0:00 What would be the line for you where you can't become friends again? If you guys did the did the bang bang boogie? If there was no That's what Bart calls it by the way. That's what the Chinese say. >> The bang bang boogie. >> bang bang boogie, they cannot do the cookie. >> [laughter] >> Yeah, you can't go back to cookie after the bang bang boogie. >> That's the full saying, yeah. Welcome back to another episode of Careful Boys. We have Nick the Ear, martial arts master, and and uh emotions expert. And then we have uh just regular Melissa Bonos with us. On empathetic expert. [laughter] He's actually quite mean. >> Here's Here's an interesting question for you cuz uh like I think if when we have all guys here, it's such a hard line uh answer. Maybe you have something more
0:50 nuanced because you're smarter. The um let's say let me paint this picture, okay? Let's say that you're you're single and uh you have a friend, right? Like a guy friend, okay? And he uh at one point after being friends for years, he he like breaches the friendship to try for something romantic. >> Like one of these? He was like, yeah, with you. And then it like >> Oh, I thought you were into me cuz we hung out so much. >> Well, like like like you guys have a great rapport. It's not It's not a total out of the question thing, right? Like you're not opposed to it. It just doesn't work out. So, you go from friendship to slightly romantic. It It feels weird. You're not into it. Is it possible to just go back to being friends? Um and it was a mutual breakup. >> It was a mutual like well, at to you'll never really know, to be honest. It feels mutual.
1:40 But obviously like you'll never really know because And how long did we date? How long did it get romantic? Maybe like a month or two. I think it's possible. Wow. So, people can >> relationship No, it's not a long-term relationship. It's It's like the seeing phase. It's not even you weren't you weren't even like fully together. >> I think it's possible. Woah. >> expressed physical affection? Like kissed or held hands or whatever? Yes. Let's say yeah. >> What would be the line for you where you can't become friends again? If you guys did the did the bang bang boogie? >> If there was no That's what Bart calls it by the way. That's what the Chinese say. The bang bang boogie. >> bang bang boogie, they cannot do the cookie. >> [laughter] >> Yeah, you can't go back to cookie after the >> full That's the full saying, yeah. Um If there was no hurt, right? Where it
2:30 just It was a mutual like, you know what? This isn't working. We were better as friends. Um even if you guys did it, I think you could still get back to friendship. Even if you >> Probably not to the same exact level Mhm. >> right? As like the original friendship, but I think you could be friends. >> It'll be more further back. >> More further back. >> Like let's say you guys were like the level of friends you guys were were >> Level eight friendship. Like level eight friendship maybe like hung out once a week all the time. But you guys bumped uglies. Now you're back to regular. You're probably not going to hang out once a week. Might be once a month now. >> Yeah. Because I think there's some sort of build up that's happening in that beginning, right? Before you actually get romantic. >> Yeah. So, you kind of have to back away
3:20 from that. Kind of like decompress it or something or like Mhm. But I don't think you have to be like, see you. Got to deflate the the magic. Yes, deflate the magic. >> I think That's how Disney would say it. >> [laughter] >> Yeah. Okay. Do you feel like it's possible? I'm trying to think of a personal example, but all of the Yeah. >> Didn't do a bang bang boogie friendship? I did And I actually feel more comfortable with them because of that. Oh, you're still cool with them? Uh but yeah like I don't hang with them. With the dude? >> [laughter] >> group of guys that you're talking about? Group of guys? of them? Is that the one? >> [laughter] >> Uh obviously because we did something we did something intimate. >> Yeah. I feel relaxed and closer to them.
4:10 Like it's like It's like a It's like It's like someone that's like, oh, we went through ████ together, but we probably shouldn't hang. But like I know like I I could trust you like that. So, there are certain times where I'm like Exactly. Wait, wait, but if there's still sexual chemistry, I would take my answer back. Oh, no chemistry? >> still sexual chemistry, then you can't be friends anymore. No, but I do think there there is something that happens with whether it was serious or not, but if if it's mutually unattractive and you know you're good, but I think there's like a familiarity and a closeness that happens if there were if it if it wasn't messy where you guys can trust each other like good old friends that haven't seen each other for a long time. And if you need to rely each other on something or or whatever, you know you're good. Yeah.
5:01 Yeah, so I think there's that. But there's a level of respect to the person that you're with now >> Mhm. >> that like you don't want to share that closeness with anybody else. Agreed. >> Oh, okay. Okay. It would be like a while you're single, you could still be friends, but once you're in a relationship, you kind of have to let it go. >> Because why why would I need that fulfilled by them when I have it by from her? Cuz I think I I think I think at least for guys, I think like we usually get a different kind of um support or love from women that we don't get from other guys. >> Yeah, absolutely. >> we confide in our sisters and females and maybe girls we dated much more differently because they bring a different part out of us and different conversations out. Yeah. But I think that should be reserved for your wife or the women that you're with, not
5:53 with women's that not women from the past. >> [laughter] >> Not yeah. Why seven? Why seven? >> It's just a true story. That's all I'm saying. Although gay guys probably would bring that OUT OF ME. >> [laughter] [gasps] >> YEAH, THAT'S WHAT THEY SAY about you. >> [laughter] >> No, those guys are straight. No, they say Joe brings IT INTO ME, NOT OUT OF ME. >> [laughter] >> OH, I just got that. >> Do you Do you think it's possible? For me, no. I have zero personal experience of a relationship that turned into friends. >> Even like a slight relationship? Even like like friends? You sort of tried it for a little bit. Nothing official, nothing heavy. It just kind of wasn't working out. And so you're You're not like mad at each other. You're just like I think he cuts everyone cold.
6:43 That's me. Yeah, okay. I think I feel like especially since I'm introverted, it's already like I already have so much space. So, I don't have a an a 1 TB hard drive. So, I only got like 256 gigs or whatever. So, I got to I just got to delete ████ I got to delete ████ or else I'm going to be occupying my whole ████ hard drive. >> dude. >> [laughter] >> I got to reformat every time. >> to forget everything. >> Yeah, I got I got Ken's ████ GOOGLE DRIVE. >> [laughter] >> HE'S RUNNING OUT OF ROOM, TOO. >> YEAH, he's running out of room. I GOT OTHER CLIENTS. >> [laughter] >> HANNAH actually said out of all your friends, I think Ryan can have an authentic platonic friendship with people and um never get into anything else beyond that. But she goes, you you would accidentally get into relationships with people. >> [laughter] >> Accidentally?
7:34 She goes like She'll be like He wakes up and he's like, oh ████ I'm in a relationship. You have this golden retriever energy where the girl's going to think you're into her and flirting with her. And then like she likes you back, it's going over your head. And then you're having a great time. And then you're like getting deeper into this situation. And then one day like it's going to be like she's ████ in love with you. What the ████ did you do? And it's all I'm like, oh, I didn't even like her like that. And then like or you know, it's kind of like those She's going to be like you're going to be in a relationship when you didn't even know that you're in a relationship without ████ obviously. Yeah. >> Yeah, cuz that's going to be the clear like like I'm not going to go like, well, we're just ████ as friends. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. As pals. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. As pals is
8:24 crazy. She goes yeah. And she goes like, well, but you and Bart and she goes, I don't see you guys having platonic friendships like that are actually true deep friendships. >> That You know what? That makes a lot of sense. Like I'll have female acquaintances. Like we're cool. We're friends. I consider you a friend. But I won't have a deep friendship. >> see you never really bothering to analyze What do you mean? Like I could see I could see you never stopping to think does Am I like does she starting to like me? Yeah, you're right. Cuz I'm pretty ████ like Because if you just if you just don't care about that and you're not concerned you cuz you don't like her, it'll never be a concern. Yeah. That's the thing. >> Yeah, if I actually kind of like her, I'll be like, ooh, I better watch out cuz this is like I'm starting to like this ████ I better stop. Yeah. >> Yeah, but if there's nothing, then you're on friend mode. >> No. >> Never. Yeah. >> [laughter] >> Okay. And then Bart's just so cut and
9:14 dry that he's like, why would I want to hang with a girl? I have I have Geo already. She's way more fun. You know what I mean? And then she goes, I would I already have guy friends. So, why would I want to take them camping? You know what I mean? Yeah, like if even if a Japanese I want to be my friend, I'm like, I already have Geo. I'm already chuck full, dude. >> SEE YOU LATER. >> ONE ████ ONLY RULE. It's true. It is true because Japanese people take up a lot of hard drive space. What? You already You have like three. >> [laughter] >> That's his maximum. >> And if Geo like moves somewhere else, then I can call my Japanese friend up. Hey, I have a opening now. >> [laughter] >> Do you want some tonkatsu? Are you okay with being easily replaced by just another >> [laughter] >> A reservation just opened up. I GOT A SLOT THAT NEEDS to be filled. >> a waitlist. >> You could probably fit like two to three
10:05 Japanese people in his spot, too. Yeah, that's true. >> He has like a 10-seater omakase bar, you know? Like that's [laughter] He He does He's private reservations only. >> [laughter and gasps] >> Yeah, I don't know. It feels like it's It feels very difficult, I I would say, to go back, I think. It would never be the same. >> was just like a hookup and you're both like, nah, but you realize, cuz that's happened to me before where I realized, we're really ████ cool friends, and like we shouldn't even tried. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It depends how deep the friendship was, and then how deep the relationship was. Like I think those two factors matter a lot. Cuz your guys's friendship goes like way back to the point where maybe you're like siblings now. Like you feel like fam. I think that's how it started, too. It's I've known her over 20 years, and from the beginning I feel like I've always had a more sibling friendship with her,
10:56 like in a way. Like you used to She called me when she when she first smoked weed, she doesn't even remember this. She She's been so freaking clean her whole life, and then she smoked weed, called me, and she was crying. What, did you have a bad trip or what? >> No, she goes, "Are you disappointed in me? Am I a bad person?" >> [laughter] >> She's high as ████ and the only thing she could think about SHE DISAPPOINTED YOU? I WAS HIGH. I can't I'm going to die. She's like, "I feel like you're disappointed." And I'm like, "I don't care." I feel like she called 10 people doing that. And I wasn't talking to you that day, either. I just randomly called you out of the blue. >> something is wrong. Yeah, then you were like She's like, "I smoked weed." >> [laughter] >> I swear she did that to 10 people. Yeah. Who Who knows? >> But then like it's been 20 years of also her seeing me through so many different friendships with other people as well,
11:47 and I think she knows like clearer than anyone if I would have those intentions or not, you know? Like if it would possibly be romantic, or if it would be like, oh, that's purely platonic for life, you know? Like a lot of those. Yeah, and I also said that like you're able to have a lot of range in friendships because you can kind of like have designated This friend is for this, this friend is for that. And then like I think in order to have a friendship with a female, you have to be a little bit more in-depth with your conversations. Where guys, we could be friends on just hobbies. Oh, true. Yeah, yeah. It never gets into like I don't even know how many ████ siblings you had until like 7 years into our friendship. >> Like 30 guys could just go bouldering for 7 years and they don't know anything about each other. >> That's the thing you do. You're married? Yeah. But I think it also helps to be gay,
12:38 like to be as a gay guy. >> hella gay, so you have the I think I have gay traits, and that's one of them. No, but I Yeah, I think she's noticed that and knew that you can you can have the friendships with females, cuz she's good gaydar. Cuz you're you probably have those conversations and those range of things. Cuz David David could do that, too. He's hella gay. Oh. Very bubbly. >> [laughter] >> See, you're saying that they can have conversations with people. >> they're like We have conversations, right? But like our our interest our interests are completely different. Like most guys could give a ████ about your family and your siblings. That's true. Yeah, it's it's how you connect. Some guys will talk about all the people and and stories and incidents that they had like together. Like it's just it's just they're gayer.
13:29 It's Yeah, it's how you It's definitely how you connect and and what's the foundation for the bond. Cuz I feel like for for bond it was like with her I was like, "Wow, you're Filipino, too?" And then from there it was just automatic. The thing is we ask questions about like sibling stuff. It's not because we literally care about the sibling part. It's to get conversation going to get you to something else. Like it's just It's a conversation starter. Yeah. Whereas it won't even start for guy guy relationship. >> don't start. >> No, like the common ground, the conversation starter would be like trying to find which hobby or profession or something you have a common ground with. Right. >> And then you'll talk about that one thing for 6 hours, and you won't even talk about anything else. Yeah. That is true. So if you have no common interests, then you just don't say anything. >> become That's why it's awkward when girls try to make their boyfriends friends, and it's like you're trying to
14:19 make one alien with another alien become friends, and if they don't hit it off right away, they're like, "I don't like this guy." Yeah. That is true. Trying to That's the main thing guys try to do is just find those common interests. And then it like when you one of them nails it, blasts off ridiculously. Like I was talking to the Do you know the boba guys? Andrew? Yeah, Andrew. Like we were talking, I'm like, "What do I have in common with this guy?" We were just talking. Finds out he ████ loves SimCity. Yeah. No way. >> "Oh, bro, next time in LA we're ████ meeting up and talking SimCity only." >> [laughter] >> Yeah, that's like a huge thing. It's like Imagine two guys finding out they both play Magic cards. That's freaking insane. Or they collect Pokémon. Yeah. That's pretty cool. Collecting Pokémon cards is back back in It's super back. Imagine all the bonds being formed between men now.
15:09 >> [laughter] >> Stronger than ever. So romantic. >> baby.
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