work up the you could be like a lieutenant in the mafia okay and then this guy he he's an overachiever so he started to he's in the gas station and
3:22 he cut off like 10 dicks oh whoa yeah yeah ten and then he he put it in like a bag like a Walmart bag okay right but it's a small Walmart bag and then the cops saw him and he goes you got a bag of dicks right and he's like not yeah because there's no code for that for radio so they have to say the whole thing yeah yeah you got a bag of dicks and then the guy who was like I have yeah I gotta be a lieutenant too lieutenant and then he runs away and one dick fell out oh or just to pick up on this okay it's the Alabama Mafia okay okay he's got all these dicks in the bag and he's he's in the bathroom and then here's police and then he's like oh ████ and he ████ just starts eating all the dicks as many as he can if he gets caught with him that's illegal yeah and
4:12 then you know he left one of them outside yeah but then he left one out police are like we found no dicks we found a big empty bag and a little case open shut it smells funny this bag sure smells weird in here he didn't want to get caught right so after he finished eating a bag of dicks he chopped off his own put it out there for the evidence nobody's gonna assume you would eat your own dick that's real good officer how could I eat all these pieces I already have peas that determines that yeah I believe there's logic I got another question yeah what color was the deck white oh that's the same color as the Alabama mafia's emblem was there a fishing string attached to the penis no there was no fishing that's an interesting every time the cop tries to pull it [Laughter]
5:04 there's a weird laughing Bush nearby we'll investigate that soon that's next on the ticket we're gonna investigate that real soon any other questions of something you might want to know that might help you actually figure it out so it's a white is the person that it belongs to still alive do we know we don't know who it belongs to right no oh ████ oh it's a dead dick oh it's a cadaver definitely a dead dick it's a cadaver you think it rolled out of the ████ Mortuary probably a science fan probably came out of the science man I was driving by it's bad it's like a bookmobile maybe it was like a guy that got in a car accident and then they were giving a dick replacement because you know when you're a donor you can donate organs and then they had like a dick at the ████ gas station and then the guy they have a dick at the gas station that's delivering the dick deliver right United United penis service they were out there they're like oh I gotta ████ go I gotta go get some chips at
5:56 the AM PM so then they ████ went inside and then they tipped over the ████ dick container and it fell and the dick rolled out and then they were like I ain't touching that ████ I ain't gay and then none of the guys wanted to pick the dick back up so they're like all right we're they couldn't hire a game fast enough yeah that's true because you if you if the cop touches that then they're probably gay immediately yeah so that's why nobody they just left it in Alabama yeah come on right with all the homophobic dudes out there you can you imagine a truck driver going about that's a ████ dick I ain't touching that thing no I wouldn't touch it you know does the article say but California truck driver the dick is a grower or a shower um it it appears to not be a grower oh that was a shower so it's just a big old thing just laying there yeah it's like salami no that's as a grower I'm very jealous I think it
6:47 would lose its ability to grow after being detached however show is still on the table here's how here's what happened the story is actually a lot sadder and and they'll just don't tell us now let's stick back to Alabama Mafia and grosser than you would think you got the closest though so here's what happened that gas station is located like directly off of a exit from the freeway okay freeway's right next to it there was a guy on a motorcycle who lost control and he got repeatedly hit by a ton of different cars to the point where his body literally fell the pieces fell to Pieces oh my gosh it was like his dick got detached oh and it was on the hood of a truck and then that truck after the situation pulled into that parking lot and the dick rolled off the
7:38 hood I'm gonna need the story to be not real I mean how that sounds unreal to even visualize this is so ████ insane is it like dark so the cars can't see a body on the road like you're just driving your truck and also there's a ████ penis on the hood of your car and some guy's body explodes how did they get this story put together were they interviewing many people that had ████ pieces of body everywhere yeah because the truck driver is like almost rolled off of my truck this guy just went like this it was a thing where a lot of different people were involved in like when it happened it was like a like multiple car collision type situation so they're all there and when the investigators got there they put all the pieces together what happened literally and then once it
8:29 had dispersed they didn't know that a guy had like one of the guys who was involved who probably didn't get the worst of it had pulled over to that gas station so they weren't checking until much later someone in the parking lot just was like hey that's a dude when you say put all the pieces together it's like put all the pieces of bodies together and realized oh everything's there but a dick and they have to go look for it they didn't actually take into account whether or not all you think when a dick flew on his ████ windshield right that's what we hit the white washer and he did that ████ he goes get off he's like that wasn't it there's no way gonna be a dick that wasn't a penis right otherwise I'd be gay because wasn't there someone that said that like a dude jumped off yeah they didn't they were in disbelief that it was a human that was my friend yeah he uh yeah he the car in front of him hit a lady and then that lady's body
9:21 hit his windshield and he his brain immediately made a different story and was like oh sir yeah like it went to a defense mode that I guess happens when you're under like extreme like yeah so as soon as he saw it he was like he said that he remembers saying huh why would there be a bunch a bunch of jars of jam on the freeway shut the ████ up and then he stopped at a at a gas station and cleaned it off without even thinking like he was just like yeah I wish I had that power to lose and then he got home and then just immediately broke down oh oh my God stop it raspberry strawberry blueberry dude that's like when I saw my mom naked when I was a kid and I was just like oh like I just saw the blurry Kool-Aid man that's what that was it was the blurry Kool-Aid Man blurry Kool-Aid so that's what it had to
10:11 be yeah if you want to survive right you gotta survive it's survival it's a survival technique so that could probably be the case for a lot of people who were because it's it's weird in this report that says that's the first few people that hit him didn't even stop and then as you can continue to get hit like it's such a crazy thing this must be a very fast moving freeway and they don't know what happened to this motorcyclist to have lost control like he was the Catalyst for why the crash happened where was this um Alabama oh yeah I thought it was a different story because from the mafia yeah no it's still the mop what's the mafia have to do with Alabama I don't know you ever heard of the Alabama Mafia [Music]
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