0:00 Cuz you just suffocate them. You just suffocate them and they don't even know. They can't That's why That's why Nunez says I can't drink during this time. Cuz you might sleep on a baby. You're drunk. >> And you pass out. >> pass out. It's like, yeah, you're like you're out. Yeah. >> might sleep on the ████ baby's mouth. Well, she is she's okay with coke then cuz [laughter] you could stay awake. Yeah, yeah, she's she's definitely okay with cocaine. This video is for the boys. So, send this video to the boys so that the boys can use this video as well. This This is about how squeezing your girlfriend's butt can make you live longer. Yes, I believe it. We need to send it to our wives so they let us squeeze more. [clears throat] I saw one about the titties, too. Did you? Hang on. I I heard it I heard it sucking titties. I think the titties help reduce depression or whatever the ████ >> How about the facial ones? >> Let's let scientists talk for us, okay?
0:51 Are these articles on Barstool Sports? I don't think there's Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. Yep. And your penis. So. Wait. Yep. Ah. I like that. That's not what a heart looks like.
1:42 >> [singing and music] [music] >> It's for survival. So, you got to squeeze her ass and go, "This is for survival reasons." >> it daily and I I'm pretty stress-free, I think. >> Yeah? So, titties work, too, in this Like guys are just constantly going around just trying to grab ass. And then slapping it. Trying to just survive. That's true. I'm constantly doing that. >> They want to feel safe. Guys grab random girls asses cuz they want to feel safe. >> It does make you feel safe with the soft tissue thing. It's true, huh? >> Hell yeah. I love that feeling. That's why Geo's never safe. Dude, you're not soft anywhere. Well. >> guys to girls. >> One place. This is for guys to girls. What are you talking about? It's not girl Girls don't need to grab things. Guys don't grab things. >> need to release oxytocin to feel safe? >> No. They get it from other ways like making sandwiches or whatever.
2:33 >> [laughter] >> When they grab bread, they they're survival they feel like they're >> [laughter] >> Their survival instinct Can we make sure we find that video cuz I need to send that one over? >> When they grab bread is funny. When they like start the lettuce. >> I need you to make more sandwiches because it's better for your health. >> [laughter] >> Did she just make a series of these and then just send it to girls? I'm confident [laughter] they do have a series of these. How many times per day How many times per day you're grabbing your girl's ass? Whenever it's around. At least two. I know at morning and night and everything in between. I'm doing a lot of slapping lately. Oh. Hey, that's good, too. That's good, too. Yeah. That's a different type of survival. I smack it up the stairs sometimes, too. That's the best. [laughter] Yeah, I chase her up the stairs smacking that thing. I do a puppet show with Hannah. Puppet show? How do you do the puppet show? Yeah, I do a puppet show. I put my fingers inside like a bowling ball. Oh. And then she talks. >> [laughter]
3:23 >> Really? Sick. I was so sick. She got to go through the intestines, though. She She has to do those different accents. >> Yeah. Go elbow deep. Yeah. >> [laughter] >> I speak and then she moves her lips. You must NOT BE PERFECT. >> [laughter] >> YOU MUST BE PERFECT EVERY TIME. Every time is a perfect. >> [laughter] >> Sick. Hans bricks. I do believe I do believe in soft tissue oxytocin. It's It's a really wild feeling. Uh and again, not to make it all honest and real again, but but even now, like I feel like there's this chemical reaction every time I have to like grab the baby, that's when I suddenly need to fall asleep, too. Oh. >> dangerous? You're going to sleep on a baby? Yes. I don't want to sleep on the baby. Yeah, don't sleep on the baby. Have you had those yet? Where you're like, let's say
4:14 you're sleeping by yourself and you're like, "Oh, s███." And like you thought you squished the baby. >> Every ████ day, dude. Every night because that for a long time. She's always trying to wake me up so I could change the diaper, and every wake up is like Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like you ████ up something. It's crazy. You get this like crazy Well, for me it was like this crazy like PTSD ████ panic attack feeling that Tyco was next to me and I ████ suffocated his ass to death or something. I think there's like something built in to help you be the protector, and then so you're like you're extra scared. Even So, why don't you get a baby bed? He doesn't even sleep with us. But that fear is just so strong. That's how crazy it is. That fool sleeps in a bassinet. You got a bassinet, RIGHT? >> [laughter] >> BUT RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW SHE'S SLEEPING with us. It's co-sleep. Yeah, like he doesn't even sleep with us, but you're just so ████ scared because it's like
5:04 built into your brain that you're like, "Oh, s███." I'm like, "What the ████ He doesn't even sleep with us. What the hell?" I mean, if you didn't have that, we probably be killing a hell of babies. Just sleeping on them. Yeah. Cuz you just suffocate them. You just suffocate them and they don't even know. They can't >> That's That's why Nyesha says I can't drink during this time. Cuz you might sleep on a baby. >> That's true. You're drunk and you pass out and you pass out, it's like yeah, you're like you're out. Yeah. >> might sleep on the ████ baby's mouth. But she is She's okay with coke then [laughter] cuz you can stay awake. Yeah. Yeah. She's She's definitely okay with cocaine. The coke is a good Chinese coke. I remember at first she was like, "Oh, because of co-sleeping with the baby, like we can't really have blankets on the bed." I'm like, "Why can't we have blankets?" She's like, "Cuz they might We might pull it. Might suffocate the baby. Blah blah blah." So, how the ████ did humans do it in the past? Dude, now I'm like, I don't know. I'm still like, ████ [laughter] this, dude. I need to sleep. >> I'd be like, I'm building a bassinet tonight, dude. Everything's built.
5:55 Everything's But it's like, when the baby goes there, you want them there, but they start crying. Then you have to bring them in. >> Yeah, it's So they'll be like attached to the titty or something, and then you fall asleep. >> What does your daughter's cry sound like? Can you imitate it? >> [laughter] >> Uh it sounds like a regular newborn, but when when sometimes she sneezes, and it sounds like Satan is ████ coming out of her nostrils. >> Woah. Cuz like a regular newborn cries like, "Eh, yeah." And then every now and THEN IT'S LIKE, >> [laughter] >> AND ME AND ANITA JUST STOP FOR A SECOND, AND THEN WE start cracking up. It's okay. >> It's the weirdest thing. >> Can Anita tell the difference between the cries? She's starting to. Oh, yeah? Cuz there's like Cuz you know, they don't speak many ████ words yet. Benny, they don't have any words. She's born She's 3 weeks old. They'll just be like, cry cuz it's hungry, cry cuz it's hot, cry cuz it's like uncomfortable. Like they're They're all cries, but moms
6:46 that are really fast to understanding like which Or like cry cuz the diaper needs to be changed. Yeah. >> You don't get mad and just shake her? >> [laughter] >> I want to. Shut the ████ up. I heard it works sometimes. Well, dude, there's The funny thing is like, um you know, there's always a more right way to do something. So, you know, when you got your wits about you and you're patient, you know, you've had a breakfast or whatever. So, I got to change the diaper. It's like, you know, you do like the rolling method. You don't pick them up by the legs and like wipe their ass and stuff like that. You like roll them over. You try to like get really clean. But if it's like ████ 4:00 in the morning and it's your third time changing a diaper and you're just dying, sometimes you're just like, How many diapers do you change per day? Dude, like six to nine.
7:37 Then why even put a diaper on? Cuz they'll get rashes. I mean like Like if they just ████ on them that that's they that stays there, that's going to turn into a rash. You're not really teaching them about this right now. >> leave her in a tub [laughter] and then when she s████, you just spray that ████ >> Or a pressure washer. Leave her in the tub is pretty strong. >> Leave her in the tub is pretty good. Didn't think about that one. >> They can't get out of the tub. They're too They're too small. >> [laughter] >> Tub life for 2 years. And then it's like she going to ████ every 30 minutes, just spray her with a hose. Yeah, did you think about that, smart guy? I didn't think about that. >> a rash from the spray from the hose, too. They just get rash all day. >> Think about brand new skin, like brand new. Like you walk You show them the sun, they get sunburned because that's the first time they've ever experienced the sun. Like right away? Like in a second? In like 2 minutes. >> You put like you putting regular adult lotion on their skin is like you putting rubbing alcohol on a cut. Think of it
8:27 like that. >> So baby's supposed to be naked then. Like I I shower and I put on deodorant, I get yelled at because the deodorant smells because when I'm holding the baby, their face is there. >> Oh, yeah. >> And so like that's too crazy. How the hell did babies make it? How did babies make it? >> Well, we didn't have deodorant back then. They did it. I think that's what they had like the They do like 15 kids and then they end up with seven. So like back in the day, they just held the baby naked and then the baby just ████ on your hand. Mhm. Yeah. And you ooga booga days, let's talk about. That's just [clears throat] China still. That's China days. That's China now. >> [laughter] >> China ah! Get the rag. Back then, YOU JUST LIKE OH OH OH, I think and then you hold. And then it just s████ on the floor. >> [snorts] >> Now you have to buy really really like eco-friendly diapers that cost an arm and a leg and you have to go through a thousand of them. How much is one uh box of diapers for the kind you like?
9:18 >> To be very cool right now about what we've been going through is we've we've had a lot of support from friends and family through like baby showers, even people who like donated on the Amazon diaper fund from JK. That was really helpful, by the way. Thank you, guys. Um so all the diapers >> stuff with it. We're just No, I I'm not. [laughter] Use the diapers for that. Did you buy the Did you buy the supreme diapers? NO, HE BOUGHT T-SHIRTS FOR HIMSELF. SWEATPANTS. $200 sweatpants. The funny thing is people different people that gave us diapers, right? Like they're all size categories, right? It's like newborns or like 6 months or like 4 months blah blah blah blah. So like we're already running out of the newborns because we have a bunch of diapers from people that are like 6 months or like blah and they're she would just be swimming in it and they need to fit well. >> Yeah. Or else they get explosions. Blowouts happen regardless. Like if you
10:08 don't put that ████ on perfect then she's not at the right angle like the blowouts happen. What are the cats reaction to the to the kiddos? Right now they're real real slow still. Also, I have a whole crazier story that happened >> Are they like What is this What is this What is this creature? >> They spent time doing that. Now they're just like Now they're willing to be around, but they're not curious about the kid cuz the kid is probably annoying to them. It's just taking away time. It's just loud and obnoxious and doesn't do anything. So they're just probably like, "Hey, how come you don't play with me anymore?" Versus if the kid was like walking around or like could acknowledge the cat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> She got dog, man. I see so many videos of dogs just being like motherly and then just being like, "I'm a blanket." >> be great to have a big dog right now. But I I also seen ones where toddlers get bit, so it's probably not a good idea. >> [laughter] >> Could go both ways, you know. The other
10:59 I'm sure Nina's worried about the cat like falling asleep on the kid's face. She's only worried about it slightly from like a allergic reaction cuz they have to like slowly develop, but it's like the Wi-Fi ████ I'm like you can't like she is the kid is not avoiding any cat ████ right now. It is impossible. >> Impossible, yeah. It's like the cat cat jumps into the bassinet and Nina's like, "No, no, don't let him." I'm like, "Why did we build it? If you build it, they will come." This cat house is their house. >> Yeah. How did you settle the Wi-Fi uh thing? I convinced her that there's there's no way. Like, "Oh, so you just won the" I'm I'm just like, "Dude, okay, so so you're saying you're not going to put your cell phone on Wi-Fi service right now? It's like it's impossible. Plus you the Wi-Fi's in the air from your neighbors probably too. Yeah, [laughter] there's Wi-Fi everywhere. That's crazy. What are those bags called where like it keeps Wi-Fi out? Like the like like the foil ones?
11:49 >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like put your baby in one of those. Was that Was that in Better Call Saul? Yeah, the dude who doesn't like electricity. Yeah, the stand-up comedians they tell you put it in there, right? So you can't take pictures or whatever. What are those called? Like we're not living like that, dude. I have a smart home. My ████ blinds, my lights, my thermostat, my ████ music, everything is like voice controlled. >> Imagine if you looked at your Wi-Fi and it detected your baby. Yeah. [laughter] I mean, I would have to go like off the grid to change like we would have to commit to a new life. >> Your neighborhood would have to go off the grid. >> [laughter] >> Yeah, your whole neighborhood. >> What did she say when you're like, "Come on, that's how it is, the whole house." No, she understands. There's only so many fights that she can win. What does she think about 5G that's already in the air though? Dude, that's the reason why we all have cancer.
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