0:00 was there another kid in there that was hiding his wrist going hey trick over there I didn't find a mummified kid in there [Music] Steve's gonna like this because he just loves anything where the government uh gets to do whatever they want yes thank God thank God Steve loves everything about government especially like when they control our monitor Supply like yeah the very controlling ones are his favorite so this one happened in India um basically a government official was standing by the reservoir trying to take a selfie with his phone and then he dropped it into the water um so what he did that's what he got he ordered the reservoir to be drained and two million liters of water was wasted
0:50 so this guy could find his phone it was a really good selfie though million liters yeah what a ████ ████ that sounds like not in America it's in India wait could they not just I didn't say that it's four it's what four and a half million gallons didn't miss that oh God so he drained that's him under the umbrella he drained that whole Reservoir just to find his phone and did he find it yeah but it didn't work anyway did he think it was gonna work it didn't work no it was broken did he try to soak it in rice how long was it in there I don't know he didn't soak it in rice and basmati rice I think like maybe a day and a half or two days soaked some more I think it took two a day and a half to like drain that hole oh that's why why didn't they just send a ████ scuba diver in there so I wasted all that water dude and now the village is
1:40 waterless true story two months ago I wake up to Nikki screaming not because she's riding my dick for once right yeah hey let's go no so so I was like what the ████ going on so I go downstairs and like Nikki I guess she had been it's windy in Vegas she had been trying to pull like a ████ deck chair out of the ████ pool right it does get really her phone in her pocket and her phone just right into the pool so she's like this is not a swim she's like you know her phone's ████ but the phone's still floating on the water as it goes she's yelling honey honey and all this ████ and I'm like ████ waking up and like what the ████ is going on right and so by the time I get downstairs I just see Nikki completely naked completely naked and she's just and the neighbors are like this
2:30 well thankfully we have fences but she she like ████ Dives in and she's like my phone my phone and she Dives in and gets her phone out was the water cold freezing it was freezing like did she get naked I don't know exactly she's wearing like ████ little pajama shorts and ████ like they're nice shorts preserve the shorts like who gives a ████ it's like some little clothes it's like a kid she's acting like she's wearing a whole jumpsuit yeah it's like it's like a Lethal Weapon movie where she's like ████ taking her clothes like oh God damn it all right this is fine you know but it's like it's a phone uh so then she yeah she gets her phone and I thought her phone's ████ I thought her phone was ████ I was like why is she even like care but I didn't know because I have an older phone like apparently the like newer phone water resistant yeah she pulls it out and just it's already working just no way or nothing yeah that's so cool I didn't know that though so she was just yelling
3:21 so that I would do it but then I'm glad she ████ did it because it's really cool so she was hoping you'd come down and jump in the pool yeah but I didn't know what the ████ she was talking about because she's incoherent when like she's pancake oh that's that's very Fuji but Daddy's up today yeah by the time I realized it was going on she's like naked and jumping in so I was like I don't know what's she like I could have been dying right now and you took so long uh thankfully she wasn't that irrational but she's just glad her phone was working again that is nice it was working yeah so yeah this guy's was not working he actually tried to con the workers at that Reservoir to do it because he told them oh the phone has a sensitive government material on it yeah right we have to get it and then um that
4:12 amount of water it says could have been used to irrigate 1500 Acres of Farmland oh my God but he tried to tell media that that water was unusable for irrigation and he got permission to drain it which both of those are lies so he just how did he just got sick he literally lied he lied to the because he's an official so No One's Gonna Come here don't do this ████ he can do it all he wants don't do this ████ hey will you pledge right now in India oh you know what's funny he's he's a food inspector he's not even like a like a high like he's not a mayor he's not like in the cabinet no he's not a representative Ron will you pledge that you won't do this ████ right now you have food inspector of course not dude my answer food inspector and when she goes to restaurants when I went there and I was kid all the restaurants would kiss her freaking oh she's the one that assigns the letter yeah she gives
5:04 you the letter so everybody's like oh so free for free for free oh you like you like wontons here's two wontons there's like we just felt like we got treated like freaking royalty and she was like it still happens she'll take everything I know she'll take it yeah she'll take it you're not supposed to take nothing no you're not why because bribery we talked about oh getting greased up damn it's kind of worth it though for another one is there a right way to take things like that where it's not you do it on the table you just haven't served the 100 on the table you just keep pulling food oh my gosh I'm so sorry we accidentally made too many literally one second you just go hold on real quick it's like when you tried it it's like when you're eating during a meeting or during
5:58 pass me the hot dog with the toes put it in my toes you know when I was a kid you got fall under the table when I was a kid I had that feeling so my uncle he gave me a watch and it was like a Casio watch and I thought it was the coolest ████ watch in the world because it was one of the first ones where it had hands and it was um digital thing oh it was like analog and digital okay yeah yeah and then um okay this is so ████ cool and I don't know why but I took the straps off maybe I was gonna put another strap on or whatever and I put I kept it in my pocket I jump in the McDonald's playpen and I'm playing around whatever when I come out I go oh ████ oh ████ off phone no and then um you said that as a kid too sad yeah I was like so ████ sad I love that
6:48 being that was like my favorite thing ever and the McDonald's playpen was probably from like he wanted to drain the prop I wanted to I mean from this wall to that to that arcade my uncle is a food inspector we need to get out of here I was like no I gotta find this ████ watch so I got to do the most systematic way possible so I put my hand at the far corner of the playpen and I just dragged it like to that end and then I went like this like combing the beach basically combing the whole time from here I would have gone to the middle all the way over there and I still couldn't find it because it's stuck in one of the balls up there but you found some cool ████ though I don't find ████ you can find some cool anything oh so find like a diaper or nothing was there was your fully loaded was there another kid in there that was hiding his wrist going hey trick over there I didn't find a mummified kid in there
7:40 did you got left behind it just moves him out of the way before it's like I'm looking for a watch that does suck to lose stuff like that though that's an Indian kid on the side [Laughter] yeah you can't tell the staff that like hey there's a lost item of value I don't even think I'm just so sad they're gonna be like and I remember being so ████ terrible check even at night like I'm like sleeping I've lost the watch and then you know when you're when you're a kid like you're like you hope that you wake up tomorrow and you don't remember that feeling yeah I remember waking up ago [Laughter]
8:36 you wake up it's not just a dream oh that is sad dude Renzo does that crap to me does he how old is he now uh he's four like he does all the time like he'll be like he loves Target first oh I know I love Target but it's the funnest place in the world yeah dude the toys yeah every single time he didn't get a toys like I didn't get a toy you can't always get a toy dude who gets him the toy the wife huh yeah no no you know how I know because I go with taika this is like when he was like three or four outdaughtered them to supermarket and then um you'd be like oh can we get like a Hot Wheels car something and I'm like what do you mean like what'd you do did you earn it and he knows every time I come with mom like she gets me I was like you ████ spoiling ████ yeah yeah make me look like how does Geo
9:26 rationalize that that's correct this is oh it's like a toys okay I'm like no wonder he has like ████ 4 000 the same toy I thought it was like like the other cousins pass it on every time they go to Target but now like okay so there's a 4 000 Hot Wheels I do have the talk with him yet the Hot Wheels track the talk where you sit him down and you're like you know like I gotta just tell you straight up like you know your mom's a spoiling ass ████ can't let her get to you yeah okay you gotta stay strong she's not training you for life like I'm trying to do you know it's crazy I got really lucky in this is like 80s Disneyland and after we I wrote the you know that Matterhorn the freaking bobsled ride for the first time I lost my angels cap it's that black hat with like a red Bill and it just went flying and it was like my favorite oh no
10:17 I was like five years old I was super distraught and I don't know if they still do this but back then um at the end of the night when you go back to the gates where you exit they would have a person that's carrying a giant like it's almost like a stick like a like and it's just got everybody's hats they for sure don't do that now the hell no there's too many people do you remember was that a thing that I remember seeing I've seen that before and they would just stand by the gate and then if you lost your hat you would just pick it off the thing I don't even know if fedco would do some ████ [Music] foreign [Music]
// end of tape