0:00 [Music] all right we're taking it back to Australia oh down all right an Australian man has been caught red-handed after spending the night with a sex worker and lying to his partner oh classic very classic crime here is it legal there I I heard it was really in Australia yeah it's legal to what whole country just a bunch of convicts speak on it used to be jail right I mean I just heard that that's where Britain sent all their convicts a bunch of Outlaws so then you would imagine they' be unruly that's a good word to use but that's all I heard a little mischievous that's just what I've heard where all the Vietnamese people come from
0:50 though Vietnam true that's a good answer okay so this is how this is how it uh this is how went who you vote for who the ████ what the ████ show am I on yeah here's how it went down down John Cary in a text to his significant other um he sent on New Year's Eve actually read it in an Australian accent though so it's authentic I'm not that good we need Ryan here let try try oh I need a couple of words so I can build off of it again Ryan's going to down un down Australia in a text to his other half sent K New Year after telling his Ms he was going to say his financial guy oh now it's going a little brick hey we need more fluctuation the tone is where it goes yeah but where have Vietnamese people
1:40 come from it's that you know what it is py Blinder do py Blinder you're watching a lot of py blinders I like it I like it do you guys think I should start watching it ████ blinders that's really it is kind of my culture now should I start watching it PE blinders yeah cuz my relatives do you like really cool swaggy ████ isn't that I don't it's ████ ████ cool man ████ maybe I need to watch it it's Fu I don't watch any of these new shows dude kilan Murphy is like chef's kiss so good like him all right so uh Asian one thank you that's I'll take that as a compliment all right so he was telling his M he was going to see his financial guy so this is how it gets funny all right uh and he claims that he'd suddenly been kidnapped or taken by Middle Eastern men and was being held hostage over a $7,000 dirt F this guy's racist too he's like oh my
2:30 god I've been kidnapped oh I don't know this girl rescued me who do I blame and I had to repay her so we ████ no no no the guys Middle Eastern men kidnapped him and they were holding him ransom for $7,000 or $7,000 a terrorist with Australian [Music] accent that was really good that's pretty good so that's what he said okay muffled but it was good so he he would send her a message and he would say uh to his partner uh it's and then leas her name thank you for sending Paul to me now payback is a ████ bye-bye but I'm going to be fair okay we will keep him with us until tomorrow when he gives us his bike we call it square no one's touching him my word I'll give you okay so that's his text sir seems like a little much just sounds like ████ Action Moving lies like a Vista yeah oh no babe they're
3:21 making me ████ hookers now oh no I got to do what they say I don't want to but his plan kind of doesn't work cuz he called the cops cuz his girlfriend ends up contacting the police for help of course like yeah it would make like a total lady bro ruining the party tell the police they'll kill me freaking ladies dude the police launched an immediate response to the incident and conduct a high-risk vehicle stop and it's around 10:30 a.m. the next day that his um his the day after his text that police discovered him in his own van the 36-year-old originally told police he'd been kidnapped but this story began to look unlikely when officials obtain CCTV footage of him with a sex worker from his night of fun on New Year's Eve a few days later and said that the police spent a staggering 200 hours investigating the hoax and now he has
4:13 been slapped with a huge fine because of it do we know that the sex holder wasn't holding him at gunpoint and making him ████ over motorc you need to be a part of his legal team immediately I think I would I'd do it such wait was he caught in the car with her on CCTV oh yeah men are scum but it's also like men are trash trash Australian so they're all unruly anyway they're also from Australia I think women should run the world I think I think Taylor Swift should be president after stories like this men are idiots who needs men not me do you guys want to take a quick Victory lap around the around the desks cuz I do men are trash men are ████ garbage he really is the woo man though you know
5:04 the woo man I love mother I love Taylor Swift I want her to be president I want her to run the world thank you dude take another lap bro [Applause] [Laughter] going yeah why lies so big yeah it's just why go from like uh cheer going to cheat man well I know but just like that's a good point what would your lie yeah like oh I'm I'm going to be at Nick's house we're playing poker too late and she calls Nick yeah but then Nick's going to cover for me way more likely than the police getting held up at gunpoint over a motorcycle maybe he's got no friends Nick wouldn't cover for you that's true but you make up something hey I'm going I'm going out of town for the weekend hey I'm going to go to the mountain it was New Year's Eve which is a bad day to cheat yeah like New Year's Eve is a bad day to cheat you go you go on a holiday when you should be spending that time with your girl yeah New Year Eve is a bad day to cheat you got to choose like a a Wednesday or some ████ no 100% you're that's the mind of a cheater thanks Anthony CU it's a
5:54 thanks for teaching me thanks for teaching me how to cheat on a Tuesday hump day there's probably New Year specials though you know said years of experience yeah it sounds like he has knowledge to pass on Seas vet no no no I've just been reading a lot of unruly articles grizzled vet even there is I just see a pattern and I'm just trying to figure out what the opposite of it is yeah it's not very bright cuz we don't do news articles here about people that are just successful and got away with it otherwise we'd be outing them dude Anthony staying in a log cabin right he you hear a helicopter land a ████ General knocks on the door and he's like Anthony you cheating son of a ████ we need you back in the ████ game we got an emergency there's nobody on the earth who has more experience cheating on women than you why are you getting R I'm just he was huffing and puffing getting off the ████ you know low oxygen when
6:44 you're up in the air high stakes dude he's got to get him back it's an emergency though prors aren't stopping yeah it's loud he's like I'm retired I told you I'm not ████ anymore wood for some reason that's when they got Iron Man back for the aveng ████ retired I need you back in the ████ Muses are ████ Rippling I told you to never come back here how did you find me he's like we can smell your colog from ████ Arizona can sex have son of a ████ Cool Water cologne you ████ I can't even roll with this cuz it's real it's so real he'll call us he'll call no then Anthony takes a sledgehammer or to of the concrete Crown right he starts digging up his old safe where
7:34 it has his old outfit Co leather jacket yeah probably a motorcycle down there burner cell phone ████ fingerless gloves the black book with a thousand ████ numbers in it thousands of dollars of cash dude they're all got pictures every chick yeah crates of condoms yeah yeah his Magnum sponsorship t-shirt the Kamas Sutra book he takes it he throws it behind his back he knows he memorizes it at home STD test can we bring back JK films for this one that would have been great yeah that's good that would be great you're just talking about ████ like it's to R's room and then never executing are you not there in the scene are you not F can you not there yeah I felt chill I smell the colog I was in a winter cabin yeah nany has every currency in a briefcase five passports
8:26 wow in in different continents I'm either Steve Green or beran or ████ in every continent some woman comes up to you and smacks you across the face you son of a ████ where have you been yeah you didn't answer my text I can't play along with that me I have four kids the next scene starts with him in the club and a ████ smacks him in the face they all have four kids and they're all ████ from one the one time Anthony left yeah one nut four kids they're in the back like ████ popping and locking wiggling around those aren't mine those arine I don't know what the ████ you're talking about make it bad business deals in the background so what was the article what happened that that's what we need to fil Anthony the sex H the sex I hate that it's funny but I can't play it along
9:17 it's all right dude I'm just jealous of sex haers and his Kryptonite his cryp he needs needs electrolytes all the time otherwise he gets too dehydrated from all the ████ got to save some women for us can we talk about Nick's movie now no n dude my movie is not going to be anywhere as good as yours we're not going to even make it it doesn't start with the ████ General descending from a it doesn't he's said hop off he's got to be the general with the eye patch yeah yeah actually RI horn remember that RI horn I don't if I don't know ripn ████ sweet remember men and black yeah the guy he's the main guy and he has a voice like this he talk like that D everything yeah he's good or JK Simmons dude Simmons a good D JK Simmons oh that's a good one he would do it yeah dude but not not the J Jo and Jameson one the Whiplash one Whiplash but he also does State Farm commercials too so he'd probably do our movie yeah
10:08 he's looking for work he just wants money dude I saw him at a flower store in La once like on Valentine's Day last minute too cuz we were both in there last minute he gave me a look like last minute I'm like last minute that's kind of cool sick and then he reaches for like the ████ that you know those little bouquet they have it's like it's like a $235 bouquet he's like no ████ problem whatever I'm trying to get one flower it's like 50 $5 that's the State Farm money dude yeah dude
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