0:00 But what if he comes in, he goes, "Hey, see my fade? It's the cleanest fade you ever seen." Like, I did it myself >> and I'm gay and I'm woke gay >> and his hair is purple. Papa, >> it wouldn't change your opinion if he was gay. >> I wouldn't care. >> I think your kid would be gay. >> Don't you dare talk about my kid. >> Don't you dare. >> Don't you ████ dare. Welcome back to another episode of Careful Boys. We have Jared Feather with us today. >> Okay, honest answers from everybody on what you would actually do if let's say you get a knock on your door. It's uh your teenage son that you didn't know you had. >> Hello. >> And he is requesting to be a part of your life. >> I was really scared that this would happen to me one day cuz I cream pied a
0:51 lot in this one girl. She was crazy. She was ████ crazy. Was she was local to here? >> No, LA. But she was pretty nuts. And then um >> How old were you? >> I was ████ maybe 20 six or five. >> Oh, so you still had some good swimmers. >> Yeah. And then she was like a couple years older than me, I think. >> Uh oh. >> Yeah. And then um I remember so she was a reseller on eBay and ████ And then I remember seeing like baby clothes and stuff and then my crazy mind went to what if this ████ be like getting pregnant and then like like selling her babies off to adoption and I'm like what if I have one one day and then we do a 23 and me and then like all of a sudden I see like a son or a daughter because she was nuts like that. >> So she would give her kid up for adoption.
1:41 >> No, but she she sold baby clothes and she sold things on eBay. But when I saw the baby clothes, I was thinking, "This ████ gets pregnant by men and like >> has a kid >> and then sells it." That's what I That's what I thought in my head. And then later I found out it was just eBay reselling. Yeah. >> Got it. >> Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. >> But you're busting absolute nuts. >> So you were worried it was you. >> Stop. >> Yeah. >> It was It was >> Yeah. It's >> So no like precautions at all. Just straight cream pie. >> Yeah. >> Cuz he love he loved it. >> So what would you do though? Oh, if it happened. >> Yeah, like his question. >> No, no. So, so that that is a real fear of mine. Okay. >> And then Yeah. If it if it ended up being like real. >> Yeah. >> What would you do? >> I'd actually want to get to know him. And if he's annoying, I'd ████ abandon him again. >> So, he shows up at your house. You open
2:32 the door. It looks undeniable that you Okay. >> And he's he's like 16. >> Yeah. What do you do? >> No. There be a checklist for >> And he goes, "I don't have anywhere to go." Do you let him stay the night or you go like >> I'll get you a really fancy hotel and let's get to know each other. >> Really? >> You can't stay the first night. >> I don't even know. >> You don't even know if it's your kid yet. He's just saying, >> "No, I'm just saying undeniable." Like, >> let's say, let's say that part's out of the way. Let's say the part the part about being fishy is out of the way. You >> So, he shows up to the door. >> He comes certified. >> He's like, "Here's my papers. Here's my DNA test. >> You're my father." >> Can prove it on the spot. >> Yeah. Well, I know he's data driven. >> He plays a little flute. He's like, "I'm your son." He's danger. Come on in. We're gonna >> I'd be like, "That's spot on." >> No matter what, I'm still too paranoid even if they're family. >> Oh, >> like that's just how I am. Even with my own family. So, I'm I would be like,
3:22 "All right, that's cool." >> No, anybody in this situation, don't let him say the first >> That's what I'm saying. What if he has this vengeance of like, "I'm going to stab you in your ████ sleep cuz you abandoned me." >> Oh, >> yeah. Drive you to a nice hotel. >> My mind goes there. So then I'm not going to let and plus I live with Hannah and like I don't want to endanger anybody. >> Exactly. That's true. >> So let's stay there. Let's get to know each other. >> Okay. Let's say you get to know him and he's like >> background check. >> Yeah. >> Make sure that there's no criminal record. >> Yeah. It's clean. Let's say it's clean. >> Start looking into references of who they might know. And I want to try to retrace the past >> and make sure that they're in the clear cuz safety first. Bro, >> for the record, if it's your kid, they might have a criminal record. >> That's what I'm saying. >> But that's what I'm saying. >> What if you cut them off because of that? It could be your kid still cuz you should have had a criminal record. You just got lucky. What if I did? >> What if it was the same stuff like you like graffiti and then you're like, "Oh, okay. Okay. I could I could relate. I
4:12 could empathize." >> Well, I don't find graffiti as a criminal act. >> He was a tagger, though. He wasn't graffiti. >> No, it's a it's a art. Art, dude. >> Well, yeah. While I'm doing all that, too, I would immediately call that kid's mother and be like, "You're a ████ c███." >> I wouldn't even want to talk to her. >> Yeah. Okay. >> You wouldn't want to talk to her? >> The fact that you didn't ████ tell me this cuz I would have taken care of this kid. >> I have the means to take care of this kid. I would have taken care of this kid. >> Wow. >> That would piss me off. >> True. >> You're like a serious dude, brother. That would piss me off. >> Guys would want to talk to >> So, after you got to know him and you do the background check, it is clean and now you're at the point of arrival where he's like, "So, can I live with you or not?" >> Well, they're 16, right? >> Yeah. >> So, he still needs Wow. >> I'm going to be a father. I I got I got to catch up. >> Wow. You're I mean, even if they to be honest, even if they were a psychopath, I'd probably be like, >> "We're going to have a separate living situation for you cuz you can't endanger
5:02 Hannah, >> but let's have a relationship." >> Well, cuz he is half crazy lady. >> Exactly. >> And my father, you know what I mean? So, like, we just don't know. >> You're the crazier half. >> Are you like, you're going to play an instrument, you're playing the cello or the flute, you got to pick one, >> right? Something's going to happen. >> Yeah, >> that's true. But I do want a genuine rel. Even if they're even even if I have a Dexter, I do want to know who they are. >> Okay. Okay. >> I don't want to just immediate be like, "You weird." Only if they're ugly. If they're ████ ugly, then they're gone. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's fair. >> What if he has like a lot of disabilities? >> I could roll with that. They can't ████ me up. >> That's what I'm mostly worried about. >> When Joe looks at people with disabilities, he's like, "They can't ████ me up. That's good." >> What if they're really ugly, but they smell really good? >> I like that. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> You like that? Give me. >> But I I do. No. Like >> what what what um ethnicity was she? The
5:53 crazy lady. >> I don't want to give away too much. >> That's smart. >> Yeah. >> What color what color was she? >> Huh? >> What color was she? >> Her hair was red. >> Okay. >> She's a whitey for sure. >> Think about that. >> Big time white. >> Or it could be a Dragon Ball character. I never know. >> Or it could be ABG with ████ dyed hair. >> That's true. >> Could be a Akuma Street. But wouldn't you guys want a genu wouldn't you guys want a genuine like relationship with >> Absolutely. >> I actually want more family members. >> Yeah. >> But I am ████ paranoid about family. >> So I rather like just because of my history like I don't welcome everybody immediately. >> Yeah. >> But then I think if they can pass the layers, dude, it's it's awesome to have more family than to have less, you know? >> So you'd be paranoid even if he was like awesome in every way and a really cool dude. Well, if the layers were checked
6:45 and you know that they're a decent person or whatever it is and or even if I know their red flags, if I can if I if I know what their red flags are, I know what to look for. >> Like if there's a if they're a klepto or whatever, then I'm like, "Okay, well, I'm probably going to have ████ missing and I'm at least it's not a surprise." You know what I mean? >> Yeah. Okay. >> So, stuff like that. >> Yeah. What about for you, Nikki? If he showed up to you, Nick, >> if a tall guy showed up at my house looking like a ████ cartoon character, I'd be like, "That's pretty good because that's pretty much what I look like." All right. And then I don't know, man. I'd probably be like, "I've only ever had sex with guys, dude. So that's impossible cuz I'm gay." And then I'd be like, "Nah, I'm just kidding. Come on in." >> Hey, >> I would want to know just like >> Thanks. >> What do they want out of this? Like, do they want to meet me just to meet me? Do they want like a relationship? I think because it's on them really. Yeah.
7:36 Because I didn't know they exist. >> Like why did you come here? >> Right. Like like what do you want? Because I don't want to first of all I don't want to overdo it. Like this guy he's like I need more family. >> Oh. Oh my boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boooo. I need more family. Like I'm not going to do that. It's like they don't even want that. Like for all I know they just want to like shake my hand and be like okay you're my dad. I just like you know you have any medical history or anything crazy? >> This episode is brought to you by the RP Diet Coach app. Remember when I lost over 30 lbs and got ripped for a bodybuilding show? This is the exact app I used. You can adjust your macros your way. Shift your calories from day to day between meals and get instant guidance when your plans change. You tell it what goals you want and then it gives you the plan to follow. It's super easy to use and it's built by my buddies over at RP. Jared from RP was my diet coach for my
8:27 bodybuilding show where I won double first place. So, you know that it works. To get our special subscriber pricing, go to rpstrength.comrpskinny time. That's rpstrength.com/rps k n y t i m e. RP skinny time. Link in the description below. >> What if he's actually asking like I'd like to live with you and and uh >> Oh yeah. So that would be another whole thing cuz Nikki comes first, second, third, fourth, fifth, and then my cat Franklin comes sixth. So like >> cat before your son. >> Yeah. So, like I would just be like, "Dude, I don't know." I'd be like, "Dude, by the way, my house smells like cat pee. I don't even know if you want to live here." >> Well, what do you think Nikki would say to it? >> If I had a kid, >> if your son showed up, >> she would laugh and wouldn't even believe it. She wouldn't even believe it. Like, that would be crazy. Um, but >> does your opinion change depending like
9:17 let's say that kid is is born from your least favorite ex? >> Yeah. >> Oh, doesn't go down her mental health checklist. I would I would be look even my least favorite ex I think I did pretty okay with like they're not nobody's nuts or anything. You know what I mean? So like I I wouldn't worry about that. I would just want to know what they want out of the relationship and then I would want to know like um you know what can I do for you? You know what's actually crazy about the story is I was just with my fantasy football buddies and one of them just got a notice saying that uh so he used to give sperm back when we all lived in LA and I used to go to his house all the He's like, "Yeah, I was just giving him sperm and stuff." I'm like, "I I used to bust his balls and stuff, but this is it's now reached the point. I've known this guy for so long. It's reached the point where his kids have reached 18." >> Whoa. >> And they have reached out to >> cuz the records get released to them.
10:08 >> So, like in LA where he was doing this, he checked the box saying like they they can they can come contact me when they're 18. >> Oh, wow. >> So, um So, then they just reached out and I guess he has like 22 spawn or whatever, right? >> 22. >> 22. Yeah. So, so >> that's a lot of that's ████ insane, >> right? So, he he had a couple of them like reach out already cuz they hit around the same time cuz he was doing it in groups, right? So, he is he says, "I'm down." It's so funny we're talking about this. I just talked to him. He says, "I'm down um for them to come to me, but uh they have to come to me. I I'm not going to them. I'm not getting on a plane. I'm not doing anything." like I did my part and like that was the deal when that I signed up for, but I think they have a right to meet me if they want to and like I don't expect to be their dad or anything like that. He's like just I just think that they have a
10:58 right to meet me. >> No, I guess I guess that's different when you're a sperm donor, right? But when you're busting nuts left and right, >> my dog, >> that's different with like someone that you never wanted to see again. Yeah, that makes it different. >> I think that's easier though than an X cuz I think X there's baggage and you're like, "Oh, ████ I got to deal with this." >> Well, yeah. I mean, if it's a sperm donor, then that's a completely different No, I'm saying like a hookup. >> Oh, >> so if you had a if you just you never really got to know the person. >> I'm talking about a person that you didn't you never wanted to see them again. And a surprise kid was made >> craziness would be my one night stand if that was the kid. That would be crazy cuz I don't even know this chick. >> Yeah. >> Like at all. >> Yeah. >> But it could turn out okay. Like like they might be an okay co-parent. >> Yeah. You never know. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> But I just don't know anything about them. I don't even remember Well, I remember her first name. >> Shaquanda. >> Hell yeah. or you laughing.
11:49 [Laughter] >> How about you, Bart? Would if you had a kid show up and was like, I'm ready to be Tika's big brother. >> I would do the due diligence stuff. But then my heart would be very happy. I'm like, oh ████ Cuz I feel like I'm already in dad mode, you know? >> So, I'm like in Joe's shoes where it's like, yeah, the more family the marrier. I figure out how how Gio how this is going to go over with Gio. But then of course a crazy due diligence part because I can't have >> this person jeopardize jeopardizing my current family >> because that's the most important. And then after that I'd probably have to run them through a boot camp to like break them down and build them up cuz now he's a new >> reset reset the the settings. So, like, you know, like the the ████ montage part of uh of a movie where they start
12:39 like, "Okay, now it's time to train." Whatever be ████ pales of water on his face every morning and like he's like, "I regret coming back." >> Yeah. What? >> You're going to have to go through this. >> What if they weren't 16 and they were like 30? >> Jesus. >> 30. >> I had them when I was 10. >> Or just you were older. They're they're just older 25. You don't remember that at Kuman? Oh, if like if I was 50. If I was 50. >> Yeah. Yeah. And then they came in and they're just like, "Yo, I think you're my dad." >> Yeah. >> I'm doing boot camp. >> You have sex with a monk. >> Yeah. >> That was my dad. >> If he was 30, I'm like, "You're definitely not going to be a part of my family cuz there's no need to be like you're not >> I'm not going to raise you anymore. You're raised." >> What if he's like, "What if >> I want family?" >> Yeah. What if his inner child is like,
13:29 "I still want my daddy." >> Yeah. I want daddy. And that needs to be fulfilled. >> He's Korean, by the way. >> Yeah, cuz you ████ a Korean girl. >> I I went to be a family >> then, man. 30 >> cuz he came from Korea. When you was doing his fake translator ████ he had a ████ baby out there. >> I want a pebble. >> 30 different. Yeah, we can maintain a relationship, get some coffee every now and again, catch up. >> Ah, we could we could like we could go go out to eat. And then on the opposite end of that, like if a chick messaged me like a year later and was like, "Hey, look, I wasn't going to tell you. I feel like I need to because I'm having a hard time." I'd immediately either take it or be like, "Do you want to do this together?" >> Oh. >> And you just marry her ass. >> I would at least try to do it with her. Yeah. I would I don't think I marry her, but yeah. ████ take care of it immediately. Yeah. >> You would you would be pretty um I guess like quick to add to your family if if one of your sons
14:19 >> If it's my son and it's like he's one year old >> or anywhere from just your door. >> He's one to four. No. Like and she reached out. >> I'd be like, "First of all, you should have told me immediately. >> This is ████ ridiculous. >> Second of all, you know that I can help take care of the kid. So, >> at least I knew you tried and you didn't want just to use me for money. So, if you want to try this together, we can do that." >> What if it's from one of your Vietnamese flings? >> I That's what it would be. Like, >> no matter what it >> So, she was like, "I didn't even know it's yours. I thought it was a JK fan." >> Thought it was this guy. It >> was a JK fan reached out. Uh, yeah, for sure. >> Yeah. Wow. That's pretty cool. Yeah. >> What if she had like the tightest ████ >> ████ yeah. That's win. That's two wins. You know, I got a son and I got >> It's a new win-win situation, huh? >> No, but ser I would genuinely be like, "Hey, get in the car. Let's go for a drive." And then I drop him off at the
15:09 fire department. >> Well, if it was you at the middle of your like you're still raising your kid now and a older kid pops up and goes, "Hey, Dad." I call uh I close the door and call cops. Like, yo, somebody's at my door. It's expensive, man. >> Hey, I got castle law, brother. I can shoot you through the door. >> I can't afford another one. >> 16? >> Yeah, he's like 16. >> But he can work. 16. He can work. He can >> That's true. He can work. I open the door and come on in. We got a broom over there. Vacuum over. >> You're so easy to manipulate, dude. >> He flips so quick. >> Just a heads up, we do clean every 3 hours in this house. The cat litter's over there. What if he's What if he's 12? He can't quite work. He can't earn money. He just needs you to care for him. >> What do you mean? >> 12 years old. Yeah, put that ████ to work. 12 is old enough. >> He can work, >> bro. I I immediately tell him he needs to clean four times a day now. >> Four times a day.
15:59 >> But what if he comes in, he goes, "Hey, see my fade? It's the cleanest fade you ever seen?" Like, I did it myself. >> Come on in, buddy. >> Yeah. And I'm elegant. >> And I'm gay. >> And I'm woke gay. >> And his hair purple, papa. >> What if he was gay? >> Close the door. Call the cops. Someone in front of my house. Just kidding. I'll take him in. Dude, >> it wouldn't change your opinion at all if he was gay. >> I wouldn't care. >> I think your kid would be gay. >> Don't you dare talk about my kid. >> Don't you dare. >> Don't you ████ dare.
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