0:00 [Music] in ukrainian russian news finally something seriously and everyone want to talk about will smith slap and all of us uh we forget and then everyone takes down their ukrainian flag off of their twitter and they put chris rock's face up like i'm with will i'm with chris album cover i know it's just a rock emoji yeah rock emoji is good so there's dude a russian billionaire named roman abramovich right i've heard of him that is a billionaire name so he's a russian billionaire named roman abramovich sounds familiar because he's actually the owner of the soccer club chelsea fc really that's why it had a ring to it i knew it um but he was at peace talks in kiev
0:51 ukraine earlier this month between russia and ukraine and he was one of three people that suffered a suspected poisoning during the peace talk oh i heard about that's why i heard about this come on come on what come on what i mean like it just seems like obviously you're gonna get ████ poison in a peace talk like obviously at the peace talk i saw it coming dude what's your ████ frat party you're not supposed to eat any food out of pea stock you don't want a lunch meeting at a pea stock you bring nutrition bars but they've got his favorite food maybe like a deserted building there was just like a perfectly like a cake or cupcakes just on like this gold tray yeah i mean dude you're going you're going to peace talks with a country that committed war crimes of course they're gonna ████ spike your salad so uh the 55 year old
1:42 chelsea fc owner has now recovered but he reportedly suffered sore eyes and skin peeling that's poison bro well that's ukrainian psoriasis reported to have been targeted so two ukrainian peace negotiators along with this russian billionaire so who's doing it to both who done it you think they did it to each other yeah we're going to poison them no it was one of those we are going to poison them one guy tried to poison the other and then he tried to do the switcheroos and he forgot he was like which one is it i don't know why don't you drink it investigative website i said the symptoms suffered by the trio were consistent with poisoning with chemical weapons though the dosage and type of toxin indicated the attack most likely was intended to scare rather than be fatal oh so it's okay so it's basically a
2:33 flash bang and a drink a flashbang what's the message though it's like hey you better chill out on your crane now but it was both next time we'll kill you yeah better use lotion more that's a good feeling [Laughter] uh this uh investigated was a website is named bellingcat they had tweeted out and also had confirmed that the three members of the delegation attending the peace talks between ukraine and russia on the night of the 3rd to 4th of march 2022 experienced symptoms consistent with poisoning with chemical weapons one of the victims russian entrepreneur roman they went on to state that the trio had consumed nothing but chocolate and water in the hours before the development of
3:24 symptoms oh that's what happened not subside until the day after the attack you think it was chocolate and water too much chocolate chocolate chocolate so the skin started peeling have you have you ever ate so much halloween candy that you're like that was a ████ thing i mean that happened that somebody's like this is chemical warfare your eyes are i have like eczema on my arm so when my diet's bad i start to peel oh yeah same here i'm a little like a little dry skin is that like the chocolate and water you've been uh consuming yeah maybe he's allergic to chocolate that happens to me with hershey's hugs really specifically just that candy yeah ████ me up man three people specifically are allergic to chocolate at the exact same peace talks but chocolate and water dude deadly combo dude imagine they're at peace socks they're just sitting there ████ munching on chocolate that's the official they got a whole box they got a whole sampler box and like just one more
4:15 i just like to imagine peace talk poisoning is going a lot like dumb and dumber where he's like once you eat up first we'll tell you about this piece why don't you take a bite first and we'll talk i heard that's really good yeah i'll try the chocolate the piece will hit different after one bite chocolate bowl time then it says that three members of the negotiating team retreated to an apartment in kiev later that night and felt initial symptoms including eye and skin inflammation and piercing pain in the eyes later that night these symptoms did not abate until the morning the next day the group of negotiators drove from kiev to the vive libri uh on the way to poland and then istanbul to continue informal negotiations with the russian side a bellingham investigator was asked to help provide an examination by chemical weapons
5:06 specialists based on remote and on-site examinations the experts concluded that the symptoms are most likely the result of intentional poisoning with an undefined chemical weapon an alternative less likely hypothesis was use of microwave irradiation symptoms gradually subsided in the course of the following week so that's been a thing because um one of our embassies got attacked with a with a microwave weapon and so there were people who worked there who were reporting those kinds of symptoms really yeah what's a micro weapon it's like popcorn it's like it gets activated it's like in call of duty when you make the barricade thing that goes it's exactly the same it's like a ray that like you know they they use they they target an area with it and then it's ████ with your body in some way they can just blow up everyone's burritos at one time and get really warm all the hot pockets is warm it's like a 5g tower you're at a
5:57 distance and you just ████ radiate the ████ out of him yeah by like holding up like a sausage microwave an open microwave but they confirmed that like so it's it's a new thing that we're going to start seeing so that's probably what it is though i don't know i'm just wondering if both sides got hit did someone make a mistake yeah that's what i'm going to eat yeah well if it's the work of like some extremist that wasn't included in the peace talk he could have just been that ████ bad at it the saboteur because you know that happens a lot you get left out of the peace talks and you're like but i want to be the peace no one will talk peace now yeah or i wonder if it's one of those things where it's like uh it's like you put a peace talk in play but you're willing to sacrifice your own guy because it's like we don't really want peace we're just like that's true expendable man dude they should do this you know would be great if you did the putin what if what if ukraine like just
6:47 ordered a ████ ton of pizzas to the kremlin and made a paper every day ████ dominoes yeah putin's getting like 400 pizzas i didn't order these pizzas i can't afford this you guys are going to ████ bankrupt keep doing this i'm trying to pay for a ████ war i got to pay all these ████ pizzas it's all the donated crypto that purchases pizzas to send to the kremlin can you imagine dude putin pizza that's what stops the water that'd be crazy pizza stops the woman yeah does putin have a wife oh no he's got that one uh the olympic gymnast gymnastics oh yeah a mistress right but can you have a mistress if you don't have a wife or that's the reason is that just a girlfriend that's the rumor that he's dating that russian uh olympic uh medalist or whatever and has two kids with the uh that chick but it's it's like it's hidden yeah super hit is
7:38 that kind of thing like smiled upon out there like you have no wife good for you yeah you're mistress with no life wow who are you cheating on all of russia pretty cool man pretty cool because what they should do is just they don't have to do all this ████ what they're doing where they're like oh here's all these sanctions and ████ just sanctioned creighton barrel dude and the wife will be like yo what the ████ that's not the ████ war i can't order the any of my furniture like are you ████ kidding me right right yeah dude dude i'm telling you you end this ████ war right now immediately dude great environment that's it maybe your pure one imports after you cannot we will not import to or we will not export to russia and then it'll be over it'll be on three
8:28 days who can't handle that ████ yeah that just tells me that he doesn't have a wife no he doesn't have a wife he's a poor girlfriend yeah i can't get him with anything damn didn't they say they were gonna bankrupt him in 10 days for the war by doing this and it's like it's been 10 days oh dude but meanwhile he's in eastern ukraine where they have the second largest natural gas reserves in all of europe so go figure they're all acting like man putin's getting so puned right now it's like oh cool he's literally sitting on top of the second largest ████ natural gas reserve in all of europe he's actually like increasing russia's bread basket but everyone's acting like he's getting wrecked and it's just uh it's so funny damn that sucks because that was one of the things i was thinking about because i was like what makes it worth it for russia to go into ukraine and i was like well ukraine has a lot of ████ resources um you know for crimea just
9:21 like crimea that's that was why he did that and that's one of russia's biggest ways of making money is through natural gas through uh gasoline but how does our media talk about it how does our media talk about it putin's just a madman we don't know why he's doing this it's because he's a madman i know i hate that ████ so stu it's like no he's hitler he's just crazy it's like well yeah he is he is an ████ but he's trying to increase what yeah russia's resources what the ████ you talking about playing all of us huh right dude it's not even hard it's just that our our you know the media just just does whatever our government wants so the government wants this this talking point out there that he's just it's a saddam hussein talking point once again saddam is just a madman that's all he is a and they tried it out with different things and they don't like democracies they hate their minds i hate democracy they hate our freedoms yeah okay but the funny thing is
10:12 our country is very tyrannical in many ways so i don't understand where they're talking about this whole we need to protect democracy because like ukraine's actually way more corrupt than that's what i keep it's like that it's not that democratic like what are you talking about the new york times was reporting it was the most corrupt country on the earth or second most like six years ago wow six years ago but now they're like if you say that it's russian disinformation it's like guys come on i mean there's a reason why they couldn't join the eu and nato and like all that it's because dude they did it's too corrupt but did anybody watch zolinski's netflix show so good it was great i love him yeah they brought it back on crushing on him too yeah yeah he's quite he's a big hottie he's kind of hot he's a big time honey i liked his dancing with the stars thing the ukrainian dance ████ dude
11:03 that's kind of awesome though he's like pretty good ████ acted as a president became president dude he's a he's a good guy and then putin is a madman [Music] you
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