0:00 So, I have to make all the magic happen, right? So, your boy is Yeah, I'll put the green screen blanket on and then you just see Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ████ oh ████ >> like really bad though. It's like really You look like your pug when you do that. Welcome back to another episode of Careful Boys. I cannot believe the luck we're having today that we are able to have Nick Dunn in the room now. >> Wow. It's incredible. I hate when you do that. >> [laughter] >> Yeah, and you do that just to ████ make me roll my eyes back in my head. >> Well, I guaranteed >> How lucky we are. >> No, they they the I swear, dude, it's like every time you're not here, our comments are just full of this show sucks, it's not the same, Nick used I doubt it's filled. I bet it's just one
0:51 person and it's me. It's me saying that. >> [laughter] >> On your fitness account. Yeah, pay this guy more. Here's a fun thought I had on the way here. Okay, let's say that you are a you get an offer to do a movie, right? >> Yeah. That's nice. That's a pretty cool thing to happen, right? >> Two big responsibilities. Am I a lead or am I a background? >> You're a lead. You're a lead in this film, okay? I'm listening. >> I'm out already. But, they want you got to do a sex scene in the movie, right? >> Mhm. They're allowing they're allowing you to provide one stipulation, only one for the sex scene. You can only say like, okay, I I don't want to show my dick, that's one. I don't want to um it has to be a woman. That's one. You can only have one stipulation, but you have to do the sex scene. What the ████ So, the the script can flip on you. It could be like it could be a man, woman, whatever. Yeah, good. I didn't write the script. >> [laughter]
1:42 >> What's yours? Everything has to be green screen. >> [laughter] >> What do you mean? Even your partner? >> The partner is green screen. >> Everything >> to make money? green >> So, you're doing it by yourself? >> Uh by myself. >> Oh, yeah. [laughter] Yeah. Partner's in a green screen outfit. >> No, no, no. No, no, no. It's a it's a No, no, no. It's not a guy. It's not a guy. >> [laughter] >> So, it's like it'll be like a a bed, right? A green a green all green bed. The whole place is green, got Everything is green, dude. There's a little like dummy right there. And it's it's we'll we'll say for the sake of >> have to be a dummy? A green screen dummy, cuz I'm not going to I'm just going to be by myself. It's a solo scene. Okay. So, I have to make all the magic happen, right? So, your boy is Yeah, I'll put the green screen blanket on and then you just see Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ████ oh ████
2:32 >> But, it's like really bad though. It's like really You look like your pug when you do that. >> [laughter] >> Trying to poop, trying to cut off a poop from his butt, you know. But, it's like it's just real small strokes, real tiny, and it's just all over the different parts of the green screen room. >> going to go into [laughter] debt. Why are we green screening sheets on the bed? Ain't it funny if the whole movie's like amazing quality up to that scene? That's pretty good. [laughter] And then it just goes to ████ You're just like I'm like supposed to be a big action hero and then when I have sex it's just like Okay, well well we'll key in Margot Robbie in post. Thank you. >> You just got to fade to black. Yeah. Oh. So, that's your stipulation? >> No, no, no, no, no. Fades [laughter] to black. Very mysterious, huh? What do you What would you like? What's your guideline? You can only have one. You can only have one, yeah. My partner is Sydney Sweeney. >> [laughter] >> Okay, well then guess what? In this
3:22 movie, Sydney Sweeney will be wearing A STRAP-ON. >> NO. [screaming] BUT THEN THERE'S NO penetration cuz it's acting, right? Well, that's another stipulation, NO. NO. >> [screaming] >> SHE'S HIGHLY METHOD. SOME OF THE SEX SCENES THEY do it they do full-on. They just don't they just don't shoot it like that. But, full-on on you though, the penetration's into you. Yeah. No other moves? And you have a ponytail in this movie. No. >> [screaming] >> And she's grabbing it, brother. She's yanking it. >> It's a lesbian film. Oh, yeah, that's right. You play a you play a lesbian, yeah. >> I'm a lesbian and she's my lesbian dom. She's the stud? She's the stud, YEAH. NO. AND IT'S ABOUT AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP WHERE YOU THE And I'm beating her or she's beating me. >> Well, you're being beat and you can't escape. And it's your story. It's the Joe Jitsukawa story. >> Also have to cry, Kimiko Jitsukawa.
4:13 That's a that's a good question. Would you rather get pegged >> Let's call Kimiko. That's what it is. Kimiko Lesbian princess of Japan. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah, [laughter] yeah, yeah. Kimiko, warrior princess >> Warrior princess She's a warrior on the battlefield, but she's a cook in a relationship, dude. >> Kimiko Why is Sydney Sweeney on the battlefield? >> [laughter] >> It's like a last samurai type of thing. So, it's Kimiko the movie. What do you want to do about it? >> The question is would you rather be penetrated by a man or penetrated by No, no, would you rather penetrate a man or be penetrated by a woman? Penetrate a man or be penetrated by a woman. That's the actual question. >> That's the real question? For real? Yes, I've I've taken the reveal off. >> [laughter] >> The movie was just a butter you up. >> This is what the stipulation is. Well, just the sidebar, answer this
5:04 really quick in one word. Yeah, before just so we know where to go from here. >> Yeah, cuz you're going to help me answer the question. Would you rather be the penetrator or the penetrated? Be penetrated by a woman. >> I'd rather be penetrated by a woman. >> I think so I would pick that too, yeah. >> Sydney Sweeney with A STRAP-ON. LET'S GO. OKAY, COOL. SO, your your one stipulation is that it's Sydney Sweeney. Okay. Cuz I needed I needed the vote so you guys won't call me gay. >> [laughter] >> All right, what's your what's your stipulation? Uh just I think just one I think it would just be no no dudes. No dudes? So, just a disgusting ████ >> We have a loophole for you. >> [laughter] >> Just no dudes, I think. All right, all right. We have a chick with a dick. That's a dude. That's a [laughter] dude. Just no dudes. >> What if it's like I don't know, like if the Predator reboot and it's the
5:54 Predator? And but it's a woman in the suit. >> It's a woman Predator. Woman Predator? >> [laughter] >> The hell? And it It's like an Avatar thing, but you infiltrate the the the Predators and but you got to make love to a Predator. That's that's what it is, dude. You got to infiltrate the Predators. >> Reverse Shallow Hal? So, everybody is a big fat disgusting person. >> [laughter] >> So, the hotter they are, the uglier they are? Oh, man. So, like he has to do it with the Oh, dude. What do you think about that? Everyone's like, you're so lucky. Alien costume and it has to have passionate yeah. It's got to get passionate with you. If you tell me it's a girl, I think it's better. Well, it is. Yeah. Yeah, it's a girl in there. No, you got to do it like this. It's a girl horse.
6:44 >> [laughter] >> WHAT THE HELL? WHAT KIND OF MOVIE IS THIS? IS this a ████ A24 [laughter] movie? What is this? I was just in theaters. It's Brokeback Saddle Mountain, dude. >> Yeah, would you It's a horse, yeah, female horse like he said. >> Or like a woman centaur, how about that? >> [laughter] >> Well, that's the BEST WE COULD DO. >> THAT'S GOOD. OKAY, it's like a Greek it's a Greek film. Not Xena, it's Xena the movie. >> Uh I think I honestly >> [laughter] >> Honestly, I think I'd rather ████ a female horse than a guy. What? Damn. I'm a controversial >> I think I could wrap my brain around that ████ a horse than a guy? Is that bad? Uh it's illegal. >> [laughter] >> But, the the ████ film is making me do this crazy ████ >> Yeah. And then you have a whole like rust incident. >> Cuz you know how how I see it [laughter] you know how I see it? It becomes national news. I feel like it's it's like eating like the Impossible Burger.
7:35 It's like [laughter] you know it's not a burger. It's made out of mushrooms or whatever. But, it's the closest thing. It's still a burger. >> [laughter] >> Like it's not bad. It tastes like one still. >> Yeah, so it's not the same species, but it's the same gender. >> Impossible human, you know, it's like all right. It's like all right. Yeah. So, you're you're gender over species in terms of sex scenes. I think so. And I would prefer like of age, you know. Wait. What's the legal age of a horse? >> I don't know, but whatever it is I want to I want to I want to >> [laughter] >> We got to figure that out. >> I want to stay above it. An adult horse? Before before Bart shoots the scene. A consensual horse adult would be the best. >> Before Bart shoots the scene, he's looking at the horse. He's like, man, that horse is really pretty, isn't it, guys? He's like talking to himself up. >> I'm like, this isn't one [laughter] of those horses that look 20, but it's actually 10, right? Cuz I don't I want
8:25 to make sure it's like a I don't think you're going to get the consent [laughter] from the horse, brother. Really? >> You're going to have to you're going to have to sign that off. There's no consent for the horse. >> It's a terrorist movie. He has to make love to a goat. Oh, that's good. Cuz you know how terrorists be ████ goats and ████ >> I've heard I've heard that. >> Terrorist? >> Yeah, like in that region, that whole like the the 'stans area. Like hella soldiers come back saying like, dude, there's all these like in the mountains village people that are just they're just ████ goats all day. >> Oh, no. They love goats. Oh, man. >> getting paid for this movie again? >> [laughter] >> It's a nonprofit film. It's There's yeah, there's no profit involved. >> Just for your sizzle reel. >> [laughter] >> You're the lead for like ISIS in Afghanistan. It's for the director's sizzle reel. It's a it's [laughter] a You're doing him a solid. He's just
9:16 like, hey man, I just need you to do this for me. To ████ a female goat Arrange. I think I'd rather do that than a guy. Yeah? Female goat more than a guy? What if it's a hot guy? Okay, what if it's a feminine guy? Yeah, like Bretman Rock. You said you would ████ Bretman Rock. >> Shout out Bretman Rock. >> You said you would ████ him. >> Oh, I never said I'd ████ Bretman. You like if I had to be gay, like that's what And then he was like, Bart, come get this Bret booty. >> [laughter] >> So, between guys, you'd rather have a feminine guy than like a manly hot guy. Between guys? >> Yeah. I want a guy that reminds me of a girl. >> [laughter] >> A thousand percent. Just reminds me of one. Dude. >> [laughter] >> But, you can't have like what if you're the guy that reminds him of the girl? That's what's dangerous because most Asian guys are. We got soft skin, we're not hairy. >> Yep. What about this? What if Perfect
10:07 translation. >> a feminine >> are smaller. What would you rather have? There's a feminine guy and then a jacked guy, right? The feminine guy sound smells floral. Hell yeah. >> No, smells like disgusting. Ooh. Jacked guy smells floral. >> Uh smell. >> So you go with the jacked guy? >> Yeah. Because he smells feminine. >> And I don't You changed your mind so fast. And if the feminine guy I was like if I liked it too much, I might just get gay. >> [laughter] >> Get gay, okay. I might just get too gay. You can get it, bro. That's how people get gay. >> Yeah, they start enjoying gay sex too much. >> [laughter] >> You might get gay one day, dude. Well, thankfully we'll none of us will probably ever be in this situation where we have to do a movie. What about what's your answer? >> Yeah, what is your answer? >> have one, man. This is the I You're a star in Thailand and then now you have
10:59 to make you have to do a ████ love scene. Okay. But she's not even like one of the good ones. Like she's one of the ones that you're like, man I could ████ tell, dude. What? So you're asking me if I do it or not? >> Okay, well yeah, yeah. No, no you got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. Yeah, what's your stipulation? What but then it has to be a ████ that's not attractive. Now no, it's a bargain time. Now tell me what you want to change about it. >> Oh my god. I'll throw you I'll throw you something else. And I have to go like I can't just stop at third base. I have we have to do it all the way. >> All the way. >> No no, I'll give I'll add more. It's a lady ████ Yeah. the finest one you've ever seen. Okay. Right? But this is the part that cannot change. You can change anything else. Yeah. The part you cannot change you got to suck her off. >> The the scene the scene is
11:49 her her penis is in your butt and then your penis is in her butt. >> that fit? >> Like a USB. USB? How does that work? >> Cuz one of cuz one of one of them is is like a ground. You know when you when you have to ground electricity? [laughter] I can't change that? >> Yeah, her butt's in her penis in your butt, your penis in her butt. But what would you change to make it better? >> [laughter] >> Okay, I would change that if once the once we're fully docked >> Yeah, but no you guys are going like this. Okay, what the [laughter] hell? It's Mormon style. There's two beds shaking. Damn. He is shaking the bed, [laughter] dude. He's jumping on the bed. Okay, my stipulation is that right after that scene I immediately wake up like it I just dreamt it. >> [laughter] >> So you make you have to shoot that scene after?
12:40 BUT I'LL STILL DO IT. >> SMART. But [laughter] it was in the movie it was a So that my character doesn't sacrifice his integrity. That's [laughter] the opening scene. So in real life they're not gay. And then it goes It was only gay in the dream. >> No, my stipulation that we're doing it it goes the record goes and it goes, yep that's me. Bet you're wondering how I got in this situation. And then it starts off Quentin style. Stop the world and melt with you and then it like the rest of the movie starts here. Ah, that's good. That's a good rom-com. >> [laughter] >> You're a good film. You should make films, dude. But then I still did it in real life. Bart's ████ a girl. Mickey's a solo green screen. >> [laughter] >> ████ a green screen. You win. You win >> Sydney Sweeney. >> [laughter] >> You win the challenge. >> Some might say Joe won, bro. Some might
13:30 say that. Yeah, that's true.
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