0:00 her first reaction I think she's selfless she goes and sucks some other guy the minute they say that it's can we wait like a couple weeks until we're [Music] hungry good news boys Jessica Alba is officially back on the market thank God there's a chance yep there's a chance who's rings off boys who's calling in their Hall Pass rings off rings off who's get who's going to get her first boy he was calling in the hall pass you know uh he's going to get her first you left her ring on what the ████ I wish I had a startle pistol right now I just fired it in the air I had a I had a hall pass discussion with um Hannah right and then she was like Ser well it's usually her that's bringing it up she goes out don't knowwhere she be like you know what I wouldn't get mad if you
0:51 ████ Oprah Winfrey I was like I don't even want to ████ Oprah what makes her think you want to ████ her why she probably wouldn't be mad I don't think stemman wants to she run into her stman well cuz we were talking I think it was maybe because of Maui and how we know she owns maybe it was on her Minds cuz of whatever but it was like one of those things it was like I was like I don't want to F Oprah Winfree though like and she goes yeah but why it's like a good story like you wouldn't just f for the story and I'm all like no I don't think guys for stories that's why we don't read those stupid books I think that's where the the conversation came cuz it was like that's true women would for the story they always look look at the NBA yeah like they don't really want to dud but it's a good story and then she's like yeah you would have just do it for the story and some for the story really I don't know
1:41 about that like like what's an example like if they're not hot like you're going to aell back like 10 years ago for the story I Adele before I Oprah wirey though oh me too th% what's what's what's an example for the story like hypothetically somebody I don't know Mak out look a Snookie or something doesn't have to be hypothetical okay that's not the worst thing I'll just say it we have opra is like a 78-year-old woman right yeah I think there's like so many factors of like unbreedable yeah yeah yeah you know well I mean ████ for the story is not breeding the human no but like like biologically it's hard even see a grandma as sexual it might it's a toughy yeah it's a toughy it's like seeing moldy bread and see I want to eat the moldy bread yeah get food
2:31 poising for the story it just feels like what a great story that would be yeah it just feels disgusting and wrong you guys just need to be in more testing situations okay okay well I don't see the world though you way you do so yeah that's true so you and Hannah are just chilling and then and you if you ████ if you ████ opra Winfrey then I wouldn't get mad at you I think it's a great story yeah you'd be more mad at yourself and then she and then I'd be vomiting on my own dick while I'm ████ oh wow I don't know why it's why it's up there but yeah uh you is Hannah conversely like and I get a hall pass with that guy that and so we went through all the list of like Jude Law she'll just say it out of nowhere she goes you know what if you're in a business meeting and because it's for the sake of the deal the yeah
3:22 and you have this is the way they do things in China and then she's like just do it and I'll be like but I don't even get into situ where I'm in business meetings like that he goes but if you have to do it I'll understand so it's like I get it you just got like thank you for being so understanding app but it's it's so funny cuz I don't even ████ want to do it well it only happens in pornography it's all the situations where it's like I it's like I don't even want it that's why it's okay what do you feel like is a comparable parallel for like Hannah it's like well I wouldn't be mad then if you ████ this person it always has to do with it's a selfless act cuz like we were talking about the apocalypse the other day or like let's say if ████ goes down right what's our bugout plan and she goes oh well there's a lot of military bases in Hawaii and I'm like yeah but
4:13 they're going to you know they're going to take all the food and all the guns she goes well I'm sucking some dick smart you got to look the other way I'm sucking dick and we're I'm going to feed us and I'm like why is that your first go-to like you've been waiting to like I'm going suck some Soldier dick yeah yeah yeah I'm going to get a general's dick and suck him hard every day cuz she knows you're not willing to ████ Oprah to get into the bunkers she knows about your character already she's being realistic cuz they do ████ during war I got to save us in times of real need but I was like why go to dick sucking first like you what about you didn't say hi fishing and are you going to step in though are you going to be like no I'll suck it yeah both you guys can suck she's not down for the Slow Burn dude technically both of you could suck D exactly right but then no her first her first reaction I think she's selfless she goes and sucks some other guy dick
5:03 crazy the minute they say that it's can we wait like a couple weeks until we're hungry can we I don't know it's just why is can we tough it out a little bit they didn't even give the evacuation or yet I'm hungry by like one maybe she's worried there's a bunch of other chicks claiming dicks out there so she wants to be the first one I see supply and demand but all like the Hol passes all have to do with like a selfless Act was there anyone besides opra there's never of like I just want to ████ so is that okay you can't have Alba then no damn okay so you're out of the conversation so how we get Alba it's too self it's too self you know I I I walked by her once at a concert so I'm probably the closest to any of you guys you are I'm the closest you are and you say hi you know yeah what was the vibe what were you feeling I just looked at my shoes i m looked at my shoes she walked by me and I was like that's Jessica Alba and I looked at my
5:53 shoes really K westconsin you didn't say hi yeah and Tiff was like oh my God this Jessica Alba and I was like was she hot didn't really see her didn't really see her didn't really see her didn't get a good look at her honestly ████ no I did I swear you didn't try to look at that ass I I was looking at my shoes did you guys see her in person I've never seen her in person I have I'm the only one I've seen her a lot of magazines though I got I got a buddy who's got her phone number yeah right and then I'm just going to ask him if I could buy it off of him buy his phone off of him that's smart if Jessica Alba had she does like Powers Yeah like for good and she go oh Joe uh the only way that I can save the world is if you ████ me then Hannah's going to be like go for it yeah yeah yeah cuz it's a selfless act and then you know Hannah's like why did that save the world and you're like I don't know I didn't ask I think she was
6:45 bluffing actually isn't the world kind of okay right now but I had to I had to do it let's focus on that did anybody hear not jerk off as a kid to her I didn't I don't think I did cuz I had real porn to touch myself too definitely did I'm sure I did it's too we're both not enough strawberry Jamber Jam all day I mean she's one of the she's one of the hottest chicks of that era for sure I like that uh TV show that she used to rode a ride a motorcycle on yeah what was that show where you had to be like you had to have a pass to get to the second Angel No Angel Dark Angel Dark Angel brother I never watched that show um c yeah but right watching her on a motorcycle yeah forget it dude her her as The Invisible Woman oh my God Flames dude Sue storm up here does the now
7:37 generation have any idea who she is has she done anything for the now generation might think of her as like a mom character it's all her products do they even are they even aware of her existence at all n they're trash dude cuz has she shown up in anything for jenz I don't think so in a hot way at all like even at all like I don't I don't know I don't think so I can't yeah I can't think of anything like I know they just don't know what they don't know I know she owns the brand or whatever but she doesn't show up in it right no what brand does she own goop no is honest honest honest that's it's not just tea though it's like diapers and all that it's like this is like vaginal egg it's a billion dollar company yeah so vaginal eggs gwenith palro owns goop right that's that she's still smoking 42 years old how old is she now 43 43 and a billionaire she was married or something
8:27 before she was yeah with cash warrant since 2008 who's Cash Warren what a cool name is he a rapper he's I think he's a country guy if he's not then what a waste yeah cash warrant that's like a bail bond no cash warrant cash warrant but if that's not a country music singer what the hell what's his name Cash for Gold that's a dope name though what's his name 1800 Cash Warren do they have kids cuz I don't really want kids they have kids but we can get rid of them I'm out I'm out is that her first husband I don't know that much about her cuz sometimes a lot of these Hollywood peeps they got like three husbands I thought she was with some like baseball guy before him why why would you want a relationship with her she might be night that's exactly how those guys act I know it is dude it's the best they go oh no I don't she's with too many dud it's the best
9:18 dude she's worn out that's Jessica Alba you idiot shut up shut up man there're the best too yeah she's been ran through yeah she's been ran through like some virgin guy going out had too many guys she was with some Dominican baseball player I don't think so no no way no way no way she's tainted oh she she was dating Mark Walberg what really oh wow her Mark Mark she was they started together in the Italian job during the filming of that movie movie that rumors began to circulate that were dating she was so memorable in it that um we all forgot wait she's not even in the Italian job she was she was key grip J the Jeter yeah that's Jeter no way Jeter ████ everybody dude wasn't there a rumor that he had herpes and
10:09 then he gave it to her I don't I don't want to be the first person that have started that but like I remember hearing urban legend about that it makes sense to I would expect every celebrity to have herpes if you're a baseball player like that dude I heard Jeter was like crushing chicks giving them out ndas and stuff he's crushing left and right doing stuff like that that's hurt but I think that's what you have to do when you're that guy you know if you're on the swim imagine being like Jeter level famous where the swimsuit edition of The Sports Illustrated is like getting a menu That's crazy yeah whatever you want you know what I mean just like call your public says hey can we set set something up with h yeah her thanks but it does you know what sucks though is like at at a certain level you're locked out of like having a normal interaction with a lot of people that's true yeah kind of sucks yeah it does man cuz in anyone
11:00 could take your ████ at that point that's true everybody's going to be out to get you dude that's SS that's why you only you date up yeah but then you have to date manufactured situations yeah but if you're Michael Jackson it's even sadder cuz your friends have to pretend like they're working at a ████ grocery store so you can have a regular person experience yeah you can just buy eggs just to go and that's your dream he's like there he's like oh wow they they buy eggs like this huh I just want to go to the stores like normal people I just want to buy eggs like everyone else apparently there's a really big egg short dis right now ink because of the C oh yeah my bad there was like a Costco but it's even like especially it's hit in Nevada really hard really like no stores have eggs right now I got eggs ████ I'll get you some eggs it's cuz they had to recall the I take I take care of you sweetie
11:51 stupid little ████ I give some egg going to suck some dick for some eggs dude I don't know why he went to sucking dick right away you could have just asked me for some eggs save the world I'll get you some eggs ████ what a what a flex man I went to Sam before all this ████ happened egg plug dude good baby we have money too we could probably trade money before she has to go and suck some dick I don't know why that's the first thing still on that huh you got to talk to her about that still on that we could trade we could barter yeah you guys are losers I'm for myself
// end of tape