0:00 [Music] a dog was abandoned for being gay adopted by a gay couple okay nice i think my dog's gay you think which one backstage i ain't gay well we'll show the photo just for emotional context that's why everybody that's a gay dog you definitely get that vibe how do you tell the gay people west hollywood written all over his face how fabulous man what a fabulous dog does it say anywhere in there how they found out the doggy was gay what do you think i think i know yeah i remember every time we go to the dog park he couldn't resist ████ the ████ out of all the boy dogs that's like my dog dude i'll never forget my grandfather who was you know a ████ veteran from multiple wars
0:52 he had this dog named rusty and he loved his dog rusty and he took he took his dog rusty to my uncle mark's ranch one time and then we all watched my grandpa watching his dog rusty getting pounded in the ass by my uncle's dog and my grandpa looked like he lost his best friend he's just watching his little boy getting ████ railed he's just standing there watching it like like he's he's like i can't believe this ████ he's like this is what my uncle did to me all the wars that's the most traumatizing thing i can't believe this ████ yeah we thought that the dog was gonna bite back or ████ him back or something or at least be the ████ but it said his ████ his dog was the ████ for sure so this dog uh named his fesco was handed back to the stanley county animal protective services because uh which is a shelter so your dog's uh you
1:44 gave me a gay dog yeah the owner thought that the dog was gay and didn't want him anymore you left him in the shelter's care you gave me a defective dog that's probably how they said it too i didn't know he was gay oh you didn't know he's gay he doesn't smell my ass all the time yeah he smells my dick all the time probably trying to suck my dick this is what he's trying to do every time my friends come over he just wants to suck their dicks and ████ their leg so fesco's previous owners discovered him sexually dominating another male dog dominating causing them to believe he was gay however obviously everybody who ████ knows anything about dogs knows that this ████ just happens and it's a lot it's usually due to or i guess scientifically speaking vets say that it's due to a high level of testosterone and you know obviously the dog does want to breed even though it doesn't necessarily mean that humping
2:34 another male dog is the way to do it so it's like the equivalent of like us just making engaging each other yeah yeah but i mean there's times when we start like you know pretending that i mean we still have sex we stimulate sex a lot off-camera [Laughter] i mean how many pictures are there of chicks like mounting each other [Laughter] go to the dog park it's ████ pansexual as ████ everyone's humping each other you got girl doggies humping ████ all everybody it's a big origin you know the best part unlike us there's no judgment of the dog that's true that's right every dog is like it's all love love is love they're so ████ binary dude yeah non-binary oh they're non-binary yeah
3:25 they're so fine they don't give a ████ about gender roles dude if the dude so the dog got adopted by a gay couple yeah what if the dog goes back to the shelter he's like these guys are gay [Laughter] socks like scooby doo he's like yo what the ████ i just haven't touched i mean in terms of in terms of a certain asserting dominance over other dogs in multi-dog context the behavior could also be explained by dogs having a pecking order and knowing where their pecking order is so i could imagine that in their you know more limited capacity of like like uh interaction with other beings yeah yeah it's kind of like oh i go to a dog park i need to know where i stand i'm either going to hump or get humped and like i'm a humper yeah you know okay well like a her on saturdays but on tuesdays when we come here parks and
4:16 just pumper over there's here you know what i mean so it's like they probably just do that in order to discover that like social order but it's not necessarily good or maybe it is i don't know i'm no vet you know or maybe they're just comparing styles yeah they're comparing those like past word around this is how i do it pass the word around like let them know you you know any girl dogs [Laughter] talk about your boyfriend fesco was here he was just trying to give him a massage you know you're trying to give him a sample yeah this is a ████ dog shiatsu dog shiatsu you know when i when i uh finally got my second cat uh morpheus uh that's when i started seeing so much more of like you know inner two cats behaving with each other there's so much butt smelling right you know we see this with dogs and stuff like that too but i had to i had to like google i was like what really is going on was it what was it when a cat is like sniffing another cat's ass always and then i
5:08 learned that when cat they have so many senses and abilities you know that we don't have that when they smell another animal's butthole they can it's like both a greeting and uh how have you been doing how's your health like oh you can smell your ████ as well right so it's like i could tell if you're a healthy being right now or there's something wrong with you so i should stay away so they have like all that intuition yeah wow a single sniff imagine what they're doing when they're humping a leg imagine if that's how we checked in with each other like yo how you been dog let me tell you good drop your drone he's just like joe's not doing well man you smell his ass struggling to get a whiff oh ████ did you lose somebody in your family you know when you start eating all healthy and ████ you start eating super healthy your ████ smells ████ dank it smells yeah dank is for sure ████
5:58 crazy right but you start eating like mcdonald's and stuff all the ways processed food and there's like no smell you're like chilling you're taking the biggest s████ but it doesn't smell bad do you guys remember the last emperor that oh yeah that movie do you remember that scene when he ████ s████ in that ████ little robin bowl yeah yeah and then he's they ████ analyze it they like worship it and stuff dude make sure he's healthy making sure he's healthy right now i have to watch this movie now that's the best sell i've ever heard for a ████ movie in my life he s████ in a bowl and everyone starts worshiping it it's pretty it's but it's realistic it's really funny because that's how they checked for diseases or worms and all those stuff yeah like if you got like a black stool you're kind of like oh ████ am i bleeding on the inside you know what i mean so so when somebody when somebody farts and like really really smelly i'm like oh somebody's healthy around here you know really you think somebody would smelly today wait so bart has like the worst farts
6:49 ever bart the thing about bart though he he consumes so much protein so it just smells like eggs and that's what happened it smells like sulfur yeah like exactly like that's how it's supposed to smell from eating too many eggs well that's just that's just a lot that's a high protein diet you know i mean like when you're pounding protein like that yeah now that like i've been eating a lot healthier and stuff i've been noticing like my farts everything is just like ████ hey when i feel like i'm eating healthy my farts don't and poops don't really smell so are you really healthy aren't you yes okay that was very guilty yeah yeah it shouldn't smell like rotting ████ flesh though dude yeah yeah those things are staying in your intestines for life something's up well no it's getting ripped it's getting rid of all of it because you're eating healthy it's getting ripped exhaust gases but eventually if you're healthy all the time it gets rid of it and then
7:40 it doesn't smell like anything i always heard that if you fart a lot that means you're healthy because then your body's doing it's not healthy yesterday though doing its natural process of getting out all the toxins does inhaling farts make you less healthy it makes you actually more healthy or just almost like fart out it's harder because you have data on everybody [Laughter] you know where everyone's at but here's one of my farts if you want to know about me so dogs ████ each other because they have too much testosterone they're just trying to blossom steam is that the game i don't know about ████ each other because i think i think the one that is doing the ████ has testosterone for sure because you know even like a neutered dog will still like thrust and stuff there's still testosterone there's still an animal instinct but it but it's like a dominance thing i think right they're trying to show like oh i'm bigger better stronger than you because i walked in on my ████ cats and one of my cats was on top of the other cat and he was like kneading he's like
8:32 he's walking on him and then he was humping the air over his body it was weird to say sometimes they miss he's like it's a massage mouth when you watch turtles have sex yes exactly yeah they're both like neutered and ████ i don't know you never heard turtles have sex no they make the ████ funniest sounds ah yeah yeah you got to see it actually this is good ████ who has not seen a turtle have sex i have i've seen the turtle exhale and it's kind of cute yeah it's like i've seen that tortoise sex is hilarious dude it's great here we go this one has uh 3.1 million views why not just listen oh he's about to get it out ████ let's uh let's get let's get out
9:24 here and get a little quicker he's like whoa [Laughter] [Music] just get on with it it's a good sound right it's great for her he's struggling right now oh ████ okay look at this crazy [Laughter] [Music]
10:17 oh just out of nowhere at the end just cowabunga my friend had two tortoises that were like that big and they were gay would they ████ each other like they were ████ ████ they're gay gay tortoises it would have been great if if they panned down and he pulls out and just blows all over the show he's like [Laughter] [Applause] only eight and a half minutes [Music]
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