0:00 A particular professor's kind of video resurfaced where he's basically talking about a third of people shouldn't get married, right? This guy literally says at least 1/3 of people are not suited for marriage. You need the ability to care for another person and to sacrifice. >> 30% of the population? >> That is married. He's like you should not get married. >> I completely agree. >> A third of people that are already married should not be married. Yeah, I see. Damn, what was what is his point? Like why? >> He literally says you need the ability to care for another person and to sacrifice. >> So a third of people don't have that ability? >> That's his belief. That's his >> That's ████ crazy. >> that you think he's using for why a marriage is successful? >> time this guy is a Chinese professor Professor Liang Yonggan or whatever. >> Chinese have men? >> Chinese have men. He say Chinese
0:50 marriage have registration down at 7.5% a year over year. So they're I think he's looking at the declining rate of successes in marriages and just being like, "Hey, actually before you even get married, check yourself." >> So the success is whether or not it it can stay together? >> Yeah. >> Oh, okay. >> Well, we know that >> Both amount of marriages are declining and the amount of successful marriages >> amount of marriages is 50% success rate, right? >> That's America. >> What's I'm saying. Like I think that most people who get married shouldn't get married. >> It's it's it's less than 50%. Well, so boomers are the biggest divorce group, right? Population-wise they're they're pretty big, but also that number is skewed because they're also counting the people with multiple divorces. So if you already divorced once, you're more likely to divorce again cuz you're just sorry at relationships. So like
1:41 in that stat, there's people that are on their third marriage, fourth, or whatever. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> But millennials and Gen Z have the lowest divorce rate. Yeah. There's less marriage, but they're more smarter about who they're marrying and then they're staying together. >> That's kind of cool. So, they're more precautious before getting into it. >> Yeah, but they're we're marrying way later in life. >> What about career divorce people? >> marrying at all. >> Oh. >> You know, the ones that are like hanging out outside of like the NBA's training camp and stuff like that. >> god. >> And they're like, "Yo, I just try to get this bag real quick." >> Can you tell me if this is a crazy thought? Cuz like I would like to lower the bar somewhat on what makes marriage successful because I think like a lot of really successful people are born from unsuccessful marriage. And um if you definitively say like
2:32 these marriages are unsuccessful, yet they produced quality people, like a lot of our Asian families kind of didn't last after the birth of the kid, but like you turned out great. But like your parents' marriage wasn't successful. >> I think I'm a anomaly though cuz I do think statistically maybe because I had my grandparents, you know, as a role model. Statistically, if you come from a broken home, usually your relationship is ████ too. >> Right. But then you know how like the idea of like most I guess like the way we envisioned the Asian marriages above us a generation ago, a lot of them weren't necessarily like happy marriages most of the time and maybe there was no even the idea of I can sacrifice or I can compromise. They weren't even discussing those things, but they were able to get through that era. >> I actually think a a huge contributing factor is. I don't think uh
3:24 people are willing to work through ████ as much, too. >> Yeah. >> So, like I think for any relationship to work, you have to work through it. You have to have tenacity. And then a lot of the people that do get divorced, it I don't I don't know if it's like a small issue or big issue, but I think the ability for people to work through things is is very very low and you need that if you want to have a good marriage. >> We also live in red flag culture where everyone is now like ultra sensitive to every little thing and saying, "Is Is a red flag? Is this a red flag? Is this a red flag? It's like they're looking for something. >> Exactly. That's why I don't know. I still think that like I I still give tons of credit to anybody who tries and fails versus people who just never get married and they don't even produce a kid and that's it. And then or they had a baby mama and the kid didn't have a dad and he just becomes a criminal. Like that ████ is a loss, but I think it's still a win if they gave it
4:14 a shot and it didn't work out, but they were able to like still create quality people and >> Like the the goal and the value of what marriage represents >> Yeah. >> is something that like at least produces a person of character or like >> Right. >> If I were to reverse engineer the road map and see like what are the some of the things that people can do to prevent to prevent like a unsuccessful, I guess, marriage or whatever. >> Right. >> I think it starts pretty early on cuz I think in order to have a good marriage, you have to first find the person you like almost harmoniously and effortlessly match with, right? Where where like the relationship itself is just it just works. But to get there, I think you have to know yourself. And in order to know yourself, you have to try a ton of ████ and make a ████ ton of mistakes. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> So you make a ton of mistakes, you lived life, you failed, and you go, "Okay,
5:04 this is who I am. Now I'm true with myself. Then I find a partner that matches who I am. Now it's it's still going to take work, but I think most people are so scared to go out and take risks and live life." >> Yeah. >> Step one, like if this is the path, step one they're already like this. So by the time they're meeting people and dating, they're already dating people with their fake selves. >> Uh-huh. >> And then later on, 10 years down the line, the true self is going to come out on both ends. They're like, "F███, we never should have got married to begin with." >> Mhm. >> Right? Versus I think the people that are taking their time, they're getting to know who they are and they dated this and that. They're like, "Oh, that doesn't work." And I think at towards the end like it's it's still going to take work no matter what, but at least you have more of a chance of succeeding versus the people that just are like super risk-averse the whole time. >> of people don't grow together, either. They grow apart like over time in their
5:55 marriages. And so, but growing together I think is the biggest thing. But you have to check in with each other and like know each other. But you also have to be self have to be self-aware enough to know where you're ████ up. >> Yeah. >> Tough balance, right? >> I think like this just feels like failure mentality of like to say that these people shouldn't be married is kind of ridiculous to me because it's like like Smac's parents they divorced when she was like 18. Maybe they shouldn't have been married. But then it feels like Minority Report where it's like, oh, don't marry anyone cuz you shouldn't marry. But yet like Smac wouldn't have existed. >> Yeah. >> You know what I mean? >> not not so get married, but like these are the things you should do to put yourself on that a more successful path. >> He's saying they're saying shouldn't be married. >> I guess that's also arguable though because then you're talking directly to like the person when you're saying, hey, maybe you shouldn't get married because like yeah, you might produce a heroic child, but
6:45 >> the sacrifice of you being unhappy for a really, really long time. So, it's it's not like somebody would guarantee trade that off, you know what I mean? It's like no nobody can in that same Minority Report way be like, hey, hey, you're you should still try marriage, but let's say you don't like it for 20 years, but you're going to make a great kid. You're going to do it? Most people probably be like, what? No. >> Well, yeah, you don't know what you're going to do. But but that's the thing of like I think I don't think it negates that you should still give an effort even if you feel like you're not the best person to marry or marry. >> I believe that. Yeah, the optimism the whole >> point is supposed to be optimistic. >> Right. You know, the the the love >> There's hella narcissists out there who have no business getting married to anybody. >> I really think that. >> What if they marry another narcissist? >> Well, they're going to compete like a ████ >> a dangerous person off the market. >> [laughter] >> I also think that um with every era, right? There was a necessary need like
7:35 there was a society needed it. Like it was an institution. Like you had to get married to progress in life. We don't need to anymore. Like you can still have ki- kids without marriage. There's no social shame. What's the ████ point aside from loving someone? There's really no point. >> Tax benefits. >> Yeah, but even that, right? >> What about the statistical uh data that shows that everything's just better that way? >> Well, that's And one of the statistical ones is the most successful people usually have like a strong woman next to them. >> Yeah. >> Cuz they It's I think more so than the love is just even having a good soundboard. Someone that doesn't put stupid ass ideas or if you have stupid ideas, they can kind of help I don't know if we should do that. I think that part is is huge, too. >> in general, for nation stability, you need to do it to grow the population or whatever. But I'm speaking more of an
8:25 individual point of view where there's so many outs now where like in the past, there wasn't really a choice. So, because there was a whole institution behind it, right? Sanctioned by religion or whatever. All of us would have been a part of a church. All of us would have been a part of something that socially forced us to do it, kept it together. And then it wasn't something It was something It was like air. You don't question it. You get married when you're a certain age. If you don't, you're the weird one. Cuz you're like, "What happened to you? No one wanted you?" >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> Whatever. Why don't you have kids, you know? Now it doesn't matter. You could still live with your parents at 50 years old and play video games. It doesn't ████ matter. So, like there's not only like the There's no social consequences, but also if people opt out of it and they don't want to, now marriage becomes just like another option like buying a car. There's actually no need for it. So, I think
9:16 that's the biggest issue is like there's all these outs cuz it's it's just as like, "Oh, I don't want this house anymore. I'll get this house." But where's the actual consequence for not doing it correctly? >> I think it's individual because like if your peer group, if everyone that's really happy that you observe has these things in their life, you naturally gravitate towards that, right? Or if the coolest people that you see in your vision are the single guys that are living it up, then that's what you That's true. You deem as like, I want to be that. I guess it's just whatever examples you have. >> Yeah. But when I draw to the end, I rarely see the player that's like 80 years old that just single though. >> [laughter] >> You know, I've been living life I'm ████ 80 years old. I'm sick. I've like I I have rarely met those guys. >> That's going to be Aris for sure. >> [laughter] >> Sure. >> Yeah. >> And on the flip side, too, I think people see that like model family and
10:08 they go, "I want that." And then they go dating and they're like, "None of these ████ ████ work." You know, whatever. Like it's it's I think it's it's it's a ████ up weird cuz that's I that's I think it makes sense why they used to do arranged marriages and ████ They're like, "You're going to let these dumb ass kids ████ pick?" >> Well, you know, in religion, even our religion or any actual religion when you take it seriously, has a huge motivation to get married ASAP. That's true. Cuz they want to get the ████ out of the house. >> Or you want to ████ >> That's true. >> Cuz you can't you can't have sex. >> So there's like some part of it that you're like motivated to do it right away. >> Yeah. And now you can ████ you can do whatever. And then it's a Yeah, there's no consequence for wanting to leave. >> But look at the success of Mormons as a whole, right? Like their evidence, if you were to like break it down into data, like they're getting married, they're having tons of kids. >> ████ a lot. >> They ████ a lot. And [laughter] a lot of time they're nuts. >> Yeah. And gay. >> And gay.
10:58 >> They look so happy. >> insiders will disagree, you know? Like they'll probably be like whatever. But like yeah, if you look at as a cuz there's a difference between what's best for the group versus what's best for the individual. You see all these communities like the Amish are going to outlive everybody. They're going to repopulate white people by themselves. While everyone else like that's more focused on individualism, they're all going to ████ be extinct. >> Like the Asian countries that put the like one China. >> Yeah. >> Like that. Like the China's excelling cuz they're putting the country first. >> Yep. >> So I don't know. >> Just for the sake of the myth, apparently, of half of Americans get divorced. It's actually been declining. Divorce rates have been declining in America for 45 years. Asian American divorces less than any other group. About 14 divorces per 1,000 married women per year.
11:50 But is that also due to less people being married in order to get divorced? >> Or is it your family pressures you not not to get divorced so you just never do? >> Honor, profession. >> The way why like how they choose who to marry changes. So a unhappy marriage isn't one of the reasons why people leave in Asian culture. >> Yeah, it doesn't matter. >> Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> Cuz the husband has a gambling problem. >> [laughter] >> Even then. >> In Russia it's like >> Actually, sometimes a husband has another family, they still don't get divorced. >> Like unhappiness isn't a legitimate reason. >> That's true. I think that's that's why where other people will easily just ████ That's like the main reason. >> What happened in Russia, what did you say? >> No, I'm just saying like the they have a saying where doesn't work today, it's okay. Sleep, try again tomorrow, you know what I mean? >> That's what they're saying. >> That mentality, you know, it's that mentality. Like, all right, we'll try
12:41 again tomorrow, you know? >> Yeah, all right, it's respectable. >> But I mean, think about it though, like when you build a family, it takes so much selflessness. So if everyone's ████ selfish, yeah, they shouldn't be in a marriage at all. >> Right. >> But then like you said, if you're looking towards like what's better for society >> Yeah, better it's just get married and kids. >> Get them and have kids. Yeah, you need it. >> Yeah. What's not good for society is don't get married, have a bunch of kids, don't raise them. >> Yeah, [laughter] that's worse. Yeah. >> Then we just end up with all Edgars. >> Yep. Oh, Jesus, please. >> Edgars. They don't even work. >> [laughter]
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