0:00 for everybody. Hey, what's the time you witnessed something you absolutely were not supposed to see? >> Like my dad's his girlfriend? >> What the >> Yeah. >> It's big. >> I saw his dad fake eating his girlfriend's >> What do you mean fake eating? >> Wait. Whoa. >> tell your story? >> Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. >> Like dry dry eating it. >> Wait, we can't ████ do round two on his dad's story and then ask me to do my story. That's crazy. >> All right. All right. All right. >> Do we start at chapter one or are we going to chapter four? >> Cuz mine it lead I mean it's even harder hardcore. >> Also >> So we'll go softcore. >> You believe your part? Okay. >> My this softcore, right? So I used to >> His his share his Bart's dad story. >> I used to live at Bart's dad's house, right? He was pretty sick because um he knew that I had a two-bedroom apartment where my mom abandoned me and he goes,
0:50 "Why don't you just save money and move in with me?" And I was like, "That's sick." So um I rented out one of his rooms and then um so there's a downstairs there's a living room and order to get to the garage to do laundry, you got to go through the living room and him and his girlfriend were like watching Chinese military parades or something. He he he loved military parades for some reason and then so >> Really turns you on. >> Yeah, so I go down, you know, they're watching their hello, sir, right? And then um when I go back you know, my laundry's in, right? So I I got to go back and throw it in the dryer. So I walk downstairs and his girlfriend's now sitting on the lazy boy chair that he was sitting on and his head was in between her legs. So you see this auntie
1:41 doing this. >> Got 99 Ranch worker. >> 99 Ranch, yeah. Imagine a 99 Ranch auntie doing this. His dad's face motorboating and she's giggling and holding his head like, "Stop." And so they were like I felt like I was the dad and they were the teenagers that they caught like they caught like and I had I had a I couldn't stop. I saw that I started die I walked through. And they were so embarrassed, bro. I had TO DRY MY CLOTHES. I DRIED MY CLOTHES. I WALKED back out. They're in separate parts of the couch now like with DISTANCE AS IF I'M THEIR dad that caught them. >> Nothing happened. Nothing happened. >> Watching their military parade. >> So insane. >> Watching >> What part of it you think got them horny? Of the military parade where they're like oh the missiles? >> The missiles?
2:32 >> No, it was probably just background noise and they were just flirting. >> That's what I'm saying. >> Yeah, I think it was just background. >> They see those missiles getting rolled on and they're like I got to eat. >> I WAS LIKE THIS. >> MOTORBOATING LIKE THAT. >> [laughter] >> THAT'S YOUR DAD? >> THAT'S MY DAD, DUDE. >> That's hey, that's your dad? >> Yeah, that's my dad. >> But by the way, he she's like stop. Oh, stop doing it. Like he wasn't doing it well. >> He was like attacking the ████ >> He was attacking the ████ >> SHE'S LIKE STOP. STOP. [laughter] >> I think he was attacking the ████ too hard. >> Kid, you were like a teenager, dude. I was like >> You want to see this web of mass destruction? >> That should be me watching TV with girlfriend and him catching me. >> Or Bart's dad probably say you see that missile? That's how mine looks like and then they're like haha and then next thing you know it's motorboating. >> He's like let me show you. >> Yeah. >> He's like I need to go undercover.
3:22 >> Jeez. >> Yeah. So so that's that's okay. So sorry. >> Hardcore? >> Really good. I'm supposed to see that. >> Yeah. Now Bart can give the hardcore. >> Yeah. >> So mine was uh I remember >> Dad's a legend. >> So my dad uh he worked at a casino, right? So he has like pretty odd hours. Um it's like from I think like 5:00 or 6:00 until 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning. And uh I think one time I was at home and I think I thought I heard my dad. But I I didn't know like what was doing so I was like looking for him. I went downstairs. This is night time. I'm like okay, he's not in the living room, he's not in the kitchen. I'm like but I could have sworn he's awake. Like what the ████ is going on? So I come back upstairs and his door was like cracked open just a little bit. And then so as soon as I open it, all I
4:12 see are my dad's naked butt cheeks. >> [snorts] [laughter] >> And as soon as soon as I saw Yeah, as soon as I saw that I'm like oh my god, you know there's some images you want to erase out of your mind. I booked straight to my room and go under the pillow like why why why why? >> so horny, dude? >> like horny guy. >> ████ bro. >> Same girl? Same girl? >> I don't know if it was the same girl. I don't know. >> He didn't hang out. >> Bro, your dad got that big >> what? You know what? No, it's not cuz that was that was when I was in high school. He had a different girl than later on. >> Yeah. >> Good for the guy. >> He's a He's always getting new girls, dude. >> Bro, your dad was getting busy. >> How old do you think he was back then? >> What do you think his body count is? [laughter] >> Uh it got to be at least 250. >> Well, cuz he also when he first came to
5:02 America, remember he had to go up and down Hollywood to see what white feels like? >> What? >> That's what he told me. >> What do you mean remember? >> We told that story here. When he first came to America, you know when there's all those adult like theaters on Hollywood and Sunset? >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> So he's I never boned a white chick. I need to figure out what white chicks feel like. >> It's a nice. >> Used to be like Figueroa back then. Hollywood was just girls all over the place. >> those adult movie theaters you can just go in and and watch or whatever. >> Why is everything so scientific with you guys, man? Yeah, cuz you're >> [laughter] >> I see what the ████ feels like. >> We're foreigners. >> I haven't felt white >> Yeah. >> We're foreigners. >> No, but the approach is like instead of I want a hot girl, it's you know what? I haven't had black chocolate. >> That. >> But I I I want to experiment. >> [laughter] >> It's is we're foreigners. We're tourists. >> You are not a foreigner. You're from LA,
5:52 dude. >> Hot foreigner ways, brother. >> [laughter] >> I am a tourist more than I am at home. >> I mean >> So, I got tourist rules, brother. I'm a foreigner everywhere else. I have to I have to try the local dishes. >> What did you guys not supposed to experience experience? >> My grandfather on Christmas Day uh we're my mom's like So, I know [snorts] you guys think cuz I'm a whitey, you don't say hi to anybody. You just walk into anybody's house cuz you own it. But, that's not true. >> I thought. >> No, no, no. When Ryan and I are here, that's what that's what the narrative is. Uh you have to say hi to everybody if you go into a house. And if your uncles are there, your grandparents are there, it's especially big. You have to ████ say hi to them, bye to them. And so, I had to say bye to my grandfather because we're leaving. And it was Christmas Day, and we we go into the room
6:43 and the room I'll never forget cuz the door it it was like put in later on, and it drags against carpet. So, you hear the drag against the carpet. And my grandpa is like ah And you just see on a big HRT screen, computer [clears throat] screen, some chick's bent over completely and like her titties out and her butt hole is out. And like my grandpa is clearly beating off to this. And we all had to sequentially go up to my grandpa and give him A KISS GOODBYE. >> [laughter] >> HOW OLD WERE YOU? >> I WAS like 12. And yeah. >> We all couldn't close the windows. >> He couldn't No, he couldn't figure it out. Cuz he's on his Mac and he's like ah. And the whole time we're saying goodbye like bye, grandpa. AND HE'S GOING AH
7:33 CUZ HE COULDN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO CLOSE IT. AND SO, WE'RE all clearly seeing what the ████ IS HAPPENING. [laughter] AND LIKE THIS CAT COULDN'T FIGURE OUT HOW to close it. And I think that [laughter] I think cuz he I think I I think it's because it was Christmas and one of my uncles got him one of those trackball mouses that he hadn't used before. And he had just plugged it in and he was like, "Hey, I'm going to go in the back room for a while to free up my grandma." And and what he didn't tell anybody else. And so we just noticed, "Oh, there's no like loud war movies playing so grandpa's probably in the back room cuz he usually does that. If there's no loud war movies playing, if he's not watching Hamburger Hill or whatever, then probably he's in the back room. >> He just decided on Christmas with his whole grandkids and families over to get one off. >> I don't think he thought we were supposed to seek him out because I do think that my cousins are the rude whites who don't say hi and bye.
8:25 But we were the polite whites, still trash, but we were told to you know, you have to say hi and bye. You have to. If you go into somebody's house you won't say hi and bye, you're trash, you're garbage. And so yeah, it was biggest mistake of my parents' lives to raise us that way cuz like I'll never >> Yeah, forget that. Damn, both of you guys caught your grandpa's jacking off. >> I was going to say. HE WAS LIKE, "AH, GOD DAMN." "GOD DAMN." >> [laughter] >> LIKE IT WAS VERY CLEAR THAT HE WAS >> While getting a kiss on the cheek, while getting >> Kissing on the cheek. >> Okay. >> He was He was just non enthused that we were in the room at all, obviously. Why would he be? >> But at least you had the shame to like put it away where his grandpa just kept jacking it. He didn't give a ████ if Subi was there. >> Oh yeah, my grandpa was wilding too. >> Grandpa was trying to figure out this trackball thing and he couldn't He couldn't put anything away. Couldn't put
9:15 the screen away. He was like bent over in front of us the whole time we were kissing him on the cheek. >> Wait, where's your grandpa at now? >> Uh in a wall. In in an urn. >> God damn. Must have been a while ago, my fault. What about your grandpa? >> What's up, man? Why would you ask me that? >> No, I was >> Is your grandpa still alive? >> I was just curious, my fault. My grandpa, he's on the ground. >> I'm reliving this trauma. I'm I'm reliving all this trauma. >> My grandpa? >> You're fine. >> Yeah, cuz Subi walked by. He His grandpa didn't stop. He couldn't resist. He goes, "Oh my god, so good." >> [laughter] >> Yeah, that dude was crazy, bro. And I was just same thing, Steve. >> Your grandpa touched >> All right, grandpa, we're heading out. >> Yeah. >> And he's just like >> Love you. >> Okay, close the door. >> [laughter]
10:05 >> LOVE YOU, GRANDPA. LOVE YOU. >> GRANDPA? >> THAT'S what we all did. We're like, "Love you. Love you. Love you." >> That's why Master Roshi was so funny to me, cuz I was like, all grandpas to me were just horny. >> I think that's what it is, man. >> My grandpa used to try to kiss Nikki on the mouth all the time. >> Like a slow kiss? >> Yeah. Well, cuz he would try to sneak them in. >> God damn. >> Yeah, he's trying to do whatever he can get eat a little every little edge out he could get, brother. >> man. >> see Nikki, I would, too. Oh, yeah, brother. >> does this with the hair, I'm ████ in, boy. >> The video end the ████ video. Don't end it. >> What the ████ is going on? >> Put the video up for the people. >> All right, this is disgusting.
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