0:05 Welcome back to another episode of the Careful Boys. I brought this up earlier and we completely derailed it because it was a much better topic, so I'm still bringing it back. I was talking about this movie Click, right? Um >> Oh, yeah, that's right. Adam Sandler's Click. Yeah, this is the >> Don't derail me right now, Joe. Just shut up and don't derail me. >> There's this thing in the UK. >> Stay on topic. I want to tell people cuz they're so young, they might not know what the movie is is what you have a remote control and you can fast forward life really fast. >> You can pause. >> Yeah. >> Right? You could you basically it's a remote control for life. >> pause and then the movie Adam Sandler grabs boobies and then he turns it back on. That's a >> really good use. Uh so, let's let's not stick too hard to that, but let's just say you do have only a skip button. >> Mhm. >> So, to get through the boring parts? >> Sure. Okay. >> What do you What's a recurring thing that happens in your life that you're just down to like skip?
0:56 >> Me driving somewhere. Me having to drive. I would skip that. >> Why? What's wrong with LA driving? Is it different? >> Sometimes when I have to go >> Just enjoying the breeze and driving. Oh, wait, you're stuck, huh? You got to you're stuck in traffic. >> Sometimes sometimes when I'm going when I'm only driving 3 miles, sometimes it takes me like it turns my 5-minute commute to a 10-minute commute and that gets me so pissed, dude. That gets me so mad. Nothing like grinds my gears more. Um >> Yeah, that's true. >> That's fair. But I would I would do driving. But that's just in anything. If I'm traveling somewhere, I just want to be there. >> Travel? Yeah, travel's a good reason to skip. >> Yeah, skip the plane. Skip TSA. I I like flying. Maybe I wouldn't skip the the plane as much.
1:46 >> But business class ticket. >> to skip watching Fury Road on a screen this Yeah, dude, and I'm like I can't really see what they're saying. >> lay down like this and watch a movie. >> Well, ████ I will skip the the terminal transfer to your next flight. >> Duh, dude, there's nothing to ████ nothing cool happens then. >> The second you're like, "All right, we're getting ready for descent." Skip and shh, we're already on the next flight going upwards. >> What's some specific things that happened in your life you would have skipped? >> Rather than That's not recurring. >> I got molested. The time I got molested. >> You would skip to the climax? >> No. No, I didn't That didn't happen. That was a bad joke. I'm sorry. That was a stupid joke. >> Actually, you got to do one of those. You got to do like a Bobby Lee where you got molested by like Down syndrome kids. >> Every day for a summer. What? People are going to believe that happened. >> Uh the thing about the skip button to me, the way I'm thinking about it is like I would abuse it for things
2:36 that is just awful. >> Would you skip like >> Like me about to wash the dishes, I just skip it. >> For a fight? >> Oh, yeah, for sure. I'd skip all that. But then it would be to a point where I would just skip all everything in my life. And just get to the best part. >> Would you skip waiting And that's the That's the message of Click. Would you skip waiting for Tiff to like shop? >> Yeah. He's so real. I would skip all that ████ dude. Um >> Well, I mean, you got to bring that stuff in and then, yeah, all the morning. >> But what I'm saying is like I would it would become something like big stuff. You would skip only like, "All right, I'm only going to skip it a little bit." To the point where the more you have it, just like the movie, you just skip the But then my version of that is like the lamest ████ It's like >> I would have skipped our skip >> the errands.
3:26 >> You know, errands. Me doing laundry, skip. >> Yeah, the 30 days in which the doctor told me, "I think you might have HIV and we'll check in a month." I would have skipped all 30 of those ████ days. >> That's a long time. >> Obviously, it doesn't work. You're like, "How come Why am I dead in 30 days? What the ████ What?" I would have skipped that ████ >> Yeah. Absolutely. >> Uh I probably if if you gave that to me as a kid, I probably would have skipped every school day. >> Sure, of course. >> My life would be >> What if it's you as an adult, Ryan? >> My life would be all Friday afternoons to Sunday >> I swear school doesn't need to be that long. It's such a waste of time. >> It needs to be that long. You know why? Wait dude, wait till you have a kid. >> Oh, yeah, cuz you don't have kids >> Yeah, you need >> That's the reason why That's the reason
4:17 why the time is the way it is, right? So so parents go to work. >> Oh. >> Kid gets gets out of school at 2:30, so you're like boys and girls club. You're like daycare. You're What's next? >> I'm off in 3 hours. I'll pick you up later. >> But what if you lived in a jungle? They don't got school. They don't have to be around you. >> That's why That's why their IQ is so high. >> Jungle people got really low IQ. Hey, but then they got skills we don't got. They could ████ do 10 different bird voices that we can't do. >> Yeah, we got ████ We got beatboxers that are Korean that probably get 4.0s, too. >> I would skip um I would skip anytime I left a concert, sport event, or whatever from the moment I get up my seat to out onto the non-traffic road. >> Oh, dude, concerts. >> I would skip that ████ dude. >> I'm skipping all that.
5:07 >> I can't stand leaving a concert. >> Skipping waiting. >> Yeah, there's a lot of hurry up and wait situations, right? >> Just waiting for things. >> I would skip every time I have to be at a social event on behalf of someone else. You know when you like let's say >> So even as a plus one as at a wedding? >> No, let's say that like like Tiff has to be at something where you don't know anybody, but it's your job to make a good impression. So you got to talk to people, and nothing means anything to you. I would skip that whole ████ >> What if you came back and you're like, "Man, my butt hole hurts so bad." And then they're like, "Well, yeah, you said you would have came to this orgy. We're planning it for 5 years." You're like, "I really wanted to go." And you're like, "Orgy? I thought it It a birthday party." But you skipped during the time they invited you cuz yeah, but you said yes. >> So you don't even remember? >> Just like the movie Click. >> I'll live with the mystery. I'll listen to deleted scenes. >> Hey, I would I would skip every time I'm
5:57 playing a game and it says now loading. >> Honestly, see that's what I'm saying. It would turn into that. It would skip loading screens, 100% >> Or into the >> Do you skip every time your your daughter's like crying uncontrollably? >> Uh yeah. >> See, you don't understand cuz you don't got a kid like us. >> stupid, dude. You're so You're so omega. >> Us parents. >> Would you Would you skip changing diapers? Or do you like that part? >> He likes smelling the ████ >> It's very easy right now right now right now right now. >> Hey. >> It's like I can't wait for my baby to piss on my >> It's It's easy right now because uh the baby's only eating breast milk. So it doesn't smell bad. But once they eat human food, I heard that starts smelling like human ████ Yeah, once they eat solids, donzo. >> Does that like Is that true where like because it's your kid, the smell of her
6:47 ████ is like nice? >> No, just the >> No, no, no. When when the when the kid starts eating solids versus breast milk is when it starts smelling like your ████ >> Oh, wow. >> Like human ████ ████ Cuz right now right now she'll ████ and it doesn't really smell. >> How long is it meconium? You know, like with a >> The first ████ >> It shouldn't be long. Meconium should not be long, but it does happen for like I feel like the first meconium >> It's like the baby's first >> It's like the baby wasn't eating with its mouth in the in the placenta, right? It was eating through the tube, so like that stuff turns into a version of waste. That waste is like meconium is like a black tar. >> Oh, so it's scary when it comes out. >> Anti-matter hummus. >> Yeah, when the when the baby's first ████ it's for real like anti-matter. It's like It's like Venom. Venom came down. >> Yeah, it looks like Symbiote. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> It's thick. And like also to like to to get it off,
7:39 too. Like if you the at first when you're trying to like wipe it off and if it's if it's dry and you don't know cuz you're a new parent, you're like ████ going to give your KID A RASH. >> OH. >> WIPE IT OFF WITH LIKE SOME, you know, saline moisture water even. Just something that >> Meconium? Meconius? The reason I know that I've never heard that word. >> I've never heard that word ever. That's why I was like, wait, what is that? >> The reason I know that word isn't from that it's because my friend who's a nurse said that one of the moms named her baby meconium. >> Why? >> When she was working in a maternity ward. >> Because of that reason? >> No, they I don't even know if they knew. She doesn't know if the mom even knows that word. They just thought it sounded cool and the baby's name is meconium. Name. The name, yeah. >> So, where did you come up with that name? She's like, you know, the first part of the baby when they have a when
8:29 they have this first poop and it comes out as like a black tar, that's what I named it after, meconium. >> Nobody told her like, hey, that's a bad name for your kid. That's just the name. >> That's right. That's right. >> Just from >> Do you happen to know what the last name is? >> No, but I I know everything else. I know everything else you need to know. >> Why don't you just say it, Anthony? Why don't you just say what you think, dude? >> What are you talking about? >> Why don't you make the connection that you're trying >> want to know if money's being sent to Israel. That's all. That's all. >> Oh, okay. Okay, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, money's always being sent to Israel. >> Yeah, regardless of race. >> How much did they get now? >> What do you think? Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Is that what you're trying to put two together? >> You know what? You know what? Something that like doesn't happen to me anymore, but I would definitely skip if it did.
9:19 You know that feeling when you get in trouble and it hasn't happened yet? >> Oh. >> But you know you're in trouble? That feeling? >> You feel sick to your stomach a little bit? >> Yeah. >> I'm about to get in deep ████ >> And and like, you know, like if it's one of those things where your parents are like, we're going to talk when I get home. Skip button. God. >> But that's that's like you're waiting for >> We are in trouble for this one. >> Waiting for Yeah, it's like that. What you're going to get AIDS when I get home? Is what my dad said to me. >> Oh my god. >> I'm going to get in trouble for this one. You know how to skip? So for some reason, right? Anytime we do Oh man, so bad. Anytime we do like holidays with Nina's family. >> You want to skip that? >> Right? No, no, just relax. You want to skip the whole thing? I feel like everything culminates >> Time with your wife, dude, and her family. >> Sorry. Sorry, Mom.
10:10 Everything culminates around the meal. >> Yeah. >> It's all it ever really comes down to, especially with these Filipino families. It's all about the meals, the food, whether it be the restaurant, the prep, whatever, right? But usually usually feel like the holidays are Christmas or Thanksgiving is this giant elaborate meal, whether it's potluck, everybody whatever contributes, brings something, or somebody just like takes on the whole like really cooks, does the whole traditional American value like like the turkey the whole thing. But for some reason like it's like a whole day event to like get to that food moment. And even to to prep it the imagine the amount of like anxiety and stress and and women yelling at each other and people not doing their thing and like it there's so much. I wish we could just skip to the meal. Like if we could just >> That's pretty good.
11:00 >> And we're just right at the meal and everybody could just like it's the holiday. The whole point was being together versus like we all just got pissed off at each other for the last like four hours and now the meal is done. Hurry up, let's take the photo. You know what I'm saying? And it's like >> It's not that bad. I thought it was going to sound worse. >> I'm like, dude, if we if we just got to the >> Fast forward all the ladies. >> Yeah, got to the meal and then afterwards cuz after people eat and it's like the thing's done, then it's like room for activities or bonding cuz like the meal is done. >> And then fast forward the female dialogue only? >> Yeah. >> Oh, yeah. >> You're going going whacked in the back of your head next week and I saw that video. >> You want to fast forward us? >> I'm also And then I'm going to get a high five from Nina's dad, too. Hey, I saw that video. >> You want to fast FORWARD US? >> WAIT. DO THEY IS IT BECAUSE they want to take a picture in front of the food? >> Y'all, dude, the food has to look so good. Doesn't matter if everybody's at
11:51 Who are you to say? >> But it's like a thing like look at the spread. >> Yeah, the spread is so sick even though we all fought for like 3 hours, but the spread is sick, right? >> You think I won't forward pass you? Forward pass you. >> Oh, man. That's good. >> Skip you. >> You don't skip me, I skip you. >> Mute. >> Oh, dude. Yeah, he could do that, too, right? And click. >> Just shut up. >> Damn. What if you could play back things? Oh, let Let me Let me redo that 10 seconds again. >> that right when I met someone and said my name. Cuz I don't know what the ████ they said. >> No, I forget. ████ I missed it again. >> I'm really bad at the the very first handshake like, "Hey, what's up? I'm Ryan." I'm so focused on not ████ my own name up. >> Or you do a redo and you try different like ways Hey, Chad.
12:41 My name's Chad Savage. Nice to meet you. >> You cuz you didn't introduce yourself. >> say it right. Hold on, redo. All right, let me try something different. Hi, I'm Nick. >> He's like, "Why did I say Chad?" >> ████ Or You know what I would redo? Every time I I I introduce myself to somebody and I say my name is Nick and they go, "Nate?" I go, "F███, redo." And I go, "My name's Nick." And they go, "Nate?" My name's Nick. Nate? All the time. Yeah, it's probably my fault. Or Or are they just mugging me? That's what I heard. It's a new term. >> Why don't you go like, "Hey, my name's Nick." Like dog. Nick dog. >> What? Cuz then if they're like, "Nate?" You're like, "Yes." Nick dog. >> So I want to confuse them even more? You know the famous rapper Nick dog? >> Like yeah, like Diaz. So they're like, "Oh, Nick Diaz." They're like, "Okay." >> Like Galodian. >> Like Rick Dees.
13:32 >> I'm Nick Garcia. I took my wife's name. >> Do you do that thing where like, let's say that like this happened to me at the dry cleaners the other day, when they're like, "What's your name?" I was like, "Ryan." "Ryan?" And they write like r i o n. You don't even correct them at that point, right? When they misspell your name? >> If you correct them, you're wack. >> Yeah, I don't even give a ████ right? That's You guys don't go, "Oh, it's a it's a y for Anthony, not a >> If they say, honestly, if I say my name is Nick and they go, "Vic?" I go, "Yep." I just go, "Yep." And I go, "My name is Vic." until I get my drink. >> This is honestly, most of the time I'm like, "Nina." Cuz Anthony's seven letters. >> Oh, that's that's nice. That's That's really considerate. You can just go "Ant." >> Dude, you got to start doing >> like "Ant" is even more like like people are like, "Huh?" >> It's also It also feels like you're trying to be cool. >> Yeah. >> Or or Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't You
14:22 got to do Tony. >> Uh A-Dog. A-Dog. >> My name Tony. My name Tony. >> To- Tony. >> Only Only my my family calls me Tony. >> Why did you say "Knee" one time? When you when you order a drink? >> Because Because when I get back k n e e, I'll die. >> Dude. What if they say that Dude, deep cut. What if they're like, uh Frappuccino for Knee? >> Honestly, it's more likely that they go, "Frappuccino for Show me the proof." >> Oh my god, that's true, yeah. >> Which now your your claims are being validated. >> Frappuccino for Larry Silverstein.
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