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Pet Kangaroo Ran Loose After Parrot Set it Free

#spidermonkey#kangaroo#batonrouge#exotic#deer
the transcript auto-captions · entered into evidence

0:00 thank you [Music] and we've got some shirtless men in the room we're just giving uh babes beefcakes for the editor right there just get them in there we're gonna get views up guys we gotta get ████ videos show some nips on the Channel Hey Joe looking pretty good there oh bars looking something else looking better uh Joe or Bart bye Joe let's objectify these men a little realistically today definitely Joe bar on the milking his own titties thing was catching me like he's still got red marks above his nip I have a lot of rib eye left man is that what that was I think I know you too well I think you've been cheating with some different kinds of food that sounds like some cupcakes now I've actually been really strict for the last three and a half weeks so far here he's running down 10 pounds he's real cheap meals how long

0:50 how long has it been since uh your weight loss Journey with Geo they're doing a competition yeah who's winning three and a half weeks I actually uh we waiting yesterday I'm winning so far of course you're a guy you're obliterating her dude she probably lost like you also have a lot more weight to lose yeah no but that's why we're doing at the end of it we're doing a dexa scan to it's so we're basing off of body fat percentage rather than total weight loss because it should be like a ratio right now yeah I think you win dude yes I think you win you hear that yeah Gino a kangaroo oh kangaroo I love kangaroos man yeah they're also known as Joey's western part of the world kangaroo ran loose in Baton Rouge Louisiana yeah I know right he escaped the zoo uh backyard suit is it a private Zoo ran loose in Baton Rouge area after a parrot

1:40 set it free damn how did a parrot do that I think who unlocked the gate I think talking animal movies have some real ████ have some real ████ going on Doctor Doolittle based off a true story it's like a babe situation right here so Baxter the kangaroo is safe after he spent a day running loose in East Baton Rouge but law enforcement says that marsupial will need to find a new home after the Escape why because the owner died of a heart attack negative because apparent it's got It's got kangaroo AIDS no exotic exotic animals pets you can't have any that are non-native to United States any animal not native to the United States anything venomous you cannot have an East Baton Rouge Parish so it says the director of Animal Control and rescue center so they shot us illegally there then yeah so

2:31 this dude who's illegally uh the pet owner if you will of a kangaroo in Baton Rouge and he's got a Parrot as well and this parrot literally uh ████ unlocks the holding cell that this kangaroo is in and so Baxter the kangaroo gets free and starts hopping around and stuff like that just picked up and found by police or is notified by like neighbors that are like that's a ████ kangaroo out here please find them Animal Control gets called and stuff like that so he's safe and sound he's found he's returned only you can't have a ████ kangaroo as a pet so in Texas Nevada Maybe do you think do you think one of the neighbors was like explaining to his wife because if this was me Nikki's like that's a kangaroo and I'm like babe that's not a kangaroo kangaroos are not in America you live from Australia that can't be a

3:23 king listen ████ stop spewing stupidity out of your mouth you don't understand what the ████ you're talking about actually don't understand what the ████ oh ████ that's kangaroo and like that's a kangaroo and then immediately you guys like how do I backtrack this oh god oh I really went hard on that one us like you're worried about your reputation dude you know how guys are bro I'm like I'm like we parked the car right here I ████ know it you ████ D4 with the Donald Duck on it I saw it right back and then we're standing there she's like where's the car see where's the car green where's the car and I'm like I have never gonna live this down why did I go so hard and then he's just like wait we walked here we didn't even take the car so uh there are no exceptions to the ordinance obviously you cannot have a kangaroo but the owners have one week to find Baxter new home or they face fines

4:17 this was what my future career would have been if I continued selling piranhas oh I think it would be like piranhas to like illegal Turtles Gateway she would you would also just be Joey exotic and maybe maybe alligators whatever imagine Joe Exotic but with even more jerking off and more murder more gay sex dude yo that wedding scene was one of the best I've ever ever where he kissed both dudes and then like that's pretty ████ baller dude that guy's like the damn Bilzerian of like exotic pet like I don't even know who Dan Bilzerian is you remember I don't know danville's area he's like the poker player with all the girls he would love his Instagram page that's your dream I've never actually seen him because he was covered in women yeah just like Anthony tiny little legs that's right see some

5:07 of his beard and that's it he's the Armenian uh Johnny Bravo dunk on him for his skinny legs do you think he got skinny legs he's got I never looked at his legs I don't know he's definitely got small calves yeah like when you see him in proportion everything else you're like that's kind of weird looking but you're also kind of weird looking so so other than Joe and his piranha Adventures if you guys could have an exotic animal as a monkey spider monkey spider monkey spider hilarious he's ████ scared what about chimpanzee hell yeah I love a champagne I want a chimpanzee rip your ████ face off bro but you gotta be nice to him dude you gotta get them you gotta get the monkey from Ace Ventura when it's like a child only Curious George age nah so it's a spider monkey then spider monkey Ace Ventura spider monkey spider monkey listen babe that's a spider monkey I ████ know it you know what I kind of don't think it's a spider monkey dude it's absolutely what a

5:57 spider monkey looks like they called you babe yeah me too is that the one with the white circle around the head it's like everything else is black what kind of monkey likes to take hot baths in Japan oh no it's that it's that it's not a Japanese senior citizen you just want an old Japanese person I just want someone to take hot baths have you seen a Japanese monkey taking like a hot bath no they look like Japanese grandpas if you guys want to spend the rest of the day watching monkey videos I'm down let's do it that's my favorite one Japanese monkey taking a bath dude it's the ████ hilarious ████ like it it looks like my future like we're gonna be looking like that if we're if we're inside of a ████ jacuzzi they're gonna be like oh look at those two chimpanzees they pick at each other's hairs too and take the little bugs out judge it's a cop oh he's a white-headed

6:47 Capuchin that guy see I need someone to go in the sauna with me does that look like a Japanese grandpa hard on something and being wrong I'm Nikki dude look at that ████ Japanese grandpas they're so great they're awesome is that full playing with his fart bubbles no he's just like it's like helping them groom and stuff oh I think he's just playing with the water how hot is that water it's probably like warm I don't know it's snowing outside yeah they're just having a good time they're probably trying to survive it's it's ice cold he's probably coming up with a ████ Haiku right now banana banana water that's just gonna be terrible I wanted to see them but I didn't get the chance to where do you see them at the hot springs in the wild in Japan so there's chilling there yeah they're there do they attack humans they just ████ bathe all day you uh there's like there's like I mean it's not a what do you call it like a park

7:38 like you could pay an entry fee but they're just running like a wildlife preserve or something kind of yeah but it's like owned by someone do that a monkey try to ████ steal my glasses in Bali yeah did you punch that monkey in the face punch them in the ████ heads I didn't need them have you seen those videos of like people going to like Bali and ████ and the monkey who steal their purse and all that stuff and they're trained they bring it back to the owner yup they take it up the tree and then it's gone and then Olive Garden's like it's gone ████ and then later on yeah they go resell it ████ I like the monkey there's that one chick she's doing an interview and he comes up and looks under her skirt yeah that's a cool monkey along with the monkey's touching on her titties and she's just laughing and stuff yeah I love those videos anytime animals get away with molestation good vids it's really good like the giraffe the draft picks up this chick's tit or something like that which one is that that's it the ████ are you watching this there's a documentary on PornHub yeah yeah yeah when I was in Japan with my friends the

8:29 we're at the inara with the Deer Park and everything like that and then my friends are trying to like feed the deer and then they got like a little too aggressive so they like each like they like try to hide the the like crackers like in their shirt or whatever in this one girl like hit it in her shirt and the dude just bitter boob oh ████ she was like oh ████ that's scary as ████ those deer those deer are ████ aggressive and they know they know what you're losing a nipple how'd you lose your nipple gangster story and they're not afraid of you because no one ████ them up yeah that's why you gotta ████ them up some more deer in the face I actually did punch a ████ emu in the head one time really what happened he was trying he's trying was he talking ████ they look he was he was actually looking at my mother and then she thought yeah yeah I was like you get your ████ eyes off my mind that's my mom uh no I was wearing a shiny watch and then they'd he'd bit me it was like reflexively like I just oh yeah that's fair you punched him like this like Irish boxer I punch him like a ████

9:19 man actually there it is like Will Smith at the at the ████ Oscars I thought you said Independence Day when he punched the alien in the face that reminds me how to do that punched the kangaroo who was choke holding his dog yeah dude I love how stunned that kangaroo was after yeah that was a good punch I like almost like no that's what I call a close encounter that's like how ████ that is good that was good that movie's fire dude I love that movie the second one sucked ass second one was horrible it's like ass such a waste of the Third Kind Will Smith wasn't even in it right no Wilson wasn't in it goldblums was back yeah whatever always comes back yeah I kind of I love Jackal I love him right he just looks like he's having so much fun no matter what he's doing he just looks like he's gonna come back to

10:10 every ████ ████ franchise has ever participated in as a reboot let's see a fly another fly I would see another fly not if they're gonna arm wrestle again that seems hokey looking that ████ gave me nightmares when I was getting for sure yeah all that body came out today yeah oh today love it because he was in Thor Ragnarok so I was just thinking about that the new new huh the new Newport that's good though I I think the ratings are okay really not as good as Thor Ragnarok Ragnarok was too good taika can do no wrong tiger ytc can do some wrong probably bro I'm so comic book movied out it's like insane yeah I'm over it too they'll give you another one I know they will and then another one green Punisher you didn't watch it no I think you would ████ love you don't like seeing

11:00 people get killed you look like the Japanese John Bernthal punished your character in real life be a Punisher maybe I'll give it a chance watch it it's I like seeing the memes or he's like strapped to the chair he's like no no no yeah yeah yeah I judge shows on the quality of the memes now you should I do really yeah [Music] laughs foreign

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