0:00 thank you [Music] Ohio deputies responded to a situation that was happening outside of a home when a six-year-old boy was found standing there with an open Smirnoff Ice in his hand oh she's ████ chilled yeah he's chill as ████ he's the chills can I ever met advice the police have responded to this particular child many times the second time many times the second time the same child was later found riding a scooter while also holding a Smirnoff Ice Dude the Kid Likes what he likes he's ████ doing this ████
0:50 um so both times the authorities approached the boy's mother and she both times was like oh I didn't know he's he stole one of my drinks again however classic what's been going on um they pulled the boy aside the the authorities and they go what's up with all the Smirnoffs right let's go why don't you do Bud Light no no um he says so he tells the police officers I'm not kidding it either he says um a friend of his dad has been giving him Smirnoffs regularly and they help him sleep oh ████ the six-year-old boy they're turning him into alcoholic a single digit age I got ████ insomnia officer you're gonna help me chill out yeah they help me chill out you want one right yeah it helps me sleep
1:41 so don't ask me which flavor okay strawberry it's red white and blue yeah it's seasonal but he gets it all year round they have a case of it it's Ohio huh Ohio yeah um I Heard Ohio was quite the Trashy State yep from who Joe but then um Drew Carey he always made it kind of nice Ohio 90s Ohio yeah true carry huh I've only been to I've only been to Columbus Ohio and that place sucks ass really what sucks about it Columbus what is it what would you compare it to I think if you asked the Mayor of Columbus you'd be like this place sucks next question that's Drew Carey of Ohio right Cleveland I don't know Cleveland yeah it was so boring like there was so little going on I could have laid in the middle of the road and they're downtown and I would not even worry about getting run over oh that sounds so romantic
2:32 sounds like a good trade yeah dude that place was dead I thought when I think of Ohio I don't I forget those cities exist I think of um Juggalos oh like I just think of cornfield insane Posse and I just think of pronounced Gigolo jiggle no I feel I I think of like white kids like in the trailer park listening to Juggalos wow Dave Chappelle makes it seem pretty chill where does he live oh that's right he's in Ohio yeah either Dayton or Cleveland but he's in Ohio it seems like such a jet Setter I I don't think he's ever tied down anywhere so he lives there yeah he lives there he like walks around the town he said he said he nobody bothers you yeah he lives in a small town that everyone knows of him no one bothers him and he just loves his little Community yeah Nikki said one of the worst things she ever did with with a celebrity was uh she was at a bar
3:23 and she was working there right and like Dave Chappelle basically closed down the bar and just like was giving everybody drinks and so everyone's having a great ████ time right and then it's like towards the end of the night and uh and Nikki and she's been shooting the ████ with Dave Chappelle the whole ████ night everyone has right and then the end of the night um she's like hey just wanted to say okay I'm a big fan of your work and then he like like gave her the stink eye and then left and she's like that was the most ████ awkward thing ever but like apparently it was like kind of what you guys are talking about where it's like everybody just kind of leaves them well no one treats him like a person but then once I think she raised his status oh ████ out and so she knows now what happened but like back then she's like 20 ████ two ████ that dude no no she was just like confused really but but it was like I
4:14 thought we were having a good girl yeah it was just like hey I just think you're tight you know you can't Vibe on the same level he just yeah he couldn't keep it like he wanted to be just one of the people I think see what she should have said was like no no no it's not from your stand-up it's from Robin Hood Men in Tights like you're a chew thing that was so sick but your other stuff I don't ████ like I don't like your stuff yeah like the stuff you got right now ████ it and then he has to prove himself my stand-up is good it's good you know which is a very successful tactic I had a Dave Chappelle moment at The Improv where uh like after the show he he went up you know the little guest spot but when he does a guest spot I mean everybody knows will be like there for like hour two hours doing his thing after um people were taking pictures with like the comic so it was I was like oh cool I'm gonna get a pig ask for a pick whatever he was he was talking but uh I was trying to get his attention and I
5:06 feel like I was I was talking like too low so I tried the second one I was like uh Dave you ████ and I guess I got in my head or something but I ended up saying it like kind of too loud oh ████ can I get a picture and and he heard that one he was like he was like he he had a reaction of like yeah and then I was like dang it I don't want it anymore oh he was just like yeah come on like that I was like is he in the picture like this yo we take the picture and then when I when I when I get up thank you man I think I'm all like I got a picture I look at it like it's blurry like it I don't know bro but I was like damn it man like I was like I yelled at Dave I yelled at him you know when I was just like trying to get a perfect octave so he could hear it but now you got to post this photo yeah I gotta post it I gotta post it when that happens and you're like set to perform like at a like when there's like six
5:57 comics about to go up and then Dave shows up and then the place goes all right Dave's just gonna take the rest of time do you guys still get paid oh no I don't I mean I haven't you don't even get paid you don't really get paid out here but either way like when Dave shows up and you haven't performed yet and you're on the lineup yeah I mean yeah you just got bumped right enjoy the show you don't say learn actually you know what I'm saying like you know so nobody ever looks at that as like a oh what the ████ some dude yeah some dude yeah yeah they got some guy who's just on TV and then he's kind of a hack but not not necessarily Dave Chappelle right yeah no Dave Chappelle it's cool but it's also a thing where it's like you got your folks who came out to see you you know I mean your fans came up to see you like you know your fans like yo thanks for bringing us to see Dave dude yeah yeah I guess that's understandable but if it's like Carrot Top you got bummed in his Carrot Top and it's like oh God damn and then the club is down though because
6:47 it's Carrot Top still then you're like well ████ and you're like man this guy said it's actually really good at one of my first shows like I was bringing everyone out and it was like 7 30 at the comedy store and then uh By the time because all these other people start popping in by the time I got up it was 11 30. and the crowd way different everyone's drunk heckling left and right that's just normal ████ yeah and if like 20 of your friends show up maybe only three or four of them stay now and then now they're just like oh oh they hate everything they go up tonight and I'm like trust me yeah they're all mad at you yeah I hate you they hate the show they hate the club forever and then Byron Allen comes and everyone's got to stop dude because I went to a Byron Allen Show and I and I was I know you know I know you know you're ████ lucky man I suffered through Brian Allen Byron Allen was you ever seen Commerce Unleashed
7:37 with Byron Allen uh the best show yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm familiar were he like you know like he would have you here and he's like so Chris tell me about what happened with you getting stuck in a bird cage it's crazy and then and you're like well Byron so yeah I was um you know I was looking for my bird I was like wait I feed this bird every day I just took my head in the cage you know and then I got my head stuck in the bird cage and then they cut the canned audience laughing because nobody's laughing because it's so ████ awkwardly presented because and I know why I know nobody's laughing because I was ████ there in the audience when I first moved to LA that was like one of the first things I ever did was I got a gig as an extra for Comics unleash Byron Allen it was 12 hours of pure comedy hell oh ████ pirate Allen would like try a joke out it doesn't work and then his writer staff will come out and they'll only cut and then they're all like talking for way too long and then he
8:28 tries it again and like does a different emphasis on the same word but the audience is like he laughs again and he's like I think we got that and then it's like like that was the show TV show would play it like at 1am yeah bro but you know what you made Millions off of it it was a syndication he's a ████ billionaire yeah who's laughing grandma what they would do I was there right so so they would have um a warm-up comic did a warm comic come out and then he was trying to warm us up but like it's cold in there and everyone's hungry and ████ and that was at the start so then um they're like everybody give us a like a big laugh and then there and then we all have to fake laugh for the camera and then they would just keep on cutting that ████ yeah and they would like have to reverse image it I'm Different uh different levels of labs a big one a middle one a a clap one yeah but then like those are the only times we ever
9:18 laughed was during the can laugh parts so then you have a bunch of people in the same clothes who are laughing at the same octaves right and then they have to reverse image it they have to like change the brightness like ████ like change the colors of our shirts to like make a guy's hair look different and ████ like just to make it look not jarring when they keep cutting the same ████ laughs isn't that so cool about you gave him in this studio audience like of all people just ████ slapped at his knee oh bro it was like really good research for your actual humor this is these big breaks to actually be there no it wasn't it was awful to be watching it from your perspective oh my God filter it's going through well yeah learning learning how Comics pitched their material was interesting yeah it was very fascinating because that's
10:08 exactly what that show is it's just a pitch right it's just a pitch and then a pitch for you to do your start to do your stand up which we we've done Shameless material yeah it's so bad but when you watch like he's just alley-ooping himself every time no he's out tell him about the birdcage thing oh sure but it's so unnatural yeah it's he's just really bad at hosting honestly he's really bad McDonald would always make fun of it and he would go he said that in a real episode Byron Allen was like so they tell me you're getting older it was that bad guys like old jokes dude by the end of it the audience was so sick of his hosting that he would say something like that and everyone like oh it was like that he's like I think we got it no and the and the crew the producers and the crew were just constantly apologizing to us because we had to keep staying it was it was crazy
10:58 by the way on top of all that wildly successful but and he had all the best Comics at the time they all wanted to be on TV all the all the comics are carnies right they just want to be on ████ TV so that they can go sell out a show somewhere on tour and they can put it as a credit Comics only that's it it's on NBC and then that ████ worked back then especially you put that on your website like oh I'm on CBS it doesn't matter if I'm on at four in the morning [Music]
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