0:00 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, we're leaving. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. So many Indians and Chinese news is starting now at 4 minutes. Is that crazy? I didn't think about that. This is what always happens when we're trying to film. It's like Yeah. And then then that's Yeah. Like Ken, get out of here. We can't start. Get out of here. Tell him to like and subscribe before the video starts. Hey, do you guys think K's jacket is cool or not? I can't go back and forth. Cop or was it cop and drop? His mom likes it. He's so indecisive. Yeah. It's like Bart's was good at saying like or subscribe. Okay. Again in five. [Music] Welcome back everybody to the boys are back in town episode of the And then now from now when we go two fingers we go like this. That's when he does the All right guys, we got 100%
0:50 money back guarantee. Go ahead and hit the like button. That's the one. Yeah. Hit the like button. Watch the full video. If you don't like it, you can unlike after. [Laughter] Nice. Yeah, it's a good deal. Money back guarantee. Come back and unlike the video, guys. It's been so long since we've had everybody here. If you guys haven't noticed, Joe's here. Hey, he hasn't noticed. One day older. I noticed. We're doing misdirection today. Okay, we're starting off strong. Steve is back, guys. We met Steven House. Steven's in the house. What What other scum shows have you been doing though? No, I was at a wedding. My brother's My brother got married um during the usual time that I come. Did you speech? Are you going to spank it? I did. I I did the wedding actually. I did the whole I did the whole service or whatever. Oh, you
1:40 officiated? Yeah, I did roast them. Did you shred them in your bubble? I did. Well, cuz they're um I did like a impression of like what I think a minister would do basically. Did you do anything from the Bible? My wife. Yeah. Nikki filmed it. Okay. Okay. Well, does that mean it's Nikki's brother or that means you're It's my brother. Oh, okay. I thought you said brother-in-law. My younger brother Nate, I think you guys met him one time. He used to do my podcast. Oh, the sound. You did the sound. Yeah. Did you crack Did you crack open the old Western Quran? The Western Quran? No, I did not. No, cuz that's like that that was like the whole thing is, you know, I I uh Well, they didn't want like a There's a lot of ████ with religion around. Yeah, both families. So, I did like an impression of what like I did like almost like a find and replace but included like
2:30 Thanos quotes instead. Oh, nice. Oh, that's cool. So, it was like it caught a lot of people off guard. Can you give us an example? Yeah. It's like like you know it's like thank you everyone for coming and I was very stoic at first and I was like to to Nathan and Allison's wedding and I was like Thanos reminds us that the hardest choices require the strongest wills and then played it out like you know like that and just did it like straight faced it and then they catches people off guard and then they're like what the ████ is this guy going to do the rest of the time people were like wait what the like they're not so serious I mean they're not so sure and then afterward they started catching on or no one the old people were very confused and everyone who's got Yeah. Like Thanos. Did you Did you only quote Thanos or Is that a revelation? Did you quote like other people like Thor or I pretty much only quoted Thanos? Yeah. Okay. How How come How
3:20 come you have a family of heretics? It's It's I think it's just like we were raised to not go to church, but like we we're Catholics. You know what I mean? Raised to not like don't go into that. Well, we tried going to church. It just sucked it just sucked too much ass. Wow. It was Yeah. Yeah. You're Catholic by culture. Yeah. You're right. So, we were part of that whole like, you know, there was that whole thing of like you don't have to go to church to believe in God thing. We're kind of in that. But in her family's the same, I think. So, I think Catholic. I don't know. I never got to talk to about religion cuz I was trying not to fight people. You know what I mean? But it was it was good. I mean, it was weird though cuz there there's a lot of like weird um political differences. Oh, like your family's liberal. Yeah. It's like everyone has different even in my own
4:10 family. But then Katy Perry went to space and like everyone chilled out and calmed down. We were all hugging and crying. Hugging and crying. She united the world, dude. Damn. I don't even We just It healed everything. That's amazing. I'm so happy. Actually, I did see um ████ like Olivia Mun and like Emily Emily Ratatouille ████ jazz. Oh, they went to No, they were saying it was like a waste of time or they're like um no one should have gone to space or some ████ Why? I really think that's really funny for Emily to take a stance on. Don't you think they're just being catty ████ Yeah, it should have been me. I wish I went to space. I think she pull her titties out and then go to space. But isn't it just like Bezos his wife like, "Hey, girls, girls day. Let's go do the spaceship ████ All right, girl." And I think it's just rich rich girl ████ you
5:01 know? Shout out to the Vietnamese girl who went out in space. Amanda. Yeah. Say it one more time just so she can hear it. Tell space dog. Amanda. Space dog. Space bus. Oh man. That's a rocket, dude. That's what she said in space. I think that you made a cruel women. Yeah. And women still hate on it. Do you feel like I mean WA is going to fail? You can't support each other. Yeah. They get That's what I'm saying. They're shaking their fists at each other. You think Amanda a super space person? Do you think somebody who like goes to like school and does all this stuff and and like has the credentials to jump into space and then you got like a the Katy Perry's and Bezos's wife and like Gail whatever like do you think there's any like how the ████ this ████ here
5:52 in space with me? I think it's like I think it's like us. We we've been tubing it and tubing scuming it and all this stuff and then all of a sudden some kid comes out of nowhere at his little apartment with a ████ iPhone and he's crushing views and we're just like he's like I've been tubing it for three months. I've been grinding my ass off and he's buying a Maserati and ████ I think that's exactly what it is. My ass off. Do you see like most people or I don't know about most people but a lot of people think it's totally fake. People do think it's fake and it's that's hilarious. There's like three different ones, right? So they go they didn't go. And then there's it's fake because they didn't cross cross the whatever boundary in space. Bunch of nerds. And then the third one is that they didn't that they like went to that they they filmed it like in a studio like like like the moon landing. They probably filmed this. But like what does that change in in our lives if it's fake or real? Like what is why are people mad
6:43 about that? I think they just want to take it away from Katie cuz she's already Katie had a great life. You know what I mean? She gets to go to space. She also gets to go to It's like not fair. Is Blue Origin like commercial space shuttles? Is that what they're trying they're trying to It's basically like Superman the ride but like way higher. Superman the ride. That's Bezos's day right there. Yeah. That's why his wifey was like, "Hey girls, you want to do that this Sunday?" And then they're like, "F███ yeah." And then that's what happened. Dude, that's a good marketing campaign. Nothing beats Kate Hudson and Zero Gravity. If anybody knows what we're talking about here, what movie is that? What are you talking about? See that one? That's not a movie. It's like she goes into that one one of those like zero gravity tube things, but she's in just her kingdom. Wow. No, not Kate Hudson. Sorry. Uh Helen Mirren. Kate Upton. Kate Upton. You know what I mean? You know what I'm talking about though, right? Everyone remembers. She was the She was
7:33 the Sydney Sweeney boobs before Sydney Sweeney boobs. But she's actually was the Sydney Sweeney boobs. She had them before her. I think she's actually hot. Yeah. Ray Uptown's actually hot. That's the cool thing about her. Oh wow. They have like the same face. No. No. Oh wow. Parent. Pull it up. That's all we look at. We are They're just The tits are I think the tits are identical and I think that's a good comp. It's a match. One identical match is like perfect. The other face is missing a few in notes. How would you change Sydney Swinny's face? Was it that her name? Sydney. You got to like put on the synthesizer a little pitch bend like put it back in in key like Yeah, they got the same face. Oh, get the ████ out of here. Send me that. They got the same face. Yeah, I told you the same face. She has She has a very British face, huh? This was This is purely for, you know, this was like 10 years ago. This
8:23 is scientific as hell, dude. They did this. Who the hell is the person unzipping her? The luckiest sound guy on earth. Oh my goodness. Earth. See, this is the true origin of Blue Origin. This is an astronaut, dude. Jeff Bezos's watching this. He's going to do this next. What's up with all the people laying on the phone? They're like safety people. She has a very different look each time. Holy ████ That's crazy. Oh, there it is. There's one of the Oh, wow. It's a photo shoot. This is really important. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. That wedding. Look at this guys. Um, she has to work so hard, huh? That's an astronaut right there, bud. So, that's the technique that's the technique that they used in Apollo 13 when they're filming that movie, right?
9:14 where they keep on flying them up and then they have Yeah. Yeah. And then that's why they all look zero G. Oh, they're squirting water at her now. But then nerds would be like, they're just falling. Like I'm a hater nerd. They're just falling. That hate on things like this are so Especially the people that think it's real that they went to like the women went to space, but then they go, they were just there for 17 minutes. It's not even real space. Shut the ████ up, dude. You didn't go to space. Shut up, dude. I feel like no matter what happens in humanity, there's that hater stuff is always going to be so entertaining, though. You see those people that were stuck in space and then when they came back down that lady like her chin got like twice as long. They're like ████ she like a Egypt chin dude. Yeah. Like your your body gets crazy deformed. It was funny that people were saying like oh look at how much she aged. Her hair is all white now. And then people were like dog she couldn't dye her freaking hair in space.
10:04 That's why. Way to way to be a hater. It's like when people go are you okay? You look so tired. It's like dog I ████ look like ████ Sorry. So, was that the first wedding you ever officiated? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it was. Yeah, it was. I I uh I My brother asked me to do it like a month ago, and I was like, "Yeah, of course." Is that fast? Like, you can get officiated, dude. You can do it in 3 minutes. americanistries.com. You just click a thing. Yeah. You click a You click a button says, "I'm alive certificate, dude." And then you get to like, you know, with the powers invested, blah blah blah, I ordain you, blah blah blah. Yeah. Legit. And in the words of fan, just like being a real estate agent, huh? Super easy. You just get a paper, piece of paper. Honestly, kind of. Yeah. There's no test. There's no like a multiple choice question. Nah, there
10:54 wasn't ████ Yeah, there's nothing. I'm not going to lie. I've always been curious and like kind of wanted such an honor to be able to like officiate some friends weddings. You have to ask me all about how it feels. How How does it feel? Feels pretty good. Yeah, it feels really good. You don't think it's a gangster ass responsibility? What if they get divorced? Then you're like, "F███, what' I do all that for?" No, no. Your responsibility ends at the Gloria. That's it. You don't You don't have to check in on them year after year. That'd be a That'd be a s█████ job. That announces the divorce during that ceremony. Like, you have to get officiated for that cuz you know how people be having divorce parties and ████ Damn. I've seen that. It became a thing. It's mostly like cat ladies drinking wine together. Yeah. No, it's the actual couple. They throw a divorce party. They bring the family together and they have one last hurrah of joy together. Yeah. What do you think about people that do uh breakup videos where they're like a
11:45 couple, they're announcing they're breaking up on social media? I think you kind of have to because you've been together for so long on social media. If you're going to separate, you kind of have to explain what the hell happened. If your relationship Did you have to do that back in the day? I didn't have to, but I did it because Yeah. You did a social media breakup video. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Oh, you did? It is good. Comments like non-stop. I think it's more so like um damage control. Yeah. Just making sure that like this last chapter of your life doesn't fall into this new chapter. Like if Bart and Gio broke up, everyone has only known them as Bart and Gio. And now all of a sudden they're just separate from each other and not talking about it. Like respect our privacy. It's like ████ you. You opened us up into your lives, dude. Like you owe us. Jesse Well, right. You when they had to. Yeah. Exactly. Prank versus prank. Wouldn't it be like cooler to like seed that information to some sort
12:35 of press release news outlet like a TMZ so it makes you feel way cooler? I was just talking about people that don't do social media doing them and you didn't even know who they were and they're just That's weird. Yeah, it is weird. That's interesting. We have to break up guys and there's like one comment and it's like a Russian bot and that's it. Cuz I like the tabloid that says Jessica, I was back on the market. You know, I enjoy those ones. That was a hot story, didn't it? Gives me hope. I didn't know people did that directly. Sydney Sweeney just opened up too. Oh yeah, she's trying to get her back. What a loser. Hi Barry's like on TRT and she says she loves ████ now. What? That's the headline. She didn't used to love How is that not the headline of this video? What? Yeah. She said she's been doing hormone whatever therapy and then she her libido is like through the roof. So I love how it's it's TRT so her testosterone like man I'm ████ I've been jacking off. She said all that word
13:26 for word. If you Google it, control F, whatever. FIN, whatever. Is that how you Google on the page that you're on? And they're gonna find ████ Type in Halle Berry ████ TR in pool. And it's gonna say libido through the roof. That's a topic. That's a topic for the for the video sweat shop. Like fall for AI ████ first. Probably. I'm going Bart. Yeah, I'm going Bart. Don't waste the topic, man. Don't waste that. Don't waste it. You save it. Look, look, look, look. I swear to God that I'm not ████ around. It's in there. It's in there. Yeah. Test. Yeah. Don't waste it. Don't waste it. Video sweatshirt. We got to talk about it next video. We got to do like 20 minutes on pass before I'm actually pretty good at sniffing stuff out. I don't know the fact that you made it a call. Video switch up. Video switch up. We need those little fans in here. Each each person at the desk gets a little fan.
14:16 We need like CS under the table. Oh, that'd be sick. We need sewing machines right in front of you. Nets everywhere and ████ dude. That'll be good. N will be good. We're making our own merch. Yeah. Hell yeah. And a shipping station in the back. Possible topics. He's like, "Is that good content?" Dude, video sweatshop. That's what you said to me. Good content. But um if if you uh are an official officiator, I bet you there's a lot of people that would enjoy you officiating for them. Would you ever sell your services? No. No. Cuz I did it for my brother. Like it's my brother. Like Like that would cheapen what I did for my brother. I see. Oh yeah. Yeah. Everybody's got a price. Everybody's got a price. Oh yeah. I feel like if you give me like 80 bucks a meal. Hot meal. Yeah. Hot meal in a hotel room. Let's talk. Now we're talking. Where? Oh, where was the wedding at? And where does your brother live? Is that the one that lives in
15:06 Tennessee? It was in Walnut Creek, San next to San Fran, which apparently you were just at like 3 days before I was there. Oh, you said Walnut. You didn't say Walnut Creek. Walnut is totally different. You thought he was I didn't even know until I got there. Oh, cuz he was like, "Dude, the wedding's in Walnut." I was like, "Why would the wedding?" That's what he said. That's Walnut California. Walnut Creek is very And then and theny's like, "By the way, there's hella Asians there." And then when I showed up, I was like, "I'll be damned. There are hella Asians here." You were right. Anyways, is there a lot of Asians in Walnut Creek? I don't know. Where's Walnut Creek? I got off the plane and this guy comes up and he's like, "Yo, dude, JK, I've been watching JK for years and s███." And then and then I was like he's like, "I got my hair like Anthony." I was like, "Oh, that's too bad. You should probably never tell anybody that." He's like, "Why wouldn't I? He's like, he's like, "Why wouldn't I
15:56 tell anybody that?" And I was like, "Oh, no, no, it's fine, dude." So, oh god, he didn't know. I could tell he like probably hasn't watched this in a minute. How did he know it? Cuz like he doesn't know that we roasted to share this guy and it's like unacceptable to I no longer miss you. Yeah, I know. Leave for another. But no, he was like Ju was like, "Wait, why wouldn't I tell people that? What the heck?" And you're like, "Oh ████ I got to go. Is here I got to go." So, every time obviously um I've seen a good officiator who is like a friend, not like the random priest that you hire with like the venue or whatever. Yeah. Um there's always there's definitely good comedy cuz and it's usually personal, but you're an actual comedian and I respect your humor. Tuber comedian. Um but does it do you have an arc? Do you have a story arc that gets to something that's like extremely emotional? Was there a moment that you were able to make you like your brother? I did like the I did like the the opener
16:47 serious and Thanos and then I did like the like the whole like what marriage is in my opinion and then like inner added like a little bathroom joke in there about like how you should have separate bathrooms which I do believe like good advice and then like yeah I did like you know like vamping. Oh I let them do um their vows which were great. Caught me off guard. Uh, and then I was like a little Did you set a little? Oh, I was holding it in really good, but my um sister-in-law now she like her vows got me so good that I couldn't even do the next part which is like okay rings and then it's like repeat after me. I couldn't even do the repeat after me cuz I was just so flustered about her vows. It was just they did a great job with the vows. And then uh Steve's just cry. I didn't cry, dude. Just ████ in my
17:37 breakup video. I cried like a ████ the whole time though. And during my wedding, I cried the whole ████ time from start to Oh, yeah, dude. My me and Nikki's wedding video. I'm crying the whole I'm a blubbering little ████ the whole time. Who officiated your wedding? My old man. Oh, damn. I would ████ cry, too, if my dad did that. I know. And I did that because my old man is like the most religious person that I know. So, I was like, it'd be perfect to have my dad do it. And he's a great man. So, yeah, it was cool. Uh but then yeah, so I was crying like a little ████ boy and stuff and but but um but at this one I was holding it in but I it flustered me and then got back on track closed out with the little Thanos bit and then we went right to like a cocktail hour which you got to do. You got to have like you know like something that where if you have if you're bringing families together where it's ████ awkward as hell. You know how like two families mixing and
18:28 intermingling is weird. You got to have like an open bar dude like fixes that quite quite quickly. Open bar is a must. Anytime it's like you have to pay for the alcohol, it's like really really weird. Oh dude, it's the weirdest ████ I had I've been I've never seen that. I had a buddy do one of those cash bar weddings and we all left. Dude, long lines. We left in like 45 minutes. We're like, "Duces." The Asian people hardly have cash bar weddings. Huh? We have cash weddings. What do you mean? C What's a cash bar? Where like there's a bartender, but you got to pay for the drinks straight up. Oh, no. I never had that. I never seen that in Asia. There's just free flowing alcohol. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and the real Asian ones, they just have the whole Hennessy bottle under the table already. What? That's cool. That's the Vietnamese ones. Vietnamese weddings do that. Yeah. Sometimes they they'll pay the venue like a certain type of fee to have that cuz it's cheaper. They go
19:19 to Costco, grab a ████ ton of Hennessy, and then under every single table there's just the Hennessy bottle, 2 liter of Coke, and a bucket of ice. Why is it under the table? Not someone's cutting her nails down there, too. stupid. No, it was really cool. I got to see my got to see my whole family, my brothers and my, you know, Kenny. I got to see my sister, Jen. I never see her. And and then I got to see like all my nieces and nephews and ████ Got to be reminded why I don't want to have kids. And then how old are they? They're all like, dude, name and age. Like, it's like all that range from like ████ two two to 10. So, like smattering of that. We all went to a a indoor pool and it was Oh, god damn. The voices bouncing off the walls. I was like, I can't imagine every day. Oh, dude. Yeah. Holy ████
20:10 God bless you, dude. Keeping the human race going. He's keeping the human race going. So ████ quiet by himself, though. It's crazy. Especially now that he just got into beatboxing. Wait, what? It's ████ noises all day. It's tight, though. Oh. Hey, Dad. Look at this. Oh, is that good? I'm like, shut the ████ up.
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