0:00 Oh my god, I love your shirt. Oh, girl to girl. Yeah. Oh my god, your outfit. Oh my god, you a you fine ████ Welcome back to a uh episode of Careful Boys that will have a lot of good energy. Um this was a very simple question that someone asked. I thought it was very sweet. They all they wanted to know is how do I make friends? Oh god. And I thought that was very like wholesome and honest, man. If it's been this long and you still ain't got just give up. Give up. Maybe it's not the cards for you, pal. There's like AI bots you can talk to nowadays. And they're way better than people. Trust me. They'll respond immediately. I chat with Chad GBT every
0:50 day. What's up? I wonder what like state or what area these people are messaging from cuz I feel like that does have a lot to do with it. You know what's one thing I that I thought was pretty interesting too is like this one dude he was some Asian guy from like somewhere in the Midwest and he was talking about how like spoiled uh California Asians are that there's just Asians everywhere and he was like everywhere I go he's like I'm the only Asian like I can't make that connection culturally with anybody his whole life like it's it's he's always having to cross-culturally like meet people. What's wrong with that? Like, but I feel like you do have cuz, you know, like me growing up, I didn't really have that many Asian friends, so I had to do that ████ all the time, you know? I think you just got to be a special kind of guy to really like like not everybody's that savvy with like chopping it up, you know? Like if you're a little bit more of like a reserved or shy guy, it's going to be tougher. You know what's interesting? Uh
1:41 that uh about me, I guess, but maybe not that interesting. I power lift. I uh I have a truck. I got fresh 425. You sound like you're going to give some stupid I think it's harder and harder to make friends now. I think so too. Yeah. Cuz before You mean the older you get or you mean this generation? No. No. Uh the older I get. So when I'm like 20 or whatever, I'm like, "Oh, cool. This guy's cool. This guy's cool. All these friends, whatever." And then now I feel like I'll meet people and then like I'm like, "Okay, that's nice. That's that's cool." It's like it takes a lot for me to go, "Oh, you know what? Maybe I should let this person in my trust circle. Yeah. You know, my trust circle doesn't really open up as much. Yeah. Because you're satisfied with what you have though. Maybe. Yeah. Yeah. But when I'm in my 20s, all it takes is like Nick
2:31 is like, "Hey, Alar, this guy's tight with me." And I'm like, "Then you're tight with me. You're my brother." Is that how you guys met? Pretty much. And then we're And then you just I will die for you. And then you have like this giant group of friends, you know, but then now it's like people like this tight with me and I'm like I don't know if you make the best life choices. So yeah, it's on you, bro. I'm like that's it's up to you. I also think as you get older though, you have less time to be like meeting other people or spending time and investing in other people. You're just you're too busy. Yeah. The emotional investment part. Emotional investment. Yeah. Also, keep in mind we're competing with online friends. Like I have over a 100 online friends that I balance. Me too. I got I got I got a 100 online friends. probably more probably like since I'm a Twitch streamer as a living like so much of my like friend base is all online. So I have to like actually make a conscious
3:22 effort to go hang out with friends outside of the internet. But isn't that kind of cool though? Like if you go to their state somehow and you're like, "Hey, let's link up. Let's kick it." I'm saying it's like socialization's changed. I would say more so like people have friends. They're just not the way they used to necessarily. This lonely person is asking they don't got online and real life friends, man. Give up, dude. I I'll say I think stop. You should That should always be option number two. But option number one is I feel like growing up for me, it was always hard for me to make friends. Like I would have friends, but sometimes you'd be like maybe this is just a me thing. I'd always be like I don't really like trust you that much, you know? like and I kind of like I like you but like I don't like you all the time. So like for me it was always hard finding like my
4:13 right group of friends. It took me until I was like 20 to be like I actually really like these dudes. Oh wow. You know or like this person cuz the whole time you're like you're kind of trying it out I think. So sometimes it is like you make like there's acquaintances but there's a different level when you actually like make like a good friend. So, I do feel like they kind of have to go through some like checks and balances before you could be like, "Oh, I trust this ████ Like, this is a solid dude." You guys are so deep. Cuz I feel like as a child, my mom goes, "You're at the park." And then my mom goes, "Go to your friends." And I'm like, "I don't know these people." That's very Asian. Go play with your friends. And then, so I go up and I go, "Hey, uh, my mom says I have to play with you." And they're like, "Okay, we're playing hide and seek and we're going to do this." And I go, "Okay." And
5:04 then like you just start playing. And before you know it, you're invited to their birthday party and you're just ████ chilling. And then like I just think growing up way as an adult, too. It was so easy to make friends because you're literally just look like you treating them as your toys. When you're a kid, you don't think too deep about like this. I mean, I'm talking about like third grade or whatever, right? They're like other humans are just toys cuz like I want I want I want to be on the monkey bars with you. That's it. And I'm done with you now and I'm going to go over here and play tag cuz they're playing tag. I guess it is all just playmates cuz what else you going to do? But do you think the person who asked this question was in third grade? Go back to your Hey, you haven't missed the window yet. You're a kid. Okay. But then if you think about each stage, right? So like for different reasons when you're a teenager, you know, you're
5:54 you have clicks. start developing tribes and stuff. It's not so like I remember in elementary like I just invited the whole class to my birthday. I don't There's people I've never even talked to, but my mom was like, "How many people are in your class?" Like 30. And then like I just handed out the invite cards to every single one and then they come to my birthday party. Yeah. And then that's how I just made friends. But like what teenager you have crews or like you're like people that you talk to in class and then like you start to have these little like groups, right? And I think that's where you're supposed to develop most of it. But as an adult, the thing that I think if you haven't if you don't have those skills, it's so much harder cuz like Yeah. I think they may not have the skills. When I moved to Hawaii, even though I might have a mutual like I became close to Brownie cuz he's a mutual friend to you. Yeah.
6:44 Yeah. Yeah. So by proxy you can trust. Yeah. But there are people I met friends that are cold but because I didn't grow up with them in the same city and all that. There is a level of like well we're still dating and it's a long like I've known people now for like 3 years in Hawaii and I still feel like we're cool but we're dating. Mhm. I can't give it up yet. No. But like I feel like people that I've known in high school or college for three solid years, we're ████ homies cuz those three years we spent like 6 days a week together. You're also doing the same stuff with them. Yeah, that makes sense. But then if you think about all your friends you make on in the 20s, they're actually not good. Like they're not always the best because they don't grow with you and you lose a lot of them. And then you start changing and then once you start having families or jobs and things like that,
7:34 you're like, "Oh, you were a ████ piece of s███." But the way I chose friendships in in my 20s was, "Do we do a lot of drugs together or like do we party a lot together or do we like do this thing together?" But they're actually ████ Right. Right. I think they're also seasons of life and seasons of friends. So, they don't necessarily have to be ████ either. It's just you outgrow them. Yeah, that happens. Yeah. And they get deep in the crack and you don't. Yeah. Or you just grow into different directions. That's another big thing, too. Yeah. I do think I think a good way to start at least for how I started to make friends is first like common interest helps and then in the common interest if we have the same sense of humor. Oh yeah. So if I'm like being sarcastic or I say something that's like I guess the kids would say out of pocket or whatever. No, that's
8:25 what we say. If they talk like that if they if they laugh then I'm like okay cool. We're like you know we have like similar communication language and we understand the world in a similar way. Um I can be friends. But if I say like ████ and oh my god why would you ever say something like that? Then I'm like okay we're definitely not going to calling the cops on you for saying it. Yeah. Don't be policing me in my own home like type energy. I think like I I kind of have to think about it a little bit because if I'm going to be moving to Vegas, I'm going to drastically know a lot less people than I do here where I've lived my whole life. This guy's not going to have any problem making friends. Yeah, that's true. Actually, he probably already has friends. Yeah, he already has tons of friends. I think I have a good amount, but like I still I still want to make an effort to like to to meet people like cold meet people. And I think like the first friend so far
9:16 that I've cold met in Vegas was that guy that like I um I left a note for him because someone hit his car. A Yeah. And then um at the Bully Village. So nice. Yeah. And then like And then we Yeah. We're friends now. And he's like the first person I cold know out there that's not connected to like anything. And guess what? That guy would die for Ryan. He ████ loves Ryan, dude. No, we're like And he lives he lives in the same neighborhood that that I want to go to. So yeah. So, I think like that's also it's not like I was purposely trying to make a friend, but like I think if you just leave your house and you just do stuff, I think it naturally happens. Well, if you talk to people, too. Yeah. If you just like I think leaving your house is the first step. Like just, you know, it's not going to happen to you if you're just waiting for it to come to your doorstep. Another thing I realized is we're extroverted, right? We know when the door is open. I realize that
10:07 introverts don't ████ pursue because they don't see. They're like they're like if a girl was like throwing mad signals, they're like the clueless guy that's like I don't think they like me that much. Like that's understandable. I think that's that's the difference is like we also don't wait for approval. If you're an extrovert, you just kind of like do it. So that it makes it easier. So I think like for this person, I'm I'm an introvert. So the the weird thing that I guess position that introverts are in, it'll be like I hope Tyler asks me to come hang out. And Tyler goes, "Hey, you want to come hang out?" And I go, "No, that's facts." You're like, "Thanks for inviting me though." Oh, that was like, "That's sick. That's sick that he asked me to come hang next. I'mma think of him next time I want to go out." That's what you do. I'll save that one for later.
10:58 Tyler's cool. We'll hang. We'll hang. Like, it's like, how you going to deepen that relationship? But if you've noticed, like a lot of extroverts, I kind of see them as the glue of a friendship of introverts cuz they all were brought together by this extrovert or like Yeah. Like I don't know. But then when you see two introverts going at it, like they take forever to actually become friends. Yeah. Yeah. I think people think that friendships are just going to be given to you when it's like an muscle that you have to work out. And if you don't exercise your social muscle, it's going to be really hard to go socialize with people. And if you were having a a new experience, you move into LA and then like Oh, so yeah. The way I made friends and moving to LA was I mean I think the best thing that I did before moving to LA was back in Missouri. Joined a dance studio even as an adult. Didn't even know how to dance joining. Just learned a fun just
11:49 kind of open skill that I can do with Yeah. You made a ton of people. And literally that made me hundreds of friends like Well, dancers are very extroverted. Yeah. So that also that can apply to any like extracurricular though. That's a big one though. Join a club. Go bouldering. Jiu-jitsu, martial arts are a huge one. Gym is like kind of halfway there cuz gym is kind of like a isolated thing unless you really go with friends. Yeah. Cuz everyone just puts their headphones on. Take a fitness class. Go take I go to the gym and want to talk to people but I'm like no that'd be weird. When you coaching like for as long as you have at the jiu-jitsu gym, have you seen lots of like brand new friendships form? Yeah. Sometimes if I don't like if I don't think they're compatible, I'll tell them to stop. You don't want to talk to that guy. No, but you see how do you observe people like interact where you're like,
12:39 "Oh, cool. You're like going to be friends." Like what? Yeah. No, you It's crazy to see like strangers being part of your community like five, six years down the line. Like, and it happens so many times where it's like some of the best friends you meet are are going to be in a place where we beat the ████ out of each other, which is kind of a weird cuz there's like a weird bond there that like like you know them on a different level than like if you just were to hang out with them. But like um you kind of know where they're at. Yeah. When their life's in danger. So, you kind of feel like you really get to know people. You know their character a little bit and you see them grow or whatever. Any But at the same time, it's like so beat the ████ out of each other. a bond. But uh no, like some of the best friends I've ever made or the best people I've ever met is through a community like that that I would never meet. I would never have access to these people unless it was through like I wouldn't meet any of you guys if it wasn't through martial arts or anything.
13:29 That's true. We met you through martial arts. Uh yeah. No, I met We do kung fu in my garage, too. Well, I used to train one of our our closest buddies, David. And then so David would be like, "Oh, you should come train with me and Nick." And we came and trained with Nick. And that's how we met was through martial arts. And then what made you think like, oh, Nick should come to JK through like consistently just training with each other and like shooting the ████ just having fun. We were just hanging out. It was just it. And we have the same sense of humor. I met him here like literally like this. And as soon as I met Ryan, I was like, we got along like, you know, whatever the saying is. I don't know what the saying is. Make one, make one right now. Do you know how two peas in a in a pod? You make that up. Oh, that's I think you ████ stole that. I mean, this is almost like a hack. Like, you get to meet people and speed get to know them like really well. Oh,
14:19 JK is a great way to meet people if you can. Dude, Tiff went to She had jury duty and the whole time we're all the Anytime somebody has jury duty, we're trying to figure out how to get out of it immediately. Throw it away. Yeah, exactly. That's one thing she didn't want to do it. I was like, "All right, whatever." So, she went and the judge says that spiel's like, "You know, it's a great opportunity to be a juror. You know, you're going to meet some of the best friends of your life." And then everyone's like, "Yeah, get the ████ out of here. She got me here on a ████ 10:00 a.m. on a Monday. I should be at work. Anyway, so she she leaves and she she like hang she gets lunch with these two ladies and they're like, "Oh, they're really nice." And the next day they're like, "She bought me lunch and we started talking. She's such a sweet lady." You know, and as long as like you're open, you kind of just randomly meet people and like, you know, they exchanged numbers. They were talking and ████ I was like, "What the ████ You be friends at jury duty." But it's just like wherever you go, you know, you're bound to as long as you're open and have conversation and be kind of, you know,
15:11 somewhat approachable, have a smile on your face. Yeah. That's, you know, be kind of open, have a body language or like it's probably like very hard when you are awkward and you like see yourself so hard when you do anything. You know, like very extroverted people don't even think about it. But cuz I know if I don't want to talk to anybody, I know exactly what I do. I put my headphones on and I just have a very cold face and expression on and nobody talks to me. Not even people that were like, "Hey, could you have t time to sign a petition?" They just like ignore me. Green piece. Yeah. I just look dead straight and I walk through and I'm like, "F██████ works every time." Everyone kind of knows, right, to to go to like a place like like a run club or a common interest thing, like a chess club or whatever hobby you're into. Maybe join a club or social group. There's meetup.com. There's a lot of
16:01 places you can go. I think the people that are asking though, they don't know how to take it to the next step. So like they know how to like interact with other humans and go through the script of hey, how you doing? Cool. That's awesome. How was your weekend? All right. But when that class ends, they don't know how to, hey, what are you doing after class? They don't know how to like, what's your whatever. And I actually think that people that have a hard time making friends, it's because they don't know how to go beyond the script of what's appropriate for the surface. So they're like, "How do you," it's like dating, right? Like it's like guys are like, "How do you get their like Instagram or whatever and then start chatting with them and then like meeting afterwards?" Like those are the next stages I think this person probably wants to know cuz like if everyone's in
16:51 agreements like let's walk them through the model of common interest like I don't know ████ run club right and you start jogging there every day. I think what a lot of people do is they ████ up and they blow their load on the first day. You go to this run club and then you're like friends which one here's going to talk to me. Yeah. Or they ████ go every single week and don't talk to nobody. And I think it's the two extremes. Yeah. I feel like this like just showing up is part because when I first started at this gym, I didn't talk to anybody. I didn't know ████ anybody. Everyone's like intimidating. Everyone's like a fighter and ████ But eventually, you just keep showing up. People will eventually like include you. They'll talk to you. There's other people that are like naturally where that'll happen. Once again, you just can't be that guy where you're like, "Hey, you want to hang out?" Definitely don't do that. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you being there together is hanging out. Exactly. So, like I
17:41 think just like a it's a good easy start, you know, just to just be there all the time. Show up. If this person's a girl wanting to meet girls, what would you like say? I have some advice. I'm just I'll step in. I got this. I would say just be nice. Have a good conversation. And then I think what become what makes you a friend versus an acquaintance is showing up for that person and just being there for them. Like just being supporting them. I think that's what changes it. That's nice. Yeah, that's true. Cuz acquaint is like you you like their um presence or you you find them fun, right? But then what changes into the friendship zone is now there's stakes or something involved where you were there for them in a way where you're inconvenience but you're there you're happy to be there like whatever cuz I think there's a lot of
18:32 people that confuse like intimacy or like closeness because they just enjoy this person. And I'm like just because you spent a lot of time and you had fun with a person doesn't mean that you're actually close. And I there's a lot of that where like I thought we were friends and then they totally didn't show up for me or do that. I'm like yeah cuz your friendship was never tested. You just spent a lot of time joking around and having fun but it's like you never had bad times with this person. Yes. They never showed up for you. Yeah. I think an easy way to bridge the gap from you don't know anybody and you want to get to know them and you're like, "Oh, this person would be cool as a friend is like when you're starting conversations just being genuinely curious about who they are as a person." I think it's an easy way whenever you just cuz sometimes like you don't know what to like talk about. You're like, "What are you going to talk about the weather, politics, whatever the f███?" So, you just ask them about like their life. You just What do you wear? 738s.
19:24 You're like, "Damn, you got a big head." And then you have a conversation like that. That's pretty cool. 73. You You bring up a good point cuz I think the same way guys ████ up on a date, like friendless people that ████ up on this, they talk about themselves too much because they're trying to win someone over. Yeah. So, they're trying to like really sell themselves and then it's like too much and it's the opposite approach. Why are you talking about yourself so much? I don't give a ████ Yeah. When in reality, most people have already made their decision on whether you've been sold like before you even open your mouth. That's the same guy that you guys talk to and then out of nowhere they just start name dropping like a ████ Oh god. And they're like, "Oh, you're that guy." Like, "This dude's sick. I think I want to date this guy." As a friend. As a friend. Yeah. If you're genuinely just curious in people, and I do think that's probably the difference of like why it's easy for
20:14 maybe extroverts to make friends is cuz like if you're curious, you just ask a thousand questions without feeling like you're invasive. Yeah. But then people like talking about themselves. Yeah, for sure. I've gotten that like I think we're in Barbell Brigade, someone had came up to me with time and was just like, "Oh, dude, Bart's crazy. I know Bart." Someone just came up to you and said that. Yeah. Some like random Mexican guy. Oh, you got barbell. Like his first words was just like Dave dropped it right away. Like you don't know him. Yeah. I didn't say I was just like yeah cool guy. He is crazy. I forgot what it was, but that's all he said. And that was like cool. Great way to break the ice. B Quan, dude. I know that dude. Tease with what you like on them does
21:05 generate a lot of conversation. Yeah, that's true. Whatever your interest is, wear it to that club one time and whoever likes Mario as well see your Mario shirt. Hey, you know when I see a girl girl opening movies, you're like, "Oh my god, I love your shirt." That's a girl opening. Oh, girl to girl. Yeah. Oh my god, you're out. Compliments. Compliments is like that is a very that's an easy way to get in. Oh my god, you a you fine ████ Just like that.
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