0:00 thank you [Music] welcome back to another great episode of careful boys we have with us on the hot tea today Mr nimesh Patel [Applause] so the way these episodes work is you are going to be in this very hot seat we're going to be asking you a series of questions that get a little more intrusive as they go okay it just is a good word lucky for you we always start with Bart with who always just happens to have the coldest possible question why is the ridiculous ones but yes okay here's the question man do your best drowning impression say it like a question that's pretty good
0:50 that's the first request we got from Clark please don't Photoshop no dicks going in my mouth oh my God that's good because everyone's isn't it drowning like a violent thing yeah yeah it's very cool it's pretty it's pretty bad yeah I mean people say like it's like a myth that it's like a quiet drown or you drown like very violently yeah because I think you're resisting right because you're holding your breath you're resisting as much as you can to the point that you can't and the point that you can't is when you usually inhale with all your might and that's when the water is like but doesn't that mean it's really only excruciatingly ████ up for like less than 30 seconds but it'll feel like but it's like pure Terror yeah yeah
1:40 so what's the way you don't want to die the most fearful way that you just do not want to die the most beautiful way that I don't well drowning sounds pretty bad push every just talked about it uh uh stabbing I hear is ████ brutal as you're sitting in a sword full of a chair full of Swords sad ████ right now but I just don't want to get stabbed and this was a legit fear in New York these days people walk around cut you up has it ever almost happened no thank God what's one of the most uh what What's some of the one of your biggest fears standing again uh honestly losing my memory oh wow like I've seen like like my grandpa passed away in December of last year but like he was like sharp yeah I was very afraid
2:32 of just like I already forget ████ all the time I'm just like do I get a brain to her like gaining Dementia or Alzheimer's or something yeah it's ████ terrified you had a concussion no not that I know of but uh yeah that that's what scares me the most that's probably my biggest fear that I've never really articulated until right now but yeah like just like forgetful for being not like just having him not Amnesia but like dementia and like yeah and it's like who is everybody that that scares the ████ out of me so everyone in your life matters a lot to you yes like it would be so terrifying to like forget people anybody you wouldn't even know that that's happening yeah and to be that to people you care about exactly that sounds ████ terrifying sorry to be so serious that is snakes uh snakes is good yes Amnesia Venom yeah there is like some sort of subconscious
3:22 because my Grandma had really bad uh like Alzheimer's and my grandpa passed away I think like two or three years before my grandma and she would just be like where's grandpa like should you just feel it you know and then like everyone would oh God went to the grocery store and then we would just try to cover up you know like oh he'll be back he'll be back because we know she's gonna forget in five minutes yeah but as we cover up like everyone in the family is like King like cherry eye like oh this grocery store you know yeah he's like oh okay cool just tell him hurry up I'm like all right we will who are you boy that'd be pretty funny like if I'm watching from the outside but being in that that's good ████ I mean I don't think I don't think that would be enjoyable at all
4:12 sorry so you on another episode you told us about like your journey of being a stand-up comedian but I have the age-old Asian question that we totally skipped which is how does your parents take all of this it was right my parents uh uh were questioning it at first uh then they were like all right this is really what he wants to do hopefully he can make money somehow pay his own goddamn rent and then uh at some point maybe uh two three days ago they're like okay good job two or three days ago nice special no no it was uh it was uh you know I think last year and this year was when the full like all right he's actually ████ doing some crazy ████
5:03 because you know like to sell out theaters and clubs like yeah yeah so when you told him you were writing for the Oscars I wasn't when I when I caught I remember it distinctly and I called my parents and told them I was like guys do you know who's hosting the Oscars this year like who Chris Rock my mom was like which one was that I don't care I'm to educate them on what stand-up is the writing Pro like what comedy is in general not that they didn't know what stand-up was but for them to have someone in the world of Comedy is like ████ brand new like you don't know what that is so they're they're apprehension Came From Fear of like can he make something out of himself doing this as opposed to Comedy who wants to ████ do that yeah uh but now it's like okay like I'm paying bills like
5:53 we're doing ████ and not now in the last year and a half where it's like I'm on my own I'm doing my own ████ like I'm not depending on a job or anything like that I just gotta make my own way I think they finally like all right this is a cool path you ████ successful they came to my special tape and they saw you know 400 people twice sold out in New York City like oh ████ ████ made it you know it was like were they laughing my dad at one point yes my dad at one point at the end at the end of the the special I shout my parents out for like uh uh what's it called hey being in the room or whatever and I said my parents are here thank you for being my dad got up I was like love to do it the whole time that's my boy I wish I had that on camera man like my sister was sitting with him saying dad got up and just waved him
6:46 yeah that's ████ awesome next time you need a dedicated dad camp and that was the first time they came to one of your shows no that's like the third time yeah they came once or twice yeah yeah but this was like the special they took the night off and my dad works a lot so like they took the night off and came out and was just like this ████ dope do you have any bits about your parents at my entire closing bid is about uh uh how my parents caught me smoking weed uh I did it on Fallon but uh uh this is true story like I was doing live streams on YouTube for like a lot of pandemic just to like have something to do and like write and ████ and part of it was like me getting high and like just talking ████ to camera like just working out bits and my dad I forgot because I was high probably that my dad like watches literally all of it
7:40 and so and so oh my God and so like I'm doing the live stream and my dad will watch me like on the live stream like he'll just keep the phone on his like uh um what's it called dashboard yeah while he's driving home and I'm live streaming at the time when he's driving home from work at like nine ten ten o'clock at night he's worth a liquor store so he like I remember getting the phone call the next morning he didn't call he like had to process it at night his son is smoking weed alive so you were like hitting a joint hitting a joint live hey guys what's up YouTube you know like seven people and and my dad called me this morning and my mom calls me actually my mom's like dad's very upset with you what were you smoking last night so it's like Mom it was just wish like you need to stop my dad was like you need to quit I told him
8:30 the bit is I told him to stop smoking he's like I'm not gonna argue with you like if you smoke cigarettes and it's like quit smoking cigarettes I'll quit smoking weeds like shut up I know when I got you dad I know what I got you but I understand where you're coming from he's like not my cigarettes yeah yeah exactly like no these New Ports have been with me they never talk back like you is he cracking up at that joke yeah now he's like uh you're welcome that was me yeah I just waves again the original bit the original bit was that bit evolved but the original bit was uh um he caught me smoking weed and then you know we were like weed was on the ballot for New Jersey like to legalize it or
9:20 whatever and I was at home and I was like Dad you got to vote for this and he just like looks at the yes or no column he just looks at me and says nope that was it he's still he's still against all that ████ you know but they can't really do anything about my drug use because it's worked out does it affect your performance knowing that your parents are in the audience not really the first one or two times it did a little bit but you know the second but that was the first time they came to see me it was probably like you know three or four years before the special uh they saw me at the cellar um uh but that you know at that point it's like nah it don't matter I didn't think about them being in the crowd Beyond like when it was time to shout them out it was just like all right they I know they're rooting for me and I can't see them so I don't they already know all my stuff
10:11 you said you had like 16 first cousins that came out in like washed your like first show and stuff like that right um do you feel like since you've taken the Reigns of comedy and just kind of doing something different has any of your like uh family or immediate or larger extended family anybody like start kind of like thinking different looking up to you and being like maybe I don't want to you know be a doctor maybe I want to be a funny man I hope I mean I don't no one has broken from their deviated from their past but that's the Set uh you know of a second oldest but in among the eight eight siblings on my mom's side and 10 on my dad's side wow um uh but so but they were all like a year or two apart so no one's really been able to be like oh nemes did this so now we're gonna do this yeah uh you know I hope that some of the younger ones the new generation like their kids
11:02 or whatever yeah I hope they can see like oh you can do whatever the ████ you want uh but I do know that uh you know some of my cousins who are a bit more entrepreneurial like Nima is doing this cool ████ like we shouldn't be afraid to strike out and do ████ on our own too that's cool did their parents use you as an example like you want to be like your cousin I hope so but in a way we're like you want to end up like him no I mean for a while I'm sure because for a while it was like you know I was in and out of jobs and all this kind of stuff and I'm sure that was never something that uh my cousins would want a pop for themselves but now it's like you know the hard work is paid off and they're all just like can we get tickets to the show I'm like yes of course you get tickets you get tickets you know it's been fun I'm gonna turn up the heat a little bit yeah these are light yeah yeah yeah yeah mine is a
11:52 drowning thing out of all the uh Indian comedians which one's the most overrated [Laughter] eyes he goes which ones uh uh let's see the the Indian guy a pool a pool is the most overwritten no I don't know uh me probably there's a safe answer man you gotta understand something all these people are my friends yeah that's true that's true I would say so who's your favorite Indie comedian then me that's the easy one no not including you out of the ones that are well I gotta shout Russell Peters out uh I use your own team man I don't think I would I wouldn't even think subconsciously if I think back at it you know Russell was the first
12:42 Indian comic I ever saw and uh it was it was 2004 when his special like leaked on YouTube and my boy and I still did still my friend to this day uh we my Floor Mate at the time at NYU we bonded over that special yeah and so Russell has like this huge place in my heart and if you watch my comedy now it's not on purpose but it is definitely uh uh a function of seeing like Russell was very conversational uh when he talks to like people in the crowd and stuff and and not that not to say he's the first person to ever invent crowd work or anything like that but that style of like I've emulated some of that I've been like I'm gonna talk to the crowd and then move into material and and that is like by no small coincidence like a function probably haven't seen him do
13:32 that and make it seem so like personal and seamless you know like he does it really well in that first special especially which is the only special I've seen uh uh someone's gonna get hurt real bad where he's like talking the crowd and somebody gotta get it that special was one of the first specials I think that made my stomach hurt I'm laughing so hard yeah yeah that's so much I show my parents that special you know like like that was probably one of the first specials we watched together by one of three that we've watched together the first one being Dana Carvey is like whatever came out in 96 or with chopping broccoli and the second one being bigger and black and the third one being Russell Peters I even know what it's called that first one uh the elite Canadian one yeah but somebody gonna get a heart rate but
14:22 that was like uh a seminal moment if I in my subconscious at least to be like oh Russell Peters the stand-up comedy like maybe that could be something I pursue it was like the first person to show that you can do that kind of ████ you know have you ever wanted to joke about something but you just like knew this too far you can't what AKA say the joke now I mean there was a there was a moment where I was thinking I forget which school shooting it was good old school shooting jokes but it was it was it was several years ago before I've been passing it was like it was I was at stand up New York in uh uh Upper West Side of Manhattan and uh I think it would happen it happened just after the
15:12 school shooting and I was I was just angry when I was on stage because like the fact that we were so apathetic to the shootings then I went on stage like yeah a bunch of kids died today you know and it was just like it was like I don't know why we're so upset people die all the time and it was just it wasn't delivered right even still like it doesn't hit it's funny but in the moment it was funny to me that we didn't give a ████ and and now if I ever touch the subject if I which I do and uh uh thank you China especially a little bit yeah yeah uh I I do touch it very Loosely um which again there's no necessarily third rail I just had to figure out how to do it but at the time that was one of those things like I can't ████ I shouldn't joke about it and I tried doing it did it ████ fell on my face you know
16:02 everyone's like ████ this guy it's like yeah that's probably deserved in Einstein um but no the short answer is no there's nothing I won't joke about as long as I think I can find something funny about it right but there's also like right now the comedy all feels like hot takes about something and so my current hour that I'm working on is like deeply personal it's not uh I mean I have some random Snippets of what's going on in society and stuff but for the most part it's like I've gone the other way like I don't I I don't watch the news I don't know what's going on in the world like some of the some of the stuff you said is very unfamiliar to me most of it you know like I don't give a ████ like I realize that I gotta work on think about me a lot right now and and so there's nothing about me I won't joke about it's cool has um becoming
16:54 famous yeah I mean you're pretty pretty famous compared to when you started yes for sure for sure but yeah Mr dad's stand up yeah yeah yeah he's being more famous in the in the in the comedian World affected in any way your relationship with your wife not at all uh if anything is solidified uh because I can always I'm very proud of my curve game in the sense that people people hit me in the DMs like uh are you single yes but only for my wife you know like that wow that ████ is it's so much it's fun to do that and you know it's fine to reject people it's not even rejection it's just like you know it's like innovative ways to say no to somebody yeah yeah but you know I was taught my friend uh uh I was with
17:44 my friend mookie Thompson the other night we were at Stress Factory in New Brunswick and uh the owner at Vinnie brand asked me a very similar question about like what's it like you know that must have been tough right now it's like and mookie said perfectly it's like no that that's what's made in so focused and able to pursue comedy in the sense I got this rock a Gibraltar at home well I don't need to be thinking about publicity and chasing girls and all this kind of ████ like I got I got what I want need at home already like I'ma just stay focused on the game uh uh ensure like Naomi Campbell hasn't come knocking yet yeah you know there's still time but uh uh if Doja cat wants to holler we can have a conversation but keep spitting him out he was spinning out as well shoot your shot dude who are your uh Dwayne Johnson hit me up you
18:34 know like I'll ████ do it yeah who are your hall passes Dojo uh uh but beyond you know like no you know the the answer is no like that's cool if anything like I'm more on my game because I I know what's gonna come to a certain extent like a very famous friends all this kind of so I just kind of see what happens I'm like oh I know how to avoid this and that trap and I was like I don't go out after shows I don't hang out I'll have a drink maybe or two but beyond that like I'm ghost I go home wow before it's over if you had to stab anyone in the world who would it be so I had to murder somebody yeah I said stab don't take it out of context they don't have to die just hurt somebody if I had this step kind of question stab
19:25 a circle around the heart like that you don't damage the heart though yeah so don't worry the heart's okay bring yourself it's like the knife is like a love knife too you know what I mean just so it feels a little better it's absolutely the world if I had to stab anybody okay just ████ slap him like Will Smith babe Mitch McConnell I think would make a good step he makes a good step yeah like right right we're beneath like above this part like right here in between his shell he knows Turtle ass mother like might ████ break that shell off shout out to Mitch McConnell I think that would be fun uh I wouldn't I do not want to murder Mitch McConnell please I that's not a death threat at
20:17 all okay I hope Mitch McConnell lives a very short life but [Laughter] he's already he's been ████ around for eight billion years because the time is coming yeah yeah that was a hot one now sweating a little bit [Music]
// end of tape