0:00 [Music] welcome back to a very special episode of care for boys where we are very careful boys today we're talking about how your parents ask you to do ████ but then they never teach you how to do it and how it ████ you up and how you're in therapy about it okay one of the things that i remember um i always got in trouble for is not having common sense and then i would argue and say you're supposed to teach me common sense and i would get my ass beat because i was talking back and i'm like this weird loop of like i don't even know what to do right and then you tell me to go do it and i do it and then i'm wrong for it at the same time so i remember telling my mom that and then she goes i don't even know what kind of sense you need to learn because i would be like
0:50 how am i supposed to do things if you don't teach me the right way right and it's one of my favorite things as a kid when we first i just live in gardena we moved to uh cerritos in our front yard there's like these you know those birds of paradise oh yeah so the bottom was these lava rocks that are like this small right and the when we moved in the previous owners they left a really cool tennis racket in the garage so like we all know where this is going i never have them before birds in paradise so i would take no no it has nothing to do with paradise but so i take the tennis racket and i'll take the lava rock and i would go whack and i would see it fly across the street onto my neighbor's roof and then it would come down like a pinball machine like like a plinko and i'm trying to like win all the points and then i would land in the driveway
1:41 and then so that would build i would start doing more and more and more and then i realized when the neighbor was going to leave and her car came out when she drove over the lava rocks i loved the crunching sound so i would fill her driveway up with the lava rock and then i would go inside and just wait and listen and then she'd be like and i'm like yes and then we got her and then one day i think she ratted me out i how does she know that because it's only coming from one direction and it looks like she walks over looks at the birds of paradise and it leads the rocks by the leads to his ████ house look looks inside the window box like no bart's like this and then so my mom whips my ass but then i go see this is why i can't do anything
2:31 right cause you don't teach me all the extra ████ you added that's so i like that you have the common sense enough to know that you don't have comments i know but then i'm also like it's like you do want your parents to teach you the lessons but there's a lot of big blanks between each one of those that it as a parent it's hard to fill out there's no way to predict that you would have done any of that if he had an ipad in his hands he never done any of it honestly that's why it's good that's the power of technology but you would have just spotted something being a board kid enough where you singularly hit all the lava rocks into a lady's driveway that was so sick that's purely because there's nothing on tv you know it was so fun that when our like my friends like you want to come play tennis i'm like i'll show you something that's funner with the tennis racket you got some lava rocks at your house
3:23 i hate that you you had brought i feel like i i got triggered or scarred with this one thing you said don't talk back yeah everybody else get that from their parents oh ████ yeah couldn't say anything yeah the ████ weirdest thing because they'll make me so angry because any time you're right is when don't talk back comes out don't talk back it doesn't come out when you're like uh wrong or or when you're in the middle of like whatever it is you're doing it's when you get right about what you're doing and then your parents don't want you to be right or they just need you to learn some other ████ giant lesson that you have no bearing on because you're only thinking small-minded yeah you just gotta memorize whatever the ████ they're saying yeah yeah don't talk about it no i always felt like when i have kids i'm gonna let them talk i would let them talk back to me no i won't tell you i totally won't but just don't talk back that was the ████ worst thing ever
4:14 and then my sister started saying it to me too and i was like you're not a parent yeah did you ever do anything though did you ever like release some of it somehow like ████ you longer what'd you do with it once you're pent up it never released on my dad because my dad would beat the ████ my mom would hit me but like i still would like talk back but then i'll get hit some more but when my dad came home i'll get ████ whooped so i just remember uh when i was finally taller than him is when like he stopped hitting me and then i remember he looked me in the eye one time he's like you want to hit me don't you and i was that that's when i chose not to talk back and i didn't say anything because i kind of did and i was like and after that i never talked back again but i also knew they would never hit me again my parents what the ████ out of me but there's one time i just couldn't um like i had to let a little bit of steam out so after my mom yelled at me i was
5:05 like leaving the kitchen and then i just turned the lights off that's the only way i was like they're like ████ ████ lecturing me and i'm like ████ i want to say some ████ bro i can't oh and then she beat the ████ and i'm like brother [Laughter] what's the most creative creative way your parents have like inflicted pain on anything and everything bro they would grab anything to beat the shadow of me i didn't get beat by my parents but i do remember my brother um me and my sister used to play this game where we would lock my little brothers out of the house it was super funny especially because especially yeah especially because my parents weren't home and so we were in
5:56 charge and so and they're both working so we're like we're gonna lock these little ████ out of here and we'll just live it up in here but you can't just live it up you have to acknowledge that you're inside and they're not and they're slamming on the door like their life depends on it they'll never get to eat drink go to the bathroom ever again in their life and they're going to die of starvation outside i'm like 13 my brother's like 11 my other brother's like seven right and so we're yeah we're doing that ████ well then my brother nate he uh he i was i'm like you know in the winter i'm like ████ like i'm inside you're outside and i'm like getting like a little thing like a coke and i'm like classic stephen ████ pissing this ████ off well i pissed him off so hard that he um he put his hand through the ████ window
6:46 to punch me and he didn't know that he was gonna break the window and he put his hand to the window and then after that all i did was tell him about how dad's gonna kill him and how he only has i'm like dude you have like three hours to live like what are you gonna do with like the last three hours you're right it's crazy and then and then when my dad got home not even kidding i actually did this i was like oh ████ dad's home and i was like [Music] i played i play this ████ music as my dad walks through the door yeah you've been a troll since 13 oh my god that's playing people's hearts walks in he's like what are we watching star wars what ████ are we doing you know so did he beat his ass though nah he was actually pretty cool but i was really
7:36 disappointed yeah your dad was close super cool about it yeah he's cool about it because of the star wars if i do that ████ i wouldn't even exist today i thought it would disintegrate i thought i was gonna lose my brother i was like this is gonna be awesome because he's like oh my son's not a ████ ████ he punched through a ████ window oh i guess you could low-key be proud of that i don't remember enough to tell you all i remember is building it up this much and being like so like oh boy let's go yeah and then like nothing really happened that is so disappointing so disappointing your brother's hand didn't get messed up from the window even we were surprised that was mostly what they were saying what they're concerned about oh so that's probably why they weren't mad because they were like well at least he's not heard and then after that they put him in fighting they're like dude siblings are the ████ worst though dude i was the worst for sure oh big brothers are even crazier man i remember every time i went home from school i was like oh ████
8:26 i gotta find a way to get into my room as fast as possible because my brother will like be hiding in the ████ like behind the couch or some ████ and as soon as i get through the door i'm like hi mom never ████ jump up grab me pull my ████ underwear and stick it over my head or he found out another way where he could pull my underwear my balls would be hurting right he would pull my underwear get my feet stick it behind the underwear where you're like hog flexible kid yeah and i'm just stuck there and i'm like ████ i can't imagine the physics of this yeah it looks like it looks like this like when you when you got your feet behind your like that you get your underwear and you tuck it like that oh my god that's ████ funny though yeah it was ████ hilarious right dude it was crazy and then he would have um
9:16 you know like um the couch the futon so he would pull out that that bed right and then underneath there's a hole so what you would find is a way to stuff me under there and then basically keep me under the couch and i'm stuck oh my god it was like being buried alive he buried a lot we're all like yeah it's funny he's like it was so fun don't you guys remember you had to be there man i definitely never did the pickup by the underwear thing i can't believe i didn't it was so cliche i can't believe i never did that at one time the wedgie thing yeah you never mind never i never even thought i hated wedgies i didn't know you could even do that like i thought it was only in the movies where you put that over someone's head today's video is brought to you by curology so i've been using curology for my skin care for the last three years i use it to wash my face i use it to
10:06 moisturize i use it and i have a specific cool formula just for my specific needs of my delicate skin guys if you want ultra easy skincare that's actually made for your skin curology is the way to go you'll get a custom prescription cream made for you by a dermatology provider for your specific goals whether that's tackling acne clogged pores skin texture dark spots fine lines or something else you start by taking a short online skin quiz still ship you your formula right to your door so i got a special formula that deals with my aging skin my wrinkles my dryness and it's pretty cool because you know i take this quick little survey and they ask me what my needs are and then they have my cool little formula that i use just for me and it's been working i
10:57 think so get started with curology just like we did with a free 30-day trial at curology.com off the record just pay five dollars for shipping and handling that's c-u-r-o-l-o-g-y dot com off the record to start your free 30-day trial cancel any time prescription is subject to consultation did your parents ever make you got amazing this is super asian but um get on your knees and just like chill on your knees all the time you mean as a form of punishment it literally looks like you have to like face a ████ corner and you have to be on your knees but not sitting on your heels and you have to cross your arms like this yeah it's like it's like a age asian timeout my mom made me i remember timeout but then painful timeout i was in kindergarten and my sisters were doing like a snowman like uh project with spoons and they had to decorate a spoon as a snowman okay and i
11:48 thought i was all funny and they had these little like cotton balls and i just was like dude they're gonna ████ this is gonna kill and i would put them up my nose and then i'd be like yeah and it got stuck and then i couldn't get you you're the kind of kid that put legos up your nose yeah yeah i got a bucket stuck on my head too that's a whole nother story but i put the cotton balls in my nose and i couldn't breathe oh sh and i was but i was a mouth breeder anyway i was like scared and i was like crying and i was like and they they finally got it out and then my mom made me this is the first incident where she made me start doing this and then that was my punishment for like a good amount of time which she would make me squat in the corner and pull my ears that's why your ear gets so big when i want to kill your ears for i don't know i don't know you guys didn't do that no nobody don't you love being the age though where you're sitting there cause i
12:38 remember i was sitting there one time and i'm like i don't know probably six or seven years old and i'm looking at like a christmas stocking and i see those little bells on it and i'm like i have a theory so i grab one of the bells and i put it in my mouth and i swallow it and then i start jumping up and down to see if i can hear it [Laughter] did you have a stomachache it was like really small i didn't have a stomach ache and then i walked into my mom and i was like how come if you swallow a bell you can't even ████ hear me jumping up and down and she's like stephen what did you do i swallowed like one of those little bells you can't even hear nothing and she's she was immediately like oh my gosh she grabs like the merc manual and all this ████ she starts like calling my dad at work and she's like what do we got what do we do oh my god you're vomiting it out or ████ i guess i shoot it out but we didn't have to go anywhere if you never ████ if
13:29 you ████ it out and it finally break please there it is and then steve pulls out the ████ puts it back on the stockings [Laughter] but i love being that agent just seeing something and going i have a scientific theory and i would like to put it into practice with no control i remember like kids common sense like that where like i first learned about like the garbage disposal my mom's like don't put anything in there and i'm like in my mind i go i go yes but then in my mind it's like why not yeah and then i would like take a chopstick i would turn up oh ████ oh my god and then i was like oh my damn it's stronger than wood i remember throwing a fork in there and then i broke it and then i got my ass before it's just i thought i told you not to put anything in there and i was like i know that's the reason why you're crazy that could have been so
14:19 dangerous bro they had these commercials like i don't know 2000s or some ████ where they had people putting a cake into a dishwasher and then they opened the cake and they opened the dishwasher and then the cake's all gone and everything's all clean in there because they're basically showing like this is a ████ dishwasher bro that's the oil commercial yeah so i we had my mom used to go to costco and she would get like all these like pies at costco like 20 pies so i think you can imagine where this is going so i put one of those 20 dollar ████ uh apple pies into the into the at the bottom of the dishwasher and there's nothing else in there just about i just want to see if it [Laughter] by the way the pie was still in there oh sh it's full of ████ but i remember
15:10 my uncle telling me some dumbass ████ right because he was trying to tell me like movies comics all these things can influence you because he's like when i was your age he's like me and my buddies you know we finally got to see superman and then he's like we man we believe that we could fly and i'm already thinking at my age dude you're a ████ ████ right like no one everyone knows you can't fly but then he's like yeah like everyone believed that we could fly and so me and my buddy we went up on top of the roof of this house and then we're like fire on the count of three we're gonna go and we're gonna fly and then they're like really so sure that they're they could fly like superman they both ████ jumped and broke both of their ████ legs right and then that was his example of like this is why you
16:00 shouldn't watch movies and comics and things like that are because i'm an idiot because he's like he's like because i don't want you to believe that you can fly and i'm like i'm not a ████ idiot like you like what the ████ wow that's first of all if you really can't fly you know you don't have to fly from a high place i know right like why would you jump from there what's with that why do people always think they have to fly from a very very high place they gotta get a head start they gotta get a jump start terminal velocity man you have to reach it even as a kid i was like you are so stupid there was a kid at my school who did the same thing i just jumped up and jumped off yeah you're flying yeah i don't know if it's time you tried to like jump into a pool and miss the pool but literally a kid showed up in a wheelchair with two broken legs and then that was just the story of the whole high school like he thought he could fly yeah yeah does every high school have one of those i think so
16:50 we've had one in our middle school yeah maybe it was middle school i hope it was man this was elementary for me i just remember somebody being like hey that keeps having to fly you know what's funny with with childhood common sense is how angry you get as a kid when people don't believe you yeah okay and like uh when i was i was like single digit age my sister was two years older than me she had a like a school project that was made out of milk cartons and like hangers or something i kept telling her to do it differently and she was like it's not your project shut up i got so mad at her that i pulled her hair band off you know like those little horseshoe shaped hairbands i yanked it off and i tossed it across the house and then it went all the way across the house and on a table leg it went and then i went oh and i was like telling her i threw your hairband and look how it's like right around the thing and she was like stop lying that didn't happen and i got so filled with
17:40 rage that she didn't believe me because i'd never i'd never seen something so it was a perfect shot that i went to her her whole project and i went and tore the whole thing apart dude my dad my dad came home and she all she said was that oh ryan got mad and he broke my project and i was like you didn't even tell him about the hairpin and like as if it justified it i was like no dad i saw i threw it from liberty to the family room and i was like trying to explain this thing he's like let me explain something to you if you actually did that i would let this ████ do it again go ahead do it again right hoping it would like make it worth it and then my dad was like he got super pissed he took one of the hangers from the uh from the project and then he pulled my like short leg back and he goes he goes this is gonna show up on
18:31 your leg and he went bat and it was a perfect ████ hanger shape on my thigh that's pretty cool and i called the cops was your dad like holy ████ it's the perfect hater things they didn't see the ████ the cops come he's like yeah i did do that it's pretty good and it should have been dude perfect family i hela called the police and then they showed up and my dad goes what's the ████ like where are the cops here and then this is like i feel like there's 1992 or something so they would have been on your dad's side yeah they were instantly on my dad's side they opened the door they go uh did your son call the cops and then i'm i'm in the back like trying to get the cop's attention and show him my leg and then my dad's like i have to discipline him because he destroyed his sister's project and then they just started having a dad to dad
19:22 they were like kids can be pretty crazy they were just talking forever like what i like to do is i put a towel on first so they feel the pain but there's no more you know that bart how do you know that bart i like to take a bed sheet fill it with soap bars beat the ████ out to a kid you're like justice is served ████ and it's like when you're watching like like a cop show and the and the the bad guy is about to get caught and then the cop is like friends with the bad guy and you're like no yeah oh no it's like every time the cops were at dahmer's house and then dahmer was instantly like they just fell in love with each other like oh ████ but i don't know if you guys ever been in that situation where the cops are like you think the cops are gonna save you and then right when they say bye to each other and your dad's closing the door you think i'm about to be ████ killed did he murk you afterwards no he just
20:13 they did that ████ stare and they just went to his room and i went i'm gonna i'll never know what i'm gonna die now like it could happen in my sleep if i see that door closed i'm already opening the back door if i see that door closed i'm already like here's my other leg he ever went beyond like so like if your parents can't save you cops can't save you maybe god can save you but if god didn't answer your prayer did you ever go to like santa claus or something because i prayed to the ████ ferrari poster on my wall one time because i was that desperate yeah i literally was like i'll be like santa claus you don't have to give me nothing for christmas just for real ████ save me just one time bro this is the christmas gift i need how many gods failed you for you to turn to a ferrari poster all of them
21:04 all of them dude every single one where am i ████ up elrond hubbard i was that desperate i really did that because i was like holy i thought my life was just so ████ and then uh after i did that i was like oh ████ i just broke a major commandment because that's one of the ten you don't do that yeah you know false idols dude so then like i had to confess that i only followed the first five that's why god's quiet five commandments i picked i'm a buzzfeed article dog i don't go over top five commandments top five commandments that's the next otr [Music] [Applause] [Music]
21:59 you
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