0:00 One of my best friends is half white, half Chinese. And I think in fourth or fifth grade, for his birthday, uh cuz he was playing baseball now, his parents bought him Oakleys. Woah. >> And I was like, wait, your parents even know about the brand name of things? That's ████ crazy. Welcome to another episode of Care For Boys. Today we have Melissa Bonos and Bonos. Nicholas Bonos. Nicholas Cage. Nicholas Cage. Don't make me get my brother. >> [laughter] >> Doesn't he have brother vibes though, no matter who you are? You know, he's got such bro vibes. Even for Tiff. Um That's not true. >> [laughter] >> Geez. >> That's not true. We're very sexual, okay? I promise. >> [laughter] >> It's mostly sexual.
0:52 >> [bell] [laughter] >> I'll start crying. >> You are a sex object. I want to be a sex object. That'd be so cool. You don't think you are, sir? I think it's the only thing you are, Joe. I'm not used as a dildo. That would have been real cool. Woah. You're more like a flashlight. Nope. All right. I'm more of a ATM. Okay. That's overdrafted. >> [laughter] >> Why you have to be overdrafted? No, ATM, the whole machine's overdrafted. ATM's overdrafted, yeah. Not the [laughter] account in the ATM. Just bankrupt bank. All right. When you guys hear the I'm watching you. >> white people culture, Yeah. what is that? >> Oh, yeah, this is good. Um Casserole. Ranch with everything. >> doing that thing again where you're like, oh, I got it. There's there's a lot. There's a lot to cover. Um raisins
1:44 in like any kind of salad, like potato salad. >> Oh, you're going there, man? I thought we were going to talk some ████ today, dude. >> Even just a fruit salad. >> Yeah, I'd start WITH THAT. I THOUGHT WE WERE going on a roast fest. >> Because you know how like you see you see the insults a lot where like people clap back and they'll say white people have no culture. That's like such a thing you see online, but obviously there's got to be something. So this is something. Salisbury steak, that s███'s white culture as hell. >> how people say that like white people don't season things? >> Yeah, that's true. So legitimately my my in-laws when they cook, they don't salt things, they put salt on the table so that you can salt it yourself. >> the level that you want. >> Yo. Yes. >> Cuz I found out >> that's really white people to me. >> Oh. I found out out from Colleen and Steve. They're like, "You know those kind of white people that just boil things?" And they're like, "Yeah." And I'm like,
2:34 "Wait, what the ████ That's real?" What is this? Cuz I never whenever I was blessed to go to a white person's house for dinner, >> Yeah. you know, I always had bomb food. Mac and cheese, ████ chicken, whatever, right? >> It's ████ chicken. >> flavored, right? So I didn't know where this existed of like white people have bland food. They don't do but Have you heard the racist answer to that? What is it? It's It's a It's a joke. >> Okay. But it says that the people that are complaining that white people have unseasoned food are being served in prisons and public schools. >> [clears throat] >> That's ████ hilarious, dude. Well, I can tell you that's not true. >> But sometimes like the struggle meals like I've heard that same phenomenon. Cuz like when you cook like >> phenomenon. Yeah, every every layer of ingredients that you put on, usually
3:24 they tell you to season it. So like if you're cooking veggies and you're making like a base, you're supposed to season it. Like you put garlic in there, a little bit of salt, little pepper, whatever. And then you put veggies, little salt, little pepper, and then you kind of layer it as you go because there's a flavor that you get along with that. And I feel like sometimes they skip that step and then you lose it. Taste skip >> it. Yeah, you skip the If you just only season at the end, it's like the depth of flavor is not as strong, I don't think. >> So we're we're talking about your average white American family, not like Gordon Ramsay or something. 100% >> Okay. Also, the ability to have like emotional conversations and treating their kids like adults. White people also are very good at that. >> That's white culture. That is That is true. They're good at that. >> I was like I didn't know where you were going with white people culture. Was it just food or was it Everything, yeah. I think I think Joe wants to talk ████
4:15 not about how they're cool. I thought we were going on a roast fest. You have a lot of like I'm sure Complaining is good white culture. >> Sending your parents to home. You have first hand experience in a lot of it. >> But that is a big one how you said they treat their kids like adults once they're like of age. They don't suppress like You know like your mom still treats you like a kid? Yeah, I'm ████ 41. >> [laughter] >> See, you sound like you're 13 right now, though. >> I'm 41. >> [laughter] >> I'm going through puberty, I swear. I swear I'm 40. How how old do they be Do you have to be to start treating them like an adult? I think when they're almost like maybe in high school or something. Like it starts pretty young. >> Wow. When when you and your husband talk about like how you guys are going to like raise the kids and stuff like that, do you guys have Do you guys kind of
5:06 bring different things to the table and do you guys hash it out beforehand or sometimes you guys debrief after like how do you guys like If you guys have opposing thoughts like you you want to do it the Asian way and he wants to do it like the white way? Um Do you want Do you like Do you like doing it the Asian way? That's the thing is I think I'm I don't I don't really raise my son like I was raised. Oh. That much. There are things that I pull maybe, but >> You never have like a ████ shibasaki moment. >> No. Oh, okay. Okay. No. >> [laughter] >> No. No. No. There is So >> [snorts] >> So, you know how like it's a common thing for Asian parents to completely financially help their kids or like if they're living with you, you don't pay rent? >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, the white way is
5:57 like they pay rent. You know, and that to me that was kind of mind-blowing. I feel like that's where we're going to maybe differ when that time comes. How old do they start paying rent? Like as soon as they work, you >> I don't know, but it's like a I learned this like later on where it's actually really common for like they yeah, they pay rent. Not maybe not full >> rent, but they pay something. But, like cover the phone bill or internet or something? >> how um I'm with like a indigenous white? Yeah. And she was saying like all this ████ that people say about white people, she goes, "That's just crazy American s███." So, I was like, "Really?" That's what we really mean. >> That's what we really mean. Yeah, well, cuz I mean, yeah, they're white in America, right? But, then like Let's talk about the indigenous white people. [laughter] After I heard from one of the indigenous um orig- original whites, she was just saying like, "Yeah, we're more similar to like Asians and stuff like in in in
6:49 like how they uh work as a unit in their family structure and they live together and all that stuff." And I was like, she's like, "It's very American to be like, all right, you're 18, leave." I was like, because over there like they have big families, they all live together. And I was like, "Oh, s███." And she goes, "Italians are like that, too." So, it's like northern Europeans or like let's say like uh like Irish and all that, they're like that. Like it's the Catholic whites are like that. But, then she's like, uh "The Norwegian or like the Scandinavian whites, they're more like American whites where like isolated and whatever." So, I'm like, "Oh, that's crazy." They they have a difference even within. You know what what white when I think of white culture, the first thing even like when I was a little bit younger what I thought was a dead on example was the culture they show in White Chicks, the movie. You know when they go to like the
7:39 Hamptons? >> Yeah. Oh. then >> have all these like weird uh like ritual like the white party, the way they shop, the way they sing like rap ████ when no one's around. It's like that whole thing felt the way that I thought it really was and how like the idea of like like a upstate New York neighborhood and it's just silent was like white culture to me. I'm like just quiet. >> like let me speak to your manager. Yeah. Like what the ████ And just like silence everywhere. Yeah. I remember when I was in high school I went to hang out with my white friend and we went out with his family and the way they would talk to each other the way his he would talk to his mom he would like curse at her. He would call her a ████ and stuff. >> [laughter] >> Like for real. >> What the ████ And I just like obviously that's not all white people but like I feel like it's a white thing. Like I've
8:29 definitely seen that with white kids. >> Or or calling them by the first name. Yeah. Shut up Stacy. Like the way they talk back you know to their parents is like yo dude if I ever had like an ounce of like being annoyed or having attitude to my mom or my dad they would ████ >> Even if you didn't say nothing they would get pissed. Don't talk back. Any little thing any little gesture. So the fact that this dude was like whatever mom like shut up mom like ████ like that and like it's actually like heated and it's mad awkward. I remember feeling that being like yo I've never seen anything like this before. I also felt like white kids got really relevant Christmas gifts and birthday gifts. Like really relevant to what they wanted. Yeah. I was like dude that's very culturally like people want these things but you get like random ass ████ as a kid. I was getting a ████ onesie at 6
9:20 years old and I'm like I'm already old. Like I don't want this ████ >> [laughter] >> The ████ you giving me a onesie pajama for? I remember my so my best friend was half white half Chinese and I think in fourth or fifth grade for his birthday cuz he was playing baseball now his parents bought him Oakleys. What? And I was like, wait, your parents even know about the brand name of things? That's ████ crazy. Like they're so invested in your hobby, they know your ████ I like how knowing Oakleys crazy. Dude, would you imagine your dad buying the name brand ████ of what you're into? That's crazy. Yeah, you would know. Also, I I I realized that I'm like, oh wow, white families put a lot of care into taking family photos. Yeah, that's a big event. >> They do like really elaborate things.
10:11 Sometimes the quality, they pay a lot of money for like a really good photo with whatever farmhouse denim thing they're doing. >> Oh, Christmas cards is really white culture to me. With [clears throat] the with the letter? With the letter where you type out like what they did that year? >> Oh, that. Like a recap? Oh, you're supposed to do that? >> Dude, the first time I saw that No. You didn't send them? It'll be like, oh, you know, blank is nine and he joined baseball for the first time this year and la la la la. It has status updates on every family member. >> Yeah. I I couldn't believe that was real. And then at the end they'd be like, we don't talk about you know, with the estranged. Because that's what happens in white white culture too sometimes is an estranged family member. In the Asian families, they just cut those pictures. >> [laughter] >> They're not estranged, they just never existed. >> Yo, what the ████ >> Oh, you think [laughter] I'm kidding? In
11:01 your husband's family get get-togethers cuz I feel like for a lot of Asians if there's multi-generational usually people chime into the conversation appropriate to like their rank if you will, right? Um so like >> You don't speak out of turn. >> Yeah, like the oldest person has the most authority, can speak as much as they want, and as you go younger then you kind of speak less less less less less. In your husband's family, if there's like multi-generational, can people just chime in on something or do they have like that kind of like yeah, unspoken like pecking order. I don't think there's a certain Or is everyone if they're an adult, everyone's just an adult? >> I think I I think it probably just depend depends on the family. You know the movie I mean the uh TV show is it uh Billions? Yeah, I love that show. They got pecking order, but that's when it's very clear like in the family run
11:51 business this person is the CEO. So so there's dynamics and it's like you don't talk to me like that or like you know the oldest is in charge because of this reason or or people think they have equity in something just because they're slightly older than their like sibling or some ████ like that. So I mean it it could happen I'm guessing, but that's again I'm referencing a TV show of billionaires. That is true though the the elder thing is like if someone older than you speaking to you in Asian culture like it don't matter how boring they sound you have to listen to that ████ >> can just cut you off and you're just okay it's their turn. >> Exactly. Yeah, you're just you go with it whatever. But I feel like white people can just shoot the ████ freely. Yeah, excuse me I WAS SPEAKING. >> [laughter] >> YEAH, AND THEY CAN ALSO JUST BRUSH EACH other off like whenever. So much more casual. You know what I feel like it it is a thing in white culture people like butting into other people's business. Oh, really? You know,
12:42 whether it be in a good way or a bad way, you know, like looking at somebody else's dog at dog park or like talking to you know just like smoozing with other people or just immediately, you know, being like hey hey like you know don't let your kid do that or whatever. Nah, dude that's all cultures. Nah, because I know that when I see like a like a Asian mom like whack the ████ out of her kid I'm like ooh, wonder what that kid did. I've seen an Asian person whack the ████ out of their kid and then a white person come out pull out their phone and be like this person is abusing their kid blah blah blah and do crazy ████ and I'm like whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. You can't do that. >> Speaking in America specifically, but it's just kind of like wait wait wait wait like that's I get like maybe you you have different rules, but like that's Like your the Asian family won't get involved in another family's ████ >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like if they see another kid getting
13:32 >> how you discipline your kid. Yeah, they'll just stay out of it. Or they might even go like, "Good." >> [laughter] >> No, no. This is how you do it. Did your Did your dad ever hit you at the at the shop? Would in front of customers? I don't think in front of customers. I think that's bad business. >> [laughter] >> It was more like a a look and then it's like, "I'm ████ later." The look. [laughter] My mom had a bad look. Yeah. The long way is way worse. >> parents their ass, but it was probably cuz they were trash. Oh. Like it's different. >> What a sentence. >> It's their fault. [laughter] No, cuz I was thinking about it, right? And then it it's like You know when you're a kid, you don't know the difference in class? Yeah. So like you go, "Oh." When I look back, most of my white friends were kind of like poor. But like they I thought they were rich cuz every single time a lot of those
14:22 kids, they had hella cars and and stuff like in their backyard and junk, but you think it's treasure. >> think it's cool, yeah. >> Right? But it's like they're poor hoarders or whatever it is. And then you're like, "Damn." Like and everyone worked in like as mechanics, so I thought all white people were really good with fixing cars and just being handy in construction. And then like, "Oh yeah, but when you go to a like a little bit richer neighborhood like Torrance or whatever and you go to those kids' houses, um it feels like TV a little bit and there's more like manners and ████ and their parents don't beat their ass. But like I think it's different where at the common thing that I saw is they understand how to navigate this world. Like it's their language. And then so like and then they're like they like the parents might have a band or something
15:12 or like they might do some cool ████ and it's normal. But then for us it's like, "Oh, bro." Like yeah, we're like aliens and ████ I know what you mean. >> [laughter] >> That's how I felt like going to my friend's house where they do like Halloween or just all the rituals. It's like embedded into their culture. And I feel like I'm like an outsider like viewing and trying to relearn some sort of language. >> Yeah. Versus like I feel like they probably felt the same way if they saw my mom like lighting incense or something. They'd be like, "What the ████ is your mom doing?" Or farting at Boy Scouts. >> [laughter] >> Yeah. That's relatable. That's for everybody.
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