0:00 There was an honest place of intent behind that. You're a nice guy. Yeah, I was I was being Would you mind cuz it's almost like, you know, you you put the ball in her court. Yeah, I was I was being lame. You put the chalice in her palace. All right, boys. Today, we are ranking the lamest things that we've ever said to women. Things that you were you were you were like in the shower and you're like, Oh, man. And then you're like, oh god, why I do that? Oh, why I do that? self-sabotage. like I have blocked a lot of that stuff out. I know. I blocked them out. Open up. But, the barrier take some digging. And we're going to dig. Okay, I got you. Are you ready? I got one. Go ahead. You go ahead. You want No, no, no. You said it first, but I
0:50 just remembered one. an ex I had an ex and uh and she's like trying to tell me that we can't date or whatever and she's like, you don't understand like we can't date. And I'm like, what do you mean we can't date? She's like, you don't understand. She's like, I'm like I'm like a tornado. And I was like, well, I'm I'm a storm chaser. You did not say that. That's from Twisters. I'm surprised you didn't get no puss after that. No, I did actually. But, what it's one of the worst things I've ever actually said in my life. I don't actually I don't think it's that bad. I swear to god. She said, I'm a storm? She said, I'm like a I'm like a tornado. And did you did you say you're a little house in Oklahoma? Suck me up. Suck me up. That's a good way of doing it. Suck me up. And and I And I always think about that and I go Little house on the prairie. Oh god, why
1:40 But, she thought it was hot, right? Yeah, we made out after that and she gave me head so it was cool. But, it was like one of those things where afterward I was like, why the did I think that was a cool thing to say? You should have said, "Don't worry, baby. I'm used to high speeds." or something. That's what it was. It was like that that that CSI: Miami where I'm like, I'm a storm chaser. You think could twist a little more? I don't know. She couldn't. She was a big chaser. That is uh She was a big predatorial. It took her a little while to rotate around. Oh, she was big. I'm just kidding. That's stupid, dude. I remember I was a She was a very big girl. I was a freshman in high school, and there was a girl that was like my friend, but she like liked me. She told me she liked me, and I didn't know what to say. I was like kind of mortified. I was like one of the scariest things. I was like You like me? And I was like, oh
2:30 my god. I felt really bad, cuz I didn't like her at all. So, I told her I was like, you know, I was like and I remember typing this out. We were on talking on AIM. I remember saying like, I'm like, come on, babe. Oh, no, I didn't say come on, babe. I said That was just a character. That was a character. But, I remember telling her I said I said, you don't want to like me. I I have a tiny penis. That's what I literally said. But And she Corner cam. Corner cam. She said something like, oh, I'm a virgin. Don't worry. That's probably what I need. And I just was like Oh. She was just sitting down and Left chat. Left chat. Unplug your Unplug your router. she had a counter for that? And I was Beat the computer up. Throw it on the floor. Unplug your router from the wall. Smash it like Office Space. And I wasn't ready for that, dude. I wasn't I was a young freshman. hunting you, bro.
3:20 Nick was like, we haven't even kissed yet. How can you? And I just remember being like, oh my goodness. And I avoided her a while. I avoided her for a little time. Bro, I would have dived right in. I said, yes, sir. Coming right over. I was going to say yes, sir. Why would you say sir? You know what I said to her? I was like, I don't I told her I was like, I'm not in love with you. I can't see a marriage with you. I can't. That's what I said. I just can't. I just can't dot dot dot right now. I can't imagine our wedding yet. Right dot dot dot right now. And then this emoji. Leaving the door open. Yeah. Yeah. Ouch. It's a lame bro. Pain. Come on. I know you're a cool guy and stuff. I know. You don't have any Anthony. Like uh you're like I don't have any. two. I got two. You want like you want like uh seriously lame? The one that you're like you shiver about. You shudder. You're like God, what the All right, then seriously lame. Uh it was my uh second girlfriend ever.
4:11 I might have even told the story here before in a different context. Um she I went to like we we got together uh for like 1 month. And then I was super into her from a summer camp. And then when we broke up, she was just like, "Uh honestly, I can only see you like a friend." Right? And then I was like I'm a storm chaser. All right. I was like I was like Works for you, right? "Whatever like I just want you to be happy. And if that means I can't be with you, then I'm okay with that." So, that's already lame number one. This is what really makes it lame. It's when we got back together after staffing the same camp the following year. And then we got together for another month. And then I had to like go to Vietnam or whatever, right? And then when I came back she said the exact same
5:01 thing. She said, "I'm so sorry. I can only see you as a friend." And then I said the exact same thing. "I only want you to be happy. So, if that means not being with me, I'm okay with that." And I think that's the ████ whackest ████ Yeah. You wasted everyone's time. Ever. Ouch. I don't think it's that bad, dude. I get why I get why it hurts you. I get why it hurts you. I get why you're not impressed by it, but I get why it hurts you. Yeah. Cuz it's a lot it's time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's time. It's just so lame to like the second time. To let that be an excuse the second time. the first time it's like I'm lame, but I'm young and innocent. But it's also you guys were at camp though, right? Yeah. So, it's like that's a whole different thing. That's a whole different world for for like kids at that age. It's like you might as well lived in ████ China while she lived in the US. Yeah, that's true. Oh, that's okay. But can we just ████
5:53 You didn't say anything like that? Woah. That's kind of smooth. Why didn't you say that? What the ████ I should have Let me ████ your feet. How young were you? Can I just put your feet together and Yeah, we put We're not even married to do this. You're still a virgin if I only ████ your feet. Yeah. I'm still a virgin if I only ████ your feet. Exactly. Exactly. It's very Christian. Very Christian to ████ the feet. Very My other lame is or lame thing that I can think of that's not definitely not as lame was when I was this one's going to be more lame. I was I was hooking up I was hooking up with this this girl I was dating right? And I especially at this period in my life I still do, but especially at this period in my life, I really really enjoyed
6:44 ████ And like if I was going to hook up I just Want to say it on camera? Dog, dude. If I was going to hook up I just also really wanted to get that, right? And I was this is like the first time I was like hooking up this girl that you know. And then I was just like Lines are moving, by the Halfway through I'm just like hey, like would you mind giving me a ████ Would you mind? You said would you mind? Do you swear you said that? I swear to Oh, that's that is worse. It's now negative 1,200. You should have been 3 minutes ago. Would you mind? I would have moved. I would have liked it at that price. Hey, and the funny thing the funny thing is she's like she like has a pause for a second. She like goes she goes down and starts doing it, but right before she starts she looks up and she's like
7:35 you really shouldn't ask. And I cracked so bad. But you still did it. She probably was about to. Yeah, but that's She's like and it took the sexiness out of it. It's a oofey and a doofey. That's what makes it lame though, right? Like Would you mind pulling your foreskin back? Just for a moment. YEAH, YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST GRABBED HER hair and ████ eat. Yeah, yeah. Grab the back of her head. Would you mind eating me? Do you mind if I grab the back of your skull? There was a honest place of intent behind that. You're a nice guy. Yeah, I was being Would you mind cuz it's almost like goodguy.com You know, you you put the ball in her court. Yeah, I was I was being lame. You put the chalice in her palace. The chalice in her palace. I guess I'm giving you a ████ with a completely dry vagina.
8:25 She had that moment with his son. possible. It's very possible. Do you feel up for a ████ So you said, "Would you mind giving me a blowjob?" It's insane. That's so savage, dude. That's insane. Would you mind is tight though. You I'll be a vulnerable boy here. No, I I I I respect Okay, if you had to do that moment over, would you say anything at all or would you have a different way of saying it? I wouldn't have said anything at all. If honestly, if I were to do that moment over, I've come to learn that She's vibing you. All I got to do is just take her to town and go eat her out so hard is guaranteed return. Doesn't always happen, bro. It would. Joe's talking about hookers, by the way. You don't get it back. They don't always reciprocate. You have to pay them. You have to pay them from your bank. IT'S A UPCHARGE. THEY'RE CONSTANTLY UPCHARGING YOU. They don't tell you about those fees, man.
9:15 And in Amsterdam, you have to negotiate prior. I'm shooting 100% when I do that. All right, I'm just saying, you know, I don't know about your experiences. That It doesn't work that way. It does for me. Girls ain't You should have been like you should have Maybe you could have tried like work shopping it like, "Could you please give me a blowjob?" And then go, "Oh, please, pretty please?" Oh, please. That might have been an too. Yeah, that's the Hey lady, would it kill you? Hey, I'm dying over here. Yeah. Begging or putting a weapon and pointing at them works. yeah, yeah. Or don't. The weapon on yourself. I'll kill myself. That I haven't tried. That's next level. That's next level. It's like No, you won't. You're like Yeah. If you don't give me a ████ I I will absolutely kill myself. I would before. You're going to let me die before having
10:05 one? She's got like, "Who's this mysterious man?" Yeah. Dude, he's he's kind of dangerous. Psych evaluation. Anybody want to take the floor? Anybody else? we need a third one from you. Yeah, Subi. Come on, Subi. I don't talk to that many ladies. I feel like Subi's like, "Come on. Put it in YOUR MOUTH, MOTHERFUCKER." BROKE THE MOUTH CAR. OH, BROTHER. Broke the mouth. IT'S A LITTLE I'M GOING TO BE HONEST. I can't remember anything. Wow. Well, he's a Rico Suave, dude. No, I was never Rico Suave guy. I was just more action. I just I just You fart and you just let it go. That, too. We're just saying something you said that was lame to somebody. Do you remember when you were like about ████ like log those things, though. You got to cringe it. Yeah, I don't I don't I haven't logged He don't log his dialogue. Yeah, anything cringey, maybe uh nothing. Yeah, I can't think of anything
10:56 crazy right now. Okay, my bad. My bad. Cuz the prompt is No, I'm not I'm I'm not trying to be a cocky guy, but No, you're fine. Cocky guy. I just want to open the prompt up cuz it says raking the lamest things you've ever said to women. Maybe it's for you it's men. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Men? The lamest thing you ever said is no. No, yeah, I just I can't. I'm trying to think of anything. You ever like when you would try to holler at a lady? Like Remember that spit game? What about that one? That one girl you you like had sex with and then you took her to like a taco place. That was not bad. Classy ████ Do you want onion Yeah, but I didn't say anything. I didn't say anything. You didn't say, "Ready for tacos?" Hey, are you buying us tacos or what's going on? You didn't say I left my wallet. You know what's great after sex? Picante salsa. Somebody's got to buy all these tacos. I did do something like that.
11:46 Go ahead and get anything you want. Hey, I did do something like that where this girl was just like, "No, I want to be in a longer I want to be in a relationship longer before we do anything." And I was just like, "Can I just get ████ head or what?" That is like it. Yeah, I said it like that. It's a combination of his two stories, actually. Can I just get some head or what? Because we're we're making out and everything and we're on bed and everything and I was just like, "Yo, what's up? Can Can I Can I just get some head?" And she's just like, "No, I want to be in a relationship." And I was just like, "Come on. Yeah, give me some head." She just By the way, I don't remember saying anything cringey cringey. That's like illegal to say now. Did you say Did she Did she leave after that? Is that crazy? I didn't say anything lame, but I went illegal. Was that That's illegal now? It's now. You can't be like, "Come on." That's it. Here's the illegal right there. Yeah, but we're in a relationship where like we're we're pretty close. Nah, the come on She said
12:37 she wanted to be in a relationship. That means you weren't illegal. She stated her intentions. Yeah, but okay. And then I was like, "What? Okay." I respected her after, you know. That's so cool compared to mine. That's pretty cool. Come on, guys. You got no lame You got no lame dialogue, bro. You're Gucci in my book. anything? Yeah, but it's not what I said, it's what I did. Hey! Let's see it. Let's hear it. So, my girlfriend broke up with me. I was ████ torn apart. And then we promised like not to talk to each other. So, it was like, "All right, we're not going to talk to each other anymore." And then so like she called, but then like hung up right away. And I was like, "B████, I know it's you." But I'm not going to break these rules and call you back and talk to you, but I'mma tell you how I feel and ████ So, I got like a song and I think it was a
13:27 like that Brian McKnight song or like that one part. One last cry? No, it was like do I ever Do I ever cross your mind? Or some ████ like that. Anytime. So, like I had to fast forward to the perfect part. So, then when she when I when when it goes straight to voicemail ████ I could play that. And it plays it for me, and then and then I hang up, and I'm like it communicated for me. Yeah. Oh, that is lit. That's a nightmare. Isn't that crazy? And I did that several times because she didn't call me back or anything. Oh, ████ Several times is funny. Dude, same spot of song? No, different different songs because it's like a psychopath that uses magazines to say it to piece a whole ████ So, I was like, bro, let me let me get another song out cuz I'm like maybe she didn't get the point. So, I was like I'mma call again. And I was like, let me play this one
14:17 now. And then it was like you back? You and me, baby, ain't nothing but mellow. No, not after that. Not after that? No, not after that. I think after that it was like I ████ it dude, for all I know, it could have been an accidental butt dial. I walk the line. It could have been like it could have been like She accidentally called, and then she was like, oh ████ Yeah. Oh, damn. You You hit her back. was like, oh she's trying to ████ talk to me, dude. she couldn't resist. the slow jam. I had to. That is dope though. That is a nice way But I I get night terrors like like thinking about that sometimes. it wasn't you singing it. Do you think now she's in a love She's in a loveless relationship where she's like getting abused in some way, and she's like, if only I just went with this like really romantic guy, man. He was so romantic. He left me voicemail. I couldn't handle
15:08 it. From different Brian McKnight favorite tiger. Oh, yeah. It was that old, huh? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Tag my heart. Come on, Ryan. What did you do? This I think I told you before. it. still the same one because only because people heard me say it and they continued to like torment me with it. Oof. But it was in um Hamburg, Germany. There was a tour bus and uh this the girl like I fell in love with this chick and she uh continued to take trains to the next city in Germany that we would move to next. So I would like spend a lot of time together. But she didn't speak barely any English at all. And so like I didn't really know what to say to her during like sex and stuff. And this tour bus there's like from Germany? Yeah, it's like three beds three beds like this and then three beds and then three beds and three beds. So there's a like a lot
15:58 of Basically, if you take someone in a tour bus you have to like be careful that someone's not in one of the other beds because they'll just hear every single thing that you got going on. I thought nobody was there but um two of the other dudes had girls with them in their bunks so the curtains were closed. I just thought it was empty. But they had heard me come in so they were staying quiet because they didn't know who walked in on them. So I'm in here with a German girl and then um and I would just say different ████ in English and she wasn't responding cuz she didn't understand it. What were you saying? Just like I tried to go down the line of just ████ I would normally say. And then I was like, "What the ████ does she know?" And then I said I said something like I said, "You're the best just you're the best." And she went like, "Oh." So then I was like, "Oh, she knows what that means." So I just kept saying it over and over. "You're the best." Like that's all I
16:49 What a funny Cuz I kept saying it and she was she would know what that is so she's like, "Oh yeah." Like that was like getting her like Yeah, so I just kept literally from the outside it just sounded like I'm saying, "You're the best. You're the best. You're the best." Like a ████ choir. And then afterwards after we were done I was in catering later and then like my ████ friend got in my ear and was like "You're the best." Oh. And you fell to your knees. That's what Omicron was born for. And then just like in catering like every other time they'd be like, "Dude, you got to try the macaroni, bro. It's the best." Oh And they would just like on tour they would just keep saying you're the best over and over. That dude to this day still says you're the best to me cuz as a joke. We will, too. We should do it more.
17:39 You are the best. I don't mind now, but like he said that I was the best. And the ████ head The doll of Deutschland. Dude, not only that, the ████ head of the label His name is Martin Martin Kreisenbaum or whatever. This is the fool that ████ signed Faris' movie. He signed Lady Gaga, all these ████ people. That fool was in there, too. And he heard me and he was making fun of me, too. He was like, "Hey, Ryan. Is you are the best?" I was like, "God damn, dude." It was really embarrassing. I wanted to make a good impression. Is you the best? He didn't at all. He thinks you're a big lame-o, dude. It It must have sounded pretty funny cuz I just kept It's like when you keep spamming A cuz that's the special attack. Like that. Yeah.
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