0:00 All right, so Bart's got a 9-year-old, my kid's 7 months today, thank you very much. Ryan's got 9 weeks left. >> WOW. >> WOAH! MEANWHILE, Nick is sitting over there with his whole life intact. >> Mhm. >> So, let's go ahead and list out loud the things that we used to be able to do and Nick has to tell us whether or not he still does them. Things like sleeping in, leaving the house in under an hour. >> Nick's the only one of us who could play the new GTA when it comes out. >> Oh, we're not going to all play? How? >> You're going to play, dude. >> I can't. I already told Smosh I can't. >> I talked to Smosh, she said you can. >> You believe that? >> Oh, >> [laughter] >> snap. >> You believe that ████ really? >> She literally was like, "He'll beat it in like 3 days." >> Well, I will. >> That's not a pocket game. It's not Tetris, turning on and off. >> You got to do one mission at a time. >> But he'll beat it in like 3 days. >> Yeah, but but that's but that's three really essential days in a baby's life. >> Yeah, but you also know that you've been
0:51 waiting 10 years for this game. >> It's okay. I've been waiting my whole life for this little girl. >> [applause] >> MAYOR, MAYOR, MAYOR. >> Thank you, guys. >> I don't think that was mayor at all, actually. >> The thing that I The thing that made me the saddest was movies, though, for reals. >> Really? >> Not watching movies sucks. >> Movie theater? >> Cuz like there are no movies anymore, it's good. Like um the ability to go somewhere by yourselves, whether it's in the day or night, just 3 hours. It's impossible cuz now you have a forever third wheel. And so like you discover ways to kind of watch movies at home or whatever, and finally, now that Taika is 9, we're able to watch movies again, but um we got to watch it together. >> But I can't be watching like Obsession or whatever, right? >> It was >> and just go to a theater alone?
1:41 >> But I like watching it with Geo. Yeah. I could. >> Right, right, right. >> So, like we did the opposite. >> Mayor, that's a mayor rule. >> So, we did the opposite where me and Taika snuck away and watched Furious together. So, that was ████ cool. Now that he's 9, he can watch rated R. >> That's cool. >> Now that he's [laughter] 9, he can watch rated R. >> Is that a thing? >> It's rated R movie. >> So like if you're if you're eight, you can't go see a rated R even with a parent. >> No, no, it's just with a parent and I think you can do whatever the >> Guardian, yeah. >> Yeah, now that he's nine, he has a parent. >> But he's the only kid in the theater, though. Everyone else is adults. >> [laughter] >> I was like furious. >> That's crazy. >> But rated R like violence R is like different than like, you know, like like sex scenes are, right? >> Mhm. >> But even it the scale is crazy now. Like Bloodsport rated R >> Oh, yeah. >> is like today's rated R IT'S LIKE AH >> [screaming] >> ████ GUTS AND IT'S CRAZY.
2:31 >> IS Bloodsport rated R? >> Bloodsport's rated R. >> That's so crazy, dude. That is like super neutered. >> Nothing. Yeah, it's like >> PG >> PG-13 now, bro. >> PG-13 today. >> Can't believe Bloodsport's rated R. >> And it's probably just for that shin kick. >> It is, yeah. It's It's the shin kick. >> Like that's it, right? >> Yeah. >> Or maybe >> The butt >> Or maybe Chong Li going like >> Wasn't his butt cheeks out? >> Yeah, but even that was so like Yeah. >> You could see the guy go like this. >> [clears throat] >> Yeah, and you see that in like every ████ every movie. >> For the sumo guy getting his nuts punched. >> The shin though, the shin blew my mind as a kid. >> That blew my mind, too. >> Yeah, so I understand that. >> And then also just randomly eating the most delicious food you want. >> Oh. >> Or just at your own pace. >> At your own pace. >> Oh my god, the speed of eating now is like >> What do you mean? What's the pace with the kid? >> Okay, so imagine like So you know some places
3:21 >> Yeah. >> Anthony doesn't believe it. But some places you have to eat the food right when it comes out. He likes to wait for it to be cold. >> No dilly dally. >> But imagine it comes out, right? And then boom. Oh, I have to change the diaper. So now you have either a hot bowl of food is soaking or something crispy now it's getting soggy and you're like, okay, I got to go change the diaper first. So like almost nothing you're going to be eating for a while is going to be at its tip-top shape like when it used to be. >> Damn. >> So you just got to like stick to foods that will just stay good. >> Well, no, see cuz cuz then you still also got to go out and you got to do stuff. My my hardship, Nina, is that we we do the same >> [laughter] >> You know, you as as as parents, you know, you're you're your partners, you're a team, you know what I mean? You're you're taking care of this kid. So So when the food comes out, if you're at a restaurant or whatever or even just at home, when the food comes out, one of
4:12 you might be watching the baby, the other one's eating real quick, right? I swear every single time she's holding the baby to me. I'm like Like I'm ████ just eating Kobayashi hot dog style, you know what I mean? And >> [laughter] >> And then from there it's like I you know what I'm saying? I'll go ahead. I'll like finish half my food. I'm like, I can hold myself for a minute. Like I'll I'll take the baby. And I swear it's like ████ just >> [laughter] >> And I'm like, sometimes I got to be like, Yo, can you I want to eat again? I'm not done >> [laughter] >> yet. Like can we You know what I'm saying? Like are we are we in this together? It's the ████ funniest thing, but you just eating so fast all the time to the point where even when the baby's not there, you're just eating fast cuz you forget. You know, and you're like, uh Oh, you know what's what's what sucks is that like you can still go
5:02 like if someone randomly hits you up and goes, "Hey, let's go to this thing right now." >> Yeah, you keep Those days are over. >> There's no way, dude. If you don't tell me 2 weeks in advance, impossible. >> up on those days, though. >> Do you not do that now already? >> Nobody hits me up spontaneously anymore. That's the sad part. Maybe it's not sad, but maybe I've engineered my life that way. Cuz I kind of do appreciate that cuz it does stress me out when a friend is like, "Hey, let's go do this." And I'm like, I feel bad. I feel like guilty immediately. >> Even when I'm like, "Hey, what are you doing? I'm going to go I'm going to go to your place of work to work out." >> Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That'll be That's my version of like, "Just come in and we'll work out together instead." >> Every time he's like, "What are you doing?" Hey, just come in, dude. Let's lift. >> Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, maybe you're already there. >> [laughter] >> Yeah, yeah. I'm already here, so just come by. But yeah, I'm telling you, my life is pretty boring, so it's like these things we kind of do already. Like when me and Tiff go down like on a on a date night,
5:52 sometimes we're done eating in like 30 minutes and we're like All right, let's get out of here. >> [laughter] >> You guys are probably ready for it already. >> I don't know, man. Maybe we're just >> All right, you want to you want to know something vulnerable? This is the 6-minute part of the so I can get vulnerable now. >> Yeah. Yeah, let's go. >> All right, so >> Bring the heat. >> My love language >> Gay. >> All right, sorry. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. [laughter] >> He's gay. >> No, continue. Continue. I was already vulnerable. Now I'm very scared. >> Just I just have it >> Why'd you do that? >> That's my own stuff. That's my own stuff. I just projected onto you. I'm sorry. >> that? >> Okay, okay, you hear that? He's vulnerable. He's more vulnerable now. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> that? >> me >> Gay projecting is gay. >> Oh. >> [laughter] >> God. >> So, my love language uh is touch. >> I know, it's really weird. >> That's all of ours. >> Okay. >> I know this intimately. >> You don't think theirs is touch? >> I don't >> [laughter] >> What the ████ >> This guy always touches me, man.
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8:23 the app today and use code OTR to get $150 instantly in lineups if you win your first $5 lineup. PrizePicks, run your game. >> So, so here's a really interesting dynamic that happened to my relationship with Nina that um we co-sleep, which means the baby's on the bed, which also means that the baby's on the bed and it's in between us. Like, I'm a threat to everything in the world. So, I'm just like I'm like on the corner. King-size bed, I'm just like I sleep like a less than a twin-size. Right? Um but the the part problem with that for me is that no matter how difficult the day is for like let's say me and Nina, that those few seconds right before you fall asleep where you can like cuddle real quick, that like resets everything. It like takes everything away, you know? >> Yeah. Yeah.
9:13 >> Um but since having a kid, we don't really get that reset all the time. So, something might be like stressful or something may maybe we didn't get to connect throughout that day or whatever. Not having that like those seconds of reset is I don't know, it takes a toll over a long time. >> Oh, for sure. >> You got to make time for it. >> Yeah. >> And and that's probably one of my like privately like most difficult things. Cuz the energy just feels off. Sometimes you're just not as in sync. >> You know what's funny is like we kind of go through that right now sometimes with our dogs. >> I knew you were going to say some ████ like that. >> No, no, no, no, hold on. Hold on. It's true though. I'm just saying like >> resist. >> I'm just like, "Bro, right now it's everything you're saying right now." I literally sleep in the corner of our bed. >> You cozy with the dogs? >> Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes. Not all the time, but sometimes. >> All the time, unfortunately. >> Bro, this is just our life, okay? This is just what it is. Don't judge it from the outside. >> All right.
10:03 >> [laughter] >> I'm being vulnerable here. Being vulnerable. >> Okay, all right, all right. >> Remember this was a problem for me on the show? >> Okay, all right. [laughter] >> I'll go back to ████ 2020 Nick real quick, dude. >> Okay, all right, all right. >> I'll just sit here and just I can stare off. >> no, no, no, please, please. Bart, say sorry. >> Sorry. >> [laughter] >> So, I'm sleeping in the corner and like you, I got nowhere to go. And it's not because I if I roll over on my dogs, I'll crush it. It's because these ████ dogs just take up a lot of the space on the bed. So, I'm literally in the corner off to the side. And I tell Tiff the same thing. I'm like, "Hey, we got to make time for cuddling, a little bit where we could just hold each other." Sounds so gay, but it's true cuz that's one of my favorite things. >> But the tough part with the kid though, it's because the kid >> are over. >> With the kid. Well, no, it's the kid is such a like um obvious new thing
10:53 that it's easy to go, "This is the priority and we should both focus on this, but the real priority is actually the marriage." Yeah. And it's so easy for that to take over and then it'll be like three or six months later and you're like, "Oh ████ we're actually just parents and not a couple." >> We're brothers and sisters. Like it'll go fast. It'll go fast. >> Oh, yeah. >> It goes fast in that direction. >> But that's why every time you see your lady, you got to like touch her inappropriately. >> Yeah. >> You have to do things like this. Even when it's you get yelled at afterwards. >> As Steve would say. >> [laughter] >> You got to constantly do it. You still got to be a pervert, you know? You still have to like kind of keep that alive. Does that work, you think? Does that work for you? >> You also have to be the new version of desirable that she needs. >> What the ████ does that even >> What are you saying? That sounds cool.
11:44 >> to start woodworking? >> [laughter] >> I got to be [clears throat] a real man. >> I like the new Nintendo. What is that? >> [laughter] >> What What is the Anthony desirable version two look >> Yeah, yeah. How could he get more desirable? >> [laughter] >> Oh, that's why you're setting us up. >> Is it like the old Anthony that got Nina wet would be like the the super swagged out guy? >> Keep it together over there, man. >> But now the one that that the new Anthony that gets Nina wet is the one that wipes down the kitchen, packs the diapers and all that. >> Yeah, today it's just It's not about new Anthony. It's There's a new Nina. Now Anthony's got to adapt. It's very unfair. >> Oh. >> So So the point is cuz guys is always going to be horny. >> always going to be down. That's the truth. That's hard. That's our hard part. That's the absolute truth. Guys are only going to be always going to be
12:34 >> Like the Hulk, dude. >> But for them you know, you got to you got to now like do the things that like trigger them the right way now cuz their body's gone through different ████ >> Hey, I pumped for you already. Boom. Follows already. >> Yeah, I mean whatever whatever it might be, but it it takes a minute to find it. >> a Similac for you, you know, stuff like that. Just baby things that I know randomly. Am I hitting the the nail on the head a little bit? >> I don't do formula, but yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead. Do you guys try to like like uh have sex a certain amount of times a week, a month, or whatever? Like try to >> She don't work like that. She can't do routine. Like it needs to be perfect. Everything needs to be perfect. The energy needs to be perfect. The temperature needs to be perfect. >> When's the date night, you know what I mean? When's the >> No, it's not even just like Dude, trust me. I stopped scheduling date nights cuz I just spend money and get no play. Like you never know when it's going to happen
13:24 on a Tuesday when you're trying to clean the closet. It just You know what I'm saying? It It's not It's not It's not as as clear as it once was. The game was so easy back then. >> Got to track the ovulation cycle. >> You know, it's if this then that. >> Like seizures It's like seizures. It just happens. >> Now now you just got to be ready to receive at all times, but also like you got It's like sales, too, you know? It's a numbers game. >> You just get more desirable. >> So easy. >> Yeah, dude. Change your What What would you do to get more desirable, though? >> Why don't you just get >> Nina would like now? How do you think it'd be dope if we have this same conversation in like I don't know, like 8 months? >> What does that mean? >> When you're at 7 months into your kid. >> What? You invented the desirable idea. I'm just >> He know He knows what I mean. I just used the verbage that was very poetic. He knows what I'm talking about. >> What was Geo's version of that for you? Like >> So for me I think before it's almost like a um
14:14 It's like I wouldn't Maybe it's not the right term, but it's almost like a more evolved, mature version of attraction. Whereas before, like even as old as you are, I think pre-having a kid, it's almost still kind of puppy love. >> Mhm. >> You know, it's like oh, he's so romantic or whatever, does these sweet things. Then you have a kid, it's very ████ practical. >> Yeah. >> Like if she comes home and it's she's like whoa, vacuum, couch, everything put away. And like her stress levels are down. >> Yeah. >> She's like oh, ████ yeah. >> [laughter] >> You know, then it's like it's >> There's There's room for it. >> Yeah, it's very practical. >> Yeah, bro. >> oh ████ you already did this. I'm like like you know, she goes down her routine. You already did that, you already did this. Then I think her like obligation brain turns off, and then now the like more playful, like what are the
15:05 more fun things brain gets to turn on. Otherwise, since when once chicks become moms, their obligation brain is so high. >> And then And then ████ 99 out of 100 times, too, if you did everything her obligation brain finally goes oh, now I can rest. Take the kid. >> That goes out first. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> Oh. >> So you're just like, all right, [laughter] you know? >> Yeah. Because everyone else is also under-rested. >> For a long time. >> I used to get so mad at Tiff cuz she wouldn't she wouldn't realize when I would clean the house or she wouldn't like acknowledge it sometimes. I'll be like, hey, you know I ████ cleaned the house, right? Then she'll be like, oh yeah, thanks. >> Maybe you just suck at cleaning. >> No, I I do a very good job. >> [laughter] >> I know, I do a very good job actually. It's just she goes, thanks. And I go, that's it? Just a thanks, bro? You know? And I that used to bother me for a little bit. >> Do you Do you say thanks every time she
15:55 cleans the house? >> And I go, good. >> [laughter] >> I go, ████ it's about right, you know? It's about time. I say things like that. Cuz you know, I mean, I'm I'm just a pretty cool alpha male guy. >> [laughter] >> It's good she understands that. >> She knows she knows like she she knows who she married, dude. >> She she knows what's up.
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