0:00 So, you know I've been trying to get my dad to love me for like 40 years, right? So, I figured the way I might be able to do it is I need to bridge the gap in language so we can understand. So, I started texting my mom with iMessage and you could do a direct translation. If I text her in English, it automatically translates to Vietnamese on her phone and vice versa, right? I thought maybe if I do this with my dad, we can progress. So, I instead go the other way. Let me just try my best like Joe had recommended one time. Let me just type to him in Vietnamese. And I give him this whole thing and I explain to him stuff. I ask him questions and see what his response is. And then classic he um just thumbs did up. >> I think maybe this is how I can talk to my dad. Maybe he will love me more if he just understands a little bit more who I am. >> So, you guys don't really you don't really talk with your dad that much. Is that a thing? >> I don't think Asian dads talk. >> Yeah. >> Yeah, Asian dads
0:50 >> Well, I'm just saying, you know, some some some people are anomalies. >> Your dad speaks English. >> Like as as like a like I am fluent and comfortable in English. >> But we all got weird relationships with our dad is my point. That's what I'm getting >> Does he text in complete sentences? He sends you YouTube shorts. That's beyond me. If my dad sent me a short, I would ████ lose my mind and like think he's dying. >> So, I'm I'm just trying to get a baseline of what your relationship is with your dad right now. >> Like think about like if your dad was like built on only like binary. Like you get you get yes you get no's on everything. Like you're constantly playing 21 questions your whole life. >> Got it. >> And then also you never know when you're allowed to play. >> Doesn't give you more than yes or no. Most of Even in person he doesn't do this. >> Yeah, it's like I love you. No. It's like okay, I'll >> I'll try again. [laughter] I'll try again later. >> What if Okay, what if you took your dad to a restaurant he's been wanting to try
1:40 for the first time and then you're like, "Hey, is that was that good?" >> Then so that's the only other thing that triggers his third response if it's not yes or no. Okay. >> Wow. >> Yeah. That's the in between that covers all manners of sins. So, >> Woah. >> There's no explanation ever answers any of your questions. None of that. >> He's a magic >> eight ball pretty much. >> Dude, but even a magic eight ball you like have a better understanding of something. Like you understand his mechanics. >> Do you guys as dads mostly um respond in cigarette smoke and grunts? >> Gr- Grunts, yes. He did My dad don't smoke. >> Never did? >> No, not really. He He He stole a cigarette one time, got caught with it, uh and then got whooped by grandpa, and then he's like, "Ah, I'm not doing it again." >> My dad used to be a smoker. And then he was like, "I smoked two packs and collapsed at the train station, and I said, 'I'm too young, and
2:32 I need to save my voice for opera.'" So, he stopped. >> Why you laughing? That's an amazing story. >> I don't know. I think he felt like a ████ telling me cuz everybody smoked. It was like a thing to do. It's like drinking coffee. Like all men smoked. >> Especially the Japanese. ████ >> Everybody smoked. So, I think he he was telling me a story when he had to stop, and I was like, "Man, you you fainted from cigarettes? You a b████." >> Two packs a day? >> He said he smoked He had a something happened. I forgot what it was. >> Nervous breakdown? >> Yeah, he was like, "I smoked I smoked so many cigarettes." And he goes, "And I started feeling like light-headed, and I just coll- Yeah, he said he collapsed at the train station, and he went to the hospital, and he goes, "After that, never smoke again." >> Yeah, maybe he had a panic attack from all the nicotine or something.
3:23 >> Two packs? That's so much. >> when parents tell you these stories and they go, "Do So, don't smoke, right?" It just motivated me to smoke. >> You just want to try it more. >> I don't think I genuinely don't think that that was his intention. >> I know, but that's how stupid You just don't know how a kid is going to take it. So, I said, "I can't wait till I become an adult. I could start smoking, and then now I can tell people the pains of smoking." >> Okay, yeah, that's crazy. >> Anti-smoking. >> Yeah. >> That makes sense, though. It's a very kid thing to do. >> But that's how my dad would talk to me. I don't know, that was his way of like giving me lessons. >> So, how do you try to talk to your dad now? Like as far as >> So, now I'm thinking to myself like I've just had nothing but language barrier. That's been my issue. >> What if he still doesn't talk to you? >> I've been recognizing I've just accepted that the the number one reason why I don't have the same relationship with my parents that a lot of people, my peers,
4:13 or whatever have with theirs is most importantly due to language. Like I imagine that there's some version of articulation they could just dump on me in Vietnamese, but they know that I don't have the ability to understand that. And then vice versa, if I just start just language dropping on them, like if I just start speaking from the heart in English, it's actually really disrespectful. Cuz I know that they don't speak at that level. And then I'm just going at this thing where like they've trying to tell me their whole life like why don't you practice speaking Vietnamese? To me, I'm like, "Dude, if I lived in the household and I like saw you guys every day, I absolutely would. Like 100%." >> What about like um the biggest mistakes or like the dumbest decisions you've made in your life your dad doesn't like like have some sort of dialogue with you on it still just yes, no, or okay? >> I think the frustration is what makes
5:04 everything boil over into anger which turns into physical violence. >> So, he just beats your ass. >> Basically, no, he first throws out every like American cuss word that he's seen in movies. Yeah, and and and he gets yeah, ████ no ████ goddammit ████ and then my ████ ████ goddammit ████ >> [laughter] >> And then he beats your ass? >> Yeah, and then after that when there's no more when there's no more s████ out of there and like I still didn't get it across, that's when it's ████ >> Does he speak to you in English or Vietnamese? >> Well, he tries to just he mainly just speaks in English and then when he doesn't have a phrase, he'll throw it in Vietnamese real quick. Um but he mainly just tries to speak to us in English because he just knows that that's like the way that we're going to be able to see each other eye to eye. >> You know he's a scoutmaster, right? >> Yeah. >> Have you seen him explain things to like another kid? >> Yeah. >> And do you have you ever go like, "Hey, the way you talked to like that guy, can
5:56 you talk to me like that, please?" >> So, when it's like a in a good thing, it's like we'll have those conversations now. Right? So, if it's like if you if I'm genuinely now trying to ask him something, he'll explain how he sees something. That's That's That's groundbreaking. That's amazing. But, in in moments of passion or in moments of like complex thinking, >> Yeah. >> we have a a bandwidth limit. It can only go so far before like now we're running into a frustration because we don't understand something, and then the classic dad like the I And then like he'll turn to Yeah, I tried to say you don't understand. And then it's like >> Yeah, he might just not He just might be emotionally stunted like a lot of Asian dads are. >> Yeah. >> I used chat GPT and my mom apologized to me. >> Another crazy thing that I would never
6:48 >> Supporting what you're saying, it's because I think that's what happened is I couldn't explain ████ So, she would try to ████ finish my sentences and I'm like, "You're so way off." And then we end up arguing because she thinks she this is what I'm saying, and I'm not saying that. And I'm like, "F███, I wish my Japanese was better, right?" And then I was like, "I got AI." So, then I just went and I just talked like and and then and then and I was like, "All right, translate this to Japanese." And then before I sent it to my mom, I sent it to my cousin. I was like, "Can you read this and tell me like if it makes sense?" Cuz you know how like >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> And she goes, "It makes perfect sense, and I think it's at a high level, and it's also done really politely." So, then I sent it to her, and then she goes, "That's what you were saying?" >> Wow. >> And I was like, "F███, where was this in my childhood, bro?" >> Want to hear something that ████
7:39 sucks ass? >> What? >> So, recently my mom told me she's extremely sorry for two parts of my life. The first one, she goes, "For the upbringing, I realized I wasn't the mom that you needed. I never listened to you, and I was just trying to force you to become whoever I wanted." The second one, she says, "Because my parents were dying in Taiwan, I was there taking care of them, so I'm really sorry for the middle part of your life for not taking care of Tyco or coming to see him when you guys had him." She goes, "But I would like to still salvage the third part of our life and and our relationship and uh be there for you." So usually, when you hear those words, it's in incredibly moving, right? And you're like, "Oh my god, that's all I wanted to hear this whole time." But the circumstances in which it happened made me go, "I don't even know if I
8:29 believe you." So what happened was uh about a month ago, she said she was walking, and a force ████ pushed her. Like a ghost? Yeah, I think that's what she's trying to imply. She said a force pushed her, she fell over, and then another force came and grabbed her leg and ████ twisted it. So I was like >> So she rolled her ankle and fell? >> That exactly. I was like, "Okay, so one, you weren't paying attention, you fell over." >> So she fell and then rolled her >> And then it rolled her ankle and twisted it, right? I was like, "Okay, that's what happened." She was, "No, it was a >> It's like, "I'll just reverse the order probably." >> force. It was It was I was like, "What time did it happen?" She was like, "In the afternoon." I was like, "So you could see what happened?" Like >> No, it was It was You know my mom's mystical and ████ right? >> [laughter] >> When moms are mystical and ████ >> So she was like, "I don't know what I'm like and then she was like she can't move or do any of that stuff." I'm like, "What the f███?" So I went to go visit
9:19 her, and she can't. She's like literally like shimmying across the the whatever her whole leg's like it looks like she pulled a hamstring, and like her whole s███'s like all purple, and then her Her symptoms sound like sciatica. And uh and every time she talks about how helpless she is, she just starts crying. She's like, "I don't even know if I want to live. I can't even move. >> So dramatic. >> Super dramatic, right? And And so I I bring that up because uh in this moment, I feel like, you know, she's so mystical, so she thinks these things happen probably because of sins she's committed. So her lip service to me could just be if I repent then this will go away. Versus I really mean >> Oh, yeah. She called you. >> So when she told me, I was like, ████ those were literally the words I wanted
10:10 to hear my whole life. But I'm not feeling what I thought I would feel. >> Ooh. >> Because she's in her like And it almost seems like after she says it, like, I'm so sorry and I want to salvage >> Yeah. >> the third part of our life. Did I do it right? Did I do it right? That's what it That's what it feels like, you know? >> Do you Do you feel like it if she were to feel better after this, she would kind of >> like recind on that energy? >> Yeah, a little bit, right? Cuz it's one thing to say it, right? But like you in your experience with your mom whenever she's giving you like an apology about something, I don't know if she has in the past like something like to this magnitude. >> Not like a hundred percent on the nail. Yeah, never like this. >> Cuz I wonder what her behaviors are going to be afterwards after this. Like do you feel like >> Well, I mean, she has to first admit things. >> Yeah. >> So I think that's a step. >> Yeah, she has to admit it and then >> I mean, it's progress. So I am going to
11:01 I am going to cherish it and I am going to like take it for >> But the feeling is all is comp >> Yeah, and I am going to and I I mean, obviously she's my mom, so I want to save our relationship as much as we as as we can. And I'm going to like, you know, try to hold on. Um but I just hope it's not like the tens and thousands of their other mystical ████ she tried to do. >> Yeah. >> That's so funny. She does it so much, you're like, man, you ain't doing it for me, you're doing it for spirits. >> [laughter] >> You're doing it cuz you got sciatica. >> Exactly, dude. Trying to please the spirit. >> Hey, cuz when you get a sciatica, you feel like you're going to ████ die sometimes. >> [laughter] >> There's a lot of people in that generation that just don't I don't know, like they don't do religion right, they don't do anything right cuz like they have these weird patterns that they can't break out of.
11:51 But that's why I just I just realized, dude, they give us this opportunity to be able to break out of it and have self-actualization. But a lot of those ████ boomers, dude, they they're stuck. They're like a lot of them are like that and I just feel bad for them now cuz I'm like, I could keep evolving, but you're going to you're going to be stuck forever and that's that I mean, maybe there might be small progress, but I don't know. >> When I went to go visit my mom, she had one of her like chiropractors there. And then uh he he ended up leaving. And he's like, that guy, Dr. Lynn, he can see ████ I'm like, I don't give a ████ what he sees. >> [laughter] >> He said that though? He could see some ████ >> Yeah, he's like, oh, he's like one of those that could like see like the inside. And I'm like, I don't know any chiropractor that [laughter] can see the insides. >> No hey, no x-rays.
12:43 >> And I was like, and I don't think that's helpful. I'm like, I'd rather see a x-ray. >> see your chi, [laughter] bro. Give me that plug to that chiropractor. I believe in those ████ I really do. >> You're not going to take them? >> Hell. >> Me and Anthony just came up big at that plug, bro. I'm telling you. >> want no x-rays. >> I get a hard-on and then act >> And then test them and I'll be like, did you see this though?
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