0:00 Just squeeze it and it's so it's it's like it's like tight and you just >> How many times you grab your dick a day? You think? >> Every freaking second I can. >> Tight. >> You grab your dick to scratch your nuts. >> Yo, [Laughter] [Music] >> we're going to talk about stuff that you never hear this happened to women. Um, there's a situation where these two guys, this just happened. These two guys were taking turns shooting at each other while wearing a Kevlar helmet. >> What? That sounds hilarious. Guys are dumb, though. >> This is a dude thing. >> Yeah. So, they were basically taking turns putting the helmet on and shooting >> the helmet. >> Yeah. >> Let me guess where this went. Somebody died. >> And then here's the quote of like what actually happened. It's kind of a funny
0:50 sentence. They were holding it above their heads until the complainant ended up with a bullet hole on the top of his head. So, uh, he got rushed to the hospital and died. >> They're shooting real guns at each other. >> They were shooting real guns at a real Kevlar helmet they were taking turns wearing. >> Oh my god. >> Yeah. You ever hear of stories like this happening to girls? >> There was there was that influencer chick who shot her boyfriend. >> Yeah, I remember that. The book thing. >> It was his idea. So, like Yeah. Yeah. But like women never have ideas like this and they don't even think >> they're not as creative. >> They live longer than us for a reason. That's why. >> Yeah. They just don't have the same level of creativity, I think. Yeah. >> Oh, so it's a creative deficit >> and it has to have an element of risk. I think there's like risk and creativity and a lot more like >> I thought they were wearing the helmets at least, which I thought was a tight idea. Holding it above your head is insane. >> That means you also just missed,
1:41 >> right? You're like that's crazy. >> I think he technically flinched and then the the barrel went down. >> Yeah. How do you shoot it when they're holding it? Like >> wear the mask. >> The holes at the top of his head, too. So maybe like >> I had the same curiosity. So we just took the Kevlar to the range and we put as many rounds in it to see how long it takes before it's like obliterated. >> No one put it on to hold it. We just left it on the ground. >> What you had that idea? >> Cuz that's like >> that's uncreative. >> Yeah, that's uncreative. >> I think everyone does that. >> So do But then women don't even enjoy this type of content, you know? Like >> they roll their eyes a bit. >> Yeah. You know what I mean? Like they're not going to think of it. Not only that, they don't even like it. >> We at least get why it's kind of tight. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> They're not, you know what they're not? They're not the connoisseurs of fafo. >> Yeah, it's true. >> I think I think males are. >> But isn't there, don't you feel like
2:31 there's something that was instilled in you as a kid that for the rest of your life, you're always going to be a fafo guy? >> I think the minute you're a dude, like so Taika has a golf cart now. I mean, not golf cart, a little go-kart. >> He takes it to the park. Immediately all the kids his age, they go, "How many of us can fit on this motherfucker?" Immediately they're all drawn to it now. They're So the it goes two kids, three kids, right? It's like this like And then >> and they're laughing. >> And then the girls are like, "Oh, can I try?" And it's just like, "We'll take turns." And then and then they're like not off-roading. They're just >> they're stopping at the stop sign. >> Yeah. Going on the sidewalk, >> hitting the blinker. >> I'm like, "What the hell? There's something like the lack of creativity. >> My sister used to play Grand Theft Auto and she'd follow all the street signs and ████ I'm like, "What are you doing?" >> They turn on the turn signal.
3:21 >> Ask politely for their money. >> I think I know what's what's missing from the girls and the guys. Why girls only will not do what dudes do. >> What's missing? >> Pair of balls, brother. >> Balls make a You think it's in the balls? >> I think it's whatever's in the nuts. >> Yeah, >> the nuts. >> Nuts. >> So, the nuts affect the brain and make it dumb. >> The nuts 100%. I mean, what made Bark go, "I'm going to drive my truck on this frozen lake right now, brother." One thing, two things, actually. >> ████ yeah, brother. >> But also, boys are like this before the testosterone kicks in. >> Yeah, because it's it's the same thing that you and Anthony have where you see a plant as a kid and you just chop it. >> Got to figure it out. >> You just see like a you see one of those stiff leaves and something in your brain says, "Oh, I should karate chop it and break it." >> I feel like all boys want to throw a big rock down a hill. >> 100%. Yeah, cuz when you do it, it's sick.
4:11 >> It's ████ tight, dude. >> I'm telling you, it's something down here. It's a second brain. >> It does look like a brain. >> It does. >> It can. >> Cuz if you actually squish it, if you squish it and then hold it tight, you can see. >> Oh, don't hold it that tight. Don't Why you hold Why you holding it that tight? >> You never held that tight to scratch it? >> Not really. >> Oh, you hold it to scratch. >> No. You know, you ever had so like bored one day and you're just like, "Oh, it's itchy down there." Instead of like trying to go through all that sloppy skin, you just hold it tight. >> Like when you're uploading and you have nothing to do. Yeah. >> Well, uploading. >> Yeah, cuz that's when you're bored. >> That's so true. Or when it's hot and you're uploading cuz your balls are so tight, you just squeeze it and it's so it's it's like it's like tight and you just let it go. >> How many times you grab your dick a day, you think? >> ████ it. Every freaking second I can. >> Tight. Good answer. Great answer. >> Wait, do you grab your dick not like just to grab it?
5:01 >> No. No. >> With no with no purpose? >> No. There has to be a purpose. any slight of itchiness. I just >> grab the ████ >> You're making me want to touch mine right now, bro. >> You grab your dick to scratch her nuts. >> Yo, >> that's like a chick grabbing her titty just to ████ scratch her vagina. >> No, it's not. That's like hella far away. At least these are neighbors. >> They are neighbors. You're right. >> So, you have to steady it before you scratch it. Huh? >> You have to steady it before you scratch it. You >> have to study it. >> Steady it. >> Steady it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. You get nice leverage. Think about it. I'm going to try it. >> Definitely try on >> the back. Ow. Hit the >> spot. So, what do you think is the equivalent for women like in their brain where like it lead Yeah. What's the thing that leads them? Is it the jumping to conclusion? >> I think it's going to Target. I I think it's going to Target.
5:51 >> Shopping like crazy. >> And they're like, I spent ████ so much at Target. ████ Making things a better. >> Yeah. They're like, I just like don't know how to get out of there without spending $300 like that. >> Yeah. I think it's something with financial stuff. >> Yeah, they're faing and they're foing like in that. >> Oh, interesting. >> It's really like u he know I only have $100 and this is like $98, but I'm not going to count the tax. But let's f let's let's faffle it out. >> Yeah. >> And then next thing you know, babe, I'm negative. And you're like, well, how the ████ you get there? Let's just talk about that. Huh? >> You know, I think that's their f their fafo. >> That's their fafo. That's a women's fafo. But I guys do that too, but not in the same way. Like we'll make stupid purchases all the time, >> but I think it's so specific to dudes to be destructive. >> Well, guys do it in bigger chunks, which is worse.
6:41 >> Yeah. Like all of a sudden there's a car >> and you're like, "What the f███?" >> Like, you know, the age old stereotype of like guy comes home with a car and then the wife's like, "Take that back. We can't afford it." And then he's got to be like, "Oh, damn." >> That's true. Maybe they faffo on us. I feel like being a ████ right now. Let's >> dude. >> Oh, that's true. >> And they're like, "Why do you feel why do you feel like being a ████ We're just hanging out. We're chilling. Everything's good. Why you got to start some ████ I think that's what it is. >> I really like these moments because sometimes Bart will say something that's clearly like mostly a joke and Subin will identify with it so seriously. >> It happens. >> That's the best. >> No, I thought it was a joke. >> So, what happened in your life that was like this? What Bart say? >> No, it was just >> No, it made what made you go like, "Oh, ████ yeah, dude. Why' you just say why' you say amen?" >> Yeah. What? How'd you identify? >> Well, not my wife. You know what I'm saying? I'm with Subie. Sometimes they just want to ████ with you a little bit.
7:32 >> No, sometimes, you know, I think all these memes saying like you just want to sit down and out of nowhere they be saying something, you know. Sometime like >> I think it's true cuz like >> I just be sitting down and she's like, "Did you I'm like, oh, here we go. Did I what? Did you did you do these yet?" She's like, "I told you to do it last week." And I was just like, "Yeah, but it's not like urgent." You know what I'm saying? So, I think it's just one of those, you know, but not my life. I'm just saying. >> Do you do you really think there's like Do you know the joke about how women don't like to see men at peace? >> Yeah, >> because like men are so easily satisfied with just sitting there doing one thing for hours. >> Think about dinosaurs like Joe says. >> Women have to like change it up more, but like guys could just sit there and just be like, "Yeah, hell yeah." >> Or if they're like, "What are you thinking about?" And you're like, "Literally nothing." >> And then it like eats them.
8:22 >> And then they're like, "What are you really thinking about?" And it's like ████ air, dude. Like we do that. >> I was thinking about if rocks are alive. Dude, >> does Hannah ever ask you what? Just straight up, what are you thinking? >> I'm lucky because she has three brothers and a dad. So, she's I think in a lot of these situations, people don't grow up with enough siblings >> where people that grew up with hella siblings, they get it. They know how the other gender thinks and whatever. >> So, she's never been ████ to you ever. >> I mean, she's still a girl, >> so yeah. But the cool thing is she understands guys. She understands how how stupid we are. >> Yeah. Like she goes she knows how literal we are cuz her brothers are that way. She goes that's that you just she's like a lot of my friends she's like her girlfriends they don't know how to like think like a guy or actually just you just if you want that just explain it to them. >> Yeah. >> And then so she's actually really good
9:13 at doing that with her friends when they're like thinking her boyfriend their boyfriend is thinking this and that. She goes, "No, that's not what he's thinking. He's literally just thinking what he told you. That's it. She's just the man whisperer for all of her friends. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> It's like it's kind of like I don't know if this is like bigoted but or whatever, but like I feel really uncomfortable when I meet a guy >> who thinks things like this are like uh abhorrent like you know like like you know the America's Funniest Home videos humor being kicked in the nuts. When I meet another guy that's like >> I don't know why that's funny. >> That's weird. >> I get extremely like this person is a psycho. >> I feel like I feel like they're repressing like they think it's funny. Like they think it's funny. >> It's internationally funny. >> I'm like, who's this for? >> Yeah. Is it performative? You know when you know when you meet people like that that are just like they don't have the fafo in them whatsoever and they're just
10:04 they look down on like other guys like that's not even >> it's every guy who says sports ball and they're like, "Oh yeah, you're going to watch sports ball like your sports team." I'm like, "What are you like ████ Your stuff sucks." Whatever you like sucks. >> Yeah, that's it. Almost scares me. I always feel like something's going to happen. >> Yeah. I think somewhere along the way they were made to feel left out. >> That's a good That's another good thing. Yeah. Wow. Good point. >> That's why they're just like >> now they want to be counter. >> Yeah. They're contrarian to the world. Yeah. >> Like I never fit in with these guys anyway. And it's usually like the weird frail dudes like that. >> Yeah. >> It's like the people who are like it's like oh yeah well you know I'm like oh yeah the Colts lost this weekend. We suck right now. Whatever. We Oh are you on the team? Are you on the team? And I'm like what are you like dude? Let's Let's look at your thing. Yeah. Who? I don't think I'm on the team. I just ride with these. >> That's just how you say it because it's
10:54 like Yeah. It's like allegiance. >> Just let me enjoy. That's how the community speaks though. Like it's just the lingo of how people love sports and teams. Yeah. >> That's That's what's weird where you can't respect it for someone else is kind of like odd. Yeah. >> I just feel I'm going to get cancelled by him right there and >> that's another thing too. I get uncomfortable about that. >> So I just stop talking. I just walk away. >> Like if you say something's gay and then a person's like gay. gay. What do you mean by that? >> Like, and they're like, "Damn, you still say that?" All right. >> I'm rarely around that. You're >> hella weird. >> But I do come across videos sometimes on like those performative guys that are like hella feminist or something weird, but it doesn't seem authentic. I think that's the I think that's what is weird to me is like it feels like they're doing it for look at how moral and cool I am. I'm not like other guys. It's like
11:44 the guy's version of a pickme. >> Sure. Yeah. And I don't think it's authentic. Like I don't think they actually believe that. >> I think they've willed it into authenticity where they've done it habitually so much that they don't believe that they made it up. >> Yeah. >> You know, >> I've been around social media people though who like will say something's gay, but then they're in a video being like, I would never say that. And I'm like, >> come on, brother. >> That's the worst. >> It's the worst, dude. >> You don't think we have eyes where we just saw you do that? >> I remember, bro. >> Yeah. >> That's the craziest. I feel like the ultimate test you got to have like set up a bunch of tests. Like if I had a daughter to see if the guy's normal, the first one would start simple. I give him bubble wrap and I'll put I'll put him in the room for 5 minutes. If I don't hear one of them pop, I'm like, "This guy's a ████ psycho. Get this ████ out of here.
12:34 >> Just some normal s███." >> What if he's like, "But I wanted to respect your bullet." >> ████ you. No, dude. No way. >> What if he goes and like individually popping every single one of them in exactly? >> He's a little bit at least at least a little bit normal cuz at least I'm okay. You're a kind of normal regular guy, you know, regular dude. Then you put him like in a in a room with like maybe a vase and then a baseball bat. I'm like I got to >> It's like It's like if you gave a >> with a cup of >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Like if you gave Kit Kats to him and he bit it sideways. >> Yeah, dude. Like what the hell? You ████ weirdo. >> Eating a taco the long way. >> Oh my god. >> Eating a taco the long way. >> Dude, literally just give him a banana. All right. Just go for >> And if he starts sucking it really hard in front of you. >> Yeah, he got to go. >> What do you want him to do with it? >> Just see how he eats it. >> Jam. What's the right way to eat a banana? >> Honestly, >> sideways. >> Honestly, the right way to eat a banana is just straight. That's it. >> That looks gay still. That's still gay. >> Yeah. And some people break it
13:24 >> with the peel. No, not without the peel. >> Oh, dude. I put I put popsicles on the grill first and I drink the liquid after cuz I'm not gay. >> Yeah, but come on, guys. Like, really? Banana? Did people make it such a big deal? Say, "Oh, you can't eat it like that. That's it." Like, who cares? Just eat the ████ banana. You know, the people made it such a big deal about out of nowhere. >> You got to do it like this. Did society make a big deal out of it? I remember that. >> I did know some people that were like weird about bananas and I was like, >> "This is too much, dude. Just eat your ████ >> But that's like when you're like 10 years old and you're in school and all your friends like, "Oh, you going to eat the banana? You going to eat the >> No, but these are people in my 20s. Like this is the problem." I was like, "Guys, just eat the ████ bananas." Like, "It's going to be gay." I'm like, "It's just >> Those guys are tight. I would hang out with all those guys. >> You got to do it with a knife and fork. That's the only way." >> No, he had to eat. Well, so then what everyone else in the office would do is we would just be make it like really uncomfortable. We just like Yeah. Start deep throwing the bananas and stuff because it made him uncomfortable.
14:14 >> What if you eat it Japanese style? >> Censored banana. >> Yeah. Covering it. >> We know what you're doing. >> Pixelated banana. >> Oh, that's You guys have to do that. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> All of our bananas are pixelated >> at home. There's just a p there's a filter over the banana
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