0:00 we got so many literal glasses these days though they just they don't get it like they just read things and they're like oh my God but even if it's a joke it's like no that is that's the ████ point well some of them are just so ready to react angrily plus I'm sure there's cool vegans but where are they [Music] there is a new dating app on the scene who do you think it caters to let me think wow actually I'm not sure how new it is dude it's not for well I guess it could be I thought of you boys recently I saw this trailer for a new show about farmers who are dating people and I was like we should all watch this together oh it's a TV show it's a farmer's dating show dude it's like Farmers Only ████ but it's like on television cool it's like nice it's the kind of ████ that we love like watching Mormons try to ████ each other
0:51 now we get my favorite exactly now we get to watch Farmers try to do it it's gonna be fun who do you think this dating asks for pets racists is it for racists racists not quite not race what he yeah I guess they could be racist but twins is good wins I saw a conspiracy these ones have it rough for the dating world who do you think family members who do you think has trouble finding a partner uh due to a certain way that they live oh homeless people oh did you have a homeless homeless baby I thought you just unzipped the front door and you go in you think we're going better apps through this yeah it's got to do with diet fat people no no cause you're so fat you can't leave the house yeah oh yeah if you gotta get cut out of the house carnivores close
1:41 vegan yeah really vegans yeah it's called Grazer I guess that makes a lot of us at some carnivores yeah cause they got to eat at the same place that makes way more sense than fat chicks who gotta get cut out of their house hey man I'm gonna make it that guest fat chicks gotta get cut out of their house it's like you're gonna so you're gonna need a helicopter too probably yeah you're gonna need a lot can you imagine when they first meet when they cut out the whole house so that they open it up and then they get a ████ they look at the palette and then they put the bed on the pallet and then the ████ the other guy has to do that too so then you just have these two ████ uh well then you gotta cut the roof off the restaurant yeah oh my God the two fat ████ coming down
2:34 two fat ████ that'll be tight dude that's the name of that two fat ████ that's like three hundred thousand dollars worth of a first date hey but that's also 300 000 pounds of a love 300 000. it's also an economic need also the the waiter is in for a big tip that night because you know they're gonna eat the whole unless it's all you can eat yeah so do we have room for dessert that was a joke here you go here you go here you go dude that fast and four chairs it's not only that this app now exists it's that they launched a really clever ad Campaign which I thought was amazing with this really great catchphrase and to follow the stereotypes of vegans not having a sense
3:24 of humor they got mad it has to do with the pun of meeting meat that's really great but not quite that's a good one what oh that's actually great yeah that's dope but they got mad because they didn't get it that's what they call Meta they didn't get it they got pissed I like that one they needed to switch around vegans ████ am I the best one I know but they didn't like it they didn't understand why they like the most angriest group out there lack of iron I feel like vegan and Pita go along real well together that was deeper that was deeper than people know lack of iron was deep in there oh dang that was so deep I just registered it and we're still on the ████ two fat ████ they're like Two Broke Girls but like a spin-off yeah two fat bumps
4:15 like a vegan hierarchy in the ass somebody knock it out of the park with this that's ████ ████ that's like they created like FUBU for us bias and they're like what are you trying to say I'm trying to say it's for us buy us you stupid ████ God damn trying to make it like would you call me did you call me a FUBU yeah it's like what the ████ it it feels like it came from within the community it did yeah like it came from like not from like other people that don't know the culture creating It came it sounds like people from inside oh it'll be so tight we got so many literal dumbasses these days though they just they don't get it like they just read things and they're like oh my God but even if it's a joke it's like no that that's the ████ point well some of them are just so ready to react angrilia it's like it's like a hip fire reflex plus I'm sure there's cool vegans but where are they
5:06 well I keep hearing about them I've never met a vegan that did it properly like I've met vegans but the the whole time like I'll watch and I'm like you do know soy sauce is made out of fish broth okay exactly bro well like you know the best vegans are the ones that are slightly flexible you know what I'm saying like they they know how to be like yeah I'm a vegan but when they're in a situation socially with people that I can make it work true you know what I mean it's like I know that's not perfect but it's okay maybe we can do something like this no my favorite vegans are the ones who are like you know hey I'm pretty chill like I just don't use animal products and then they get on a jet that's my favorite those are my favorite kinds of vegans on a ████ leather interior leather interior by the way with ████ dinosaurs blowing out the back of the exhaust give me a ████ break I
5:57 remember to I have I had a really uh good friend of mine who's vegan for like three years and we were walking together to this bar and I was walking in front of him eating kyochon chicken like wings and he was like that smells really good and I'm like yeah do you want one I was just joking he's all actually yeah I'm gonna try one and I was like dude this chicken smelled really good I wish I could tell kyochon bro you know how good your chicken is that's like so good we make a vegan meat Terrier it is good it's like one of my favorite stories I heard I think Joe Rogan was saying that he was on a plane with Norm Macdonald and then um nor McDonald was talking about like smoking he's like oh yeah no I don't smoke I gave up smoke and I don't smoke anymore and then he was like bashing it yeah he's like he's ████ on it the whole time and then he gets off the plate and he goes and he buys some
6:47 cigarettes immediately and then he starts smoking and the airport and Jordan's like I thought you know smoking was like oh yeah no I I picked it up again [Laughter] immediately from talking about it that much yeah did he forget I don't know that's just he lives a bit man that's the crazy thing so good that's hilarious so there is a spokesperson for uh this app and it's I believe it's this uh this drag performer named Bimini and even this person was like yeah vegans can go ████ themselves which is funny because that matches the that's really good really good that's really good because even they were pissed that the vegans didn't get it so yeah oh also now that if you wanted why do you think they're they have such a bad rep and like like the influencers like the vegan influence
7:37 and like the way that they talk and then like when someone starts bringing up vegan ████ like it's so ████ annoying it's condescending it's the influencers I think though yeah because it's not the real vegan Community the ones that I've known in person and met face to face they're all cool like like what you said like they don't we're just eating at a restaurant they're like oh just find something else and then they're just a human being they don't make it their personality dude in like in like 2015 like everyone like a couple chick influencers went vegan everybody starts going vegan after that and then everyone got all proselytizing about it and like well I'm just vegan so like sorry yo I'm so sorry I'm vegan and so then it became that it was after conspiracy it was exactly exactly that ████ just made me hungrier cheese that's why they think Asians are Savage dude I did after things like cowspiracy I tried uh going
8:27 vegan for and I think I lasted like two months and I was like this is impossible and not fun and then I was like let me try vegetarian and then I lasted for like six months then I was like that also was very difficult and now I love eating meat again like amazingly meat just smells so good my mom's been vegetarian for over 20 years she stays with me and then like when I cook food I'll make her her own separate thing and then I should be like oh what are you cooking in the kitchen I saw her ████ steak you know I'm like this is what I'm making she's like oh didn't smell that good by the way I love to use of impossible that was really good nice so when Nikki started going into to vegetarian space um the way that they season their Foods especially in Thai food restaurants it's ████ bomb Asians are really good at vegetarians they can't they cannot rely
9:18 on some ████ yeah they have to like be extracurricular with the spices and ████ and so they bring it because you're gonna need to ████ make tofu taste good right and they've been doing it for centuries exactly yeah the ████ monk look I would do vegan vegetarian anything if it's Thai food but other than that I'm out you know I went to The Shaolin Temple and uh they ████ yeah we shot a video though in China yeah in China cool man and so all the monks there well my partner at the time her aunt was the director of the university for all the kids that like basically just like a boarding school for all the boys that have to go learn Kung Fu so anyways like she's running the university so all the monks there are all vegetarians and but they're so crafty that they use I don't ████ know how to do it but they literally use vegetables to make meat substitutes but they also look smell and taste and
10:09 texturally feel like meat I'm talking like it looks like a shrimp it looks like a shrimp it tastes like a shrimp but it's vegetarian that looks like bacon or a sausage or whatever and it's like the ████ it's really you taste it makes vegetarian IHOP yes it does ████ bacon and sausage and ████ what was the bacon really made out of here I didn't even understand the language wait is it true part is it true or is it not true that okay even if a monk is like I'm a vegetarian if I bring him like a bunch of beef jerky they gotta eat it a true Buddhist monk that's sticking to their morals they're supposed to eat oh because you're the one they're supposed to be begging for food like they're taking they don't have possessions it's just a bowl they're all out of bowls and they're both and the food you put in there you're you're eating for sustenance so
11:00 you separate your like senses from it so they should be eating it dude ever since you told me that I think about that all the time and like he's gonna get roasted no one no once you know once crypticals back where it's gonna go and like once I start doing some troll ████ again I'm gonna go to a ████ Buddhist temple and I'm just gonna keep being like all I got is ribs I'm sorry oh crib oh it's all a guy I got short ribs realistically though they might just eat it and I'll give a ████ but I got ribs and bibs so here's they're gonna love it dude they're gonna be like I guess I have to eat the ribs again son of a ████ [Laughter] which one
12:01 [Music] thank you
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