0:00 Has it ever turned out in your favor when you're being persistent with a girl who initially is not interested in you? Have you ever been able to turn the tide? I feel like that's your whole story for marriage, right? >> Yeah. I don't But here's the thing. Uh I just don't know. At one point she started liking me. [laughter] >> It still hasn't happened yet. >> Well, it's like >> cuz like how was it in the very beginning? >> I I don't know. Part of me just feels like in retrospect if I had to look back at it >> Uhhuh. Like it is just kind of like stubbornness, you know, >> your own stubbornness. >> Yeah. Cuz I feel like >> So, did she ever have a point where she's like, "No thanks." Like very clearly not interested or didn't call you back, didn't text you back, any any like very clear sign of like I' I'd like to pass. Basically, >> I feel like at the age you could take
0:51 anything positive or negative and it could depending on where you are cuz we talk about this a lot. Like >> when you're at that age when you're in high school, >> feel like you're kind of you don't really know obviously you don't know anything and your confidence is probably not that high. >> So depending on what that person does to your reaction of you trying to date them or not, >> they could give you neutral >> like reactions and you could take that negatively or positively. You know what I mean? >> And I think a lot of the times I took whatever she did just being neutral >> neutral reaction, I took that as negative towards me. >> Oh, >> you know what I mean? It's like, oh, she doesn't like me. But that I don't know if that's true or not. Like, so if I try to pursue and try to talk, I'd say, "Oh, I'm not making traction." Like, "She doesn't she's not reciprocating." But at the whole time, I think in retrospect, she was like, "She was feeling me." But in my head, I was like,
1:42 >> "She doesn't, but I'm just going to keep trying. You know, I'm to keep like making a relationship with them and just see what happens until they tell you to ████ off." And there was times where we would connect like I would try to kiss her or something like that and it would be like >> she would turn her way >> kind of give me the cold shoulder like there was one point where she kind of gave me the cold shoulder like oh I wasn't ready for that >> when you try to kiss her. >> Yeah. >> Oh ████ >> And I remember I was like and we didn't like talk for a little bit and I was like oh ████ >> what does that mean? But in her mind, she had to really decide if she really liked me or not, too. Like if she really wanted to to see me as like a like a romantic >> significant other. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, I think and I took it as, oh, she doesn't like I I scared her away. I didn't want to talk. She doesn't want to talk to me anymore. >> And then sure enough, she took that time and then was like, you know what? Let's really try it out.
2:32 >> Oh, so she objectively was the first person to define it and be like tell you straight up, let's do it. >> Well, because I made the move. Oh, okay. >> Before I was kind of ████ footing around. I was like, "Oh, I don't know." >> A little gray area. >> Yeah. And even the way I tried to kiss her was a little ████ foot, you know? It was a little kind of it wasn't as strong. So, but then I think in her mind it was like, and this is after we talked about it, she was like, "I just didn't know what to do." Like, it just scared me. I just kind of was like wasn't ready for that. But then now I knew that you liked me. So, it it changed everything from there on. >> So, it had nothing to do with like I'm not interested. But I think when you're a kid or you're at that, like there could be a lot of situations that you would interpret as like, "Oh, she's not interested. She doesn't she doesn't mess with me." But then again, the other side is also real creepy where you just keep being persistent and they're like clearly like, "Hey, get the ████ out of
3:22 here, you know?" But at least in my perspective with that scenario, I felt like there was a lot of times she wasn't messing with me. I don't know if that was my own ████ or whether she wasn't really into me. Does that make sense? Hope I explain that properly. >> You sound like you're still gray about it all. >> Yeah. [laughter] You still don't know. That's the That's the beauty of it. >> It kind of seems like it played out in an actually innocent and like an actually honest thing because if she was like waiting for you, if you were pussyfooting, but she actually wanted you when you made the move, I feel like it would have >> she would have she sees the moment. >> Yeah. it would have connected in some way versus like a genuine like let me think about this in like a almost like a reserved quiet individual sense like she had to care about it enough to try and figure it out for herself cuz she didn't know where it was supposed to be. >> I'm going to sleep on this, you know,
4:12 like like in that moment >> too after you had already felt like that like rejection, you know what I'm saying? Like that that seems like a really honest experience actually. >> And that's kind of all our relationship was right. It was like it was constantly me being like I don't know what to do but I can't take this anymore. I have to share with you how I feel. And then it became like, oh well, let me tell you how I feel. And it just like just kept going back that way. So I think in a lot of ways, well, I always say we lucky. >> You guys are also very young at the time, too. >> Yeah, we're super young. >> So we have no freaking idea. >> Like 15, 16. >> Yeah. 17, 16. >> Too young. >> So too too young almost. >> As a really black and white example, I wonder like tell me what you would do in my situation where this happened. This was like 2005 and uh I was trying to date this girl like persistently trying to date her. But the funny thing is is
5:02 that she's still having sex with me but doesn't want to be with me. >> So I'm chasing her. I'm chasing her while we're still hooking up. >> Wait, she's from Santa Barbara? >> No. What? >> That's the most Santa Barbara ████ ever heard. >> Is that a Santa Barbara thing? >> I have a member of my family. >> He was going to school out there >> and this chick gave him head three times, >> dude. [clears throat] And then he just he didn't marry her and he liked her. [laughter] >> He liked her and then he was like I asked her out and she was like ew. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> And then he was like what? [laughter] >> You literally suck my dick three different times. >> I get it. I get it. It's like Yeah. That's it's something where there's some people that don't want to be with you. They just want to have fun. >> They just want to do the sucky suckies. >> I mean, if we can understand as guys doing that, girls do that, too. But I think the sucky sucky and then
5:52 >> you've never sucked a guy three times and not wanted to date him. >> Sucky sucky jizzy jizzy feel like yourself again. >> It is crazy. But in this case, I was literally having sex regularly with this girl. >> But she doesn't want to be with you. >> That would be with me and it was it was ████ with me hard and and so like I would simp like thing I could do. I had I remember like she was about to uh she was moving so I helped pack all her ████ move it to storage. Like I was doing slave labor. I I organized her receipts for her for her taxes. >> You would go like, "Hey, let's be together." And then what would what would her like like response be? >> She didn't want to date. She'd want to be together. >> Well, like what what's what's in it for her if you're already doing everything a ████ boyfriend would do. >> Yeah, exactly. >> There's no evolution for her. She's just like, "Wait a minute. >> It's objectively not a good thing that I did." >> Do you think in retrospect if you were
6:42 to do the kind of like the ████ guy thing where you're kind of like not make yourself available? you're only there to smash. Do you think that would change how that relationship would go? >> I think the way the story goes is that like so I was slowly I knew I was slowly chipping away at the emotional side of things cuz it was like no there was like no emotion from her half of it. >> Yes. Her heart's just so guarded in >> not in it. Mine I was like head over heels like I was trying to get this girl and there's just nothing from her. Every once in a while I would get like a little bit of like daylight through the rocks kind of a situation. >> And then I remember one of the one of the worst, simpst things I did was it was her birthday and she wanted to go to a club >> and um it was a bunch of us like guys and like a few girls. We walked uh like we parked and walked to this one club.
7:32 We got there and they were like, "Oh, no more guys can come in. Like only girls." And then so she's like, "Oh, can I go in for a while and just have fun?" And I ████ watched her like she went in the club with the girls and I'm watching her through a ████ window and I'm just like waiting for her to come out and I'm watching her party, dude, >> with a bunch of guys, you know, by the way. And we're all just like and you know the other girls in there and we're just like >> outside the club waiting >> and we're just kicking it waiting for the girls to be done partying. >> Was that the breaking point for you? No, I So, here's the It should have been. Every one of these points from the very start should have been, but because in your stupid young mind, you think persistence is key and when you finally get this thing, it's going to be the thing you want. So, >> and you think the next thing is going to unlock the next level probably.
8:22 >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I And I pulled every move I could like uh this one time. And I think this is the turning point for her emotionally is like I I'd like I got nothing else to ████ flex on this girl. like I got to use the the cheat codes. So then I'm like we're at her apartment. I'm like, "What's your favorite song?" And she's like, "Uh this this song, whatever." And I ████ put on the iPod, go down the elevator, listen to it a few times. I tell her, "Hey, come down to your lobby." She comes down and I played it for her on the piano. And it blew her mind to the point where I think like that made like a false emotional high. >> Yeah. >> And it and it broke a wall down. And I think from that point on I started to receive more of the emotional side and then we ended up being together and we were boyfriend girlfriend and it was the worst thing that could have happened. >> No way. Why? >> Yeah. Because it's completely incompatible. Like we as people we don't
9:12 match. But instead of like paying attention to that, you just think I want to get this prize. I want to get this thing that I want. But you don't even like take into account like maybe you guys don't even go together. You think a girl who's like having sex with you and still saying I don't want to be with you is going to be the girl that you're, you know, with forever. girl of her dreams. Yeah. >> Yeah. It's not. But then it sucks that like I had to s my way so hard to just go, "Oh, I could have told myself that in the beginning, too." >> Yeah. But you got her. >> But that's the thing. It's It's [laughter] I think anybody can eventually do something to get somebody if they're persistent enough in a very clever certain way. But I don't think you're going to end up with what you want. And neither is she. Keeping him is different. >> Like I don't think either way you won't neither of you will be happy. I think you were just you had to beat the game. >> Yeah, because I started to capitalize on endorphins and serotonin or whatever the hell. >> Well, your goals were kind of different
10:03 at that time was just to get with her. >> Tried every He knows I tried everything, dude. And I just couldn't do it. And then and then once I did, I was like >> that is >> Oh, duh. >> That is true though. It's like when you get in a relationship that's like first level and then maintaining it is a whole another ████ ball game. >> Yeah. Cuz I think the one thing that guys don't do when they're ████ sprung is they just don't ask themselves why do you why her? >> Why do you want her? Like why? What is it that's so like or are you just going off of like a nameless feeling like a thrill or some kind of like exhilaration that it's new and different? Cuz then if there's no real substance to it, you're chasing nothing, dude. >> Chasing a ghost. >> Yeah. You're chasing inevitable heartbreak, bro. >> Ah, but the chase is so fun. >> And that's how I ████ got addicted to the chase. >> Oh, the chase is so fun. Yeah, you missed the chase. >> Don't do that, dude. [laughter] >> I don't like that.
10:54 >> I don't like that, dude. >> Don't do that. That's weird. >> You miss that ████ You miss You miss turning cuz there is It's sport. You just feel alive. You just feel alive. And it's also the most painful thing in the world, too. The Jay is really like that. >> It's like gambling, dude. You just unlocked a core memory for me with your guys' favorite ex-girlfriend of mine. Don't say her name. Does she have arms, though? >> And then Oh, ████ Um, I remember being in Cisco for so long. basically the entire time in college. Basically the whole college. >> That's crazy. I didn't know that. >> And I was like super into her. We're on the same team and stuff. She was like my best friend type ████ you know? >> To the point where I didn't even realize it cuz you're so into it. But the whole team knows that I'm in love with her. Even her. And I don't know that nobody knows. I don't even know if I'm in love with her at that time. That's how stupid I am. You know what I'm saying? But everybody knows I'm super into her. And
11:44 I remember dude, I just remember this is so ████ funny. I remember being on like cabinet like a captain of the team like before being a director and we had like a board meeting at like one of the dude's apartments and he lived with another dude on team super cool Vietnamese dude just another dude on team um and then uh this girl was dating or just started dating that guy at the time and I didn't know but again everybody knew everything that I didn't know in regards to this particular girl. I was just the last one to always find out for whatever reason >> because they could just see you better than you see yourself type of thing or >> maybe maybe um and then uh we're at this house and then like I just show up and stuff and I'm about to be oh I'm going to say what up to whatever and then I remember one of the other homies on team's like oh no no no no but it was like really weird like no no no >> you know I'm like
12:34 >> okay and then like a a couple minutes later it's like she walks out of the door and so there's this clear moment where Everybody, I just remember this moment where everybody knows and everybody's staring and waiting to see what my reaction is cuz I'm like, [laughter] >> trying to play it cool. >> Weirdest experience to like cuz again, I don't know that everybody understands something. I don't even know what I understand. I just know that whatever they knew was going to happen totally happened [laughter] in front of them. You know, just this moment of like You [laughter] know that's rough, dude. Just like what are you doing here? [laughter] >> Oh, but ironically here here's the funny
13:24 thing about persistence is that I do I'm not going to attribute this to this particular moment. Ironically, after I believe it was 2 and 1/2 years of chasing, the one moment where I stopped and is when I started dating this other girl was the moment that it switched for her. >> Oh, okay. Yeah. >> I'm not saying it was because of that. I don't know. >> All I'm saying is that was the timing. 2 and 1/2 [laughter] years. >> But there's something to do with it. >> And you dated somebody else while I was chasing. And then when I finally am like kind of dating somebody else or something, >> it just happened to be the timing. I wouldn't put it past her to be like, you know, that's the reason. I'm just saying it's very like interesting when I stop chasing is maybe when the emotional trigger for her. >> I think scarcity is a real thing though. It could be. >> Yeah, it could. >> You take the focus off her. >> What was it that like stopped you from
14:14 making a definitive move back when the coast was totally clear? Never knowing that the coast was clear. >> Oh, >> right. Because you're always at that that when you're like a simpy like not aggressive machismo dude, you're jeopardizing the friendship, right? That's the key thing. Yeah. >> And you're on a team. You're like on the team together. You can't just like >> there's dynamics there. >> Cat calls some chick across the street and then it's like no, I see her every night for the for the rest of the year, >> you know? So you you just try to play it a lot more chill and safe and you care about the friendship, but that's why you think you're like you really like this person. It's not like I want a boner. >> No. Yeah. >> You're like, "Oh man, I really like them." >> And that's like the long chase. >> That is a long long chase. >> Too long, >> dude. That's rough. You see all the time. A [laughter] [laughter] ████ god damn it. I hate
15:05 you guys. Now we're doing too long now. Huh? Really great game. [laughter] Is the eye contact too long. Let us know in the comments below if you've had a similar experience where you were chasing somebody and you finally got it and it was the worst thing that could have [laughter]
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